A call from my clients' wife ...today ...my heart hurts
- Thread starter JessicaPrabbit
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I don't believe I've attempted to justify my actions in any true form. I've tried to explain them certainly but not to justify them. As for this being a belated attempt for damage control ...belated beyond what? This telephone call occurred yesterday morning not much more than 24 hours ago. I've not changed my direction. I asked for advice and I am still open to it. I just don't believe that 'right and wrong' is 'black and white' because your opinion is such that it should be. Nor is my opinion right or wrong. You seem like a very intolerant person with little or no give to allow for other's opinions. All I'm asking for is opinion but to tell me you are right, absolutely, and I am wrong, absolutely ...just seems a little godlike.
If you think the tone of my writing constitutes 'drama queen' ok. Seems a bit over the top but ok. I will continue to reply so long as there is comment which I have question in regards to. If you would like me to no longer reply to a thread which I began perhaps don't reply yourself and I will have nothing further to say ? Just a thought.
Oh, btw, there is no angst in my life. Content is the Bunny and this too shall pass.
You are wrong, she is a lily white angel who never puts on an act or lies....just ask her.
This is what I was inquiring about, albeit in a rather hysterical way. If you do this on your website, then I will believe you are 'true to yourself.'
Well if this thread does nothing else it forces some SP's who may never thought about it to consider what do in this situation, so on that basis this is a fairly important thread.
I really have a hard time believing that any professional sp has a problem knowing the right thing to do if this situation came up.
I've not said it was right of me, nor have I said it was wrong. This is a topic to discuss and is obviously a topic that wanted discussion.
As for not answering the phone ... if she calls from the same number again I can't imagine I would answer but I didn't know who was calling when my phone rang.
I have chosen not to see him again. That I've made clear to him as well as within this thread.
You state 'to protect yourself' you would do a certain thing ...but if presented with information which changes what your protection needs to be I think you would change your approach, response, reaction accordingly to do just that ...protect yourself. I know I made the best decision for my personal protection based on the fact that she knew who I was and where I worked.
As I've said ...it's not like I didn't know I might have done the wrong thing ...I wouldn't have written what I wrote in the manner which I did if I knew I had done the right thing.
Several posts in this thread have mentioned SP's concerns about retaliation from angry spouse's
of their cheating clients.
For an SP's protection, she should not only consider the dangers coming from a client's spouse,
but also how the client himself may feel if she, the SP, has outed him.
For the record, or to reiterate what Jessica has revealed in mid discussion here, this particular
client was not angry at her for her discussion with his wife. Nor did Jessica "out him", since the
wife already knew he was cheating.
I think it depends how knew you are to the profession, your maturity level and a whole host of things. A young lady who in say in her early 20's who is new to the business, and is working independently, probably would never have dreamt of such a scenario unfolding, prior to it actually happening.
If i were an SP, i'd be considering if i would ever let any client take my pic
with their cell phone or any other device.
And one over 35, who does not work alone and therefore does not have to muddle thru everything as brand new?
and re: lenny, posts about safety only came after the fact, while JPR was trying to 'fix" her rationalization. I did not notice anyone else discussing the point of being concerned about an SO messing them up.
and re: JPR justifying that the SO already knew, well again so what. According to you she already knew, so if that was true, why call anyone at all? She already knew, so why the need to confirm anything with you? She knew the minute you said yes, and confirmed her suspicions. And even if she knew, and you then confirmed her suspicions, you continued to talk and try to justify yourself to her, she is not your client, she is not your best friend, but she is now in possession of enough real and confirmed information about you, what you do, where you do it, the # you can be reached at, no doubt recording your confirmation, and the verification that her SO does it all with you. Instead, you could have simply said sorry, can't help you and/or "a lot of people call me, it does not mean I know them, sorry I cannot help you, goodbye."
I used to work as a professional in a self-regulating profession, now retired. The ethical issues posed were always the most difficult demanding a good deal of thoughtfulness and discussion, often without black and white conclusions. In general, the tenor of discussion on this board about this issue is high quality and extraordinarily interesting. There is no "professional SP board" which brings up issues regarding the ethics of SPing, relationships to clients as well as other members of the community so there is more of a hit and miss quality to it than there would be under a formal professional board. So in this sense, an SP cannot be condemned as readily as if she were a professional in a self-regulating profession where there already exists a formal ethical code. Also, new situations always arise which are not altogether covered by past cases. In this case, one must add that the SP was taken by surprise in a profession not formally guided by a body of ethical principles so it's understandable that she could have made a mistake. The fact that she has brought up concerns openly to this board, especially in light of the many condemnations of her actions, indicates that she is acting in a true spirit of self-education. My thanks to the many posters who have contributed such imposing arguments and counter-arguments. As to ad hominem attacks on Jessica's alleged negative behaviour as an SP, I'm not sure it's relevant but it does, nonetheless, call into question her character.
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We strongly urge everyone who has made non-constructive (attacking, emotional, etc.) posts to delete or seriously edit them before it's too late.
Some members have been PM'ed. But everyone who is making inappropriate posts will be involved.
We are not happy with the direction of this thread.
We strongly urge everyone who has made non-constructive (attacking, emotional, etc.) posts to delete or seriously edit them before it's too late.
Some members have been PM'ed. But everyone who is making inappropriate posts will be involved.
Yes, although if i am not mistaken, it seems some were still speaking as if
Jessica outed him, even after she said that that she didn't. People often
jump in threads without reading them in their entirety, and their comments
can then be "out of date".
It seems to me that Jessica has implied that the SO did know for sure.
Based on the wife knowing who she was, where she worked, her website(?)
and especially other info which she has chosen to keep confidential. Did
Jessica also say the wife needed confirmation? Would Jessica then be
contradicting herself?
I believe the concern would be what this wife might do in the future,
not what she was capable of doing "during (the telephone} conversation".
There would have been no concerns about outing the husband if he
were believed to have been already found out.
I didn't evade your question....You choose to either not understand or see my response for what it is....the truth..... go back and read my last post again.....
Honestly if you had posted this and then admitted you were mistaken etc. with regards to how you handled the situation I would have been more than happy to accept that apology and feel confident that you learned from the experience. But your insistent need to justify and defend your actions speak more of someone that isn't sorry or doesn't feel she did anything wrong only show that you are probably not someone that should be in the industry. You feel it is okay to discuss client/sp sessions with others......period.
I had no emotion as the call began Nina. I was wakened from a dead sleep. I've not said I'm not willing to make changes ...in fact I got some great advice a few hours ago which I replied to with thanks
If you are trying to make a point, you are failing, hunsperger. You also quoted SNL saying she would post a formal goodbye, and she has not yet done that.
Hobby - an activity or interest that is undertaken for pleasure or relaxation. Practiced for interest and enjoyment, rather than financial reward.
Explain again how going to an SP is considered a hobby. I see where there may be pleasure and enjoyment, even interest, but how relaxed can you be if you are constantly concerned about being found out ? You should be able to indulge in your hobby openly and share with friends and family. I have model trains. I buy what I need from the hobby store. I don't expect the owner of the store to pretend to not know me if we see each other on the street. If I'm late getting home and the SO can't get hold of me and she calls the store, I don't expect him to hang up on her or deny knowing me. His profession is legal, JPR's profession is legal, why should either deny their profession ? A hobby is a harmless pastime and as this thread helps to demonstrate, this "hobby" is anything but. If I build an engine from a kit and I put it together wrong, it's my fault, not the fault of the person that sold it to me. If I go an SP and I have any concerns over how that will be perceived it's up to me to cover my ass, not the SP. Yes, there are expectations of privacy and discretion, and because of social mores, these are expected from both parties. But if the shit hits the fan because of my stupidity, or carelessness I own it. There's a lot of, JPR should have denied, JPR should have hung up, JPR should have whatever........I don't see a lot of JPR should never have gotten the phone call in the first place. She should never have been put in the position she was put in. Once she was, did she handle it properly ? Lot's of opinions there and I'm not going to try to get anybody to change theirs. I think JPR has probably done some good by posting, I'm sure it's made at least some people think long and hard. On the other hand she's probably done herself
a lot of damage as well, reputation wise at least. Business, probably won't suffer as a result, whichever board members drop her, will be replaced by people that don't even know Perb exists.
Explain again how going to an SP is considered a hobby. I see where there may be pleasure and enjoyment, even interest, but how relaxed can you be if you are constantly concerned about being found out ? You should be able to indulge in your hobby openly and share with friends and family. I have model trains. I buy what I need from the hobby store. I don't expect the owner of the store to pretend to not know me if we see each other on the street. If I'm late getting home and the SO can't get hold of me and she calls the store, I don't expect him to hang up on her or deny knowing me. His profession is legal, JPR's profession is legal, why should either deny their profession ? A hobby is a harmless pastime and as this thread helps to demonstrate, this "hobby" is anything but. If I build an engine from a kit and I put it together wrong, it's my fault, not the fault of the person that sold it to me. If I go an SP and I have any concerns over how that will be perceived it's up to me to cover my ass, not the SP. Yes, there are expectations of privacy and discretion, and because of social mores, these are expected from both parties. But if the shit hits the fan because of my stupidity, or carelessness I own it. There's a lot of, JPR should have denied, JPR should have hung up, JPR should have whatever........I don't see a lot of JPR should never have gotten the phone call in the first place. She should never have been put in the position she was put in. Once she was, did she handle it properly ? Lot's of opinions there and I'm not going to try to get anybody to change theirs. I think JPR has probably done some good by posting, I'm sure it's made at least some people think long and hard. On the other hand she's probably done herself
a lot of damage as well, reputation wise at least. Business, probably won't suffer as a result, whichever board members drop her, will be replaced by people that don't even know Perb exists.
P
PhoneGirl
Jessica doesn't owe you an apology, what makes you think you are entitled to one?
And I think that a lot of the backlash on this board is a little bit harsh. Jessica did acutally NO HARM to anyone on this board except for the couple. She may have done other ladies a favour by driving away potential clients who favour discretion onto other providers who are less likely to put their heart before their buisness.
Jessica - your heart might be too big for this industry! Don't play naieve and assume thats the first client that has seen you who is married. Regardless, it's not your duty to report your clients personal affairs to his wife, that's his own doing. I have been scorned by a man, and it's hurts a HECK of a lot more coming from the "other woman" than it does from the man. You never know, he could have been preparing to tell her that night ... It's the couples buisness, not yours!
A lot of the girls that I work with say that they are paid not only for their services, but moreso to leave after ..
'Nuff said.
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