A call from my clients' wife ...today ...my heart hurts

JessicaPrabbit · Oct 1, 2010

My heart hurts and I don’t know what to do.

I answered my phone this morning and knew right away that I was on the line with a clients wife …”This is going to sound weird but who am I talking to? I know I called you but who is this?”

Sigh

One of my clients wives, pain and sadness in her voice, a touch of strength that amazed me and the sound of confusion. “I’ve found your number and a photo of you on my husbands phone and I’m wanting to ask you some questions but I understand if you won’t talk to me”.

There was no question in the Bunny’sHeart. I needed to answer her questions.

She remained very kind, calm and intelligent throughout our 20 minute conversation. She never got angry, in fact she took the time to tell me she was not judging me for what I do. Wow.

Her circumstances are unique and I will keep that private, sufficed to say …she deserved the truth and she got it. I did not insult her husband, I did not say anything hurtful (that’s so not true and I know it, how could the entire conversation not have hurt?) I wanted to go to her and hold her and tell her what a wonderful man she has sharing her life. Too much to say, nothing would make sense to her or to me.

I did my best to explain the subtle and real differences between an industry favorite and a significant other. I told her that her husband was not seeking love or ongoing daily communication. I explained that, in my opinion, the industry offers a way for some men to avoid being pulled into a love affair. I told her that SHE is the one he wants to be with. I just don’t know if she’ll ever truly believe that again and for that I am eternally sorry.

My loyalties lie not with my clients, not with their wives but with my heart. Perhaps another person calling with a different attitude may have received a different response; but today, this call, this lady, this client’s life partner received the truth, not complete by way of details or specifics, just the truth as best I could explain things without graphic detail.

In the end …she said I seemed like a caring and intelligent person and suggested that if she and I had met under different circumstances maybe we could have been friends …Ouch. How the hell did I deserve that from her?

I don’t know if anyone wishes to say anything at all in regards to similar experiences or to offer advice. It’s something I will have to spend some time thinking about. I’ve always looked to the board members for support and advice when I’ve needed it in the past and I’ve always felt it was the right thing to do.

Like I said my heart hurts.

For what it’s worth …BunnyHugs
JessicaPRabbit

To My Very Special and Valued Friend and Client whose wife called me today ...
I thank you for all you've shared and I wish you the very best. You know I am here if you need to talk and I hope you know that I fully understand if I don't hear from you again. Please don't beat yourself up in regards to me. Concentrate on what's critical right now. I'm sorry if my honesty is not what you would have wanted me to offer her under these circumstances. It's all I could do.
I really think you deserve the best.

uncleg · Oct 1, 2010

For what it's worth I think you did the right thing, by you and by your client. The truth may hurt her, but I doubt she would have believed a lie anyway. Sometimes honesty doesn't always work, but I try to keep it my relationships. Maybe more clients should do that in theirs.

FunSugarDaddy · Oct 1, 2010

Interesting story. As a matter of fact, I had something like that happen to me a few years ago when I accidently left my e-mail account open. Then I was seeing a regular sugar babe who I'd been seeing for about 2 years. My wife busted me in the strangest way..We were at the airport going on a holiday to Disneyworld, and she said I know you've been seeing this girl, so tell me about it, and if I catch you in a lie, I'm not getting on the plane. Well couldn't disappoint my 9 year old daughter on her first trip to Disneyworld, so I told her the truth. I saw her crying during the flight, and it bothered me a lot but I didn't know what to do. It's hard to tell someone you hurt that you didn't mean to and that if was more of a reflection of my needs than a plan to hurt her. My wife also contacted my friend, telling her to leave me alone. We ended up going to counselling but it was difficult because my wife only wanted to blame me for the whole thing, and really it was a reaction to not having any sort of sex life at all, and me also having to deal with a potentially fatal illness, and wanting to forefill a few fantasies before it was potentially too late. Anyway, we did work though it the best we could. She still doesn't fully trust me, but then again neither does she accept any responsiblity for what happened, and this type of behaviour really is a reaction to something missing in the relationship and needs to be dealt with on that basis.

Bottom line is, they're obviously going to have to deal with this themselves, and like I told my friend, this really doesn't have anything to do with you, cause it if wouldn't have been her, it would have been someone else. Interesting enough, 3 years later, I'm still in touch with this lady, and still send her a few bucks every now and then, but we pretty much only communicate by e-mails, and haven't seen each other in a couple of years.

hang5507 · Oct 1, 2010

Jessica,
This is a very warm and sad post. My heart goes to you, your client as well as his life partner. A friend of mine just recently went through her partners telephone as well and needless to say it was not pretty for her in what she discovered.

Regards

H

Daytime Owl · Oct 1, 2010

Jessica
You have a good and caring heart. Under the circumstances, I think you did whatever you could to ease her pain. I hope he will be honest to his wife and they can work things out.

A friend sent me this quote:
"We make them cry who cares for us.
We cry for those who never cares for us.
And we care for those who will never cry for us.

This is the truth of life. It's strange but true.
Once you realize this, it's never too late to change."

Puddlegurl · Oct 1, 2010

Wow, I don't know what I'd do but please don't feel sad , we never know what we'd do until faced with certain circumstances, you're human and a woman, About 5 years ago my ex boyfriend from highschool found me (thanks facebook lol) and he told me he was divorced, we fell into a passionate re-connection, sparks flew lusty goodness was had then I got a call one night from a woman who claimed to be his wife, he wasn't divorced, she sounded broken hearted, he just knew if he found me I'd bend over backwards for him, I did, in more ways than one ~!
:~S I feel your pain . Remember, he is a grown man, and made the decision to see you Xoxox

juniper · Oct 1, 2010

Jessica--Remember, the money that you earn in your sex work is often off the proceeds of men who are also providing for families and/or are in relationship to another woman, i.e., wife or common-law. I think you either need to accept these facts and the activities by which you are earning a living or quit. If you continue to do what you do yet feel such consternation over the pain caused to a third party then the road of a professional sexual provider will become all the more (mentally) difficult. These are choices which SPs need to make if they wish to really reflect on what they are doing. Few of them actually consider the possible consequences of their activities on others, however. You do because it is your nature. Personally (imagining myself as an SP), I would just accept that it's the client's responsibility. Of course, there could be odd cases such as the one you write about. In that case, I'd just refuse to see the client. These are my thoughts on the matter, Jessica. In life, we always end up doing some harm.

azn_trilla_from_manila · Oct 1, 2010

Ms. Jessica,

I have a simliar experience but it does not involve myself. It actually involves my mom and my late step-dad. Gonna go to simple detail here:

On a summer camping trip by hitting southern BC, southern Alberta, and southern Saskatchewan. This gotta take place at least ten to twelve years ago. So flash forward, at the near of the camping trip, my mom confronted my step dad about a lady (from Washington State, if I remember correctly)that he was seeing while he was on his yearly trips to mexico. He was leaving letters from her laying around the house, I guess he was drunk or something and forgot to stash them like how he stashes his porn. At that there was a heated moment I had to leave the trailer, go for a walk around the campsite... As I walk away from the trailer, I can clearly hear the yelling and screaming... At that moment, I ponder to myself why. Was forgiveness really in the picture???

Then at least a few years later from that incident, my uncle from California passed away from cancer. My mom had to go down there but I couldn't cause 1) lack of funds 2) my last year in high school so that means I had to deal with my provincal exams. But the same lady (from the letters) came by with her husband and her puppy dog. They both stayed over but a week later, her husband had to go some yahoo place for some yahoo business. During her stay, I came home from school and looked around for my step dad and her. As I noticed, the bedroom door was closed but I didn't want to be peekie in any way... I was hurt, but I cannot regret not telling my mom cause, karma's a b*tch...

But somehow my step-dad made up for it, which I believe in the end was bull***t. When my step dad passed away nine years ago (from asbestos), the lady confronted my mom. I wasn't there cause 1) he passed away in mexico 2) not enough funds for me to go with my mom to get my step-dad's body. 3) was his step son but not really considered a immediate family member. On with the topic, but what my mom told me, they confronted and nothing I believe negative went one. Mind you, if you bring something negative to somebody's wake, you're gonna pay for it one way or another...

Overall, I know to this day that my mom is still disgusted by that lady's actions. Maybe with my step-dad's actions but who knows. Also with that lady from Washingon State, well maybe something negative is happening to her now but somewhat does some people care? Like I mentioned earlier, karma's a b*tch...

This is a true story that I would like to share with you Ms. Jessica... Thank you for reading this, and if I didn't make any sense, well someone please smack me with a thai pad...

FunSugarDaddy · Oct 1, 2010

Jessica,

The bottom line, and this is coming from someone who was caught, just like your client, is he has to take responsibility for his actions. I've always told myself if I can't live with the consequences, then don't do it, and I still abide by that rule. As for yourself, as I mentioned in my previous post, if it wasn't you, then surely it would have been someone else, so don't you feel to bad or guilty about what happened, because it has more to do with the dynamics of their relationship, then with you.

I'm not suggesting you can't sympathy with the wife, or both parties for that matter, but what I am saying is don't accept blame for this incident, because it's not your fault, simple as that.

mercyshooter · Oct 1, 2010

That's why a lot of countries do not legalize prostitution. It can break a family!

JessicaPrabbit · Oct 1, 2010

mercyshooter said:
That's why a lot of countries do not legalize prostitution. It can break a family!

Now there is some true wisdom ...
...
Good thing you pointed that out because I NEVER thought of it that way. Yeah.

A lot of things can break a family. I am one of them. Acknowledged.

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I do appreciate you taking the time to write.

BunnyHugs
JessicaPRabbit

lenny · Oct 1, 2010

mercyshooter said:
That's why a lot of countries do not legalize prostitution. It can break a family!

Prostitution, whether legal or illegal, can be one of a number of factors in breaking a family.

Other factors could be a man's inclination to cheat, have variety, or better sex. Or a wife's
refusal or inability to meet his needs.

If prostitution did not exist, a guy who wanted other women could still do so and end up
with his family being broken, because he was found out and the wife refused to forgive.

Consequently prostitution is therefore not the cause of families being broken up, whether
the business is legal or illegal. In fact, it may help many families stay together.

Furthermore, i would argue, that many families ought to be broken up.

Moreover, finally, what will be will be. Who's to say that such breakups are not the
divine intention, or what has been predetermined to happen, for the greater good,
in the end.

lenny · Oct 1, 2010

JessicaPrabbit said:
My heart hurts and I don’t know what to do.

Why? Let it go, forget about it, get on with life.

JessicaPrabbit said:
I answered my phone this morning and knew right away that I was on the line with a clients wife …”This is going to sound weird but who am I talking to? I know I called you but who is this?”

Maybe this is none of your business, and an appropriate response would be,
"Who the fuck are you? How did you get my number?"

JessicaPrabbit said:
“I’ve found your number and a photo of you on my husbands phone and I’m wanting to ask you some questions but I understand if you won’t talk to me”.

"Evidently you have the wrong number". Click.

It isn't an SP's job to rat out her clients or comfort his SO. Even if the guy
was an idiot in leaving that alleged pic and number on his phone. Let him
deal with it, until the time when/if he asks you to speak to his wife/GF.

Papa Chongo · Oct 1, 2010

Jessica,

As a married man, I first would like to say to you and all of the ladies here, thank-you for your confidence and companionship, I cannot fault you for your actions, you are a truly compasionate person, that is evident in your posts and comments, and you followed your heart, and were true to yourself!

I am married and have recently wondered about my actions and how I would handle my wife finding out, it would no doubt hurt her to her core, a thought I do not enjoy. I do truly love my wife and we have a fantastic relationship except for the sex, it is just not there, even when it happens there is no passion, there used to be!, I have tried almost everything, and the things I haven't tried, well she is not willing. I have had options for affairs, but they get messy and all I need or want is to feel some passion with someone. I had met an SP at the beginning of the summer, we became what I thought were great friends, I even found myself falling for her, and I had to put things into perspective, I could easily have found myself in love with another woman. In fact my actions here have hurt her as well, funny how that happens. I am currently in limbo as to whether or not I continue with this "hobby" I don't consider myself a hurtful person, but the reality may be something I am not willing to face.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there are many ways for men to CHEAT on their wives, but when there are ladies like you it makes those activity safe and clean, and that is way better than men finding themselves sleeping with dirty filfthy women, who take no care..

I find myself conflicted after reading your post, thank-you for the thought provoking reality check!

wilde · Oct 1, 2010

JessicaPrabbit said:
One of my clients wives

Your client is a polygamist???

On a serious note, I agree with lenny (for a change). It wasn't your place to confirm your client's infidelity. I suspect a more seasoned pro would have just played dumb or hung up. I think you have to dial down your moral compass a bit.

Pillowtalk · Oct 1, 2010

wilde said:
It wasn't your place to confirm your client's infidelity. I suspect a more seasoned pro would have just played dumb or hung up. I think you have to dial down your moral compass a bit.

thank you. Finally, some common sense in this thread. No, it was not her place to confirm that the client was seeing her; fwiw, that is absolutely no different from "outing a client", and really, really, really the most ridiculous thing I have seen here, not just because she did it but because so many are popping in here saying good job, well done, don't be sad, bullshit.

Really, I have seen a number of posts from the OP and have to wonder if she just fell off the sp truck, because there are so many indiscretions and bad decisions, I stopped counting.

JessicaPrabbit · Oct 1, 2010

Pillowtalk said:
thank you. Finally, some common sense in this thread. No, it was not her place to confirm that the client was seeing her; fwiw, that is absolutely no different from "outing a client", and really, really, really the most ridiculous thing I have seen here, not just because she did it but because so many are popping in here saying good job, well done, don't be sad, bullshit.

Really, I have seen a number of posts from the OP and have to wonder if she just fell off the sp truck, because there are so many indiscretions and bad decisions, I stopped counting.

In my own defense ...she already knew and made it beyond clear by way of first stating she was looking at a picture of me attached to my phone number on his phone when she called.

There is no right or wrong in my opinion. As with all things in life an outsider may think a different decision would have been better ...as in someone who thinks gentlemen who see industry ladies should not simply because "it's not a mans place" to be cheating on his wife... Just sayin

Bad Santa · Oct 1, 2010

Jessica, I know you've said before that you are a "compulsive pleaser". But you can't please everyone! I think this woman played you to get the answers she wanted. I have to agree, as much as it might hurt you to do so, you should have simply told her she has a wrong number and left it at that. Let the poor sap and his wife figure it out for themselves. It's their business. Yours is to be a professional.

Think of the ramifications of this. If it leads to divorce, you could find yourself in the position of being asked to testify against your client in divorce proceedings. Ouch!

Clients pay a lot of money for the services of an SP and part of what they are paying for is discretion.

Mind you, I think this client was either a fool for leaving your number and photo on his phone, or maybe he actually wanted her to find it. Whatever the case may be, it's between him and his wife.

Cock Throppled · Oct 1, 2010

Jessica, ignore the trolls.

There is nothing wrong with empathy, it's probably one of the qualities that makes you successful as an SP and most certainly makes you a successful as a human being.

JessicaPrabbit · Oct 1, 2010

Bad Santa said:
Jessica, I know you've said before that you are a "compulsive pleaser". But you can't please everyone! I think this woman played you to get the answers she wanted. I have to agree, as much as it might hurt you to do so, you should have simply told her she has a wrong number and left it at that. Let the poor sap and his wife figure it out for themselves. It's their business. Yours is to be a professional.

Think of the ramifications of this. If it leads to divorce, you could find yourself in the position of being asked to testify against your client in divorce proceedings. Ouch!

Clients pay a lot of money for the services of an SP and part of what they are paying for is discretion.

Mind you, I think this client was either a fool for leaving your number and photo on his phone, or maybe he actually wanted her to find it. Whatever the case may be, it's between him and his wife.

I have been reading each reply with gratitude, knowing full well that my decision may not sit "comfortablly" with many. But here's the thing ...my comfort comes first in regards to my health both physical and mental. Whether it be in session being asked to provide a service I am not comfortable with or answering my phone to the voice of one of your wives. I appreciate that my choice is wrong in the mind of many which is one of the reasons I wrote about what happened.

So, bad Santa, if you fear someone you partake in activities with may risk your privacy I suggest you take up another hobby or be sure you stipulate precisely what a lady is to do if she finds herself in this situation due to your own carelessness.

Trust me, I had zero seconds to decide which way to go when she called. I know that my choice may have been the wrong one, but keep in mind that I was not given time to ponder right and wrong. In life we can make bad decisions and often after giving it much more thought than a second or two.

Hanging up on her was not an option, not for me. What could possibly come of me hanging up on her? I'll tell you what. She could have continued to call dozens if not hundreds of times forcing me to need to change my #. I find, in life, if you hide it's because you are on the run and I am not now, nor will I ever allow myself to feel like I am running from anyone.

If I had told her I dont know him, or lied that she had the wrong number she would have even more reason to perhaps hate me and I really don't think she needed any more reason to hate me.

In the end the truth is always best. Period. I don't need some angry hating wife (who knows what I look like and where I work) to think I'm any less of a person than I truly am.

Sorry guys, if you think your sp's will lie on your behalf ...I think you may need a reality check. Don't spend your life expecting me to lie for you. If need be find another lady you can "trust to be dishonest" ...I'm me and I made the choice right or wrong.

All who know me know I don't act and I don't lie. If you think that is only when it's convenient for you, and if I change in some ways I fear I would change completely. Sorry but I rather like most everything about me. Do keep posting. I do appreciate the comments and deserve all you have, good or bad.

A call from my clients' wife ...today ...my heart hurts

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