A very interesting thread. I'm happily married and have an active sex life. I got into this a couple of years ago when I became intrigued by the idea of a prostate massage. Having tried that with two different SPs, it does nothing for me. Some guys are like that. I don't do full service and never will, however I've met some charming ladies and given myself an occasional treat of massage, tantric and release. My wife goes out of town two or three times a year and that's my chance. So is this cheating? Well, if I'm naked and a naked female other than my spouse is sliding on top of me, how could it not be? But - oh my - the pleasure! And on a completely separate thought: we all know of politicians who happily sell their soul. Why do they look down on women who sell their bodies but maintain their integrity?
Thoughts on hobbyists in relationships & marriages?
- Thread starter druiddude432
- Start date
I was always fascinated by single guys why do you want to pay for it.
go to the bar take your chances,
isn't the fun in the chase, the anticipation the excitement of it,,
ah its just funny,
but then you hang around the boards,
and I don't want to be rude to any one, but a lot of single guys, you listen to them for years,
and you kindof get the impression,
they couldn't be in a relationship, not everyone, some single guys don't want to be bothered,
there kind of just too selfish, I have a couple of friends like that,
and other are just ass holes.
others can have a relationship but can't go the distance,
a long term married guy, is stable reliable loyal,
yeah some of us will never cheat on their wife,
but others sex just faded away in our marriage,
or we have aged and our partner is no longer who we married,
but were horny,
sex is no big deal, unless your horny, and then its a hunger,
that at some point needs to be fed.
on the surface,
you want to go
happily married guy, what the fuck are you doing.
but actually I think its the other way around,
im long time married things are going well
im long time with my sp,
things are going well.
we have even had the talk and wondered about us.
so me, I know what ever happens I know I won't be alone, at the end of the day,
I can be in a relationship, long term, I am
and even then they both say to hell with me,
I know there is other women out there,
I know im relationship material.
but single guy,
not to be rude,
but what the fuck do you know.
up all night with kids, putting up with a bitchy wife, and inlaws
and then it flips and im the one that is bitchy and my wife has to put up with me,
a good friend of mine couldn't even look after a dog.
I have a dog, walked with him two hours already,,,
so again single guy, not to insult you
tell me what the fuck do you know about anything,
go to the bar take your chances,
isn't the fun in the chase, the anticipation the excitement of it,,
ah its just funny,
but then you hang around the boards,
and I don't want to be rude to any one, but a lot of single guys, you listen to them for years,
and you kindof get the impression,
they couldn't be in a relationship, not everyone, some single guys don't want to be bothered,
there kind of just too selfish, I have a couple of friends like that,
and other are just ass holes.
others can have a relationship but can't go the distance,
a long term married guy, is stable reliable loyal,
yeah some of us will never cheat on their wife,
but others sex just faded away in our marriage,
or we have aged and our partner is no longer who we married,
but were horny,
sex is no big deal, unless your horny, and then its a hunger,
that at some point needs to be fed.
on the surface,
you want to go
happily married guy, what the fuck are you doing.
but actually I think its the other way around,
im long time married things are going well
im long time with my sp,
things are going well.
we have even had the talk and wondered about us.
so me, I know what ever happens I know I won't be alone, at the end of the day,
I can be in a relationship, long term, I am
and even then they both say to hell with me,
I know there is other women out there,
I know im relationship material.
but single guy,
not to be rude,
but what the fuck do you know.
up all night with kids, putting up with a bitchy wife, and inlaws
and then it flips and im the one that is bitchy and my wife has to put up with me,
a good friend of mine couldn't even look after a dog.
I have a dog, walked with him two hours already,,,
so again single guy, not to insult you
tell me what the fuck do you know about anything,
OK married guy, but what do you know about the demands women have on single men, and modern dating climate of Vancouver?
Some guys have personality but no money. Some have money but no looks. Some have looks but no personality. Trying to get everything lined up is pretty fucking hard for a lot of people.
Just because one set of circumstances is difficult doesn't make another one any less so. While I agree not everyone is capable of being in a relationship, I don't think being single is particularly easy, especially when one makes being single sound like a sin.
Experience counts.
I've been in for pushing 30 years now.
Come to the table when you've been together with someone for a third of that and maybe we can talk.
This just sounds like life to me. Combos of looks, finances, personality employment etc.- same as it ever was.
Find someone that mostly meets your criteria and then build on it.
Too many singles are too fucking picky- 2% off of the total perceived package seems to be grounds for dismissal.
I'm sure being single isn't easy. For some.
But being with someone for more than half your life isn't a walk in the park- it takes a LOT of commitment. And concession.
And women will always have demands on men- married or single.
Ask married guy what he's getting 'nagged' about these days. I'm sure he's already met the bar 100 times over through the years, but another day brings another challenge.
Those in it for the long haul tend to figure it out......and sometimes a trip to a SP is just the tonic.
Ring around the finger,emblematic of eternal love.
Ring through the nose of the bull,the day you refuse to play beast of burden,you get cashed in at the financial slaughterhouse of the courts.
The children of the 70's-90s';have lived & learned from their,"Family Life" experience.
Engelbert Humperdink
Ring through the nose of the bull,the day you refuse to play beast of burden,you get cashed in at the financial slaughterhouse of the courts.
The children of the 70's-90s';have lived & learned from their,"Family Life" experience.
Engelbert Humperdink
I agree that marriage is difficult
I just think marriage as an institution is a stupid existence. We use it as a measure of our likability or desirability when in and of itself is a massive social failure.
If half of restaurant patrons were food poisoned, restaurants would be illegal. If half of theme park patrons died on roller coasters, they would be banned.
But why is it that half of marriages end in disastrous, spiteful and financially destructive court lawsuits and isn't banned?
Perhaps it's like the NFL & brain injuries.
Too much money at stake for vested interests,revealing their indifference to those paying the price.
Subjective human nature,will never be controlled,as well.
Engelbert Humperdink
worse than jaded, I would guess. Having sex for a living with men a woman feels contempt for isn't a healthy way to live.
Every situation is different. Every relationship is different. I've never been bound to marriage vows but I do understand the importance of keeping a family unit together for the sake of children. As long as these married men are putting priority on providing for their wife and/or children at home, I don't think they're monsters.
I've always known that, somewhere inside of me. The one time I doubted it, tried to prove otherwise, and abstain for one year, I was a psycho...
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Even without kids in the picture, providing for a wife is also a priority for many married men.
Like many have said- whether it be menopause, ageing not so gracefully, reduced libido, loss of physical attraction or whatever- more often than not we are still in love (whatever THAT means!), still care about our spouse's well being and haven't lost our sense of responsibility. Our married lives could be exceptional on many levels- yet we see SPs on the side.
For me, as I've said before, it's about adding some variety. Yet we still have an active and regular sex life Some would call this selfish. Whatevs. I'm mostly happily married for more than half my life and really have no intention of splitting up. The good FAR outweighs the bad. And sometimes I like a little strange with NSA.
there's nothing a wife can do in the bedroom to keep a man from "straying". If he wants to, he will and there's no amount of effort you can put in to change his mind....and vice versa. People are who they are and sometimes they don't know who that is until they're already committed.. along with many other scenarios or circumstances.
It's not just that sex gets boring. As another poster mentioned, there's the changes that happen to the female body after childbirth, menopause, & C-sections/hysterectomy! Having only experienced one of the three, I can only speak for those women who've had hysterectomies, & help shed some light on it.
I never had kids: I had a complete hysterectomy at 44 to prevent the advancement of cervical cancer. My uterus was removed but my ovaries were not: I didn't need to start menopause while recovering from 2 major surgeries! However, I VIVIDLY remember about 2 weeks into Amy recovery, I was reading the 'What To Expect After Your Hysterectomy" pamphlet while stuck in bed recovering. There was a single sentence that read "some women may experience a change in sexual function." When I realized what that meant, I panicked.
I was one of those women who experiences really strong intrauterine contractions during orgasm: without my uterus, was I still going to be able to orgasm? Was the incision across my lower abdomen going to cause issues? What about scar tissue? What about...so many things! I didn't have anyone really to talk to about it either, because who was I going to ask? My mom? My doctor? And until I was healed enough to test drive the equipment again, I worried. Now, I was already a very sexually liberated woman, so I had no issues trying new things & new ways to satisfy myself & experience sexual pleasure. I don't think this is always the case! Until the 1970s, women weren't conditioned to consider their own sexual pleasure, and in previous generations were actually taught to just "do their marital duty". Sex was something to be endured, not enjoyed! My own mother went into early menopause after an emergency hysterectomy at 37, it was common practice to go ahead & remove everything in a radical hysterectomy. After all, if you didn't need the uterus to grow a baby in, you surely didn't need the eggs, either, right??? When your body is no longer producing sex hormones because your doctor has removed your ovaries, your sexual desire is going to wane. Hormone replacement therapy is a crapshoot, and always a controversial topic! Then there's that need for intimacy; the hugs, the cuddles, the physical touch we all crave & require.
I think for many women, that gets fulfilled by their interactions with their young children, & so the husband may feel like his needs are being neglected. Their role as mother overtakes their role of 'wife'. Even when we don't have kids, as women we get our fill of being touched by other people in all sorts of ways in our lives. When we want to help ourselves feel better, we go for a spa day! We get massages, pedicures, facials: we lie in the presence of a sympathetic stranger, with dim lights, soft music & we let ourselves relax while they touch us! Wives may also avoid intimacy because they don't want to risk additional pregnancies, because they are just too damn tired after working fulltime & parenting, etc., or because complications after a C-section/hysterectomy means that sex is no longer enjoyable or downright painful! Does she tell her doctor or her husband, or does she just endure painful sex until he stops asking? This leads to that resentment, that distance, & ultimately, to searching elsewhere to get that husband's physical needs met.
Going back to Maslow again: sex is a basic human need! Does it count as an affair if there's no emotional component? Is it "cheating" when there is money involved? I think that some men are able to rationalize/justify seeing SPs rather than have affairs because they do, legitimately, love their wives and are happy in all aspects of their relationships EXCEPT in the physical sphere. That's when I think that seeing an SP can actually help to strengthen longstanding relationships, and those clients seem to be the happiest people in many ways! Ultimately though, I very much agree that the idea of monogamy is an imposed social construct & religious doctrine rather than a natural human state. We're merely the most highly evolved primates, after all...so far! (Damn dirty apes!)
I've been in past relationships where I was cheated on, but once I decided to permit the wandering, they no longer wanted to. Go figure.
yep and is my first rule in any relationship beginning, no commitments :laugh:, seems funny but when you can't be without one another, that's when you can talk commitments... IMO
I honestly try not to ask any personal questions unless they feel like talking about things and I do love to hear about how much a client still loves his wife. I am saddened when men are unhappy in marriage but some stay unhappy just so the wife can be happy..... how is that a bad thing? Some ladies couldn't deal with a failed marriage and you can bet her man knows her better than you do.
