Just so it is clear: my offer is not to help her get better at being an SP unless she explictly asks for my help with that. My offer is to help her navigate the system in such a way that she can take advantage of every opportunity to exit. If she wishes to continue working while she is transitioning out of sexwork, then maybe there is assistance that someone might offer in terms of helping her find a safe place to work, some ways to ensure she has a better time when she is working (including how to strengthen her screening so that abusive & derisive asshats don't come see her anymore) or other help she might need.
Help for an SP who wants to exit the trade
- Thread starter addicted2lov
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I have to preface this with agreeing she should speak with Susi, and any other advocacy places to see what help may be there. I'm reiterating that, as I know the rest of this may come across as harsh, but I am really just trying to add perspective.
There are a lot of jobs out there.....but without an education, nothing is going to pay close to what she is now used to earning. And the reality is she may need 2 or 3 minimum wage jobs to make ends meet until she comes up with a better long term plan. Or she will need to get roommates, or pay room and board somewhere etc.
It isn't that she has no options. It's that there is no work she wants to do that pays her as much as she wants to make.
She is young. It's not like she spent decades in the sex trade, has no marketable skills, no other experience, no savings and a giant gap in her resume. She is in the same boat as pretty much every one of us was at one point - and every kid still is at (assuming they don't have parents that help them financially).
I was on my own with a dependent at the age of 15. I worked 2 full time jobs for minimum wage (85 hours a week), and then spent another 12 hours a week in a sheet metal shop being paid by the piece (which ended up making way less than minimum wage.....but gave me an extra $150/month, which I really needed). I'm definitely not saying that is what she should do...but I am saying that there are always options. And if being in the sex trade is not something she can handle - she needs to get out! But she will have to either drastically reduce her standards of living, or be prepared to work a lot of hours or multiple jobs. The other option would be to move to a small town or area where the cost of living is drastically lower, or to become a server etc. where she has the potential to earn a lot in tips.
Sometimes you have to put your ego in check and do what you need to do to earn the outcome you desire. There are always concessions to be made, and only she is capable of determining what each 'essential' thing is worth to her.
If you are in the sex trade through desperation, for whatever reason (whether it is illness, children to feed, a drug addiction, or such low self esteem that you need to buy stuff to make you feel like you have worth) you soul is going to shrivel. If she really is not cut out for this, then she needs to get out. And she is lucky - because she is young, and really in the same spot as just about everybody else her age.
Being a companion is not 'easy' money. At least not long term. And perhaps that is what she is beginning to realize. There are the very real potential challenges specific to the industry in terms of physical risk, mental health, shame, isolation etc.
The aspect most ladies overlook is the fact that this is a business.....and need to be treated as one. It take a lot of hard work, time, dedication and sacrifice to be successful long term. It takes a lot of non billable hours (many times more than the billable hours) to make this work long term. And I'm sorry - but that is just not glamorous. There is a HUGE amount of personal sacrifice, and very little glamour that goes into making ANY entrepreneur, regardless of the field, successful. It takes about 10,000 hours (non billable) to begin to know what you are doing, and another 10,000 to look like an overnight success.
She really needs to figure out what she NEEDS, then what she wants. Clearly define those, and rank and weight them. Needs are not negotiable. But wants are. Once she has an extremely clear vision of what her requirements are, finding a way to get them is the easy part. Life is a balancing act. You give up something to gain something. When you have a clear vision of your goals, you are motivated and fueled by passion. You understand the sacrifices that need to be made (even if that means completely giving up want #2 in order to achieve want #1)
From the limited amount you have shared about her, it sounds like she set the financial bar high, but the reality bar is totally off kilter. She made a lot of money, quite quickly, and without ever earning her stripes or putting in the blood, sweat and tears that real and maintainable growth and success require. Now she is wanting to maintain that lifestyle, glamour and prestige - still without sacrificing anything on her end.
She is never going to get out of the industry unless she is able to close the chasm of the reality she has come to know, and how the world actually works.
.
There are a lot of jobs out there.....but without an education, nothing is going to pay close to what she is now used to earning. And the reality is she may need 2 or 3 minimum wage jobs to make ends meet until she comes up with a better long term plan. Or she will need to get roommates, or pay room and board somewhere etc.
It isn't that she has no options. It's that there is no work she wants to do that pays her as much as she wants to make.
She is young. It's not like she spent decades in the sex trade, has no marketable skills, no other experience, no savings and a giant gap in her resume. She is in the same boat as pretty much every one of us was at one point - and every kid still is at (assuming they don't have parents that help them financially).
I was on my own with a dependent at the age of 15. I worked 2 full time jobs for minimum wage (85 hours a week), and then spent another 12 hours a week in a sheet metal shop being paid by the piece (which ended up making way less than minimum wage.....but gave me an extra $150/month, which I really needed). I'm definitely not saying that is what she should do...but I am saying that there are always options. And if being in the sex trade is not something she can handle - she needs to get out! But she will have to either drastically reduce her standards of living, or be prepared to work a lot of hours or multiple jobs. The other option would be to move to a small town or area where the cost of living is drastically lower, or to become a server etc. where she has the potential to earn a lot in tips.
Sometimes you have to put your ego in check and do what you need to do to earn the outcome you desire. There are always concessions to be made, and only she is capable of determining what each 'essential' thing is worth to her.
If you are in the sex trade through desperation, for whatever reason (whether it is illness, children to feed, a drug addiction, or such low self esteem that you need to buy stuff to make you feel like you have worth) you soul is going to shrivel. If she really is not cut out for this, then she needs to get out. And she is lucky - because she is young, and really in the same spot as just about everybody else her age.
Being a companion is not 'easy' money. At least not long term. And perhaps that is what she is beginning to realize. There are the very real potential challenges specific to the industry in terms of physical risk, mental health, shame, isolation etc.
The aspect most ladies overlook is the fact that this is a business.....and need to be treated as one. It take a lot of hard work, time, dedication and sacrifice to be successful long term. It takes a lot of non billable hours (many times more than the billable hours) to make this work long term. And I'm sorry - but that is just not glamorous. There is a HUGE amount of personal sacrifice, and very little glamour that goes into making ANY entrepreneur, regardless of the field, successful. It takes about 10,000 hours (non billable) to begin to know what you are doing, and another 10,000 to look like an overnight success.
She really needs to figure out what she NEEDS, then what she wants. Clearly define those, and rank and weight them. Needs are not negotiable. But wants are. Once she has an extremely clear vision of what her requirements are, finding a way to get them is the easy part. Life is a balancing act. You give up something to gain something. When you have a clear vision of your goals, you are motivated and fueled by passion. You understand the sacrifices that need to be made (even if that means completely giving up want #2 in order to achieve want #1)
From the limited amount you have shared about her, it sounds like she set the financial bar high, but the reality bar is totally off kilter. She made a lot of money, quite quickly, and without ever earning her stripes or putting in the blood, sweat and tears that real and maintainable growth and success require. Now she is wanting to maintain that lifestyle, glamour and prestige - still without sacrificing anything on her end.
She is never going to get out of the industry unless she is able to close the chasm of the reality she has come to know, and how the world actually works.
.
Lady Companion who I almost met once has really expanded on my points. Well done. The second gal I helped took a year out of my life but being old enough and well heeled with a good job it was an adventure. We made a deal that wasn't totally exclusive but she was mostly my good buddy for a year. She finished her high school by correspondence during the time I knew her which was really spread over six years. I gave her encouragement and help as needed. One day she came to me with an offer. She had decided to take a specific medical course leading to a licence good across the country. This meant there wasn't time available to work as an SP but she could handle a very small following. Her year was financed ok and with a large student loan we got her through. She came second in her class and aced her licence exam. The key factors in this case were her intelligence, desperation to succeed, devotion of at least one friend ( client) and circumstances. She made it happen. I was an enabler. That's all. And at times when I see the press and politics rant about SPs and clients I can only think how little they know of the humane side of it.
The end result was difficult. This gal graduated just as jobs were scarce and finally after six months realized she had to go where the work was. It wasn't in BC. I had to get her out of my life and she had to get on with her career. It's happened. We may never meet again but in my little effort the world became a better place for this person.
And with today's laws I could get in trouble for. Crap.
The end result was difficult. This gal graduated just as jobs were scarce and finally after six months realized she had to go where the work was. It wasn't in BC. I had to get her out of my life and she had to get on with her career. It's happened. We may never meet again but in my little effort the world became a better place for this person.
And with today's laws I could get in trouble for. Crap.
Lady Companion nailed it really well.
My girl wants out but she needs to put some cash aside for that to happen. I figure at least 10k she will want to have saved before going back to minimum wage jobs and looking at going baxk to school.
When I started this thread I was freaking out a bit mainly because she was working totally by herself, isolated and with no security. Also she doesn't seem to be following basic privacy rules which can get her in trouble long after she would have quit the trade.
After further conversations she seemed to got better at it. So I don't think she will want to get out for now - not for at least a few months.
The same with Newatit - I am hoping to help her to get to that point where she can go back to school. I am not clear though if she just sees me as an ATM or if she is incapable of having a relationship based on trust or what exactly is going through her little head because the communication with her is flaky. I am not helping her with the business but trying to get her shit straight in her mind. There doesn't seem to be anyone in her life knowing what she is going through and I am thinking that just having someone that she could talk to without judging it's better than being in complete isolation.
Same as Newatit - I would like to leave this world a little better than it is but my heart hurts when I get the feeling she is treating me like a cash machine and she doesn't follow a plan to get somewhere. So on her last request for cash I asked her if a loan would be acceptable and she declined. If she was really desperate she would have taken the cash having the option of not returning it but she didn't. So at least she has some ethics.
Right now I am trying to keep my head straight off the situation while controlling my warm fuzzy feelings towards her and stay as cold minded as possible. Like a case manager.
Newatit - I praise you for what you did - this is really tough, not easy at all. I myself am not rich at all, on the contrary, I have a family to feed and support and the help I can provide her is fairly limited financially speaking, I can act like a trusted advisor if she is willing to listen. I also have to keep this whole thing very private and discreet for my own safety.
My girl wants out but she needs to put some cash aside for that to happen. I figure at least 10k she will want to have saved before going back to minimum wage jobs and looking at going baxk to school.
When I started this thread I was freaking out a bit mainly because she was working totally by herself, isolated and with no security. Also she doesn't seem to be following basic privacy rules which can get her in trouble long after she would have quit the trade.
After further conversations she seemed to got better at it. So I don't think she will want to get out for now - not for at least a few months.
The same with Newatit - I am hoping to help her to get to that point where she can go back to school. I am not clear though if she just sees me as an ATM or if she is incapable of having a relationship based on trust or what exactly is going through her little head because the communication with her is flaky. I am not helping her with the business but trying to get her shit straight in her mind. There doesn't seem to be anyone in her life knowing what she is going through and I am thinking that just having someone that she could talk to without judging it's better than being in complete isolation.
Same as Newatit - I would like to leave this world a little better than it is but my heart hurts when I get the feeling she is treating me like a cash machine and she doesn't follow a plan to get somewhere. So on her last request for cash I asked her if a loan would be acceptable and she declined. If she was really desperate she would have taken the cash having the option of not returning it but she didn't. So at least she has some ethics.
Right now I am trying to keep my head straight off the situation while controlling my warm fuzzy feelings towards her and stay as cold minded as possible. Like a case manager.
Newatit - I praise you for what you did - this is really tough, not easy at all. I myself am not rich at all, on the contrary, I have a family to feed and support and the help I can provide her is fairly limited financially speaking, I can act like a trusted advisor if she is willing to listen. I also have to keep this whole thing very private and discreet for my own safety.
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