Thoughts on hobbyists in relationships & marriages?

[johnnydepth]

I can understand the wistful subjective desire,to renew the social models of our bygone years,but you need to snap out of it.
A divorced man loses in the range of 87% of his wealth.
An unmarried women may only have 1/3 the wealth,than otherwise,at retirement age.
In the heartless Machiavellian world of today,is it better you or her?

Engelbert Humperdink

That's a huge blanket statement being thrown over the marital bed. Those numbers might apply decades ago or to couples presently in their 50's, 60's, or 70's. Most couples under 50 these days are dual income. They enter a relationship or marriage with what they have and leave it the same way. The days of raking guys over the coals aren't as disgraceful as they use to be. 87%? Really. Please show your source for that number.
Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

 

[nightswhisper]

I feel you bro... but at some point the single guy is going to be old and alone with his Dog. He is going to be going to Christmas and New Years and Thanksgiving at your house with all your kids.....there is years of sacrifice with a family but to me it seems like it might be worth it.

I haven't dated an SP but i might not be able to do it. I would tend to lack trust... if she needs money is she going to be seeing the occasional old client behind your back? It would be so easy for her and you would never know.....

Some of us are content being alone.

I can go for months without talking to anyone. In fact, I have a cabin in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere where I spend several weeks at a time with no internet and phone. Just me, my books, my dog, and my horse.

 

[firecracker-84]

I haven't dated an SP but i might not be able to do it. I would tend to lack trust... if she needs money is she going to be seeing the occasional old client behind your back? It would be so easy for her and you would never know.....

She may have trust issues too. What if YOU after being a pooner for at least 10 years (judging by your join date) had a craving for some variety. Would you be seeing one of your old ATFs or some hot new tamale on leolist? It would be so easy for you and perhaps she would never know...

 

[sevenofnine]

its sacrifice to be sure, just want to watch the game or don't feel good but the wife drags me out the kids need something
putting up with ridiculous shit,
walking the dog when its fucking miserable out side and im sick with a cold.

but the rewards are there,
my family cares takes care of me, im never alone or I should say lonely
I dunno who has the upper hand in my family I would say its pretty even, what I give I get back in other ways lots of other ways.
but then that is why there my family, we figured it out together
dog well, he keeps me moving in my old age, he even has a purpose keeps this old guy moving around,


don't really get selfish people all that much,
I mean its great they get to do what they want when they want,

but my single buddies complain to me, there alone lonely, no women wish they had a dog wish they had this,

even a couple of married guys I know that are selfish,
but being self centered and selfish in a family situation doesn't work all that well either,
because kids pick up on there parents and follow there example

and sooner or latter it all degrades into one big fucking family feud, people not talking, and constant drama

cheating on your wife your family is not the ideal thing even the desired thing,
its not what im trying to say,
its more about who you are as a person,

you have the right to be happy,
for dam sure you have the right to be happy

but you have the responsibility to be kind caring gentle and nurturing too

 

[Addison Cortez]

I don't think being single is any easier than being married. I can be alone for months on my retreat too but I still crave the energy of another person. Doing everything myself is rewarding and some days very exhausting. I think if someone could bring that glass of water on their way by so I don't have to get up, when I'm tired, would be heaven. It's easier to "take a time out" than "find a companion." IMO

 

[sevenofnine]

something we I think have missed in all of this

a relationship is two people, you play off each other,

I know for a fact, when im a miserable ass, I bring everyone down, im simply toxic , just to be avoided at all costs.

I think I was that 12 years ago, at the start of my journey down this road of seeing escorts. simply a miserable prick,

a lot has changed in 12 years,

and I have realized just how much a relationship is two people. you play interact etc etc,
you bring the person down or lift them up,
its never equal I mean the relationship is not fifty fifty,
some times yes the other person is just too toxic, won't learn can't or doesn't want to, and they drag you down with them,

 

[lukom]

"I'm curious about how Married/Committed pooners do their thing in this hobby. I'm sure some may be in an open relationship/marriage, while others are doing it in secret.
I'm particularly curious about those who do it in secret.

When you go out to partake in the hobby, what are some excuses you tell your spouse for being out longer?
How do you reconcile certain details like why there's $400 less in your shared bank account for example?
Do you keep a burner phone?
What would you tell your S/O if she found the burner phone?
Why are you still married while partaking in this hobby?
Do you ever tell SP's about your marriage/relationship?
Do you wear or remove your wedding band each time you go for a session?
For those who love their S/O, do you ever feel regret or guilt?

No judgement, I'm really just curious. I am seeing someone these last few weeks, and went on a session a couple of weeks ago and in some ways feeling like I may need to take a break from this hobby."

 

[clu]

unless this has been covered in one thread already this would be great topic for a whole new thread. IMO

That's ironic. (This came from a new thread. Someone directed him to post it here instead.) Personally, I agree with you though. He may be talking about the same people, but most of the questions are different than what's being discussed here (ethics vs. logistics).

 

[lukom]

unless this has been covered in one thread already this would be great topic for a whole new thread. IMO

I did actually start a new thread, but it seems the admin may have taken it down.

 

[Michaelg]

"I'm curious about how Married/Committed pooners do their thing in this hobby. I'm sure some may be in an open relationship/marriage, while others are doing it in secret.
I'm particularly curious about those who do it in secret.

When you go out to partake in the hobby, what are some excuses you tell your spouse for being out longer?
How do you reconcile certain details like why there's $400 less in your shared bank account for example?
Do you keep a burner phone?
What would you tell your S/O if she found the burner phone?
Why are you still married while partaking in this hobby?
Do you ever tell SP's about your marriage/relationship?
Do you wear or remove your wedding band each time you go for a session?
For those who love their S/O, do you ever feel regret or guilt?

No judgement, I'm really just curious. I am seeing someone these last few weeks, and went on a session a couple of weeks ago and in some ways feeling like I may need to take a break from this hobby."

Why is the world would you have 1 bank account for the household? So 19 century

I'm married 1 child
We both have separate accounts we spend and save the money we make .. I put aside 500 a month to pay for my sins

I have 2 businesses I make up meetings whenever I venture out for such a sin

I am a happily married man love my family to bits
Why do I do it ?
Simple reason

My wife hates Greek
I love it
Therefore I only want to do greek with specific nationalities and body types

There it is

Do I feel guilt .. everytime takes a week to get over and lots of make up sex

I take my ring off
No burner phone use an email system .. obviously anonymous email in incognito mode never remembers passwords or username
Never talk about personal life with sp as I have no interest in forming a personal relationship with them.

I go for the 1 thing I cannot get at home

Oh and I do not go in areas where I am known

 

[lukom]

Thanks for answering those questions. Have you ever been suspected or gone home after an awkward session where you had to leave without taking a shower (i.e. the SP wouldn't offer it, or the SP was crazy and you had to get out)?

Why is the world would you have 1 bank account for the household? So 19 century

I'm married 1 child
We both have separate accounts we spend and save the money we make .. I put aside 500 a month to pay for my sins

I have 2 businesses I make up meetings whenever I venture out for such a sin

I am a happily married man love my family to bits
Why do I do it ?
Simple reason

My wife hates Greek
I love it
Therefore I only want to do greek with specific nationalities and body types

There it is

Do I feel guilt .. everytime takes a week to get over and lots of make up sex

I take my ring off
No burner phone use an email system .. obviously anonymous email in incognito mode never remembers passwords or username
Never talk about personal life with sp as I have no interest in forming a personal relationship with them.

I go for the 1 thing I cannot get at home

Oh and I do not go in areas where I am known

 

[Michaelg]

I dont go for trash sp's

You pay for what you get

Like everything in life

Pay for a drama free experiance pleasant and welcoming experience

I pay for service not just a hole

Do your research on the sp

Perhaps even meeting then for a coffee will help you understand who and what your getting

Let me put it like this

If it costs me an extra 100 to get everything I want in a service from the act to customer service and atmosphere adding it all up its cheaper than a divorce

 

[Literfan]

I dont go for trash sp's

You pay for what you get

Like everything in life

Pay for a drama free experiance pleasant and welcoming experience

I pay for service not just a hole

Do your research on the sp

Perhaps even meeting then for a coffee will help you understand who and what your getting

Let me put it like this

If it costs me an extra 100 to get everything I want in a service from the act to customer service and atmosphere adding it all up its cheaper than a divorce

Nicely said. Everyone has their preferences. I have two friends who poon on either side of the spectrum. One likes the no hassle release. The other man is older and enjoys the companionship aspect. The majority of time this gentleman doesn’t do the release. He’s older and going on a date with a beauty who has brains is a fun evening for him.

 

[Westcoast1]

In case I ever get outed for my indescressions, I will link this thread for clarity.
A lot of good discussion. Perhaps my SO can be enlightened on why we do what we do.
It’s not as black and white as people think it is.

 

[take8easy]

Married but never cheated till I got into this hobby about four years ago. Love doing it.

Why am I cheating? Because I wanted to and fantasized about it but never had the courage. I had this strange silly image of being with a pros***te. Heck I had never even been to a strip bar. I never had friends like that either! But men, (another reason to hate us ladies) love to be with as many women as they can. That's how it is.

Do I feel guilty? Ummm .. in a way yes, but then I think to myself I m nearing the age of being a grandfather, what am I going to tell my grandchild. I look forward to seeing the days when I have a bunch of grandkids sitting around and grandpa telling him how he had sex with over 100 women.

My marriage is not perfect. No marriage is perfect. Heck no relationship is perfect. Marriage becomes a routine. No matter how many books you read and how many vacations you go to. Seeing the same person over and over and over and over again gets to you. Sex is routine. WTF! why am I even responding to this thread and reminding myself of how pathetic life is. I should be on Leolist planing my next tryst.

Cheers
T8E

 

[golferjohn]

...for my entire adult life, the mantra drummed into me was to acquiesce to the female sexual strategy and I always struggled why it never 'imprinted' on me. I've always entertained as many women as my abilities allowed (which is obvious why I've never married). In my early 20's/30's, I thought there must have been something wrong me for not settling-down and having children...I've since reconciled those feelings and am OK w/it Obviously there's the multitude of tropes from 'are you gay?' to 'you're going to end-up all alone' lobbed regularly, but the 'juice' just never seemed worth the 'squeeze'...and in today's climate, the risk of getting 'zeroed-out' is too high of a price.

Guilt is a toxic emotion/feeling (and growing-up Catholic probably 'steeled' my resistance), and I don't plan to surrender any time soon. I fully expect to be vilified for this, but men evolved to propagate the species and you can't erase eons of 'hard-wiring' with 50 years of shaming men to cede their primary directive. There are definite advantages to being in a committed relationship, but the scale is dramatically tilted on the xx side...we don't have the same intrinsic desire for having/nurturing children (ask any woman that has a son and ask her if she loves her husband/SO even half as much as her boy)...the problem is that we know what that pure acceptance/love feels like from our own mothers, and we chase that unattainable feeling for the remainder of our lives.

 

[clu]

... I thought there must have been something wrong me for not settling-down and having children...I've since reconciled those feelings and am OK w/it Obviously there's the multitude of tropes from 'are you gay?' to 'you're going to end-up all alone' lobbed regularly, ...

What's up with that anyway? A single female friend of mine (who has a kid even) is often on the receiving end of that kind of talk too.

Why do other people care so much about the relationship status of people unconnected to them? In my mind, being critical of someone who willingly remains single is in some ways on par with being critical of someone for being in a same-sex relationship.

Does seeing people happily single offend their sensibilities somehow?

 

[sevenofnine]

ah my god.

one bank account,
one phone, my sp is there, on it, as one of my contacts, it just sits on the table for anyone to see.

a few friends from work text me etc, they send questionable jokes and pics, which I don't really enjoy but leave them on my phone,
if some one picks up my phone, they will say what are these nude pics and dirty jokes on your phone and focus on that,
while my sp hides right there in plane site,
me and my wife stopped having sex long before I got into this hobby,
that is why im here, and I
don't feel that guilty,
I think its more about the emotions then any physical act, I mean some men treat there wife like dirt,
I don't im with her care for her attentive all that stuff, but she doesn't want to have sex. so I go elsewhere for that,


its not really that big a deal.

listen to the talk on this web site,
seriously listen to the voices here, listen to there tone there attitude towards women.

and married men are a lot less angry, a lot less hostile to the opposite sex, in general.
single guys more bitter, more angry see women more as a collection of body parts to use.
not everyone, yeah there are some married guys going what the fuck,

but they figure it out or get a divorce,

a long time married guy, is nothing to worry about,
he is stable as hell reliable as hell, yeah there are exceptions.

but we generally respect women, and know what they do for us.
whether is raising our family,

or a romp in bed,
I think long term married guy has figured it out pretty good.

 

[whistlerboi]

I like where this page 7 has gone! Lots of good info.

For me it's summed up by seeing a lovely lady who is "no holds barred" passionate. After many years of the exact opposite from a person who professed at the altar "to have and to hold". And the same person turned around and used withholding of affection [link] as a weapon to gain control in the relationship. Seeing the ladies has completely turned things around. I don't call it cheating, I call it therapy. We all desire and deserve empathetic love/sex. And not to have desire turned around against us.

Amazing what has happened since I finally turned around and decided to take back control over myself by seeing Sensual Practitioners. And turn my health around and get fit and get out partying with friends and planning getaways. Lately the ex-SO has said "why are you suddenly taking fitness seriously and planning your own vacations and stuff?". Lol. My secret is safe with the people here on perb.

 

[sevenofnine]

I agree with the term therapy,
we have the right to be happy,

your in a sexless marriage or you crave something your wife can't give you or wont.
why be fucking miserable for the rest of your life.

there is no one answer, were different people are different relationships marriages are different,
what works for me, might not work for someone else and vica - versa

at the end of the day you want to be relaxed happy enjoy life, it is way to short not to.
but at the end of the day one has the responsibility to be respect be gentle and kind,

of course the devil is in the details life is long there are ups and downs.

at the end of the day, we are who we are,
don't blame anyone else,