Hey Let's start a joke thread. I think we could all use it......

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Dec 18, 2016
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Oak Bay, Victoria
Got an email today...

● Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.


● I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.


● Still haven't decided where to go for the upcoming Holidays ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom.


● Helpful Hint: Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.


● Home schooling is not going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.


● I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.


● This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog . . . we laughed a lot.


● So, after this quarantine . . . will the producers of 'My 600 Pound Life' just find me or do I find them?


● Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.


● My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.


● Day 5 of Home schooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.


● I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?


● I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.


● Day 6 of Home schooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year" . . . I'm offended.


● Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.
 

Quarter Mile'r

Injected and Blown
May 17, 2005
3,599
133
63
Out of Town
Got an email today...

● The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
What if we went in with a drinking problem? :lol:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaPp90i3T5A

"DEMON ALCOHOL"

Awesome Ozzy tune. Love this one. Sorry Vannessa I know it doesn't continue the joke thread
but just couldn't resist posting to that part of your post as it reminded me of that tune.

Rock and ROLL BABY........Let's party!! Might as well with Covid happening.

Lyrics
I'm sick and tired of your excuses
Can't deal with living anymore
I'll give you reasons to continue
While you lie writing on the floor
I'll wash away your lies
And have you hypnotized
There'll be no compromise today
I'll share your life of shame
I think you know my name
I'll introduce myself today
I'm the demon alcohol
Demon alcohol
I'll get you
If you could deal with your reflection
I'm sure you'd see into my eyes
There'll be no need for resurrection
Let's drink to people of the lies
Although that one's too much
You know ten's not enough
There'll be no compromise today
I'll watch you lose control
Consume your very soul
I'll introduce myself today
I'm the demon alcohol
Demon alcohol
Ha ha
Demon alcohol
Demon alcohol, let's party
I'm sick and tired of resolutions
You've quit me time and time again
Don't speak of suicide solutions
You took my hand, I'm here to stay
This time it's you or me
I'll never set you free
There'll be no compromise today
So satisfy your lust
Too much can't be enough
I'll introduce myself today
I'm the demon alcohol
The demon alcohol
Aha
Demon alcohol
Demon alcohol
Let's party



.........................QM'r
 

Fullhouse

Well-known member
Nov 6, 2007
1,199
109
63
Vancouver - Richmond
Recent Newspaper Ad:

Single Man with toilet paper, seeking single woman with hand sanitizer, ... for good clean fun.
 

clarence1088

Active member
Nov 17, 2013
134
29
28
IF TRUMP HAD CAPTAINED THE TITANIC.....There is no iceberg. It's a little iceberg. We won't hit an iceberg. I knew it was an iceberg before anyone else. No one knows icebergs like I do. The penguins bought the iceberg here. We cannot allow an iceberg to stop our ship. The crew is spreading fake news about the iceberg. Some of you may have to drown. Maybe we could try disinfecting the iceberg. I am the best captain, ask anyone.
 

Quarter Mile'r

Injected and Blown
May 17, 2005
3,599
133
63
Out of Town
That’s beautiful :dance:
Probably not that far from the truth!!!
HAHAHA HAHA, good one Stamkos. Just replace the pic of Kim with Trump and possibly for the
first time there will be truth. :lol:




.....................QM'r
 
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