A call from my clients' wife ...today ...my heart hurts

[athaire]

thank you. Finally, some common sense in this thread. No, it was not her place to confirm that the client was seeing her; fwiw, that is absolutely no different from "outing a client", and really, really, really the most ridiculous thing I have seen here, not just because she did it but because so many are popping in here saying good job, well done, don't be sad, bullshit.

Really, I have seen a number of posts from the OP and have to wonder if she just fell off the sp truck, because there are so many indiscretions and bad decisions, I stopped counting.

Thank you Pillowtalk......

Jessica you are to be commended on your kind heart, but you crossed the line by outing your client. Regardless of his situation, being caught, you are in a position of trust and had no right to do what you did. I agree you should have just brushed off the call as a mistaken ident or something.......Discretion..........wow.......

 

[athaire]

So, bad Santa, if you fear someone you partake in activities with may risk your privacy I suggest you take up another hobby or be sure you stipulate precisely what a lady is to do if she finds herself in this situation due to your own carelessness.

Your kidding right? So we are not to trust the providers we see now to keep our trysts quiet? Seriously?

 

[Bare_Facts]

Jessica,

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. Hopefuly it's an isolated occurance. And with any luck I will see you soon.

 

[Mr Blonde]

your lack of discretion nauseates me

your heart hurts?

you're making yourself the victim.

you had no business outing your client, or answering any of his wife's questions.

whatever the issues were in his marraige that drove him to the arms of another woman weren't for you to bring to the surface by answering any of his wife's questions. when it comes to matters of the heart, things never happen "for a reason." and had you respect for this man you would have simply hung up the phone.

you had just as big a role in this poor woman's humiliation as her husband did. perhaps even more-so by confirming her suspicions. while his betrayal by no means uncommon, your loose lips humiliate two people.

do your wounded heart, and your clients wounded heart, and the next 100 clients hearts a favor next time and hang up the phone.

 

[JessicaPrabbit]

Your kidding right? So we are not to trust the providers we see now to keep our trysts quiet? Seriously?

Your kidding right? So we are not to trust the providers we see now to keep our trysts quiet? Seriously?

"I'm kidding"? And "seriously"? Gawd I wish I was kidding and for sure I wish I didn't feel the need to be serious. I assure you I'm serious. Do our clients tip us to provide services within a room and for a prescribed amount of time and is the tip a large amount? Yes, absolutely. I have the utmost respect for my clients and a great appreciation for them and their support.

But you ask ..."seriously"? Although the tips I receive are very generous, there is no dollar amount that could buy a trait in me requiring me to lie UNCONDITIONALLY.

Your wife can't trust you ...but you expect to trust your SP? That makes very little common sense to me as nice as it seems in theory.

I'm still absorbing all of the information and I still appreciate your input.

 

[Bad Santa]

So, bad Santa, if you fear someone you partake in activities with may risk your privacy I suggest you take up another hobby or be sure you stipulate precisely what a lady is to do if she finds herself in this situation due to your own carelessness.

"I'm kidding"? And "seriously"? Gawd I wish I was kidding and for sure I wish I didn't feel the need to be serious. I assure you I'm serious. Do our clients tip us to provide services within a room and for a prescribed amount of time and is the tip a large amount? Yes, absolutely. I have the utmost respect for my clients and a great appreciation for them and their support.

But you ask ..."seriously"? Although the tips I receive are very generous, there is no dollar amount that could buy a trait in me requiring me to lie UNCONDITIONALLY.

Your wife can't trust you ...but you expect to trust your SP? That makes very little common sense to me as nice as it seems in theory.

I'm still absorbing all of the information and I still appreciate your input.

I'm sorry Jessica, I hope we can disagree and still be friends, but I really do still disagree with you on this issue.

Discretion works both ways here and discretion comes from mutual respect. If I were to meet you at a public gathering, say a wedding we were both attending with family members from both our families present I'm pretty sure you would want me to be discreet and not "honestly" announce how we'd met and under what circumstances. It works the same way from my perspective.

I believe, both the client and the SP have a right to expect discretion from one another.

 

[rossedm34]

Your kidding right? So we are not to trust the providers we see now to keep our trysts quiet? Seriously?

I can't believe some of what I'm reading in this thread!

Unless you are thinking about seeing an SP, you are not going to find one. It is the CUSTOMERS CHOICE TO SEE AN SP. You, the customer, have made the decision to pay an SP to see you. If as a customer, you are doing this in secret from family, it is YOU that has to take responsibility if said family finds out.

To expect an SP to cover for you, or make an excuse, or lie their way out of a true accusation is absolutely ridiculous! True, an SP is expected to not advertise or publicize their customers list. Thats dramatically different then them being confronted, possibly in a hostile way, from a customers wife. That whole discretion thing you value as a customer? It works both ways. You, the customer made the choice to see an SP and blew the discretion by leaving an email or your phone out, YOU THE CUSTOMER SHOULD DEAL WITH IT, not try to pass blame onto the SP. It's not their problem your lie got found out.

Prostitution doesn't break up families, LIES AND DECEPTIONS BREAK UP FAMILIES! Maybe if prostitution was legal instead of taboo it would create a more open dialog about sex and desire in couples that would prevent the lies and deceptions in the first place.

Jessica has done nothing wrong in this case, not in talking to the wife, or talking about it here in an attempt to get some understanding or closure. Jessica actually responded in a very compasionate way, I'm surprised she bothered too, she certainly didn't have to. And there shouldn't be any expectation on how she should of responded. Jessica never should of been called in the first place.

 

[JessicaPrabbit]

your heart hurts?

you're making yourself the victim.

you had no business outing your client, or answering any of his wife's questions.

whatever the issues were in his marraige that drove him to the arms of another woman weren't for you to bring to the surface by answering any of his wife's questions. when it comes to matters of the heart, things never happen "for a reason." and had you respect for this man you would have simply hung up the phone.

you had just as big a role in this poor woman's humiliation as her husband did. perhaps even more-so by confirming her suspicions. while his betrayal by no means uncommon, your loose lips humiliate two people.

do your wounded heart, and your clients wounded heart, and the next 100 clients hearts a favor next time and hang up the phone.

Not a victim Mr. Blonde, an active participant for which I accept the responsibility of my actions. Part of being responsible for ones actions is to deal honestly with things when things go 'wrong'.

As I said in the original post ...on another day with another person I may have very well offered another response but within seconds of her speaking she explained to me her 'rather unique' circumstances, which again, I am going to keep private. Let's just say that each circumstance will present itself differently on any given day with all of us in any number of settings. She did wake me early from a dead sleep, not saying I would have hung up on her had I been awake but I was truly caught off guard by both the content of the call and the time it came.

In all honesty I do understand why many of you are "nauseated" by my decision. Just imagine the Nausea your SO would endure knowing the things you lie to her about. The purpose of me telling what happened is to let all of you know that the possibility exists that this could happen to you ...and with no time to consider a reply, one can not predetermine the outcome ...so if it matters, as I told Bad Santa, Specify to your provider that you expect her to say 'this this and this' if and when your SO calls her when she is at home sleeping. I'm sure all SP's will be more than happy to keep a log of information with them at all hours with each clients name and specific request on how to handle things so they are sure not to "nauseate" anyone.

You know deep down in your hearts somedays how the realization of seeing an SP when you have an SO is all of a sudden overwhelmingly wrong? Many of you have struggles with the decisions you make (from time to time) and yet ...with days, weeks and even months between visits you continue to make decisions that could potentially cause your SO to be Nauseated. If all of that time to think can't prevent you from making, what some days seems, a bad decision, did I stand much of a chance with No time to consider the weight of what I was facing?

Someone please tell me how to make sense of what I wrote previously:
If your Wife can't trust you to do what's best for her...What on earth gives you the confidence that you can or should trust your SP to do what is right for you?

 

[Bad Santa]

It is the CUSTOMERS CHOICE TO SEE AN SP.

And it is an SP's CHOICE TO WORK AS AN SP.

Neither have the right to judge each other for these choices. Yes the client is responsible for his choices and must take responsiblity for his actions. But so is the SP responsible for her actions.

To make this lucrative little business arrangement work for all these centuries, mutual discretion from both the client and the SP has always been the glue that has held things together. In the end, both SPs and clients win from discretion.

You may say, if the client doesn't want to be "outted" he shouldn't poon. Well then you could also say, if an SP doesn't want to be "outted" she shouldn't work as an SP.

All I'm saying is discretion is good for everybody in this business and "Lies and Deception" sometimes do keep families together. You'd be surprised how many!

 

[JessicaPrabbit]

I'm sorry Jessica, I hope we can disagree and still be friends, but I really do still disagree with you on this issue.

Discretion works both ways here and discretion comes from mutual respect. If I were to meet you at a public gathering, say a wedding we were both attending with family members from both our families present I'm pretty sure you would want me to be discreet and not "honestly" announce how we'd met and under what circumstances. It works the same way from my perspective.

I believe, both the client and the SP have a right to expect discretion from one another.

Yes we can continue to be friends even though we disagree.

...if I had lied and she had already confronted him and gotten some answers from him and if I start rambling in contradiction to anything she knows or has found out or he has lied about I think that would have been even worse for him ...that's simply my opinion. One person telling lies is bad enough. Two people telling lies, especially without being able to communicate sounds like a true recipe for the worst case scenario.

Anyhow, I knew I'd be placing my neck on the chopping block this evening in an effort to inform all of you that this could happen to you if you are careless. I'm ok with a having people who hate things I've done, that's just life. Although I learn and improve with each error I will continue to make mistakes because I'm only human.

Not a victim, an active participant.
JessicaPRabbit

 

[CJ Tylers]

You know... one comment by Jessica struck me as rather odd, and wrong; the people in the industry (prostitution) do no break families... legalized or no.

Infidelity, mistrust, lack of communication between partners... these are things that break families. The choice to engage in family breaking activities always originates from within that family bond. It is a concious choice that will manifest no matter what, whether it's through an affair, liasons with an sp, drinking/drugs or an inordinate amount of time playing with model railroads or miniature figurines.

If a partner is intent on cheating, that person will find a way to do so. Unless you actively pursued this man and visited his intentions, then there is not one iota of blame to be laid at your feet.

 

[BrokeBastard]

When any person takes the chance to commit adultery, you cannot expect the other side to keep quiet. You have to accept the risk you will be caught and explain your actions.

 

[rossedm34]

And it is an SP's CHOICE TO WORK AS AN SP.

Neither have the right to judge each other for these choices. Yes the client is responsible for his choices and must take responsiblity for his actions. But so is the SP responsible for her actions.

To make this lucrative little business arrangement work for all these centuries, mutual discretion from both the client and the SP has always been the glue that has held things together. In the end, both SPs and clients win from discretion.

You may say, if the client doesn't want to be "outted" he shouldn't poon. Well then you could also say, if an SP doesn't want to be "outted" she shouldn't work as an SP.

All I'm saying is discretion is good for everybody in this business and "Lies and Deception" sometimes do keep families together. You'd be surprised how many!

Discretion is good for everyone in this business. That said, the SP has chosen this business, and has already risked their privacy ten fold compared to the pooners who see them. How else would you as a customer know to see them? This case is a far cry from bumping into an SP at the mall and having them run up to you and your family. A family member of the clients has sought out the SP! To think that it's up to the SP to cover for the client, it's ridiculous! The SP has already fulfilled her part of the deal, at the risk of her own privacy. To expect them to cover for your transgressions on top of that is insane to me.

Lies and deception may keep a family "together", but I'd bet it's a pretty miserable family. I'll take truth, compasion and honesty any day.

 

[Bad Santa]

Jessica

Some admire and agree with the way you handled yourself in this situation and some disagree.
As I have been in your shoes I truly do understand how you feel. I have had time to go over how I handled things. I cut all ties to my client when I was confronted by his wife. I also did not tell her I was an SP however she did know that he had seen other women too.
My first reaction when I got the email was oh god will she seek revenge and cause trouble. Then came the phone call. Hearing her voice I was shocked what do I do or say now. As the email I could of just let go and ignore it go on. But she had to phone too. I did not get into details with her. I fely bad and apologized I did not explaqin myself. It takes 2 to tango. Yes it hurt that this woman was hurt.
To all those who think she should of hung up honestly you don't know how you will respond react intil it happens. What if you pooners are caught by your wife accused and she has the proof. What will you say. She reacted in the way she did with her heart. People make mistakes. Her client should have covered his tracks better, if he is seeing an Sp or any other woman. His wife, I would think obviously knew he was up to something to have to have his cell phone and find Jessicas photo and number. Myself I would never allow a client married one anyways or not use his cell to take my picture.

I think it is best to take your time move on and let this client/friend go. And try to mend his marriage if he can. To offer a listening ear or for him to talk to you is a mistake. Let him go on.

Thank you Angie, as usual you put the right perspective on things. Yes, it was Jessica's client's fault that he was stupid enough to leave her phone number and photo on his phone. Jessica should never have had to face this situation. She reacted, as Jessica always does, with compassion for the person she's currently dealing with. 20/20 hindsight tells us she should probably have dealt with it differently but she shouldn't have had to deal with it at all!

And I also agree with Angie that you should let this client go. Don't get involved any deeper in this bad situation than you already are. You cannot win here Jessica, this situation can only get worse. Best you leave it to them to sort out for themselves.

Thank you Jessica for sharing this story with us knowing full well you were going to get criticized for it. I think it's an important issue that all of us should think about a little more often.

 

[JessicaPrabbit]

Jessica

I think it is best to take your time move on and let this client/friend go. Breaking trust is a big thing and a hurtful thing. He broke her trust in marriage...not you.

Thank you Angie for sharing your experience, I'm very sorry you had to go through that and I'm sorry that I did as well.

I did tell this lady that I would end my contact with her husband entirely and I did so with the intention of keeping my word. What little respect I could offer her I did, at least I tried my very best considering she spoke softly when she could have screamed and yelled, she never swore once even though she could have talked with the mouth of a sailor and before we ended the call she thanked me genuinely for taking the time to talk with her and for being honest with her, which she told me was the last thing she expected.

He did break the trust in their marriage.
He was not capable of keeping his word with someone he had committed his life to.
I did not sign a nuptial agreement nor any other agreement with him promising him certain behaviour in any event.

 

[killian]

When any person takes the chance to commit adultery, you cannot expect the other side to keep quiet. You have to accept the risk you will be caught and explain your actions.

That's true, if you're having an affair. But if you're seeing an SP, you can expect the other side to keep quiet. This is a business transaction, not a compassion club.

Jessica, just what is it that you are providing here? Do you advertise that you care deeply for your clients' wives? Are you upfront with your particular ethics? If clients' wives can't trust them, then why should you see them? You should state, up-front, that you are willing to travel to your clients' homes to comfort their long-suffering wives, and hold them while they have a good cry on the shoulder of hubby's SP; that you value the wives more than the clients.

For the record, to all the female advertisers reading: this is the Free Market speaking. If a client's wife calls, play dumb and hang up. No compassion, no comforting. We don't want you to assist us with our marriages. It's real easy. Let the client explain it to the wife. Don't go over there with a box of hankies and a vat of Hagen-Daz. This has been going on for thousands of years, and it operates on discression.

I'm not pooning anymore, but if I did, I would not see you, Jessica. Why? You're not trustworthy. And I think that you were disguising your anger in a cloak of kindness and compassion. I suspect you were more than glad to have that twenty-minute talk with a client's wife. I don't think your heart hurt at all.

 

[Harmony-bc]

Years ago, I was stripping in Toronto and working out of the private vip room and making dates for after the club. I picked up this drunk guy, went to his hotel room. He had a great time with me and wanted to see me the next day. He gave me his number and told me to call him at a specific time and to leave a message if he didn't answer. I did exactly what he said, and no answer, I left a short polite message, saying hey, its so and so, I'm around if you'd like to call.

I never heard from him. The next day, I get a call from a woman, asking me how I knew her husband. I said I don't, I'm sorry you must have the wrong number, and hung up. She continuously called my phone for weeks. I hung up on her so many times. I ended up losing that phone. It was pay as you go, so that took care of that, lol. I felt bad, yes, but I didn't seek him out. I had no part in their marriage. Its not my responsibility to be honest to her. His marriage is not my responsibility. My responsibility is to me and my client, that's it.

This is the reason, I will never call a client, even if he says he's single or I can or whatever. I will never call you, ever, for any reason, lol I'm scarred for life. I hate drama, ugh

That's why a lot of countries do not legalize prostitution. It can break a family!

Prostitution does not break up families. Lies and deceit do. Prostitution can save marriages.

Now there is some true wisdom ...
...
Good thing you pointed that out because I NEVER thought of it that way. Yeah.

A lot of things can break a family. I am one of them. Acknowledged.

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I do appreciate you taking the time to write.

BunnyHugs
JessicaPRabbit

See my answer above

Prostitution, whether legal or illegal, can be one of a number of factors in breaking a family.

Other factors could be a man's inclination to cheat, have variety, or better sex. Or a wife's
refusal or inability to meet his needs.

If prostitution did not exist, a guy who wanted other women could still do so and end up
with his family being broken, because he was found out and the wife refused to forgive.

Consequently prostitution is therefore not the cause of families being broken up, whether
the business is legal or illegal. In fact, it may help many families stay together.

Furthermore, i would argue, that many families ought to be broken up.

Moreover, finally, what will be will be. Who's to say that such breakups are not the
divine intention, or what has been predetermined to happen, for the greater good,
in the end.

OMG I agree with you. Wow, I'm in shock

Why? Let it go, forget about it, get on with life.





Maybe this is none of your business, and an appropriate response would be,
"Who the fuck are you? How did you get my number?"




"Evidently you have the wrong number". Click.

It isn't an SP's job to rat out her clients or comfort his SO. Even if the guy
was an idiot in leaving that alleged pic and number on his phone. Let him
deal with it, until the time when/if he asks you to speak to his wife/GF.

OMG, Twice in one thread, I agree with you. I would have said that was impossible but here I go agreeing with you again, lol

I would like to point out that the client wanted to get caught on some level, otherwise he would have had a different phone that he would leave off and at the office or something. He would not have left it in plain sight with Jessica's picture on it. However, I would have said, I'm sorry, but I don't know him.

For the record, I think its great to have empathy, I have it in spades. I know its a really uncomfortable position to be in, but.... next time, hang up the phone.

 

[JessicaPrabbit]

That's true, if you're having an affair. But if you're seeing an SP, you can expect the other side to keep quiet. This is a business transaction, not a compassion club.

Jessica, just what is it that you are providing here? Do you advertise that you care deeply for your clients' wives? Are you upfront with your particular ethics? If clients' wives can't trust them, then why should you see them? You should state, up-front, that you are willing to travel to your clients' homes to comfort their long-suffering wives, and hold them while they have a good cry on the shoulder of hubby's SP; that you value the wives more than the clients.

For the record, to all the female advertisers reading: this is the Free Market speaking. If a client's wife calls, play dumb and hang up. No compassion, no comforting. We don't want you to assist us with our marriages. It's real easy. Let the client explain it to the wife. Don't go over there with a box of hankies and a vat of Hagen-Daz. This has been going on for thousands of years, and it operates on discression.

I'm not pooning anymore, but if I did, I would not see you, Jessica. Why? You're not trustworthy. And I think that you were disguising your anger in a cloak of kindness and compassion. I suspect you were more than glad to have that twenty-minute talk with a client's wife. I don't think your heart hurt at all.

I have a lot of trouble with many things you've said ...where to begin.

What am I providing? Read my reviews and begin to get a sense of what I provide or pm some of my regulars and they will tell you; I provide a very intimate, friendly and honest session in which my clients are free to speak to me about anything they wish. I provide ongoing contact between sessions if the client would like (I don't reserve that for single men). Many of my clients text daily, some call, some email, some send pictures of their children ...Yes, I'm serious. THIS PARTICULAR CLIENT DID NOT MAINTAIN A HIGH AMOUNT OF CONTACT WITH ME BETWEEN SESSIONS fyi.

I am extremely upfront with my particular ethics, I can't imagine how I could be anymore upfront about who I am and what I am about.

You've written "If client's wives can't trust them, then why should you see them?" This has me a bit confused. I didn't say that at all. Please re read what section you are referring to.

I'm fairly sure at no point did I offer to travel to her home to comfort her nor did I state that I value the wives more than the clients. Please don't add fodder for the sake of having nothing to say.

For the record, to all the male gentlemen who are clients reading: this is a human being speaking. Do not tell me what to do in the event that your wife calls me. Do not tell me to show no compassion or comfort. Do not tell me to hang up and play dumb.

If you did not want us to assist you with your marriages you would likely not be seeking our company in the first place.

It's completely your right to wish not to see any girl, including me.

Okay so you don't trust me, I really never expected you to trust me ...like I said ...If your own wife can't trust you why on earth would you expect to trust anyone at all?

For you to assume I am disguising anger is your right. I'm telling you that you are incorrect with this assumption. I felt no anger. I felt sad. I felt her pain. I'm empathetic and I don't really mind if you believe me or not. My kindness and compassion are not a cloak it is my truth.

Your suspicion about me being 'glad to have had the twenty minute talk" is also dead wrong. Things that make me glad are anything but confrontation of any kind and anyone who knows me will attest to that.

Again, I really don't care if you believe me or not. My heart hurt then and it hurts now.

I don't know you and you don't know me. The things you are speaking of are pure speculation and in my opinion, ridiculously unimportant ...but if you feel better for having second guessed who I am I'm happy for you.

Please do find something worthwhile to discuss rather than making up things to write or insinuating I've said or done something when I haven't. I love intelligent banter ...your post is certainly banter but lacks intelligence. imho

 

[Harmony-bc]

Another story from the other side of the fence.

I used to work in this massage parlor where this beautiful girl worked. Her fiance found out. He made an appointment with her pretending to be someone else. She saw him in the camera, so obviously refused to go out. I went out with some story to give him that she gave me, and he started freaking out and calling me a liar, so she came running out in her lingerie, and quit working that day in tears. He had been driving, saw her car, watched her park and walk into the building. There was no denying that she was there or not there, lol. She then came back a few days a week, and parked her car blocks away and we had to screen all calls for her, and lie continuously for her. He would show up, causing a scene, etc. Finally she quit for good. It was most definitely not my place to tell him the truth about anything. My boss was sad to see her go, because she was one of the top bookers, which is why she wasn't fired, through those few months of serious drama, lol.

 

[Mr Blonde]

your lack of understanding the concept of discretion nauseates me more

Not a victim Mr. Blonde, an active participant for which I accept the responsibility of my actions. Part of being responsible for ones actions is to deal honestly with things when things go 'wrong'.

As I said in the original post ...on another day with another person I may have very well offered another response but within seconds of her speaking she explained to me her 'rather unique' circumstances, which again, I am going to keep private. Let's just say that each circumstance will present itself differently on any given day with all of us in any number of settings. She did wake me early from a dead sleep, not saying I would have hung up on her had I been awake but I was truly caught off guard by both the content of the call and the time it came.

In all honesty I do understand why many of you are "nauseated" by my decision. Just imagine the Nausea your SO would endure knowing the things you lie to her about. The purpose of me telling what happened is to let all of you know that the possibility exists that this could happen to you ...and with no time to consider a reply, one can not predetermine the outcome ...so if it matters, as I told Bad Santa, Specify to your provider that you expect her to say 'this this and this' if and when your SO calls her when she is at home sleeping. I'm sure all SP's will be more than happy to keep a log of information with them at all hours with each clients name and specific request on how to handle things so they are sure not to "nauseate" anyone.

You know deep down in your hearts somedays how the realization of seeing an SP when you have an SO is all of a sudden overwhelmingly wrong? Many of you have struggles with the decisions you make (from time to time) and yet ...with days, weeks and even months between visits you continue to make decisions that could potentially cause your SO to be Nauseated. If all of that time to think can't prevent you from making, what some days seems, a bad decision, did I stand much of a chance with No time to consider the weight of what I was facing?






#1- apparently you need it spelled out. if the guys you spend time with need to sit you down and specify how you should reply to someone who contacts you. then you probably shouldn't be in this line of work. at the same time, a guy who comes right out and says "hey, i got a wife and three kids, wanna see a pic?" has no business seeking the company of a provider either.

while i understand that there needs to be a diligence in recording who's contacting you, and how often you're seeing them and all the other precautions that need to be taken in order to keep you as safe as possible that information is for you and you alone. until god forbid the time comes that the police need to see it.

for the sake of your reputation, and the reputation of the people you spend time with. i'll say it again:

just hang up the phone or say "sorry, wrong number!"

while the circumstances, appetites, and impulses that drive the individual to seek the company of another woman is something an SP should have an understanding of, the background characters in the individuals life are of no concern to her. "so are you married? do you have a girlfriend?" are not things you need to know.

last time i checked, finding out if someone is being unfaithful isn't the greatest way of getting to know someone. there are other ways of making connections with people. you shouldn't be knowing. and he shouldn't be telling. i'm not saying that this is what happened in your particular case, but in the end it all comes back to discretion again.

your final question? i can't give you an answer to. i would like to think the woman i would someday meet and marry wouldn't need to rely on me to decide what's best for her, anymore than i need her to decide what's best for me. that's not what marriage is about. but that's another post for me to get angry about at another time.

second of all. i wouldn't put a service provider, or anybody else for that matter in any sort of position to do what is right for me.