Here is a personal, and true story.
Many of us men/boys discovered there was something very fun to play with in our pants during the onset of adolescence.
It’s an annoying/frustrating yet exciting time in life. I would use the bathroom and beat my dick like it owed me money.
I would do this frequently and would try to get “better” at it. Better, in this case, was coming quickly and also quietly.
This type of “practice” forms the body’s response and sets the stage for how the feeling of sex/penetration will play out in the future.
For many of us young men, jerking off ends up becoming more like ninja training than sex training and therein lies the problem.
The body learns that sex is about grabbing our cocks, beating it quickly into submission, and doing it all in secrecy/silence. I remember my parents or my brother yelling through the door “we have to go are you done?”. Moaning and heavy breathing was to be avoided at all cost.
This is one of the reasons most guys are like Ninjas when they have sex. They are silent and quick. Great if you actually are a ninja, horrible if you’re trying to be a good lover. It also sucks from the male perspective as the enjoyment is short lived
Thankfully, I sought out professional help very early in my 20s to overcome my “come in 60 seconds or less guarantee.” To be brutally honest, my girlfriend at the time was an animal and she told me that this was something that needed to be fixed unless I was comfortable with her fucking other people. I was not okay with this and thankfully for me, she was willing and able to teach me.
Since the habit of coming fast and silently was learned and repeated over hundreds of times, the solution would also require a significant amount of retraining. I think most people know this but feel deflated once they realize there is no quick fix.
The first thing my teacher focused on was breathing and being fully aware of where my body was at. After getting the hang of that, I learned to control where I was at physically at any point during sex and manage my climax accordingly.
This is part of the foundation for tantric sex. For most men, our orgasm is local, as in its concentrated where the action is. Through breathing, one learns how to move that energy from the core to various parts of the body.
Imagine taking all that energy you use to blow your load and disbursing it all through the body until your whole body is basically ready to explode.
It seemed stupid when it was first mentioned but it’s well worth putting in the work. Looking at my younger years, my abilities were quite pathetic and very amateur.
The good news is that I went from being a guy who would blow his load putting the condom on, to being able to go very hard for long durations while enjoying the whole journey.
When I’m having sex, I don’t want to be thinking of my dead relatives, doing multiplication tables/number doubling. I want to last longer AND enjoy my experience for longer. What fun is having sex if I am constantly trying to make my experience painful or unpleasant? Sadly this is advice I was given and is often given to many men in order to improve performance.
I won’t speak for any other men but in all my years of speaking to people about sex, I have never heard about someone looking for ways to turn themselves off or make the experience unpleasant.
Learning to last longer is a practice. It’s not going to happen quick and it can take years to get really really good at it. It’s worth it.
Focus on breathing and focus on being fully present with the sensation of how you feel and where you are at. Squeezing and changing positions help along with changing the speed and motion etc. When I have sex I am able to be quiet however I would rather get into it and wake up the neighbours. Haha
I’m not huge, and I’ve been able to have woman tap out and say they are exhausted or need a break because they are worn out. These are woman claiming they have an insatiable sex drive. It’s unfortunate that more men don’t get the right training since most men I meet talk about how much they love sex.
Most men spend $0 a year on getting trained on how to fuck properly. No wonder so many people are bad at it.
I was told the biggest reason for lack of willingness to get training or education comes from our ego. No man wants to admit he’s bad in bed or doesn’t know what he’s doing.
My ego has always been sort of negative towards myself so I’ve always been very willing to learn from whoever is willing to teach me.
Hope this post is helpful.
