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True story--when I got back from Katimavik, I spent some months working as a dishwasher. I brought lunch to work maybe the first week until I decided that I was happy to eat the scraps off the plates and save on groceries. I tried to be sneaky about it at first, and then I got more ballsy and...

I can believe half of that, but I think "got out of the truck quickly and without incident" is a little more than light embellishment. Nice try.

Hi, my name isn't Elsi Dawson, and I endorse this message of YMMV. Your Mileage May Vary. Depending on how well you scrub your dick, taint, balls, and crack. On how well you send initial messages. On whether or not you show up a few minutes before and say "I'm around the corner a few minutes...

Did this once before here, doing it again. Tell us what you accomplished this week that you haven't had an opportunity to brag about. Light embellishment allowed. Go!

he started it!

And on that day, Sybian understood the true meaning of his race to the bottom, and what he wanted to be if he grew up.

Clem, it was one time. And I told you I was sorry. Why you gotta air my dirty laundry like this? Now everyone's gonna know I poop. Great. ;)

Draw as much attention to yourself as you possibly can. Try to act natural, which will result in the least natural act you've every performed. Say outloud in a near shout, "I'm just here to see the hotel lobby! I'm not having sex with strangers, I swear!" Half run to the elevator before you...

Coffee spewed.

It does happen, it's not acceptable, and those clients get swiftly booted from my roster. Elsi ain't got no time for clients who can't take a no, and who can't respect the schedule. Lookin' at you, every regular client who's ghosted because he thought we were chill and/or every client who...

I'm still a virgin, you guys. Don't accuse me of lying on the internet.

But it was bespoke porn! And it was so very good... I had such a great time with it.

I feel like involuntarily celibate doesn't fit this case. Like, he had to type that first, right? Doesn't that imply some kind of commitment?

There's a sequined pillow on the shelf over my bed... I asked my girlfriend to update my wishlist for me with a bunch of kitschy shit (I'm not good at shopping, and I already have enough admin, she was thrilled to do it). I told her to vary the items and I'll check on it when I get back from...

My VFE rate (Virgin First Experience) goes for $250 and a box of tissues. We're gonna fumble awkwardly for a minute, we'll start to put it in, I'll wince, tell you to wait, and we'll have to build up the courage again. Then we'll have the most lackluster sex for a minute, then I'll get really...

Fun story--I'll occasionally post on CL when I have a big mountain of cans for someone to come get 'em if they want them. I give them garbage bags and gloves if they're gross. The last time someone came by, we filled eight garbage bags of cans and I sent him on his way. Before he left, he...

You don't have enough stamps to know that about me yet. Jesus, some of these fucking texts. ;)

I'm rocking 20oz of steel. I broke my woody about a year around pulling apart the rot logs in the yard. I know, wrong tool for the job, but when you've got a woody, everything looks like it's gonna get nailed.

Penny Connors is hnnnng curvy.

I'll take your credit card, but you have to promise not to cancel it once I make it to Mexico.