Advise for a friend/Do you tell others you poon?

Jethro Bodine

Well-known member
Feb 17, 2009
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Hi,

I often read on this site that some guys actually discuss their pooning with friends. Personally I have preferred to keep my hobby quiet but I guess some guys have a different kind of relationship with their closest friends.

Anyway....

I had dinner with an old friend this weekend. His wife had taken the kids to visit her parents in Minneapolis and we thought this would be a good time for a boys night out.
We met at a nice place for dinner and drinks but right from the outset I had a feeling he was not himself. I should have known something was amiss because it would be very unusual for his wife and kids to go away without him even for a weekend.
Half way through dinner he opened up. His marriage was not going well. I was surprised as him and his wife have always seemed to be very loving and great together. I told him I was sorry to hear that and I'm here for him if he wants to talk. He then told me that he is very much at a crossroads and doesn't know what to do. He loves his wife and doesn't want to separate but they hadn't had sex in over a year. He told me his wife had started to go through menopause and lost her sex drive. Initially she would give him a BJ once in while and that kept him satisfied. Then several months ago even the BJ's stopped. He would at times be romantic and try to initiate something but she just rejected him. He says he understands and doesn't want to seem selfish but up to this they had a very active sex life. They'd have sex 3 or 4 times a week, often at her suggestion and then suddenly nothing.
He says she's been to the doctor but she seems resigned to the fact this will eventually pass and her libido will return but most of all she says she doesn't want to talk about it.
She won't go to counseling and when I asked if it is possible she is getting her "needs" met elsewhere he actually told me he thought about that but there are no signs of that (working late, unexplained absences, money missing, sudden coffee dates with GF's, etc...).

In the end it is obvious he loves his wife but admitted to feeling urge to "stray" if he's not getting any at home.
I came very close to asking if he's consider seeing an escort/SP to satisfy his sexual urges and hopefully save his marriage.
I stopped short because I would feel weird admitting to him I see SP's (I'm a very private person).

In a case like this would you counsel a close friend about seeing an SP or would that conversation be off limits, hoping he would figure it out for himself.
 

chilli

Member
Jul 25, 2005
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I don't know why you can't mention it as a solution - and if he ever asks "have you ever used an escort" you can say no; but you could see how if someone was in a sexless marriage and
wanted to stay with their partner how it could be an option.
 

Booblover123

Member
Oct 27, 2013
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Your friends problem is exactly what I have gone through,dam menopause.I decided to take the escort option after lots of soul searching.It was a great choice for me,but it would of been nice to have a friend to talk about it,so I would suggest it to him.
 

sdw

New member
Jul 14, 2005
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Your friends problem is exactly what I have gone through,dam menopause.I decided to take the escort option after lots of soul searching.It was a great choice for me,but it would of been nice to have a friend to talk about it,so I would suggest it to him.
The number of people that can be counted upon to not tell somebody a juicy secret like "My Best Friend sees prostitutes" is exactly 0, you may think the number is different - but get into an argument with them or refuse them something they want - you'll find that the number is accurate.
 

sevenofnine

Active member
Nov 21, 2008
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no,

A couple of close buddies some single some married. I have been tempted to, Just tell them, or even arrange something for them.
But you know some guys, would never pay for it, or are afraid of disease or to private.

And then those guys have met my wife, will again in the future,
just not a good idea.
 

Jethro Bodine

Well-known member
Feb 17, 2009
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I called up my friend last night to see how he was doing and how were things at home.
He said they were okay but I could tell there was no change.
I asked if he wanted to go for coffee if he needed to talk but he declined. I told him I wasn't going to bug him because as someone who has gone through marital problems I can understand if he doesn't want to discuss it further.
I left him with the invitation to call me anytime.
My plan was to mention to him that I understand he loves his wife and doesn't want to separate or divorce so maybe there is another solution and see where it went from there.
I wouldn't tell him I've seen escorts but just let him know that there are ways he can get his needs met in a safe, NSA way that he may want to consider.
I'll update.
 

PlayfulAlex

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Jan 18, 2010
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A figure of speech comes to mind, remember loose lips sink ships. I would love to be able to tell my family, friends what I do, but you have to be prepared to deal with the outcome of what might happen if you do decide to tell them. Some things are better left unsaid imho.
^^ what she said (and welcome back, Miss AA)!
 

toadsub

Member
Nov 23, 2013
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Sometimes you have to tell somebody. If you don't have a friend close enough to tell i feel sorry for you.
 

doobs2

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Dec 5, 2013
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I'm not sure what drives the need to tell secrets. I have been poonin for years and apart from a few Thai expat friends no one knows and I like it that way. Double life? So what? Doobs2
 

toadsub

Member
Nov 23, 2013
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This is way off base. Just because you don't want to tell your friend about something this personal doesn't mean he isn't close. Sometimes people have hidden agenda's, ulterior motives, or maybe the friend just isn't the friend you thought he was. Maybe he has designs on your wife/significant other, maybe he vehemently disagrees with purchasing sex and goes about telling your wife/significant other. Maybe he tells someone.

My question would be what benefit does telling your friend provide you? To brag ? To ease your guilt ?

My point-of-view is, you don't tell anyone, that way no unwanted information will ever get out.
Different strokes
 

Jethro Bodine

Well-known member
Feb 17, 2009
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Beverly Hills. In the Kitchen eatin' vittles.
Overall I agree with most of you and that's why I would normally NEVER tell anyone. I keep my private life very private. Even when ladies I've seen for a while, ask what I do for a living, I politely decline to answer citing privacy concerns. I'm not trying to be rude but Wpg. is small city and there are not a lot of people in my profession.

I was a) curious and b) trying to figure out a way to steer a friend to a solution that I feel would save his marriage and meet his needs sexually.

Cheers and thanks for the input.
 

steverino

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Feb 15, 2004
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I think most men have some knowledge that "prostitutes" exist, so telling them they do is not likely to come as a surprise.
 

Jethro Bodine

Well-known member
Feb 17, 2009
4,459
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Beverly Hills. In the Kitchen eatin' vittles.
I think most men have some knowledge that "prostitutes" exist, so telling them they do is not likely to come as a surprise.
Yes but unfortunately many of them are biased by what they read in the papers or told by people like Joy Smith. Their mental image of a "prostitute" is some strung out girl standing on a street corner or human trafficking.
Not that that isn't true in some cases but a lot of guys don't realize there are the classy, sophisticated, intelligent women "in the biz", out there as well.
 

johnsmit

Active member
May 4, 2013
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Keeping secretd .. Living a double life is alkway hard.. It stressfull too

I single.. with few close even those i have know fir 30 yrs. dont know all about me
You guys know more.. At least about my sexual side..
It toke me a while to tell family and friend that i knew escort.. In my case i said i drove them as a job.. No one ever asked much more and i just assumed they would think that .. I all so must of seen them at dome point.. my mom was ok .with who i knew.. Just worried about the stories she read....I allway assuered her it was not like what they wrote about.. I all so am quick to point out escorting is not all about sexx.. Many yime its just time
 

Knud

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May 3, 2006
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Seeing an escort may get him off, but it may create other problems. The guilt it produces and the expense involved could also cause problems for him.
Show him how to masturbate instead.
 

yazoo

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Dec 10, 2011
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Climbing the corporate ladder is like climbing any tall ladder - there's further to fall. Corner office, trophy wife, million dollar clients...

One of the biggest advantages of not being a roaring success is there is less to lose and an ability to live a life honestly and openly. That's worth something.
 
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