Don't worry InTheBum no one in this life will ever confuse you as being a man of character.
How to Stop
- Thread starter vanvisitor1
- Start date
I kind of agree,
you kind of just stop if you want to,
find other things to do, slow down or stop completely, because other things are more important in your life. They take priority.
I lived with an alcoholic and don't really buy that crap that its a disease.
Maybe there is an actually physical addiction with some drugs, but
but the thought that addictions are a disease you do it because you want to.
While it is just one local doctor's professional findings and opinion, he is worth reading, if you want to go into some depth about the issues. Good for you, faraundo1, for bringing Dr. Mate's name into the discussion.
http://www.amazon.ca/Realm-Hungry-Ghosts-Encounters-Addiction/dp/0676977413
Thanks, farabundo1, I've spoken with Dr. Mate in person. He's a local legend, so anyone that wants to do so around here, can. Meanwhile, in my experience, there are lots of nice people here on perb!
http://firehallartscentre.ca/onstage/medicine/
This has also been weighing on my mind. I lurked for numerous years without posting.
I have not figured out an exit plan in fact I am pooning more than ever.
I understand where you are coming from and life has many different curve balls that doesn't make this an easy way out.
Good luck with your exit
Im guessing the presence of sps lowers the liklihood of rapeThis has also been weighing on my mind. I lurked for numerous years without posting.
I have not figured out an exit plan in fact I am pooning more than ever.
I understand where you are coming from and life has many different curve balls that doesn't make this an easy way out.
Good luck with your exit
All people have the desire to be known completely and to know someone completely. Where the problem is, is that you can not be know completely if you are pooning a lot while being in a relationship.
From a guy who has had his struggles and demons I don't doubt it is a deep deep seated mental issue. Perhaps even genetics plays a role. Soul I dunno is there such a thing, but sure its at the core of your being. what makes you tick is sure as hell the core of who you are.
What makes you tick is that a disease.
I think people never really change they are always the same person, what changes is the understanding of that core of who we are,
and how to deal with it, in other words learned behaviour and adaption to our enviornement.
I think that is key, the world doesn't change to suit us, we must change to fit in, if we don't or can't were screwed
How is this statement even remotely even relevant to the post I made?
Or did you just pop up from under a bridge to Troll Perb?
Maybe look at it this way.
I hated my father,
But he taught me a lot actually.
Anything you want to do, and enjoy, you pretty much should do for your entire life.
He was a dam alcholic but he never missed a days work, his work record was perfect actually until the cops came and arrested him.
And by that time he was getting up there.
He needed a victim to abuse, my mother and she never left him.
It is not at all about denial not letting yourself do the things you want to do.
Its about managaging them so you can do them for the rest of your life.
And with the exceptions of the couple of short times he was in jail he did exactly what he wanted. Without every saying sorry or worrying about a dam thing.
Im not saying you should be like my father a violent drunk rapist. If its in you its in you regardless
But the point is, something you want to do,
Don't stop don't at all stop, learn to manage it, control it.
So you can enjoy it as long as you possible can.
It seems so strange to deny something we want so much.
It never really works and if we can were one miserable bastard.
Its funny buy younger I hated my sexuality, because mom said I was just like him.
I was so uncomfortable sexually but it was something I couldn't just shut off.
There are a lot of different ways to be sexual seeing an escort is only one.
Don't look at it as I have to stop try something different or manage better this hobby.
Hope this helps.
I hated my father,
But he taught me a lot actually.
Anything you want to do, and enjoy, you pretty much should do for your entire life.
He was a dam alcholic but he never missed a days work, his work record was perfect actually until the cops came and arrested him.
And by that time he was getting up there.
He needed a victim to abuse, my mother and she never left him.
It is not at all about denial not letting yourself do the things you want to do.
Its about managaging them so you can do them for the rest of your life.
And with the exceptions of the couple of short times he was in jail he did exactly what he wanted. Without every saying sorry or worrying about a dam thing.
Im not saying you should be like my father a violent drunk rapist. If its in you its in you regardless
But the point is, something you want to do,
Don't stop don't at all stop, learn to manage it, control it.
So you can enjoy it as long as you possible can.
It seems so strange to deny something we want so much.
It never really works and if we can were one miserable bastard.
Its funny buy younger I hated my sexuality, because mom said I was just like him.
I was so uncomfortable sexually but it was something I couldn't just shut off.
There are a lot of different ways to be sexual seeing an escort is only one.
Don't look at it as I have to stop try something different or manage better this hobby.
Hope this helps.
I don't know if your post was directed at me or not.
All I am saying is rape is so far off topic here that it makes no sense to even include it in the discussion.
FFS I love women and that post from kauffman was so trollish I called him on it. Keep the focus on the OP who is looking for an exit strategy.
Reading your post I can see myself in the mirror. I understand the part where you can't focus on your career. But this can be solved if you learn how to focus. Something that I haven't yet ...
Would you care to elaborate a bit more on how the hobby has too big an effect on your relationship?
Would you care to elaborate a bit more on how the hobby has too big an effect on your relationship?
Hmmm, this seems to be the root of your dilema. You want it, but are conscious that it is not 100% wholesome.
I won't offer advise because what you say is true. We Perbites all have similar desires, and it would be like taking moral advice from an axe murder, or religious advice from a child molester. So instead, I simply offer a prognosis for your consideration:
1. You won't quit. You don't want to. This pause for reflection will pass. You will come to accept that you want it and will manager or rationalize or simply accept the consequences as you have for many years. You will go on
pooning until your last breath is exhaled or your dick goes limp, whichever comes second. May they be simultaneous in your case. (meant lovingly).
2. You may take a break or two. You may try to quit. You may actually stop for a while. You will return because you love beautiful women, great sex, and variety, and you have the means and know-how to get it. You are too far past deciding if it is OK or not; you have proven that it is OK for you. When you stop for a bit, you will be miserable and the great sex will come calling to you. You will either accept it or fight it until you die or go senile. You will stop fighting it. The guilt or concern or whatever you are struggling with. There will always be an ember of unease there, but this will not trescend into quitting without destroying you in other ways.
3. You will find a way to achieve a balance that you personally find more acceptable. This may mean posting your experiences so that you have some re-lived release and take time away from pooning and feel a bit better about giving back to the boards. Or this may mean scheduling your events well in advance so the frequency feels more sustainable (Fuk I had that overused word, but here it may actually keep you clean and green longer). This could also mean just carrying on as you are while being mindful and careful about the consequences. Fuk I don't know what you will do, but something along these lines you will do.
All the rest of the "How to Stop" advice missed the seminal point. You don't want to. So you won't. The sooner you know that (and I think you already do), the sooner you can get on to making it a teensie bit better, which is probably the most you were expecting out of your post anyway. There is no magic bullet for this. Bite down softly, make your peace, and punt-on brother.
Punt.
Put it that way: the more you poon the shorter your to do list will be. That's on the positive side
And think about the moment when you'll be about to be gone of this world: you'll still think about about pussy like there is no tomorrow. Literally.
People don't change. We 're wired that way. We just have to learn to live with it.
Guilt? Fuck it! ... Guilt is a bag of bricks (Al Pacino in Devil's Advocate)
Whatever you do - just don't get caught. That's part of the rules.
And think about the moment when you'll be about to be gone of this world: you'll still think about about pussy like there is no tomorrow. Literally.
People don't change. We 're wired that way. We just have to learn to live with it.
Guilt? Fuck it! ... Guilt is a bag of bricks (Al Pacino in Devil's Advocate)
Whatever you do - just don't get caught. That's part of the rules.
Many will say you have a sex addiction. While that exists, I don't think you have it even though you are compelled to seek sex from various females constantly, even if you have a beautiful woman. A sex addict to me is someone who has no discretion with whom the have sex with - be it a $5 crack whore or a $500 escort.
I'd venture to say that you have the common problem many of us have. Just as human beings start out their lives attached to their parents, they carry on the rest of their lives detaching from one person and attaching to another. Some of us even detach from other humans altogether and instead attach to a spiritual quest for the Almighty or something similar of grandeur. In the same way, we never stop doing what we do, instead we find something else to do. So there is no "stopping" your "addiction". Instead, you need to find greater meaning if that exists for you.
Perhaps there is something lacking in your relationship with that beautiful woman that does not satiate you through and through, and perhaps you have to be satisfied that it will always be limiting. Perhaps for you having sex with endless women is all the meaning you need. Perhaps it is a substitute for not having something meaningful enough in your life. If it is the latter, then at least be happy that you are discontent because it signifies that you are a deeper person than you realized before. Now for those who are very deep, there are not too many things in this world that give a deeper sense of meaning or of purpose. Perhaps what you seek you will never find, but if you do, abandon anything you have to to get it.
I'd venture to say that you have the common problem many of us have. Just as human beings start out their lives attached to their parents, they carry on the rest of their lives detaching from one person and attaching to another. Some of us even detach from other humans altogether and instead attach to a spiritual quest for the Almighty or something similar of grandeur. In the same way, we never stop doing what we do, instead we find something else to do. So there is no "stopping" your "addiction". Instead, you need to find greater meaning if that exists for you.
Perhaps there is something lacking in your relationship with that beautiful woman that does not satiate you through and through, and perhaps you have to be satisfied that it will always be limiting. Perhaps for you having sex with endless women is all the meaning you need. Perhaps it is a substitute for not having something meaningful enough in your life. If it is the latter, then at least be happy that you are discontent because it signifies that you are a deeper person than you realized before. Now for those who are very deep, there are not too many things in this world that give a deeper sense of meaning or of purpose. Perhaps what you seek you will never find, but if you do, abandon anything you have to to get it.
this guy writes some very insightful stuff on the topic - it's a good place to start
http://www.hazelden.org/OA_HTML/hazAuthor.jsp?author_id=399
http://www.hazelden.org/OA_HTML/hazAuthor.jsp?author_id=399
Well, as the OP, I am here to report that I have failed so far. The response I latched on to was "there is no try, just do". Hasn't worked. In fact, I have seen two ladies since my post and am fighting like hell the urge to see another right now as I type.
I want to respond to addicted and puntmeister above. Addicted, a wise provider said to me years ago, that pooning impacts your relationship, no matter how hard you try. I think its true. I believe that my relationship with my loving partner would be enhanced if I focused on her alone. I am not in the moment with her if I am imagining a sexy young escort deepthroating me while she is going down on me. And I avoid efforts to move her from her frequent but comfortable sex to try new things and go places we haven't before, adding a deeper bond to our relationship - why bother when I can just call a hot young lady who I know will do what I want?
Also from past relationships, I found it easier to give up than to work out issues, knowing I could freely engage beautiful women to attend to my sexual needs.
Puntmeister, well written reply, my greatest fear is that you are right. But I want you not to be. Because if you are right I have to live with a secret from someone I love, and who would be devastated if it was discovered. And I have to live with the fear that I am the next to come on here to tell you I have an STD, and worse, have to tell my loved one. Also, as our sex is frequent, to worry that I have passed it to her.
But to prove you wrong, Puntmeister, all I have so far is the hope that I can listen to the words of Yoda in my head "there is no try, just do". And so far, they are being drowned out by "go bang that hottie."
Sigh
I want to respond to addicted and puntmeister above. Addicted, a wise provider said to me years ago, that pooning impacts your relationship, no matter how hard you try. I think its true. I believe that my relationship with my loving partner would be enhanced if I focused on her alone. I am not in the moment with her if I am imagining a sexy young escort deepthroating me while she is going down on me. And I avoid efforts to move her from her frequent but comfortable sex to try new things and go places we haven't before, adding a deeper bond to our relationship - why bother when I can just call a hot young lady who I know will do what I want?
Also from past relationships, I found it easier to give up than to work out issues, knowing I could freely engage beautiful women to attend to my sexual needs.
Puntmeister, well written reply, my greatest fear is that you are right. But I want you not to be. Because if you are right I have to live with a secret from someone I love, and who would be devastated if it was discovered. And I have to live with the fear that I am the next to come on here to tell you I have an STD, and worse, have to tell my loved one. Also, as our sex is frequent, to worry that I have passed it to her.
But to prove you wrong, Puntmeister, all I have so far is the hope that I can listen to the words of Yoda in my head "there is no try, just do". And so far, they are being drowned out by "go bang that hottie."
Sigh
Not gonna sugar coat this but you're lazy.
And undisciplined. I understand sex drive. We all have it. I used to get so horny that it would turn me into a single minded zombie. But to think that you haven't mastered your urges really requires some soul searching as to why you can't or won't get this part of yourself under control despite all the consequences - sounds like addiction to me.
Maybe to you need to replace this addiction with something else. Something that takes just as much financial resources, involves potentially life-threatening consequences, and could devastate your world if things went wrong. Take up flying, or skydiving, or driving race cars.
I don't believe doing something worse will fix the already bad things. Really. Is it better to get gonorrhoea and have the wife mad at you or get a into a skydiving or race accident and end up in a wheel chair with a loving wife that will have to change your diapers for the rest of your life?
OP:
The way you expose the issue it's almost like you see the situation from your wife's perspective but with a lack of understanding of why you do or need these things. I don't believe any normal man can bang the same pussy over and over again with the same interest and pleasure of doing new things. I believe the bad thing is not seeing escorts but rather engaging in unsafe practices with them. This is the part that may get you in trouble. Unless you are keeping a diary or log of who you have seen or if if you are not discreet and leave traces, it will be impossible for your SO to find out the whole story. If you get caught you can play the innocent or the fool saying it was a one time thing or whatever. If she loves you she will make herself believe your lie. Or she won't , she will get mad and then you will have to consider that you may have lost her. If the thought of loosing her doesn't stop you then you don't really care about this potential situation so you actually don't have a problem, you just think you have one.
