Van Islands Finest

Hey Let's start a joke thread. I think we could all use it......

Quarter Mile'r

Injected and Blown
May 18, 2005
3,540
64
48
Out of Town
Okay lessee.........

If trudope was a card in a deck of playing cards,
Which one would he be?

The Joker?............Nope!!!!




Answer;





The Jack of Asses. :heh::heh:

(substitute trump if you so feel fit.) LOL!!!



......................QM'r
 

abkb12

Member
Feb 16, 2006
31
5
8
British Humour

5 passengers on an otherwise empty plane with 4 parachutes. It's going to crash.
Trump says "I need one as I'm the most important, smartest person in America." and jumps.
The pope says "I need one as the world needs the catholic church" and jumps.
Boris says "I need one as the UK needs me" and jumps. Merkel says to a ten year old boy"you have the last one,
I've lived my life and yours is just starting ". The ten year old says to Merkel" there's 2 left,
the smartest person took my schoolbag".
 

golferjohn

Active member
Dec 25, 2015
1,078
13
38
*PSA* this could be the most tasteless/blasphemous joke I've ever heard (but it's still a joke), so tread at your own peril...


'Why did Jesus Christ die on The Cross?'
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
'He forgot 'the safe' word'
 
  • Like
Reactions: Andrew69913
Aug 6, 2018
74
10
8
British Humour

5 passengers on an otherwise empty plane with 4 parachutes. It's going to crash.
Trump says "I need one as I'm the most important, smartest person in America." and jumps.
The pope says "I need one as the world needs the catholic church" and jumps.
Boris says "I need one as the UK needs me" and jumps. Merkel says to a ten year old boy"you have the last one,
I've lived my life and yours is just starting ". The ten year old says to Merkel" there's 2 left,
the smartest person took my schoolbag".
😅😅😅😅 that was great lmao
 

islander1-1

Member
Oct 9, 2015
650
19
18
Southern Vancouver Island
In the lunchroom at RJH one day... the Matron Nurse comments.. "Did anyone notice the new fellow in 704 has 'Swan' tattooed on his penis?"

The young candy striper pipes up..... "It said 'Saskatchewan' when I changed his Leg dressings."
 

take8easy

Well-known member
Jul 27, 2014
4,109
36
48
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following, "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly, "in this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

----------------

Little Johnnie at the breakfast table, "Mom, Dad must love you so much that he doesn't want you to go to God."

Mom, "What makes you say that little one?"

Johnnie, "Well, last night you were screaming, "Oh God! I am coming I am coming!" but dad was keeping you pinned to the bed and not letting you go."
 

abkb12

Member
Feb 16, 2006
31
5
8
Subject: SKINNY DIPPING

An old man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice -- picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator
 

abkb12

Member
Feb 16, 2006
31
5
8
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A
successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Style: Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women
somehow deteriorate during the night.

A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he
wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn't want.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a
little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.

Marriage: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious.
Both are disappointed.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry
her, A man cherishes the memory of the woman who didn't.

There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage
and after marriage.

Husbands: Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is
to let her think she is having her way, and the other is to let her have it.

Married men live longer than single men,
but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use in two people
remembering the same thing.

The Battle: A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
 

abkb12

Member
Feb 16, 2006
31
5
8
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White
House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third
is from Minnesota.


All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The
Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,
then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the
job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100
profit for me."


The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then
says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my
crew and $100 profit for me."


The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to
the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."


The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the
other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you,
and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official.


And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.
Reply With Quote
 

storm rider

Banned
Dec 6, 2008
2,573
4
0
Calgary
Sam and Fred are eating lunch on the 30th floor of a skyscraper.Sam says to Fred as he gestures outward "you see all of that brick in those buildings!I built a lot of them.You see the girders in this building I installed them.Am I called Sam the bricklayer or Sam the Iron worker?No I am not called those things because if you have sex with one goat you have a name that sticks to you until you are in the grave"

SR
 

take8easy

Well-known member
Jul 27, 2014
4,109
36
48
This is real. Seriously, I wish I knew how to copy and paste stuff here.

Just saw a news item on MSN science section.

Ur anus released a hug bubble into space.
 

Asian Fever

Visit our Website
Supporting Member
Oct 27, 2018
1,200
90
48
asianfever.ch
A man at the bar really needs to take a piss and heads to the washroom...


He walks into the washroom and can't believe his eyes and sees a Leprechaun...

Man: Holy Shit a Leprechaun!


The Leprechaun, startled... looks up at the man...

Leprechaun: Well shit, you got me... I guess it's you're lucky day. I'm a Leprechaun and I'll grant you three wishes... just tell me what you want, but choose wisely!


The man thinks about this for a minute...

Man: ok, I want a big new house.. bigger and luxurious

The Leprechaun snaps his fingers...
Leprechaun: poof, done. Your new house is waiting for you when you go home. What's your next wish?


Man: I want a really hot wife!


The Leprechaun snaps his fingers...
Leprechaun: poof, done. Your new wife is waiting for you in bed at home. You have one more wish.


The man thinks for a minute..
Man: I want a really big dick!


The Leprechaun pauses...
Leprechaun: I'm afraid that one isn't so easy.. I can do it, but there is a price to pay. If you really want me to grant that wish, you're going to have to let me put my Leprechaun dick in your ass. It's the only way.


The man thinks for a minute.. hmmm.. well I already got the wife and house.. fuck it, and he pulls down his pants.


Man: I can't believe I'm getting fucked in the ass by a leprechaun.


Leprechaun: I can't believe you actually thought I was a leprechaun!
 

jgg

In the air
Apr 14, 2015
2,215
3
38
Varies now
Child: Mom, where is Dad?
Mom: Out in the garden.
Child: I couldn't find him.
Mom: Dig a little deeper.
 

uncleg

I'm back, for awhile...
Jul 25, 2006
5,168
22
38
The Patch
 

Bridge

Member
Nov 11, 2014
287
0
16
If you need 144 toilet rolls for a 14 day quarantine you should probably have seen you doctor back in February!
 
Vancouver Escorts