Help for an SP who wants to exit the trade

[addicted2lov]

I recently met an SP who is very young and got into the trade thinking she will become self sufficient and support herself by doing just that. She apparently hasn't been up to the challenge and shortly realized she doesn't take the SP work very well so she wants to quit. But she has no immediate job prospects, she won't be able to pay rent, little or no support from family and friends.
I believe she is also depressed and is at risk of becoming the prey of various predators who are trying to lure her into all kind things. Her naivete and and physique are a magnet for all kind of sharks.

So I'm wondering what help options are available for someone in her position to help her get out and establish a normal life out of this line of work?

Are there any support groups or government programs for this type of situation?

Whom could I talk to to about this?

This is fairly urgent and any advice will be appreciated.

 

[frisky business]

Hey addicted, when Bill C-36 came out wasn't that misguided piece of legislation supposed to be a two-pronged pitchfork, partly about criminalizing the Johns and partly about helping women leave the business?

Obviously your MP is now a different person from a different party, but why don't you phone him or her and ask what happened to the money allocated to that and what programs have been set up?

Good on you for having your friend's back, dude.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

I recently met an SP who is very young and got into the trade thinking she will become self sufficient and support herself by doing just that. She apparently hasn't been up to the challenge and shortly realized she doesn't take the SP work very well so she wants to quit. But she has no immediate job prospects, she won't be able to pay rent, little or no support from family and friends.
I believe she is also depressed and is at risk of becoming the prey of various predators who are trying to lure her into all kind things. Her naivete and and physique are a magnet for all kind of sharks.

So I'm wondering what help options are available for someone in her position to help her get out and establish a normal life out of this line of work?

Are there any support groups or government programs for this type of situation?

Whom could I talk to to about this?

This is fairly urgent and any advice will be appreciated.

Pass along my number to her if she'd like to talk. I echo the idea that she should contact PACE. It's what they are there for!!

 

[Claire Monet]

Susi on this board is a wealth of information. Apart from PACE she might be able to offer some other suggestions for resources.

 

[rick hunter]

There are always jobs available. They are just part time and don't pay well but at least it's a start. She can work part time and start to transition out of this line of work.

 

[sdw]

There are always jobs available. They are just part time and don't pay well but at least it's a start. She can work part time and start to transition out of this line of work.

Problem is that it sounded like she had burnt most of her bridges. When family and friends don't want anything further to do with a girl, it's because they tried and got told to "fuck off" too many times. Families dump boys much more easily, but girls normally have to work at it to have nothing to come back to.

I have a niece that is currently in that situation.

She was a gorgeous girl who's first job was at Cactus Club. Before that she had lived on an allowance from her uncle - but she refused to even finish grade twelve and the family kept finding that if she was in their house, stuff would start to go missing.

At Cactus Club, she discovered that men quite liked her and were willing to be generous for a couple of hours of her company.

She now could afford the "good drugs" instead of raiding people's medicine cabinet or "putting out" for boys her age that had some drugs that they were willing to give her for "free". She was also able to afford to put some barbed wire around her neck and biceps, along with other tattoos.

She fell into the routine of buying drugs and tattoos in the morning, working afternoons, fucking for money in the evenings - rinse, repeat daily.

Cactus Club fired her because their staff and customers found that she was "too strange", too loudly rude and too willing to steal from them.

Nobody was willing to have her live with them, she was too draining emotionally and financially and too unwilling to listen to or accept anyone's advice.

Her 22nd birthday was in May. She now looks middle aged and overly well used. The last time I drove her to an appointment she dumped the glove compartment and stole the parking change. Tried to get me to "lend" her some money, then offered a blowjob. She's offered her father and brothers blowjobs for money when they tried to help her.

We now stay away from her because we can't see anything good coming from letting her come near us.

The woman has to want to get clean and on track. Until she does, she's just going to hurt anyone that comes within range.

 

[johnsmit]

One question should be .
Does she have an attiction. ..or other problem .. that make it hard for her to get a job and keep a job.
I kniw a few girls that have tried to.leave the business some have ..others just run up against a wall of no help ..
And end up going back to the work .
With out friends or being able to go back to family it is very hard to find something else or sone thing else they are willing to do ..

Getting a good boyfriend is tye only way ....not can abusive one .

 

[UhOh]

Tried to get me to "lend" her some money, then offered a blowjob. She's offered her father and brothers blowjobs for money when they tried to help her.

I wonder if I'm the only one that got a little aroused from that part of the story. Yeah I know, I should be ashamed.
Taboo porn is one of my favorite categories.

 

[addicted2lov]

Thank you kindly for all the suggestions. I can't share the particular details of the situation but some of you made points that are spot on. I don't know her very well myself and I find out more details everyday. She is not a SW.

I will have to ask her if she wants to use this kind of exit path although I'm afraid she will not entertain the idea of a shelter and stuff like that.

I will reach out to Susi as I trust she is the indisputable authority over matters like this.

Thanks again for the responses and support!

 

[Caramel]

Problem is that it sounded like she had burnt most of her bridges. When family and friends don't want anything further to do with a girl, it's because they tried and got told to "fuck off" too many times. Families dump boys much more easily, but girls normally have to work at it to have nothing to come back to.

I have a niece that is currently in that situation.

She was a gorgeous girl who's first job was at Cactus Club. Before that she had lived on an allowance from her uncle - but she refused to even finish grade twelve and the family kept finding that if she was in their house, stuff would start to go missing.

At Cactus Club, she discovered that men quite liked her and were willing to be generous for a couple of hours of her company.

She now could afford the "good drugs" instead of raiding people's medicine cabinet or "putting out" for boys her age that had some drugs that they were willing to give her for "free". She was also able to afford to put some barbed wire around her neck and biceps, along with other tattoos.

She fell into the routine of buying drugs and tattoos in the morning, working afternoons, fucking for money in the evenings - rinse, repeat daily.

Cactus Club fired her because their staff and customers found that she was "too strange", too loudly rude and too willing to steal from them.

Nobody was willing to have her live with them, she was too draining emotionally and financially and too unwilling to listen to or accept anyone's advice.

Her 22nd birthday was in May. She now looks middle aged and overly well used. The last time I drove her to an appointment she dumped the glove compartment and stole the parking change. Tried to get me to "lend" her some money, then offered a blowjob. She's offered her father and brothers blowjobs for money when they tried to help her.

We now stay away from her because we can't see anything good coming from letting her come near us.

The woman has to want to get clean and on track. Until she does, she's just going to hurt anyone that comes within range.

that is incredibly fucked up, sounds like she was sexually abused by family members

and sounds like she has an extreme physical dependence to opiate pain medication or benzos (which is dangerous and can kill someone)

 

[sdw]

that is incredibly fucked up, sounds like she was sexually abused by family members

and sounds like she has an extreme physical dependence to opiate pain medication or benzos (which is dangerous and can kill someone)

Her mother and father divorced when she was 1. As far as I know, her mother didn't have any boyfriends - live in or otherwise - after the divorce. My niece and her sister basically raised themselves because their mother was very depressed and pretty much worked, slept and ate in restaurants on the way to and from work.

I and my ex-brother in law have always thought that is why our niece went into mood adjustment and a weird idea of what "love" is. That's why my ex-brother in law was supporting her with rent and money for a few years. But, she absolutely refused to finish school.

Her father had her mother accuse him of abuse of her older sister (3 at the time) so he didn't dare go near the girls once the marriage was over. He just paid the child support and left them and their mother alone. He re-married soon after the divorce, which - of course, is the reason the girl's mother made her accusations.

The older sister is now married and never had any of the problems of her younger sister.

 

[JimDandy]

Problem is that it sounded like she had burnt most of her bridges. When family and friends don't want anything further to do with a girl, it's because they tried and got told to "fuck off" too many times. Families dump boys much more easily, but girls normally have to work at it to have nothing to come back to.

I have a niece that is currently in that situation.

She was a gorgeous girl who's first job was at Cactus Club. Before that she had lived on an allowance from her uncle - but she refused to even finish grade twelve and the family kept finding that if she was in their house, stuff would start to go missing.

At Cactus Club, she discovered that men quite liked her and were willing to be generous for a couple of hours of her company.

She now could afford the "good drugs" instead of raiding people's medicine cabinet or "putting out" for boys her age that had some drugs that they were willing to give her for "free". She was also able to afford to put some barbed wire around her neck and biceps, along with other tattoos.

She fell into the routine of buying drugs and tattoos in the morning, working afternoons, fucking for money in the evenings - rinse, repeat daily.

Cactus Club fired her because their staff and customers found that she was "too strange", too loudly rude and too willing to steal from them.

Nobody was willing to have her live with them, she was too draining emotionally and financially and too unwilling to listen to or accept anyone's advice.

Her 22nd birthday was in May. She now looks middle aged and overly well used. The last time I drove her to an appointment she dumped the glove compartment and stole the parking change. Tried to get me to "lend" her some money, then offered a blowjob. She's offered her father and brothers blowjobs for money when they tried to help her.

We now stay away from her because we can't see anything good coming from letting her come near us.

The woman has to want to get clean and on track. Until she does, she's just going to hurt anyone that comes within range.

Wow! Sounds like a movie of the week story line. I do wonder how a guy goes from a "Aren't you hot" comment to a Cactus Club girl to getting her in bed. I suppose it starts when she accepts having "a drink after work" with a guy obviously at least 10 years older than her?

JD

 

[addicted2lov]

I would like to thank you all one more time for all the responses and the PM's - some of which I didn't get a chance to reply to yet.

I hope my girl is not going to be the same scenario as SDW's niece. I mean your story it's extreme I find but I'm sure there are many like this that we never get to hear from.

I really wish sex work was well respected and understood in the society and all this stigma, fear and guilt would not exist. It took me many years to accept and understand my own condition as a hobbyist and subsequently the other parties involved - SP's in general and women in particular. I also hope I can give something back to the society and I am doing the best I can with I have.

Beyond the ethical and moral aspect I believe the society actually pushes girls and women to do sex work, there is no question about that. Nothing can beat the economics of getting a little money from many instead of getting a bit more (but in all much less) from a regular job.
I would say sex work works like crowdfunding.
The government should help not interfere. By criminalizing the buyers the government is actually hurting the SP's in so many ways. And we are all part of this because we pay taxes hoping the government works for us not against us. But I am divagating.

Coming back to the topic my first dilemma is how to get her trust - beyond the basic idea that I don't want to hurt her her or take advantage of her which I believe she already got that.
So right now I'm trying to figure out more of her background and and try to understand how she actually got here. Once I'll know the details I will be more confident to put a diagnostic so to speak.

The second dilemma is that I can't figure out is whether to help her to get better at SP'ing at all or focus entirely on the idea of exiting. Or help her with both things at the same time until she can get enough cash reserves to be able to stop SP'ing.

She needs help with the SP'ing job because she doesn't seem to know the basics and she started out on her own, totally independent with no-one around her. Without covering the basics in this job I can see her in immediate danger. Maybe I'm just paranoid but we all know what a fucked up crowd is out there.
Beyond covering the basics, an SP (and that can be true of any work) needs to perform in a reasonable manner in order to be successful to get business. So she fails a bit short on that one as well. The thing is everything goes hand in hand - that's why I'm saying she is not up to the challenge. Like any job - you need someone to teach you the tricks of the trade and you need to follow through. Learning this stuff the hard way can take a long time and can be even deadly - STD's, violence, drugs, etc.

Maybe an established SP would be much better than me helping her but if she has no other contacts in the SP world - I am afraid getting help from an SP will totally detract her from exiting.

I don't even know if helping her with the business would make someone criminally liable under the new law. On my part I am not taking money from her (rather the opposite), I am not having sex with her and I don't have any position of authority over her.

On the idea of the exiting - she agrees in principle but there is the cash shortage problem and also the lack of glamour that she seems to be in desperate need of. I have to dig more to understand where this need for glamour comes from but I see that being a major issue since getting back to a normal life will result in a complete lack of glamour - at least in the short term.

 

[sdw]

I would like to thank you all one more time for all the responses and the PM's - some of which I didn't get a chance to reply to yet.

I hope my girl is not going to be the same scenario as SDW's niece. I mean your story it's extreme I find but I'm sure there are many like this that we never get to hear from.

I really wish sex work was well respected and understood in the society and all this stigma, fear and guilt would not exist. It took me many years to accept and understand my own condition as a hobbyist and subsequently the other parties involved - SP's in general and women in particular. I also hope I can give something back to the society and I am doing the best I can with I have.

Beyond the ethical and moral aspect I believe the society actually pushes girls and women to do sex work, there is no question about that. Nothing can beat the economics of getting a little money from many instead of getting a bit more (but in all much less) from a regular job.
I would say sex work works like crowdfunding.
The government should help not interfere. By criminalizing the buyers the government is actually hurting the SP's in so many ways. And we are all part of this because we pay taxes hoping the government works for us not against us. But I am divagating.

Coming back to the topic my first dilemma is how to get her trust - beyond the basic idea that I don't want to hurt her her or take advantage of her which I believe she already got that.
So right now I'm trying to figure out more of her background and and try to understand how she actually got here. Once I'll know the details I will be more confident to put a diagnostic so to speak.

The second dilemma is that I can't figure out is whether to help her to get better at SP'ing at all or focus entirely on the idea of exiting. Or help her with both things at the same time until she can get enough cash reserves to be able to stop SP'ing.

She needs help with the SP'ing job because she doesn't seem to know the basics and she started out on her own, totally independent with no-one around her. Without covering the basics in this job I can see her in immediate danger. Maybe I'm just paranoid but we all know what a fucked up crowd is out there.
Beyond covering the basics, an SP (and that can be true of any work) needs to perform in a reasonable manner in order to be successful to get business. So she fails a bit short on that one as well. The thing is everything goes hand in hand - that's why I'm saying she is not up to the challenge. Like any job - you need someone to teach you the tricks of the trade and you need to follow through. Learning this stuff the hard way can take a long time and can be even deadly - STD's, violence, drugs, etc.

Maybe an established SP would be much better than me helping her but if she has no other contacts in the SP world - I am afraid getting help from an SP will totally detract her from exiting.

I don't even know if helping her with the business would make someone criminally liable under the new law. On my part I am not taking money from her (rather the opposite), I am not having sex with her and I don't have any position of authority over her.

On the idea of the exiting - she agrees in principle but there is the cash shortage problem and also the lack of glamour that she seems to be in desperate need of. I have to dig more to understand where this need for glamour comes from but I see that being a major issue since getting back to a normal life will result in a complete lack of glamour - at least in the short term.

It sounds like she already has you set up to be a sugargrampy (sugardaddy that isn't getting any sex)

She's presenting the same problem that my niece presented. She needs $500 - $1000 a day to keep life worth living, which means designer clothing, the GOOD drugs, dinner at the COOL places and transportation that makes other envious. But, nobody has the right to tell her what to do, be critical in any manner, require her to be at any place at any set time - or - require anything resembling work. After all, she's young and beautiful and every man that sees her wants some.

At the old age of 22, my niece has found that beauty fades when it's hard used and every man that knows her just wants to run away as fast and far as he can.

I find your idea of "helping her learn" to be disturbing and naive. Disturbing, because if she's been talking about an exit plan - pulling her deeper into sex work is not the path. Naive, because Glamour and Glamourous lifestyles are expensive. Few, can afford the price.

Any man that is thinking of taking on a Sugarbaby or helping a young woman to learn how to be an SP needs to answer one very important question. Is she capable of giving informed consent? If she's not old enough, emotionally mature enough and healthy enough to give informed consent - the man needs to start thinking with his "real world brain" and not his little horny brain. There is a word for sex with someone that can't give informed consent.

 

[addicted2lov]

I find your idea of "helping her learn" to be disturbing and naive. Disturbing, because if she's been talking about an exit plan - pulling her deeper into sex work is not the path. Naive, because Glamour and Glamourous lifestyles are expensive. Few, can afford the price.

Any man that is thinking of taking on a Sugarbaby or helping a young woman to learn how to be an SP needs to answer one very important question. Is she capable of giving informed consent? If she's not old enough, emotionally mature enough and healthy enough to give informed consent - the man needs to start thinking with his "real world brain" and not his little horny brain. There is a word for sex with someone that can't give informed consent.

Points noted.

She is over 20 and seems to be healthy. Not sure how you define mature though. She has issues but she is not mentally retarded or anything. Anyway, that would be up to a specialist to decide. I can't be her SD and I'm not interested to having sex with her, that would be like taking advantage of her vulnerability.

And I was able to clarify her need for glamour and that was the wrong assumption from my part. She is interested in getting help and exit, she is looking just to save some cash to go back to a normal life: renting a proper place, finding a normal job, etc.

Obviously, I could as well just walk from this whole thing ....

Susi, if you read this - please let me know how could I get in touch with you - your inbox is full.

 

[JimDandy]

I really wish sex work was well respected and understood in the society and all this stigma, fear and guilt would not exist. ... Beyond the ethical and moral aspect I believe the society actually pushes girls and women to do sex work, there is no question about that. Nothing can beat the economics of getting a little money from many instead of getting a bit more (but in all much less) from a regular job.

If there was no stigma attached to sex work, every mother out there would be telling their daughter to make some big bucks while they were young and beautiful and can demand a high price. But of course, if every young woman between the age of 18 and 25 put out a shingle, supply would balloon and the price of a bj would come down to the same price as a cup of coffee at McDonalds. There would be no glamour and there would be no financial incentive over working at that same McDonalds. Ironic don't you think

To some degree, this has been happening for the last 30 years (deflation of the price of sex work). When I moved to BC 30 years ago, the price for 30 minutes with girl I picked up at the Penthouse (those were some great times) was $100.00. Today you can get the same quality of service for about $150.00 from a lady advertising on the internet. Yet in the same period of time a house has gone from a price of 100k to 1 million. If the price of sex work had kept up with inflation, we should be paying $1000.00 and not $150.00 for a 30 minute retreat.

JD

 

[clu]

If there was no stigma attached to sex work, every mother out there would be telling their daughter to make some big bucks while they were young and beautiful and can demand a high price. But of course, if every young woman between the age of 18 and 25 put out a shingle, supply would balloon and the price of a bj would come down to the same price as a cup of coffee at McDonalds. There would be no glamour and there would be no financial incentive over working at that same McDonalds. Ironic don't you think

To some degree, this has been happening for the last 30 years (deflation of the price of sex work). When I moved to BC 30 years ago, the price for 30 minutes with girl I picked up at the Penthouse (those were some great times) was $100.00. Today you can get the same quality of service for about $150.00 from a lady advertising on the internet. Yet in the same period of time a house has gone from a price of 100k to 1 million. If the price of sex work had kept up with inflation, we should be paying $1000.00 and not $150.00 for a 30 minute retreat.

JD

If everything kept up with housing here that cup of coffee at McDonald's would probably be $150 too.

 

[newatit]

It's all very intriguing. Just don't get caught up with using your own financial resources for a rescue. You probably don't have enough. This story sounds true but be aware that it might never unravel. I've helped two gals out of the trade. Both had to get out emotionally. The first one cost nothing. We got her a licence to flag and that took off into a civil service job after some good work references were developed. The second became a medical person over a year that I assisted. She now works in central canada and doing ok. But I'm retired now so no more help. But I do feel good about the contributions.

In helping these gals you really have to know what you are working with. Do they really have what it takes to make it? The simplest job can be impossible to some one with no work ethic or plan.

Good luck.

 

[hornygandalf]

It sounds like the first thing she needs is someone who knows what they are doing who can be a friendly ear and provide advice to ensure her SAFETY.
Ms. E would be excellent for that I'm sure, and she has offered to take that role.
Encourage this young lady to get in touch with Ms. E for advice regarding her SAFETY.
That is the immediate need from what I am reading... ensuring she isn't placing herself into unsafe situations.
And then, the exit plan can be developed.

Maybe working with some other ladies (such as happens at Riza's place) would be the best situation for her as then she will have support and advice on hand (assuming it is the right group of ladies).

 

[badbadboy]

I would like to thank you all one more time for all the responses and the PM's - some of which I didn't get a chance to reply to yet.

I hope my girl is not going to be the same scenario as SDW's niece. I mean your story it's extreme I find but I'm sure there are many like this that we never get to hear from.

I really wish sex work was well respected and understood in the society and all this stigma, fear and guilt would not exist. It took me many years to accept and understand my own condition as a hobbyist and subsequently the other parties involved - SP's in general and women in particular. I also hope I can give something back to the society and I am doing the best I can with I have.

Beyond the ethical and moral aspect I believe the society actually pushes girls and women to do sex work, there is no question about that. Nothing can beat the economics of getting a little money from many instead of getting a bit more (but in all much less) from a regular job.
I would say sex work works like crowdfunding.
The government should help not interfere. By criminalizing the buyers the government is actually hurting the SP's in so many ways. And we are all part of this because we pay taxes hoping the government works for us not against us. But I am divagating.

Coming back to the topic my first dilemma is how to get her trust - beyond the basic idea that I don't want to hurt her her or take advantage of her which I believe she already got that.
So right now I'm trying to figure out more of her background and and try to understand how she actually got here. Once I'll know the details I will be more confident to put a diagnostic so to speak.

The second dilemma is that I can't figure out is whether to help her to get better at SP'ing at all or focus entirely on the idea of exiting. Or help her with both things at the same time until she can get enough cash reserves to be able to stop SP'ing.

She needs help with the SP'ing job because she doesn't seem to know the basics and she started out on her own, totally independent with no-one around her. Without covering the basics in this job I can see her in immediate danger. Maybe I'm just paranoid but we all know what a fucked up crowd is out there.
Beyond covering the basics, an SP (and that can be true of any work) needs to perform in a reasonable manner in order to be successful to get business. So she fails a bit short on that one as well. The thing is everything goes hand in hand - that's why I'm saying she is not up to the challenge. Like any job - you need someone to teach you the tricks of the trade and you need to follow through. Learning this stuff the hard way can take a long time and can be even deadly - STD's, violence, drugs, etc.

Maybe an established SP would be much better than me helping her but if she has no other contacts in the SP world - I am afraid getting help from an SP will totally detract her from exiting.

I don't even know if helping her with the business would make someone criminally liable under the new law. On my part I am not taking money from her (rather the opposite), I am not having sex with her and I don't have any position of authority over her.

On the idea of the exiting - she agrees in principle but there is the cash shortage problem and also the lack of glamour that she seems to be in desperate need of. I have to dig more to understand where this need for glamour comes from but I see that being a major issue since getting back to a normal life will result in a complete lack of glamour - at least in the short term.

Am I the only one confused with "helping an SP exit" and "helping her get better at SP'ing"?

Those are polar opposites and if this SP actually wants to exit then the contacts and resources are already mentioned. Where I am losing the plot is helping her get better at SP work?

I see the money thing is a stumbling block which continuing doing sex work will not actually help her unless a solid exit plan is in place. Work X weeks/months, pay expenses, sock away the rest. Also network with people who work in civilian jobs that are interesting to the SP. Once some of these type of ideas are in place, then an exit can be planned IMHO.

The money and glamour are two addicting things for an SP. For anybody really and retail therapy is a tough one to keep in check.

If she does want to leave, I hope it works out for her. From a pooner's perspective there is no worse feeling for me personally when I have encountered someone who really dislikes what they are doing and feel terrible doing it. I stopped mid session with an SP a long time ago and just asked if she would prefer I stop? She was afraid I wouldn't pay so I offered to pay the HH rate, leave and not post a review. She agreed but still continued to work or advertise on ERSlist. I texted her about our session and she said she was planning on returning to her family out of province to start again at school. This thread reminded me of her being a nice person who really wasn't cut out for five dates a day with a wide range of good to weird to bad clients.