My daughter is in Massage Business and I am Heartbroken...

[tom25]

Interesting comments. But the one thing that really has me thinking is this: many of you are basically saying, "we love and respect SPs, but we wouldn't want our daughter/girlfriend to become one".

Do any of you ever struggle internally within yourselves with what seems to be two contradicting attitudes? That we as pooners must cope with a strong social stigma against the sex industry, and yet we apply that same stigma upon those closest to us? Or perhaps it's because of those stigmas applied by those who ask about the well-being of your daughter (former teachers, friends, the boss, co-workers, priest, etc)?

The above is not intended as a flame to anyone. It's something to think about, and worthy of discussion and debate.

Its a really good point wolverine, and one I've thought a lot about. No deep answers I'm afraid. Its a highly contradictory position. In truth, I believe that no person should have to sell there bodies to make a decent living. At the same time many occupations are extremely poorly paid and make it difficult for people who, sometimes through no fault of their own, aren't able to obtain better paying jobs. The fact that some people find they do, says nothing about those individuals, but lots about our society and the various social hang ups that exist about sex.

Having said all that, there is the stigma. There's the potentially dangerous clients, there's the risk of disease, there's the possibility of getting arrested, etc., etc., etc. Those are primarily the reasons I'd be upset. Not because of what she was doing in and of itself and certainly not because I felt it had any reflection on the character of my daughter. I'd be worried about her safety and health.

Tom

 

[Penhold]

Do any of you ever struggle internally within yourselves with what seems to be two contradicting attitudes? That we as pooners must cope with a strong social stigma against the sex industry, and yet we apply that same stigma upon those closest to us?

When it comes to sex, men are full of contradictions. I recall one over-sexed pooner (not me ) who said his life ambition was to deflower every virgin in the world and when he was down to the last one he wanted to marry her. After all, he said he could never contemplate marrying anyone but a virgin.

And you think WE have issues.

 

[TOFTT]

All I've got to say is that this job isn't a forever job for me. At the moment, I don't find that my soul is being taken away from me. I'm using this job as a stepping stone as well as a learning experience. I, along with many other SP's whom I've worked with seem to know what our goals and dreams are. In anything you have to have ambition. Some do have drug addictions, but I've also worked many "square" jobs where I've heard the same problems with certain substance abuse. Hmmmm "each to their own" I guess

Excellent comments Vienna. I always knew there was a big brain in that pretty head of yours.

I believe what you say applies to many SPs that are in the buisness. They see it as a stepping stone to a brighter future. I've known many gals who are taking courses to better themselves or have definate goals to where they want to be in their life a few years down the road. Those are the type of girls I enjoy seeing and am proud of. Going to University or College isn't cheap and working at Walmart or Safeway jusn't doesn't pay the bills. Especially if you are a single Mom with no child support.

Yes the money is a strong aphrodisiac and I'm sure there are some that really enjoy the sex. There are also a number of girls who are in the buisness for the wrong reasons IE: substance abuse, sexual abuse as a child, low self esteem or they have a lazy ass Pimp boyfriend at home who is forcing them to do this. Those are the kind of girls who I feel sorry for and those are the ones who need a helping hand from friends and family.

 

[maverick73]

>>the wrong reasons IE: substance abuse, sexual abuse as a child, low self esteem or they have a lazy ass Pimp boyfriend at home who is forcing them to do this. Those are the kind of girls who I feel sorry for and those are the ones who need a helping hand from friends and family.

Ok I understand the substance abuse reason, the lazy ass pimp, but why would sexual abuse as a child or low self esteem "get them into the business?"

 

[threepeat]

Wolvie, if I were a hot girl who had an opportunity to go into the biz, I would not simply because money isn't that important to me. I can lead a middle-class lifestyle (as I do now) and be perfectly happy. Truthfully, I don't think less of any girl in the biz, nor would it be a problem for me personally to have an ex-SP as a girlfriend or wife. Mostly I just look at them like someone doing a high-risk, high-pay job that I would not do, like being a racecar driver or something. As our old friend once Grendleaxe said (where did that guy go anyway?), it's an unwritten rule in the biz that neither the SP nor the pooner pass judgement on why the other is doing what they do.

The reason I wouldn't want my daughter/sister etc. working as an SP is that: (1) I fear she will get addicted to a lifestyle that comes with making more take-home money that 98% of the population; (2) There are no social programs to take care of the girls when they quit, like company pensions or CPP (I believe everyone gets OAS, but good luck living off of that); (3) Let's face it, there is a social stigma against SPs, and while the people on PERB are generally very accepting, how many times in the real world do people open conversations with, "So, what do you do for a living?" You either have to continually try to break down the prejudice, or more likely, you lie. It's a continual uphill battle. (4) The hole in the resume and on the T4 gets pretty big after a while, and eventually you have to choose which world you are going to live in -- off the grid or on it.

The bottom line is that girls generally have short shelf lives as SPs, and they need to look to what they're going to do once they're out. The ones who do that have just fast-tracked their way financially to the head of the class. The ones who haven't just keep hanging on and hanging on...

 

[Jodie]

Treasure,

While there is probably not much that can be said to console you at this point, take heart knowing that not all girls who enter into the sex trade do so because they have had a rough life, are supporting a drug habit, victims of abuse, etc. Many, like myself, are normal, well-adjusted individuals who have been brought up in stable, loving homes, and remain very close with our family members. We do not drink or use drugs, and are not trapped in abusive relationships. Sexually, we tend to play safer than the average girl who goes home with guys from the bar, and we get tested regularly.

I have been in this business for a year now, and have never felt that it was eroding my soul or breaking me down. On the contrary, I have met many wonderful, respectful gentlemen who treat me extremely well. I would go so far as to say that a great number of these relationships actually fortify my soul and have made me vastly more mature, more empathetic, a better listener, and an astute problem solver. From a financial viewpoint, escorting has given me a huge headstart over my peers.

If your daughter has a good head on her shoulders and is in this business for all the right reasons, she will be okay. No parent wants to know that their daughter is sleeping with strange men for money, but now that you do know, the best you can do is be there for her when she needs to talk, and be supportive of some of the challenges she might be facing. If you suspect that she is using drugs, or is trapped in an abusive relationship, then by all means, intervene. Otherwise, allow her to make her own decisions (and mistakes), and continue to be the loving and supportive mom you have always been. Keep the lines of communication open so that she will feel comfortable coming to you if/when she needs any help.

I think the only thing that worries me is this:

The last 2 years she seems to of turned cold and hard

Try to find out what is upsetting her. Is it the fact that she is working for a MP and seeing clients on their terms rather than hers? Would she be happier as an independent escort, making all her own decisions? Is she acting cold in an attempt to protect you from the truth? Is she truly unhappy in this profession?

 

[buddha2]

old ways of thinking

I hate to sound un-sympathetic, but frankly I haven't understood for a long time why people cling to the views that the services discussed her should be any more immoral (references to selling souls) than any other profession in which one uses one's god - given talents, especially the physical ones.

How is being an SP any different than a girl being an athlete, ballarina, model, or a singer, you name it? Except that frankly the safety in the MP or escort business in likely way higher than in many of those businesses and the prospect of making a decent income is exponentially greater as an SP!!

Not everyone is born with a brain that's gonna let them succeed in today's economy, and it's gotta be better to be an SP than wage slave at Walmart!
(NO SMALL IRONY HERE - VIRTUALLY EVERY SP I'VE SEEN OVER THE PAST 10 YEARS SEMI-ACTIVE IN THE "HOBBY" ARE VERY BRIGHT, VERY TOGETHER WOMEN!!!)

You wanna talk about selling souls - watch Fashion television or one of the entertainment channels for a bit. look through the glitz and see what the really slick corporate pimps do to young girls - often thousands of miles away from any connections to family and friends.

You wanna talk safety - again it doesn't take much research to hear stories about how success in athletics or dance involves un-godly unbalanced lifestyles and repeated injuries.

Finally, many of these attitudes are vestiges of by-gone economic systems propped up by religions in which women were (and in many places still are) considered nothing more than cheap, disposable and replaceable property. SO MY LAST QUESTION IS - WHAT KIND OF PARENT WANTS TO LIMIT THEIR DAUGHTER'S POTENTIAL AND FREEDOM TO MAKE INFORMED CHOICES?

 

[unlucky]

not sure this will help But

I have a freind where i work and this is a third person story .

It was his B-day and we decided to go to a local strip club and we were all having a good time drinking beers and watching the women what happened next was a shock His daughter walked on stage and looked down direct at us. To highlight she has a very good job but she went through a long divorce and literally bankrupted her and felt getting money form her parents was a no-no cause she moved bakced in so she took this up . she finished her thing and her dad went home now what happened there was they both sat down and talked about what he saw. this is what he said

1. he didn't like what was going on but it was her life
2. he would support her in what she was doing to get herself back on her feet and woudl be there as a father, friend .

all i am saying is if she is doing it for the right reasons like money and little extra money to support her child i'd said it is alot better then being broke and struggle.

As for us guys we are all gentlemen on here and the ladies that she works with probably are awesome we know the rules be safe and when NO means No it ends no forcing the issue or abuse . I am not a parent but it is a hard thing to see and hear what she does but i would say it is alot safer in the sp building then on the streets .

so treasure i hope this helps you and if you take any of this the wrong way i do apologize ..


Unlucky

 

[rollerboy]

I wish I could wake up to find this is all a bad dream.

A person would have to be rather cold inside not to be moved by your poignant appeal. Or divorced from reality.

The guilt must be unbearable. Your daughter no doubt wishes she could wake up from her bad dream.

The basic point is that without men like us, there is no demand and hence no prostitutes. I accept this indictment. All the same, I was cute bright eyed little boy, and my mother loved me as much as you loved your little one. I'd hate to think that I broke her heart.

 

[BobbiVan]

Bad Dream?

AYour daughter no doubt wishes she could wake up from her bad dream.

In all honesty, we haven't heard from the daughter about how she feels. I agree with Jodie 100%. If she is in the business for the right reasons and not addicted to drugs, and doesn't have an abusive boyfriend, then there is NO reason to predict that she is in any sort of bad dream.

I have had a GREAT time working in the last year. I started last June because I didnt' have rent, and I'm still working because I absolutely love what I do. I dont' have any habits to support, and I'm not being pressured by anyone else to do this.

Without hearing from Treasure's daughter, we really aren't at liberty to say that she wishes she could wake up from this bad dream. She could be shoppoing on Robson right now, thinking about hwat a dream it is!

 

[rollerboy]

Without hearing from Treasure's daughter, we really aren't at liberty to say that she wishes she could wake up from this bad dream. She could be shoppoing on Robson right now, thinking about hwat a dream it is!

Could be. But I doubt it. She has her own little girl, she's kept this second life a secret from her mother for two years. Her mom feels she's grown distant, cold, and that she's unhappy with her life. I also can't believe that she feels thrilled that her mother is agonizing over her choice.

 

[treasure]

Interesting responses, must address some of them.

Firstly, thank you for your responses and thanks for taking that comment off from BigD. I was discusted. THe reason I posted on this site is this is where I got the confirmation she was working. I agree, not the best site for help but I must address some of the comments. I have concerns about how some of you think FIrstly TO JODIE who has been an SP for a year. I think you are wrong when you say you are not loosing you soul and you are fortified by the men who see you. As you mature you will see that this is not the type of men who you should be seeking for a soul connection. As far as using this as a "stepping stone" to better things the lure of this money will change you forever. Living on a normal wage will be very hard in the future.

TO BUDDHA2 Your response that this job is like any other is wrong. I don't know any parent that would raise their daughter to believe it's a great job. Most parents I know would be upset like myself if they had a daughter who was a Prositute. I bet most girls hate what they do if they have any moral standards and I believe that many of them are looking for a way out, maybe not all girls but I am sure there are some who are desperate and have no family support. I feel so bad for them and hope they can have a normal future.

TO WOLVERING: You are so right when you say most men who use these girls would not want their girlfriend, wife, daughters to do this. That is so interesting, why is that? maybe because deep down they know something is wrong with it.

TO THREEPEST: You had a great Quote. Thank you for posting it. It agree it is not a good career choice and the problem is this. After talking to my daughter she tells me she has friends also in the business and they are living a more and more expensive lifestyle which is making it harder and harder for them to get out of. They have assets but no proof of income, paid no taxes and are at risk in the future when they age. Lets face it, no one wants the older SP's and as Threepest said, what about the hole in the resume? My daughter is already admitted she has a spending problem, no, not drugs but clothes, makeup etc. I am trying to help her realize she must control her wants to what she needs. She has a good daytime job but it is difficult making enough so I will encourage her to find another way to supplement her income. Her dad and I are praying for her to make the right choice for her future. I am trusting she will not return so some of her clients may notice her gone.( I know who has seen her, I went back and viewed their comments from the last few months but they have not commented on this message.) It was not easy reading about how much fun they had with her when I know she probably hated every minute of it but wanted the money, how sad.

 

[paigesplaymate]

Firstly, thank you for your responses and thanks for taking that comment off from BigD. I was discusted. THe reason I posted on this site is this is where I got the confirmation she was working. I agree, not the best site for help but I must address some of the comments. I have concerns about how some of you think FIrstly TO JODIE who has been an SP for a year. I think you are wrong when you say you are not loosing you soul and you are fortified by the men who see you. As you mature you will see that this is not the type of men who you should be seeking for a soul connection. As far as using this as a "stepping stone" to better things the lure of this money will change you forever. Living on a normal wage will be very hard in the future.

TO BUDDHA2 Your response that this job is like any other is wrong. I don't know any parent that would raise their daughter to believe it's a great job. Most parents I know would be upset like myself if they had a daughter who was a Prositute. I bet most girls hate what they do if they have any moral standards and I believe that many of them are looking for a way out, maybe not all girls but I am sure there are some who are desperate and have no family support. I feel so bad for them and hope they can have a normal future.

TO WOLVERING: You are so right when you say most men who use these girls would not want their girlfriend, wife, daughters to do this. That is so interesting, why is that? maybe because deep down they know something is wrong with it.

TO THREEPEST: You had a great Quote. Thank you for posting it. It agree it is not a good career choice and the problem is this. After talking to my daughter she tells me she has friends also in the business and they are living a more and more expensive lifestyle which is making it harder and harder for them to get out of. They have assets but no proof of income, paid no taxes and are at risk in the future when they age. Lets face it, no one wants the older SP's and as Threepest said, what about the hole in the resume? My daughter is already admitted she has a spending problem, no, not drugs but clothes, makeup etc. I am trying to help her realize she must control her wants to what she needs. She has a good daytime job but it is difficult making enough so I will encourage her to find another way to supplement her income. Her dad and I are praying for her to make the right choice for her future. I am trusting she will not return so some of her clients may notice her gone.( I know who has seen her, I went back and viewed their comments from the last few months but they have not commented on this message.) It was not easy reading about how much fun they had with her when I know she probably hated every minute of it but wanted the money, how sad.

I hear what your saying Treasure and I hear what everyone else has to say on this thread. Right now your online trying to deal with your own issues. The same people you talking about negatively your leaning on for support.
All I ask is refrain from posting anymore details about your daughter (she has a child or no one who has seen her has commented) Its bad enough she is dealing with her family knowing but to come online and embarrass her for what she is doing cant be helping.
I asked my mom this question. She found out about the same time as you did 2 years. She didnt know anything but when she found out she read it in bold letters in the Calgary/Edmonton Sun. My real name there right beside comments of how just cause we are escorts/MP doesnt mean were on drugs ectra. I made the choice doing the interviews. WHY? I think to many people forget they loved us and had respect for us the day before they knew anything.
Nothing has probley changed your daughter and take this as a oppertunity to be supportive as a mother, you might not like it (I know I wouldnt) but she is a adult and she is providing a stable income for her and her child. You will probley find in the end she will be more open with you and turn into the person you miss. Shes not going to feel like she has to be distant. Sometimes it might be hard to hear or read about BUT your not going to push her away.
Want to help, help her pay her taxes, help her get herself on track so she wont ever settle for some guy because he provides for your grand daughter.
Most of all love her and be happy she isnt into drugs. Respect her and her choice. I own a agency and I can tell you that most of the girls whos family dont know pick up the phone and tell me whats going on and how they feel about there everyday things. I love the girls that are here and I only wish there mothers would listen and they could tell them everything they tell me. Theres some great girls no matter where you go and its too bad there own families dont get that chance to know. I dont know your daughter but if she has been distant with you is probley because she didnt like lieing to you. And she didnt want to hurt you because she loves you. Remember that please
Just my 2cents

PS as for your comments on the men who have been with your daughter, I dont know who your daughter is but I will tell you some of the nicest people I have ever meet have been through this type of job. I hope your realize this. Look at how many of the same guys you think your daughter hated being with are the same guys trying to help you deal with what your going through. Yes one person made a comment which wasnt very nice, you made the same comments by saying your daughters soul is being taken bit by bit. It may have sounded a little better in people eyes but your was just as tacky. (but I guess it depends how your reading it)

 

[maverick73]

>>>>concerns about how some of you think FIrstly TO JODIE who has been an SP for a year. I think you are wrong when you say you are not loosing you soul and you are fortified by the men who see you. As you mature you will see that this is not the type of men who you should be seeking for a soul connection. As far as using this as a "stepping stone" to better things the lure of this money will change you forever. Living on a normal wage will be very hard in the future.

I think that in GENERAL, you may be right, however, Jodie is in a position where she is (or at least appears to be) very selective about who she sees. It's very possible she only sees men that provide a soul connection with her. Also, you assume (incorrectly) that a future job will provide a "normal wage." It is possible that an SP goes on to better things, and those better things may involve a high paying job or their own business that pays a lot better than a "normal wage."

 

[paigesplaymate]

>>>>concerns about how some of you think FIrstly TO JODIE who has been an SP for a year. I think you are wrong when you say you are not loosing you soul and you are fortified by the men who see you. As you mature you will see that this is not the type of men who you should be seeking for a soul connection. As far as using this as a "stepping stone" to better things the lure of this money will change you forever. Living on a normal wage will be very hard in the future.

I think that in GENERAL, you may be right, however, Jodie is in a position where she is (or at least appears to be) very selective about who she sees. It's very possible she only sees men that provide a soul connection with her. Also, you assume (incorrectly) that a future job will provide a "normal wage." It is possible that an SP goes on to better things, and those better things may involve a high paying job or their own business that pays a lot better than a "normal wage."

Maverick I agree with you for the most part but I will be the first to tell you alot of these ladies dont know there beauty, they have never had there ex husbands, boyfriends, parents or anyone tell them there smart, there sexy, why are you doing this job.. Clients give a lot of ladies good advice and self esteem. (thanks Mav)
And yes your right, we dont hear about the girls who put themselves through college to become nurses doctors. Higher wages dont mean a damn thing unless your happy doing what you do.

 

[treasure]

To miss Paigesplaymate

My original intention was to just post once to get this off my chest since I can't exactly relate to other mom's who's main problem is their kids skipping school and not keeping their room clean. I sense not all guys use girls services and maybe, just maybe my letter will stop someone from seeing one or stop a girl from entering the business. I know you feel strongly about what you are doing now and I wish I could help you find another way. I am concerned, especially for the future of all the girls. I do love my daughter and am not the type of person to just sit back and accept this lifestyle. A mom is always a mom and for those of you who believe we should accept whatever our child does I disagree, this is a harmful job in many ways. It's my responsibility to always want better for her and since I can't just give her enough money and pay all her bills I intend to support her to find another way. We live in a rich country with many resources to help single mom's. I want her to be able to grow old and be proud of the choices she made in life. You seem like such a wonderful person and I hope you are not offended by my comments. Please make sure to save lots of money so you don't have to do this until you are too old for the business. I think making easy money is usually wasted because of the way it's earned.

 

[paigesplaymate]

I am not offended, I have a girl and I wouldnt want to be in your shoes. I think for me if I had to find out on my own and thought my kids couldnt come to me no matter what would be the worst.
Your right your doing your job as a parent and there are many other ways to make money but right now she didnt choose them. Her support network is not you its her friends, your support network right now is the members of this board. See where Im coming from?
Your comments in PM about telling your daughters other employment make me question what your trying to do? Be happy she has another job, most girls drop any square job and forget about it. Im sorry for posting info from your PM but I hope it embarrasses you and you see how silly doing something like that would be.
She is a adult mom and you can try and help her. Sit with her and take steps, no threats, unconditional love. Want the best for her and help her achieve it but not through blackmail. Support her so she wants to make you proud. DONT tell everyone you know, embarrass her into hating you.
Shes a adult mom, love her for who she and trust that you give her enough values to make smart choices in her employment even if its one you dont approve.

 

[paigesplaymate]

And I have saved money, I only work when I want to, its never cause I need to. I stay in this industry cause ya never know when a mom like you might come online. I hope your not like the other moms who scream, yell and write off there children, it only drives them farther into it.
Call someone a name for long enough and they start to believe it.

 

[tom25]

You seem like such a wonderful person and I hope you are not offended by my comments.

Treasure, I think you've nailed it on the head here.

the occupation doesn't define the character of the person. The "hooker with a heart of gold" does exist. Many of these ladies are fine, respectable people.

On the other hand, we all know people in "respectable" professions that are far from it and have no moral compass at all.

... the lawyer that steals from clients
... the doctor that sexually preys on vulnerable female patients
... the school teacher that exploits school kids

or dare I say it ... the priest that sexaully abuses children in his parish.

All respectable people ... supposedly moral leaders in our society. Yet countless examples of depravity and a total lack of character.

You're entitled to be unhappy and disappointed and to view the whole thing as a little seedy. It likely isn't as seedy as you think. But it can be. No doubt about that.

Just remember ... it doesn't necessarily define who your daughter is or her character as a person. As with Paige ... your daughter could be a really,really good person too. And I'm sure she can be, especially if you stick with her.

Tom

 

[wolverine]

TO WOLVERING: You are so right when you say most men who use these girls would not want their girlfriend, wife, daughters to do this. That is so interesting, why is that? maybe because deep down they know something is wrong with it.

I've thought about this.

As some have mentioned already, they are concerned about their health and safety. But then again, the same concerns are applicable to cops, soldiers, health care professionals, teachers, construction workers, etc. But I think, at the end, it all comes down to that sense of protecting your territory that males have ingrained into their biology. Dads size up the boyfriends of their daughters, even when they are adults. Many guys don't like their SOs having sex with other guys.

If I had a daughter, I wouldn't like the idea of her becoming a SP - but then again, I wouldn't like the idea of her being unable or unwilling to support herself. I definitely wouldn't want her to make a career out of it. But if it's entirely her choice and not coerced into it, is careful of what she does and whom she sees, is smart with the money she earns, and is still going to university or a good daytime career, then I would like to think I would be OK with it.

Many of the SPs I see regularly are university students who need to pay their tuition without slaving away at 3 McJobs, or have successful careers but need to supplement their income; and most have no intentions of being a SP forever. I have also met several guys who are fellow pooners, and they tend to be successful, well-mannered and respectful of the SPs they see. Some are even good friends with these girls, and help them out when needed.