Read up to here, and thought I had to say something, I have not read the rest of the thread yet, so forgive me if this has already been said. Sure, seeing an escort can break a family, but so can cheating with one's secretary, or the neighbor, or the yoga instructor. Not a good argument for prostitution being criminalized. And I don't think any SP should blame themselves, because if the client didn't come to you, he probably would have gone somewhere else, wether it's another SP, or his secretary......etc.
A call from my clients' wife ...today ...my heart hurts
- Thread starter JessicaPrabbit
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Your first statement indicates that you should dictate who seeks the company of an SP. I think a few members will have issue with you stating that they should do one thing or another because you think it's how it should be done.
Your second statement, I assume you think I was serious about keeping a log of information. I said this in a manner of 'really? do you think we can or should? Would that be the best idea?'
For the sake of my reputation I will do what I feel is the right thing and in this case the right thing given this particular client, our history and the delicate information she shared with me at the beginning of the call, was to do what I did. As I've said, with another person on another day the results may have been different. I'm sharing this because it's a reality check for those who might neglect to erase data from their telephone or computer.
As for the reputation of the people I spend time with ...there is really only so much I can do. I'm only human and I'm really really little.Every client who seeks companionship knows full well the ramifications of what may happen if they become careless with information. It is not up to me to safeguard the reputation of each client ...I kinda think they are responsible for that one mostly on their own. I would never do anything in an effort to make a client known, but keep in mind, I didn't do this. She contacted me, knowing who I was, what I look like and where I work. Do you really honestly believe the smartest thing for me to do have been to hang up on her or say 'sorry wrong number' given the fact that she knew who I was and where to find me? What I did may have been stupid but that would have been really really stupid.
Now ...I'm trying to reply to your last two comments without being terribly insulting.
You hope the woman you marry will not need to rely on you to decide what is best for her or her what is best for you? Um, ok, best of luck with what you seek.
And your very last line ..." i wouldn't put a service provider, or anybody else for that matter in any sort of position to do what is right for me" ...I guess you agree with what I am trying to express after all so why are we continuing to seemingly argue? Your final statement sums up my point beautifully. Take care of your own matters, don't rely on me or any SP to do what might be right because gawd knows it may be wrong.
BunnyHugs
JessicaPRabbit
What we don't know here is if she actually had a picture of you
or found your number on his cell phone. Could it have been, for
example, a number she found on a piece of paper in his pants
when she was doing laundry?
We also don't know what she thought prior to making the call to
you. Perhaps she was calling because she was curious or suspicious
and wanted to find out what her husband's relationship to this
phone number was all about?
Even if it was as she stated, a pic and number on his phone, she
could have still been ignorant as to the relationship involved.
For all she knew it was a business associate, old friend, distant
relative, his personal hairsytlist or massagist, etc. Of course if it
was a nude pic then he would have had a harder time explaining
it away. What could he say then? That it was from a porn site?
In conclusion, by agreeing to speak to her in the way you did, it
seems possible it may have been the clincher in a series of events
leading to his cheating being known to her. IOW it seems possible
that you may have outed him. Why else would she call you, except
to find out if he was cheating?
Although, as has been suggested earlier in this thread, it may be
that he purposely left clues for her because he wanted her to
discover his activities.
Certainly they put you in a difficult situation, and you acted in a
compassionate way. In the end, who knows, this may work out
to have been the best thing for that marriage. And the way you
spoke to her being one reason for that.
No offense but I find this statement a little ridiculous and I am sorry to say that. I'm not tyring to stir the pot here and for what it's worth I think Jessica did what was right in being honest with this Man's Wife. But if for nothing else to play Devil's advocate I guess, is there something stopping SP's from not taking moral high ground when it's obvious that a client that wants to see them is married? Is it just the money that's keeping that from happening?
It's pretty easy just to place all the blame on him Cuteangie but like you said in one of your own posts "it takes two to tango." and yes I realize that if not Jessica he would have seen someone else and probably the same is true in your scenario but a statement like the one above does seem a little condescending in my opinion. I hope you do realize that you do carry a moral responsibility when you knowingly fuck some other Woman's Husband and it's not fair to totally put it all on him for "breaking the trust.".
What's wrong with a "no married men" policy? Obviously you probably wouldn't know unless they told you but whatever. In my life I've had the chance to fuck other dudes wives and even though I really wanted to fuck and my body was saying yes, I just couldn't go through with it, something about it was just not right.
I don't know, call me an idealist I guess, but that's just the way I feel.
Please everyone ...thank you for all of the advice whether you love me, like me, hate me or loathe me.
It's a tough one for sure, that's why I put it out there ...here. Just realize that there are no certainties and that you truly need to consider "what if" the worst case scenario happens to YOU. Even if I had thought in advance about what I would do in this event, chances are when the time came I may have done something entirely different.
To clarify a few points. She knew who I was and she knew where I worked. That is certain. She was not attempting to figure things out with only a hunch or with no information. She was looking to know a few things specific mostly to the time frame because of an effort that the two of them had made during this time. She was knowledgeable about many things that were factual. She did not think I was possibly a hair stylist or a work buddy or a cleaning lady ...i have a website after all and she knew my full work name.
Also ...I did speak to this client earlier today on the phone. I talked to him before he talked to his wife and that was pure coincidence. I had the opportunity to let him know that the conversation had transpired and that I had told her the truth with no attention to detail. I told him the time frame seemed important to her and that I was honest about that. He did not sound angry, he did not sound even frustrated or shocked. Perhaps he did leave the information for her to find but that's neither here nor there because it would be pure speculation. He thanked me for my attention and he wished me well, I did the same in return.
This man is a PERB member and has reviewed me in the past a handful of times. This man is a wonderfully warm and kind person just as I've found most of you to be. He deserves the very best and I made the effort to do what I thought was right for him, knowing his character and needs to some degree.
I truly hope that none of you ever need to 'test' your SP in this regard. I truly hope that no SP ever has to take that call. Whatever happens, whichever way you decide to roll with things if they do happen, I won't judge you no matter what. There's no point. There's no right and wrong in the world. It's all opinion and it's very personal and changes from moment to moment.
With the biggest of BunnyHugs and a Kiss goodnight
JessicaPRabbit
It's a tough one for sure, that's why I put it out there ...here. Just realize that there are no certainties and that you truly need to consider "what if" the worst case scenario happens to YOU. Even if I had thought in advance about what I would do in this event, chances are when the time came I may have done something entirely different.
To clarify a few points. She knew who I was and she knew where I worked. That is certain. She was not attempting to figure things out with only a hunch or with no information. She was looking to know a few things specific mostly to the time frame because of an effort that the two of them had made during this time. She was knowledgeable about many things that were factual. She did not think I was possibly a hair stylist or a work buddy or a cleaning lady ...i have a website after all and she knew my full work name.
Also ...I did speak to this client earlier today on the phone. I talked to him before he talked to his wife and that was pure coincidence. I had the opportunity to let him know that the conversation had transpired and that I had told her the truth with no attention to detail. I told him the time frame seemed important to her and that I was honest about that. He did not sound angry, he did not sound even frustrated or shocked. Perhaps he did leave the information for her to find but that's neither here nor there because it would be pure speculation. He thanked me for my attention and he wished me well, I did the same in return.
This man is a PERB member and has reviewed me in the past a handful of times. This man is a wonderfully warm and kind person just as I've found most of you to be. He deserves the very best and I made the effort to do what I thought was right for him, knowing his character and needs to some degree.
I truly hope that none of you ever need to 'test' your SP in this regard. I truly hope that no SP ever has to take that call. Whatever happens, whichever way you decide to roll with things if they do happen, I won't judge you no matter what. There's no point. There's no right and wrong in the world. It's all opinion and it's very personal and changes from moment to moment.
With the biggest of BunnyHugs and a Kiss goodnight
JessicaPRabbit
In our case its a little different. Probably 80 percent of my massage clients are married, and maybe 50 percent of my full service clients. I don't ask because its not my business, but I notice the wedding ring. Some talk about it, but 3 things I NEVER bring up in a conversation is marriage, job or how much money someone makes. Those things are not my business and can cause uncomfortableness in some people. I don't seek married men out. They find my ad and contact me. Contacting me and seeing me is a choice THEY make. I'm selling a service without discrimination, that's it. I have no responsibility in anyone's cheating. If a woman feels at all guilty fucking a married man for money, maybe she should take up religion, instead.
I do not believe in monogamy at all, period. Its made up by religion. Its not a natural state of being. That said, my friends lovers are hands off because that person is my friend, and I have loyalty to my friends. Plus I am perfectly capable of finding my own lovers, I really don't need to borrow from my friends.
Every single person I date, knows right from the get go, that I am non monogamous. Monogamy just seems like living in a coffin, lol However, I am extremely loyal in other ways.
With this new info, it seems that she should have already known before calling you
that he was cheating, or at least that he had called your number for some reason.
Though I wonder how she knew who you were and where you work.
Selling a service or product with no moral thought put into it at all can be a slippery slope. If you were a crack dealer for instance (I know it's a stretch but I'm making a point) how would you feel about dealing crack to a pregnant Woman, I mean it's not your business right so who cares what the consequences might be for the other person involved. I had a friend one time that worked at an adult store, I was there hanging out with him one night and this couple came in. We could over hear them talking and this dude wanted to get this massive butt plug to use on his Woman, we could tell that the Woman was totally not down with it all but this guy was the domineering type and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. He brought it up to the counter to pay for it despite her protests and let me tell ya, this toy was HUGE! My buddy took a stand and wouldn't sell it to the guy, the Gentleman of course made a fuss and started to get beligerant and I then stepped up for my buddy. All I can say was the look on the Woman's face as they were leaving and she looked back at us was one of relief and thanks.
Harmony, you may not believe in monogmy and that's fine, to be honest I'm not completely convinced of it's virtues either, and I know you don't seek out married clients but that doesn't absolve you from all responsibility in my mind. My point is that selling a good or service and if you know there is a 3rd party in the picture and you turn a blind eye to that because it's not your business is kind of well.................. not really cool.
P.S. You have also made the choice to totally ignore the feelings of and how it may effect the 3rd party involved should they ever find out. If we want to play the blame game then perhaps there is more blame to place on the client for seeking the service out in the first place but just becauase you've recieved money for a service I'd hope you don't think that leaves you blameless. It does take two to tango.
If an unhappy guy is made happy by an SP, i would think that happiness
could overflow into the rest of his life, including with his spouse.
If she {an SP sex expert} is teaching him how to satisfy a woman sexually
or emotionally, then he could use that knowledge to benefit his marriage.
My many experiences with many SP's make me a better lover in bed.
Jessica I think you did the right thing. First for youself. You were honest and compassionate. Secondly you showed empathy to the wife. Explained who you are. I think that helped in the long run.
I liked what sperms said, that given time to think things through we may make different decisions. But put on the spot, well I think this is when our true colors show through.
I don't believe in telling lies or having someone lie for me. I'm a man and I'm willing to take responsibility for MY actions. The truth is the easiest way. May be hard to swallow in the beginning but much better in the end!
As for the discretion issue. You never did anything wrong. You didn't call his wife. She called you. I feel you had no choice but to talk to her. She had all your info, your picture.
I know you and how you are. You are a very compassionate caring person. You were placed in this unfair position and did what you felt was right. In the long run you may have helped them. Time will tell. But you didn't compromise who and what you are. You stood by your morals. I think that says something about you as a person.
Keep your chin up. You did nothing wrong. Again like sperms said, Your a very special woman.
I also know you asked for opinion but do peeps have to be so mean. How about talking like you would want to be spoken to. Bad santa is a good example. He has a different stand but is polite and respectful in his statements. Let's have a little respect for each other
I liked what sperms said, that given time to think things through we may make different decisions. But put on the spot, well I think this is when our true colors show through.
I don't believe in telling lies or having someone lie for me. I'm a man and I'm willing to take responsibility for MY actions. The truth is the easiest way. May be hard to swallow in the beginning but much better in the end!
As for the discretion issue. You never did anything wrong. You didn't call his wife. She called you. I feel you had no choice but to talk to her. She had all your info, your picture.
I know you and how you are. You are a very compassionate caring person. You were placed in this unfair position and did what you felt was right. In the long run you may have helped them. Time will tell. But you didn't compromise who and what you are. You stood by your morals. I think that says something about you as a person.
Keep your chin up. You did nothing wrong. Again like sperms said, Your a very special woman.
I also know you asked for opinion but do peeps have to be so mean. How about talking like you would want to be spoken to. Bad santa is a good example. He has a different stand but is polite and respectful in his statements. Let's have a little respect for each other
How do I know if they have an open relationship or not? Just because he is married doesn't mean he is not allowed to stray by his wife. Who am I to judge what he is doing? I have been doing this long enough to know there are many types of marriages out there. I have had wives set there husbands up with me for a session. I am exchanging an email right now with a gentleman that wants to arrange a tryst between me and his wife without him. I've also had tons of couples sessions. I try to be really sensitive to the wives feeling, and thoughts about it. We have a discussion about boundaries before, so as not to make anyone feel bad.
I am not responsible for anybodies sex life. Only my own. If I'm out and a girl kisses me in the bathroom of the club [I say girl, because boys aren't allowed in the girls bathroom, and there is a higher chance of me kissing random girls than random boys, hahaha], but she has a girlfriend or a boyfriend outside of the bathroom. How is that my problem, unless she tells him/her ? lol
I am very empathic towards third parties, but I think its your responsibility, to make sure you don't get caught. Not mine. I'm selling a service and I'm single, and I don't believe in monogamy, just fun.
Both the examples you used physically hurts someone else. I'm not physically hurting anybody. If a client is smart about the things he does and is discrete, I'm not hurting anyone. Your examples do not compare.
I would never sell crack to anyone, because crack unlike sex is extremely unsexy and hurts everyone involved with the crack head. Its an ugly world. if I worked in a sex store, I would have refused to sell the butt plug too. I think all women should have the choice about what to stick in their butts.
These situations are extremely difficult for most SP's. No one likes to be put on the spot with the question "Are you fucking my husband?", and for SP's it's a difficult question to answer. That answer can effect so much--safety, security, business, reputation etc etc.
Luckily for the OP she came was contacted by a seemingly calm lady. Often times they are not, they are rude, threatening, angry, unstable etc. Each situation comes with it's own guage of how to answer....What will be the safest for you? If you hang up, will she continue to harass you? Will she follow through with her threats? Sometimes, giving her the answers she's looking for is the best way for an SP to protect herself.
It's funny how this thread has been entirely centred around the SP's discretion, however everyone had failed to see that said gent did not offer any discretion for the SP. Yes, girls choose this business understanding the risk, but in my understanding, the general assumption is that discretion is a two way street. If this requires you to get a pay as you go phone, and bury it under the tree in the park when not in use, then do it. To protect your home life, and an SP's life.
As a woman, I can vouch that women's intuition is an extremely powerful thing. We just know. We don't need evidence, proof, or big changes to know...we just do. I suspect that the wife calling the OP did know, either based on her intuition or past events (this has happened before). I think her efforts were simply to confirm her thoughts, and to prove to herself that she wasn't crazy. Unfortunately, when the redflag goes off, women often do whatever is in their power to have things confirmed. I have known women in my personal life to install keyloggers, "hack" passwords to email (after 20 years of marriage, you just may have mentioned your first teachers name just once), call every number listed on phone records, or in the phone's contacts to confirm their identities. Some women even go to the length of following their husband in order to confirm their suspicions. Women want to love and trust their husbands unconditionally, but when that redflag starts beeping, they make it a mission not to be made a fool of.
Unfortunately, being an SP usually also means that you're a woman. Being a woman, you have more often than not, either been on the other side of the cheating fence, or had someone close to you go through the same thing. This can cause conflict with "doing the right thing" as clients often see it, because an SP understands what that woman is going through.
Ultimately, in my opinion, the best response would be to confirm what you do, but not that you may have seen the gent (I don't remember, I don't keep track are good responses). This can save you from an irate wife, and I guess you could morally justify to yourself that you didn't lie, nor did you give that woman any more information than she probably knew already. However, this is simply based on a situation where the woman already knows what you do etc, and may not be the best response if she were asking "Who the hell are you?".
I understand that clients are up against a lot, trying to protect their families from their hobbies. It's also a lot harder once the wife suspects something. At the end of the day, do anything possible to save your ass, because even if your wife doesn't call the SP, she will probably figure it out one day.
Luckily for the OP she came was contacted by a seemingly calm lady. Often times they are not, they are rude, threatening, angry, unstable etc. Each situation comes with it's own guage of how to answer....What will be the safest for you? If you hang up, will she continue to harass you? Will she follow through with her threats? Sometimes, giving her the answers she's looking for is the best way for an SP to protect herself.
It's funny how this thread has been entirely centred around the SP's discretion, however everyone had failed to see that said gent did not offer any discretion for the SP. Yes, girls choose this business understanding the risk, but in my understanding, the general assumption is that discretion is a two way street. If this requires you to get a pay as you go phone, and bury it under the tree in the park when not in use, then do it. To protect your home life, and an SP's life.
As a woman, I can vouch that women's intuition is an extremely powerful thing. We just know. We don't need evidence, proof, or big changes to know...we just do. I suspect that the wife calling the OP did know, either based on her intuition or past events (this has happened before). I think her efforts were simply to confirm her thoughts, and to prove to herself that she wasn't crazy. Unfortunately, when the redflag goes off, women often do whatever is in their power to have things confirmed. I have known women in my personal life to install keyloggers, "hack" passwords to email (after 20 years of marriage, you just may have mentioned your first teachers name just once), call every number listed on phone records, or in the phone's contacts to confirm their identities. Some women even go to the length of following their husband in order to confirm their suspicions. Women want to love and trust their husbands unconditionally, but when that redflag starts beeping, they make it a mission not to be made a fool of.
Unfortunately, being an SP usually also means that you're a woman. Being a woman, you have more often than not, either been on the other side of the cheating fence, or had someone close to you go through the same thing. This can cause conflict with "doing the right thing" as clients often see it, because an SP understands what that woman is going through.
Ultimately, in my opinion, the best response would be to confirm what you do, but not that you may have seen the gent (I don't remember, I don't keep track are good responses). This can save you from an irate wife, and I guess you could morally justify to yourself that you didn't lie, nor did you give that woman any more information than she probably knew already. However, this is simply based on a situation where the woman already knows what you do etc, and may not be the best response if she were asking "Who the hell are you?".
I understand that clients are up against a lot, trying to protect their families from their hobbies. It's also a lot harder once the wife suspects something. At the end of the day, do anything possible to save your ass, because even if your wife doesn't call the SP, she will probably figure it out one day.
Hi perbies it is not often that I post on threads however I did feel the need to respond on this one.
Jessica I have received a call or two over the last couple years from a "patients" S/O and I gotta say I know the feeling....I was caught right off guard .. I too am a very compassionate ...sensitive, honest caring woman who herself has been hurt so I know first hand the emotions we woman go through and all we want is conformation of what we all ready know to be honest I do not think it is our place to give that to them..
The majority of my patients come to see me not only because they suffer from Sperm Retention Headache Disorder ... Lets break it down ...lets say out of every 6 reg patients I see 2 of them is the single guy who wants to experience what a sexy MILF can do ...3 of them love their wives...children and their lives however as we all know if we don't treat each new day with our S/O like we first meet(that goes for both sides) we tend to get comfortable and the WOW is not there or perhaps the wife has an illness and has lost her sex drive ...There are many reasons they come to visit us....The last gentleman has decided that it would cost him far to much to leave his wife and does not want to break up his family so he chooses to DISCRETELY seek out some fulfillment...
Pillow talk and Harmony I have to agree with you ....when I made the decision to enter into this wonderful career choice I also made an oath to myself one similar to what a lawyer/doctor would and that is an oath of CONFIDENTIALITY ...We are suppose to be a safe discreet outlet if I can word it that way ...
As mentioned already by other posters my commitment is to my client ...we know that men can be careless and absent minded and as a poster mentioned what if it was someone who was just curious and thought he might check it out but changed his mind ...his whole world could of been turned upside down.. when gentlemen come to visit us they should feel rest assured that what takes place there stays there ...
Just my 2 cents
Vanessa Kelly
Jessica I have received a call or two over the last couple years from a "patients" S/O and I gotta say I know the feeling....I was caught right off guard .. I too am a very compassionate ...sensitive, honest caring woman who herself has been hurt so I know first hand the emotions we woman go through and all we want is conformation of what we all ready know to be honest I do not think it is our place to give that to them..
The majority of my patients come to see me not only because they suffer from Sperm Retention Headache Disorder ... Lets break it down ...lets say out of every 6 reg patients I see 2 of them is the single guy who wants to experience what a sexy MILF can do ...3 of them love their wives...children and their lives however as we all know if we don't treat each new day with our S/O like we first meet(that goes for both sides) we tend to get comfortable and the WOW is not there or perhaps the wife has an illness and has lost her sex drive ...There are many reasons they come to visit us....The last gentleman has decided that it would cost him far to much to leave his wife and does not want to break up his family so he chooses to DISCRETELY seek out some fulfillment...
Pillow talk and Harmony I have to agree with you ....when I made the decision to enter into this wonderful career choice I also made an oath to myself one similar to what a lawyer/doctor would and that is an oath of CONFIDENTIALITY ...We are suppose to be a safe discreet outlet if I can word it that way ...
As mentioned already by other posters my commitment is to my client ...we know that men can be careless and absent minded and as a poster mentioned what if it was someone who was just curious and thought he might check it out but changed his mind ...his whole world could of been turned upside down.. when gentlemen come to visit us they should feel rest assured that what takes place there stays there ...
Just my 2 cents
Vanessa Kelly
Great post Vanessa.........
The very fact that you are in business to provide a safe, secure, and confidential experience is why we the clients should expect some sort of confidentiality. Non of that gives you or anyone the right to choose to verify or deny what your client is doing. People are not perfect, lord knows I am a great example of that, but YOU put yourself in this situation by offering your services for money. The provider is not the clients moral compass....
I admire your kind heart and your feelings toward the other woman Jessica, I do, but you seem to want to pass off your complete lack of respect for the "Client/Provider Confidentiality" to justify your personal decision to OUT A CLIENT. No matter how you try and spin this you have broken the rules.
I thank you for letting the community know how you feel about the hobby and the additional risks one takes when seeing you. I would encourage you to really think about if this is for you. And if it is you should perhaps consider a prepared story for future situations like this because they are going to happen from time to time as indicated by the postings of other providers in this thread.
Thanks athaire for saying that you admire my kind heart and my feelings. You have missed some things I said I fear. She knew. I did not 'out' my client. She knew. That is a fairly simple thing for me to state, I'm not all too sure why you are having so much trouble understanding it. (no offence).
The fact she knew changed the dynamics and added a whole new spin on my personal safety and I'll tell you one thing ...my safety will come before any clients assumption that there are 'rules' to follow on their behalf. Even if there were 'rules' as you say there are(?) it becomes quite clear when one must protect ones self physically and mentally. "Rules", even if they were to apply, which they don't, are not cut in stone to never be broken and I assure you many a rule has been broken by many a person throughout history in order to protect ones own safety.
As for your insult "I thank you for letting the community know how you feel about the hobby and the additional risks one takes when seeing you ..." Well it seems I've raised a topic that for some reason has struck a chord with you personally. If you truly believe that only my clients are taking this additional risk I think it's time for me to tell you that you have your head up your buttocks.
I don't need your encouragement to think about if 'this is for me' ...I know it is, but I thank you anyhow. I encourage you to really think about if this hobby is for you, coming to the realization that there is no "Rule Book" for SP's to follow ...you don't control anyone, do you get that? ...not in session with what would make a girl morally uncomfortable and not out of session ...not for any amount of money. There are no rules that I know of (if I'm wrong please send information regarding who publishes these rules) and I'm fairly sure as much as both sides wish there were sometimes, we are smart enough to know better. All we can hope for is to do right by one another as best we can in life. Period. There are no black and whites Althaire and if you think that there are I think you may be in a hobby that is a far higher risk than you thought it could be.
Oh btw, thanks for the reply to my pm but you evaded my question entirely. My question is simple.
If your wife can not trust you to do what is right by her ...what gives you the confidence to believe your SP can or should be trusted to do right by you?
I completely agree with 'athaire' and 'vanessa kelly'. Confidentiality and discretion are a huge part of the reason that the biz exists. It has been said on this thread quite elequantly, over and over. I am surprised that an SP doesn't realize this. It doesn't matter how it is spun, or justified, that phone conversation should have never been entered into. You can't use the 'no time to think' excuse, this should have been thought about when making the decision to be an SP.
Hopefully, everyone is wiser now.
Hopefully, everyone is wiser now.
There has always been the unwritten rule that there is confidentiality with the SP. Being a single person, I have never had to worry about a s/o finding out. I am also the kind of person that wouldn't be going if I did have a s/o. The unwritten rule has always been that of confidentiality though. I would like to think should someone from my personal life ever make a call regarding me, that any SP I see would say, "sorry wrong number". Kinda like what happens in vegas STAYS in vegas.
In regards to this situation, sure the wife may have known what was up, but I believe it is the responsibility of the husband to speak with her. You totally robbed him of the ability to talk about it with his wife first. I truly feel sorry for your client. You treated his confidentiality quite callously. He should have been the one talking with his wife about it, not you!
It's funny how conveniently the term 'business' and 'hobby' are changed up to meet the need of the discussion. If It's a business then all involved (buyer beware) know there are risks to every business transaction especially when the business at hand is personal and intimate. If it's a hobby (to quote uncleg) do some of you think this is comparable to collecting model trains?
Trinity for the love of Gawd you must be aware of the fact that there is no one single answer to any life situation that will be 100% the right thing to do over and over.
There isn't one standardized reply that will sufficiently deal with the same situation on two different days let alone by two different people with different dynamics, not in this hobby, not in this business, not anywhere in life.
I truly do hope everyone is wiser now.
I've read most of the comments and in my opinion, it's highly doubtful that Jessica either confirming or denying what took place between this guy and her would have made a difference one way or another. When a wife in that situation calls, she may be looking for confirmation, but given the evidence the damage has basically been done. For starters, this guy may have had other phone numbers and pics as well as hers. Secondly, his wife might not care if he never actually engaged in sex with her, the fact the contacted her and made some kind of effort to, may be all that's required to be guilty in her mind. There could also be text messages on the phone which could be explicit.
All that said, I do think that Jessica confirming that the activity took place, probably didn't help the situation any. But I can appreciate that making a split second decision on what to say or do, without have given it any thought before hand isn't an easy position to be in. That said, perhaps she could have said,
"who I see or don't see is confidential, and at least 50% of the people who contact me never end up meeting me. Perhaps your husband falls into that category, but in any event this is something that has to be discussed between you and him as I can't reveal who I see."
A reply like that, along with perhaps an e-mail to what hopefully is a secured e-mail account, may have given this guy some kind of out, should have wanted one. As is stands now, for better or worse, he's completely busted. As mentioned, I've been in this guys shoes before and it's going to suck to be him for the next few weeks, or months.
All that said, I do think that Jessica confirming that the activity took place, probably didn't help the situation any. But I can appreciate that making a split second decision on what to say or do, without have given it any thought before hand isn't an easy position to be in. That said, perhaps she could have said,
"who I see or don't see is confidential, and at least 50% of the people who contact me never end up meeting me. Perhaps your husband falls into that category, but in any event this is something that has to be discussed between you and him as I can't reveal who I see."
A reply like that, along with perhaps an e-mail to what hopefully is a secured e-mail account, may have given this guy some kind of out, should have wanted one. As is stands now, for better or worse, he's completely busted. As mentioned, I've been in this guys shoes before and it's going to suck to be him for the next few weeks, or months.
- Status
