How to break up

[georgebushmoron]

I'm in a tough situation, and I need some decent advice.

I'm two-timing right now. Both don't know. I feel awful, really awful.

I care deeply about both. I love both, but have passion for only one of them. I need to break up with someone I care deeply about. The woman I want to break up with has always been honest, kind hearted, gentle, generous, loving, giving. She is good looking too (which makes it harder for me to break up). I think of her as an angel who can do no wrong, and so do all my family and friends.

How does one do this? I've dumped 9 women in the past, and each time I did it brutally. I have a bad reputation (yeh, I care what my mother and my friends think of me). I want to change.

Should I reveal that I've been cheating? Should I just keep saying it's not you, it's me (of course, everyone knows its not true sooner or later)?

 

[The Lizard King]

1) Do what any real guy would do...LIE! Under no circumstances do you tell the angelic one you've cheated, at least if you can split without using that last resort, otherwise you risk scarring her for life. You can't go back and change something you did horribly wrong to the girl but you can save her feelings going forward.

2) Hook her up with Bruddha. After one taste of black meat, it'll be like you never existed.

 

[Hardatwork]

Wheeww, that’s a tough one. I don’t envy you george. How sure are you of the other lady? Maybe you’d be better off taking a timeout from both of them and deciding which one you want to pursue, or are you sure of your decision?

I agree with hifi, I don’t think she needs to know that you’ve been seeing someone else, although my word of warning is that she will AUTOMATICALLY think that, so be prepared when she accuses you of sleeping around.

 

[georgebushmoron]

Wheeww, that’s a tough one. I don’t envy you george. How sure are you of the other lady? Maybe you’d be better off taking a timeout from both of them and deciding which one you want to pursue, or are you sure of your decision?

I am really really enjoying the other lady, but of course I can't be sure about her because my time with her is a fraction of the time I've spent with my current S.O. Your idea about taking time off from both of them seems like a good one, as I've always enjoyed being single and screwing around. Problem is, I think both are very special unlike the others I've been with.

I agree with hifi, I don’t think she needs to know that you’ve been seeing someone else, although my word of warning is that she will AUTOMATICALLY think that, so be prepared when she accuses you of sleeping around.

You're right about this, and I've been so accused. I've denied denied denied. I feel like I'm committing murder, the breaking of an innocent's dear heart.

Thank you friends for your posts.

 

[georgebushmoron]

Hook her up with Bruddha. After one taste of black meat, it'll be like you never existed.

Are you sure he's black? I know you're just kidding, but the thought of it makes me wanna puke.

 

[Dakota Wood]

Should I reveal that I've been cheating? Should I just keep saying it's not you, it's me (of course, everyone knows its not true sooner or later)?

Hell no. If she asks deny, deny, deny. If you tell her you are, it will lead to a dozen other questions. Most of them unpleasant. Not to mention good luck with the new woman fitting in with your family. She will forever be known as the whore who broke Ms.Moron's heart. Better she be just hurt that you left, then hurt, angry and feeling betrayed.

 

[georgebushmoron]

... Ms.Moron's heart.....

I AM A MORON!!!

I AM A FUCKING MORON!!!!

 

[Sonny]

You don't say how long you have been with your current SO., but you do say you have dumped 9 others. Is this a case of the grass, after a while, always being greener elsewhere? Perhaps the current SO, who is by your description a fantastic woman, scares you because it may be moving towards something that resembles marriage, and you are not ready to make that kind of commitment to one person? A serious SO relationship requires from the man the same sterling qualities you attribute to your SO - a tall order. If you are not there where she is, it is better for her if you move on and let her find the man for her life. The suggestion that you say you love her but are no longer in love with her is pretty good - she'll be hurt in all cases and angry too, but these will pass. It could be that after some time, you'll be again where you are now, but with the attraction that is now new in your life. When you are ready for a life-long relationship (although you may someone who prefers otherwise), any potential diversions from your SO will be successfully fended off by the constant realization that you have it really good and to lose her is too high a price to pay for a compulsive self-indulgence.

 

[Saffire]

It's a rare thing, finding love and passion for the same person, just make sure that those feelings aren't being mistaken for lust, which will eventually fade. I live for passion, and refuse to go through life without it. You need to ask yourself what kind of life you want to have, and what sacrifices or choices you might have to make in order to have that life. You need to do what makes you happy, and wanting to be happy is not selfish.


Should you confess that you've been cheating? As a wise man once said...

good god NO!!!!!!
HFS

Memorize those words, and every time you think you should tell her, start repeating them over and over until the compulsion is gone.
Confessions of infidelities only serve one purpose - alleviating the confessors own guilt. You committed the crime - you should pay the time.

Good luck...

 

[georgebushmoron]

You don't say how long you have been with your current SO., but you do say you have dumped 9 others. Is this a case of the grass, after a while, always being greener elsewhere? Perhaps the current SO, who is by your description a fantastic woman, scares you because it may be moving towards something that resembles marriage, and you are not ready to make that kind of commitment to one person? A serious SO relationship requires from the man the same sterling qualities you attribute to your SO - a tall order. If you are not there where she is, it is better for her if you move on and let her find the man for her life. The suggestion that you say you love her but are no longer in love with her is pretty good - she'll be hurt in all cases and angry too, but these will pass. It could be that after some time, you'll be again where you are now, but with the attraction that is now new in your life.

Thank you for your highly intelligent post.

I've been with the current SO 3 years. Others I've been with averaged about a year each.

I fall far short of the qualities my current SO has. I doubt I could ever be anything but a cad, schmoozer, skirt chaser. But at least one day I might learn not to be an adulterer.

When you are ready for a life-long relationship (although you may someone who prefers otherwise), any potential diversions from your SO will be successfully fended off by the constant realization that you have it really good and to lose her is too high a price to pay for a compulsive self-indulgence.

I have it really good right now. She does all my laundry. She cooks, she cleans, she bids me good-bye every morning, she kisses me when I come home every night. She earns her own money. She is really good to my folks. She moved from a different country and gave up contact with her friends and family to be with me. I'm treated like a King, and I truly don't deserve her.

 

[georgebushmoron]

You committed the crime - you should pay the time.

Indeed it is a crime, and the victim is innocent.

 

[georgebushmoron]

Explain to her as gently as possible that you still love her but are not in love with her (big difference). Be as honest as possible with how you're feeling and if you're comfortable with the idea (and obviously she has to be as well) offer to remain part of her life as a good friend. Above all stress that this is something you've struggled to come to terms with and that it isn't her fault.



As I said, I've been there. I know with one breakup in particular I totally broke someone's heart and left them feeling very devastated. Years have passed and I still feel like shit knowing that I hurt someone I loved and who loved me.



good god NO!!!!!! as it is she'll be deeply hurt, the last thing she needs to know is you've been getting it on the side with someone else


hope that helps


HFS

Your heart felt post is a gem. Thanks HiFi!

 

[Sonny]

I have it really good right now. She does all my laundry. She cooks, she cleans, she bids me good-bye every morning, she kisses me when I come home every night. She earns her own money. She is really good to my folks. She moved from a different country and gave up contact with her friends and family to be with me. I'm treated like a King, and I truly don't deserve her.

Oh my, this woman really loves you. Any reason why she does? What would it take for you to be deserving?

 

[Quarter Mile'r]

Hi Ya George, I suppose with the description of your 3 year SO you have
given it careful thought as how to deal her the blow of dissapointment,
( that's putting it very mildly).
The cad you say you are is the cad I believe we all have in us inherantly
(I could be speaking for just the two of us here), my suggestion is to give
this whole thing some more thought because the SO you speak of sounds
like she should be hung onto.

Yes you have let your heart wander into another's world and can
understand the pain you must be going through at the moment.

Your situation is very similar to what happened to me years ago and I
found only through staying with the SO (then) that the grass is truly
greaner on the side you have spent the most time with.

I sure hope you give this suggestion some serious thought my friend
and Like myself I still poon but the grass is never greener on the other
side. IM personal experience that is.

Best of luck bro, I hope you can sort this mess out and quickly!!

.............QM'r

 

[georgebushmoron]

Oh my, this woman really loves you. Any reason why she does? What would it take for you to be deserving?

A lot.

I'd have to:
1. Stop turning my head every time a good looking chick walks by
2. Stop schmoozing girls to see how far they'd go
3. Stop watching Girls Gone Wild ads on TV
4. Stop visiting SPs and MPs
5. Stop grooming for the purpose of getting pussy
6. Stop working out for the purpose of getting laid
7. Stop keeping my car clean for the purpose of landing dates
8. Stop reading all sorts of things for the purpose of becoming well-read for the purpose of schmoozing
9. Stop dance classes
10. Stop practising not looking/acting like a player so I can be a better player

I think my only hope is to get hit by a car and become disabled.

 

[georgebushmoron]

Hi Ya George, I suppose with the description of your 3 year SO you have
given it careful thought as how to deal her the blow of dissapointment,
( that's putting it very mildly).
The cad you say you are is the cad I believe we all have in us inherantly
(I could be speaking for just the two of us here), my suggestion is to give
this whole thing some more thought because the SO you speak of sounds
like she should be hung onto.

Yes you have let your heart wander into another's world and can
understand the pain you must be going through at the moment.

Your situation is very similar to what happened to me years ago and I
found only through staying with the SO (then) that the grass is truly
greaner on the side you have spent the most time with.

I sure hope you give this suggestion some serious thought my friend
and Like myself I still poon but the grass is never greener on the other
side. IM personal experience that is.

Best of luck bro, I hope you can sort this mess out and quickly!!

.............QM'r

Thanks dude for looking out for my welfare. Your posts have always been honest and forthright too!

 

[Sweetiepie]

I hope you can sort it out too, and maybe talk to a counsellor if you think it might help. I agree with the suggestions for keeping trying to soften the blow to your SO. And I trust you're doing everything to make sure this is the right choice. <<<<Hugs>>>>

 

[FuZzYknUckLeS]

Theres no 'nice' way to dump someone.
Just get it done.
Sooner the better.
For her sake.

 

[Bruddha]

GBM ... the journey is yours to discover.

Are you sure he's black? I know you're just kidding, but the thought of it makes me wanna puke.

You will in your own time and way, walk the path of the beloved. The light will draw you out. The reason any of us connect with another in the first place, is because we have something to learn from them. Lovers mirror each other in this very unique way. Perhaps it is time for you to move on, and perhaps it is time for you to commit ... only you know. What I can tell you, is to listen to your heart ... and the mind will follow.

To respond to the your words in the quote above, the color of my skin has nothing to do with anything. What is important is how the thought of her being with another man makes you feel. You say it makes you feel sick. I think you should ask yourself why. There are many truths my friend ... own yours.

PS ... can you pm me your SO's number? She sounds lovely and perfect for me. I know I would appreciate her and love her unconditionally.

Bruddha

 

[carynofwinnipeg]

A lot.

I'd have to:
1. Stop turning my head every time a good looking chick walks by
2. Stop schmoozing girls to see how far they'd go
3. Stop watching Girls Gone Wild ads on TV
4. Stop visiting SPs and MPs
5. Stop grooming for the purpose of getting pussy
6. Stop working out for the purpose of getting laid
7. Stop keeping my car clean for the purpose of landing dates
8. Stop reading all sorts of things for the purpose of becoming well-read for the purpose of schmoozing
9. Stop dance classes
10. Stop practising not looking/acting like a player so I can be a better player

I think my only hope is to get hit by a car and become disabled.

That is too funny! Why don't you just see a therapist and figure out the commitement issue you seem to have? Good luck!

Caryn