How do you tell friend-with-benefits that her BJ isn't very good?

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Theguyfromvictoria

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Dec 4, 2014
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Delicate situation - how do I tell my friend-with-benefits that her BJ isn't very good? She's awesome in every-other-way. Terrific woman. We have tonnes of fun together. And as for the 'act' - she's great. Among the best I've been with.
But her BJ technique just doesn't work for me. I'm fortunate that she l-o-v-e-s to give them but fear that I can't keep up the charade much longer. It will crush her if she can't get me off that way.
Not sure how to broach the subject?
 
take8easy

take8easy

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Jul 27, 2014
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I hear ya bro, I have spent ALL my married life the way you describe it, for most part. Many civvie ladies are not good at it. For guys, porn and seeing SP's raises the bar of expected bj so high and regular wives and gf's can't reach it.

I m not much of an expert but all I can say is that why don't you go to the source of your expectation. I mean do you think she will agree to watch some porn with you? Just choose one that has plenty of oral sex. May be before doing that, firstly ask her opinion of porn. Some women have this very negative view of porn but if she says yes, chances are that she will certainly pick up "a tip" or two.

The second suggestion could be a relationship breaker but if you two are comfortable enough, why don't you go see an SP?

Try to get away from routine sex and try kinkier things. Some women restrict themselves initially and they open up with a bit of persuasion.

Good Luck
 
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Chef99

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Apr 22, 2008
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It strikes me that if she is as interested in getting you off that way as you seem to think she is, then she would be quite responsive to some gentle coaching. A small comment here and there for "slower, deeper, more tongue please" surely wouldn't offend. Every woman likes it a little different and similarly for us guys...
 
VanessainVictoria

VanessainVictoria

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Dec 18, 2016
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Chef99 said:
It strikes me that if she is as interested in getting you off that way as you seem to think she is, then she would be quite responsive to some gentle coaching. A small comment here and there for "slower, deeper, more tongue please" surely wouldn't offend. Every woman likes it a little different and similarly for us guys...
Click to expand...
I agree. Some romantic direction is necessary but some people get offended easily so take care because you certainly wouldn't want to do that.
 
papillion

papillion

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Jan 31, 2006
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Theguyfromvictoria said:
Delicate situation - how do I tell my friend-with-benefits that her BJ isn't very good? She's awesome in every-other-way. Terrific woman. We have tonnes of fun together. And as for the 'act' - she's great. Among the best I've been with.
But her BJ technique just doesn't work for me. I'm fortunate that she l-o-v-e-s to give them but fear that I can't keep up the charade much longer. It will crush her if she can't get me off that way.
Not sure how to broach the subject?
Click to expand...
You have a few options
My current gf wasn't very good at oral when we started. I sent her a couple youtube videos on "how to give good head", that helped.
Another thing that worked: I said, "pretend your thumb is my cock, heres what I like". Then I proceeded to demonstrate using my lips instead of teeth, using tongue lash, going deep, etc.
One last idea, several people\groups actually do workshops for sex skills. Artofloving, vancouver libido events, ...
 
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sybian

Well-known member
Dec 23, 2014
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Kamloops B.C.
I'm of the opinion that even a bad blow job .....is better than not having one at all.

You say that she's good in bed but lacks in the oral department........You may want to bring up the subject in a delicate manner, keeping her feelings, and pride in mind, as she loves to provide them.
If she's good in bed ,and likes to give blow jobs, she must be fairly comfortable with her sexuality....trying something different to please you might just be something she's willing to listen to.
Don't jump into the conversation randomly....let it happen naturally, at a time when your already talking sex, but haven't yet bumped your uglies....so there is an opportunity to try the new stuff.
If you bring it up after sex, she most likely will...deep down.....feel as if it's a criticism, and that would only be a disaster.
 
PierreCoeur

PierreCoeur

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May 26, 2013
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Hire one of the fine ladies here to provide her blow by blow instructions. I bet your friend with benefits would love the lesson. Win Win situation.
 
A

Aesthetics>all

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Dec 28, 2015
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Fwb always ends with someone catching feelings and getting hurt. Lost three friends because I didn't want a relationship, learned my lesson will never go that route again... I did have the same problem as you though with one of them, I just started sending her links to Sasha Grey vids and bought throat numbing spray
 
badbadboy

badbadboy

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Nov 2, 2006
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In Lust Mostly
Play this over and over again til she pays attention :p

 
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hankmoody

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Aug 12, 2014
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How do you tell her?
Very carefully!
And not when her mouth is full..

I would start by asking when your going down on her what and how she likes it.
If she doesn't reciprocate lovingly offer small suggestions on the fly. Being sure to express when she is doing something you like.
Watching videos and bringing in your favourite sp as well.
Good luck
 
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hankmoody

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Aug 12, 2014
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UhOh

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Dec 11, 2011
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take8easy said:
You gotta be kidding !!
Click to expand...
Some "friend" you are. What if she asks you "do I look fat in this dress?". I suppose you tell her yes.
I just say "baby you look so hot I'm going to fuck you one more time" and hit her like a jackrabbit. But I'm more of a romantic I guess.
 
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clu

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Oct 3, 2010
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I had this problem with an old girlfriend. How I broached it: Without criticizing her technique I said "would you like to try something a little different?" as if I were proposing a new kinky idea or something. Then I elaborated, "how about when you're doing that you..." and gave her some specific guidance. She was game to experiment and I responded positively to the improvement. That encouraged her to do it the new way because she got off on the vocal feedback. And when she realized she could get better results with some variations she started to try other things on her own to see what worked and what didn't.
 
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apl16

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Jul 26, 2011
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Look left. Way left.
Lol..... I had a similar but opposite problem with my last girlfriend.

She gave better blow jobs than in that porn hub video. Unfortunately, it dragged out a very unhealthy relationship for an extra six months.
 
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ParadiseChaser

Member
Dec 27, 2016
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UhOh said:
Some "friend" you are. What if she asks you "do I look fat in this dress?". I suppose you tell her yes.
I just say "baby you look so hot I'm going to fuck you one more time" and hit her like a jackrabbit. But I'm more of a romantic I guess.
Click to expand...
This has nothing to do with calling her fat. A healthy sexual life requires conversation and an open mind. Literally everyone is different, I had girls come multiple times with screaming orgasm when I eat them a certain way and it does nothing to others. I absolutely hate fast blowjobs myself, they do nothing for me and actually turn me off. I love slow sensual blowjobs like in the video I posted. I can wait and hope for my girl to figure it out if I am lucky or I can just tell her what I like. I would love nothing more than a girl to tell me "I want you to eat/fuck me like this". Why I would I be offended if my partner is telling me how to better pleasure her?
 
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