Your feelings on friends who display loser behaviour

[LoadShooter]

I have a friend who is in his 30s who is very unambitious and has a very low standard (in my opinion) for life.

• He lives with his parents
• Virgin
• Never travelled
• Does not work out
• Poor dresser
• Watches lots of movies, tv and sports
• stays home alot yet claims to want to meet women and meet people

This guy is a nice guy, but he never has ambition to improve himself or make things better. I find I can't relate to him in terms of making my life better, and going after things I want in life like dating attractive women or fitness or travel.

Does anyone else get annoyed by people like this, or am I being too judgemental and intolerant? He is a nice enough guy to have my back as a buddy, but I just view him as a loser, and I just don't like being around losers. Its not that I'm too cool, but I just hate seeing people living 'loser' lives and being unaware of how low level of a life they are living. Content to just let life pass them by without an effort. Does anyone else feel this way about friends like that? Would you cut them out or keep them around on the side?

 

[Caramel]

I probably display loser behavior so maybe that's why I don't have any friends, my closest and best friend is my first cousin haha. Maybe you should just not talk to him anymore...there are lots of people who I didn't like their personalities (sociopaths, would run over a cat etc), but they were still my friends, I cut them off a long time ago.

 

[westwoody]

Do not let friends like that drag you down.

Cutting toxic people out of your life is a really good thing, hard at first but so good.

 

[italian233]

He is a nice enough guy to have my back as a buddy, but I just view him as a loser, and I just don't like being around losers. Its not that I'm too cool, but I just hate seeing people living 'loser' lives and being unaware of how low level of a life they are living. Content to just let life pass them by without an effort. Does anyone else feel this way about friends like that? Would you cut them out or keep them around on the side?

If he's a buddy who will have your back he is no way a loser. Being unambitious does not make a person a loser. There could be many reason why this person is the way he is. Mental health could be a factor which is not the person's fault. He could also be anti social and feel uncomfortable in certain situations? Have you tried to help him get out of his comfort zone?

 

[sybian]

I know a guy who doesn't have a friend in the world.....including me.
I seem to be the only guy that will take the time to listen to him, so he views me as a friend.
He is socially awkward, a little dishonest , and has no luck with the opposite sex, and when he does " fall in love" it's with someone he most likely would never have a shot at, even if they knew he existed at all.....it's very sad actually.
There came a point where I needed to tell him to give me some space, as his Velcro personality was costing me too much time....and to make myself clear, if I'm working with my stock, or on a tractor.....you may as well be showing up at my place of employment, and expecting a 3 hour visit.....normal people don't expect that, because they'd get that person fired.

When I told him to not come around during working hours, particularly if it wasn't winter time, he'd have to visit after 8 pm.
Now this guy is a giant of a man......and I made him cry.....so needless to say, he still shows up here, I still put up with his awkwardness, and I don't get much done when he's around.
Honestly......I feel bad for the guy, and I just don't wanna see a 240 pound red haired 50 year old ,sobbing again because I rejected him.

 

[UhOh]

Wow, would be so lucky to have friends like that who crap on us behind our backs. Thats a friend indeed.

 

[sybian]

Wow, would be so lucky to have friends like that who crap on us behind our backs. Thats a friend indeed.

.......and just to be clear( as I know you posted this almost a second after me, and I know your not directing that at me)
I told him right to his freaking face......so you could say he had some shit hit his boots.
If I have something to say to you.....I look you right in the eye.....240 pounds or not.

 

[UhOh]

.......and just to be clear( as I know you posted this almost a second after me, and I know your not directing that at me)
I told him right to his freaking face......so you could say he had some shit hit his boots.
If I have something to say to you.....I look you right in the eye.....240 pounds or not.

Not referring to your post

 

[Mrmotorscooter]

A loser is only a problem if they try to use you, some people have a way of popping a spigot into you and draining you regularly. This can be financially or for your time at an inconvenient time or they can be energy Vampires filling you with their tails of sorrow and misery. If the person makes you feel bad and only brings negativity, yeah that’s a good time to cut them loose. A sloth who has no initiative but is there for you and has your back to help you is not a loser, he just has different priorities.

 

[manni]

reminds me of a Seinfeld episode where Jerry was trying to break up with a male friend.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x3knxMBHco

 

[stamina]

You should keep him around, after all everything in life is relative. His "loser" attributes make you appear "way cooler."

 

[sybian]

Not referring to your post

I know, sorry about the knee jerk reaction my friend.

 

[LoadShooter]

A loser is only a problem if they try to use you, some people have a way of popping a spigot into you and draining you regularly. This can be financially or for your time at an inconvenient time or they can be energy Vampires filling you with their tails of sorrow and misery. If the person makes you feel bad and only brings negativity, yeah that’s a good time to cut them loose. A sloth who has no initiative but is there for you and has your back to help you is not a loser, he just has different priorities.

I like this perspective on things Mrmotorscooter.


I don't mean to hate on the guy behind his back, but his lack of ambition or wanting anything more than just a very basic existence just baffles me a bit. I'd love to be surrounded by people who are doing cool things and who I can learn from, but unfortunately that isn't the case, and maybe I'm directing my wanting this at this particular friend who has none of those qualities.

I just wonder how much hanging out with loser types can bring you down or rub off on you. I just wouldn't want their ideas or ways of thinking to seem 'normal' to me, when many of those choices are opposite of what a successful or winning person would do. I had a cousin who was a very weird guy growing up. Some of his habits started to rub off on me to some extent before I became aware of how weird and self destructive he was. After I started to realize how weird he was, I constantly had to assess whether anything he did out of ordinary was just being different, or whether it was a 'weird and crazy' choice. I didn't like having to do that and preferred hanging out with normal people where you could just respect their thoughts and actions.

 

[Caramel]

I agree with the others, someone who has your back is hard to find these days, even my own cousin does not! I wouldn't depend on ANYONE but my own sister or mom. And when you say things like "winning" and "successful", there will ALWAYS be someone better than you out there.

 

[take8easy]

I have a friend who is in his 30s who is very unambitious and has a very low standard (in my opinion) for life.

• He lives with his parents
• Virgin
• Never travelled
• Does not work out
• Poor dresser
• Watches lots of movies, tv and sports
• stays home alot yet claims to want to meet women and meet people

This guy is a nice guy, but he never has ambition to improve himself or make things better. I find I can't relate to him in terms of making my life better, and going after things I want in life like dating attractive women or fitness or travel.

Does anyone else get annoyed by people like this, or am I being too judgemental and intolerant? He is a nice enough guy to have my back as a buddy, but I just view him as a loser, and I just don't like being around losers. Its not that I'm too cool, but I just hate seeing people living 'loser' lives and being unaware of how low level of a life they are living. Content to just let life pass them by without an effort. Does anyone else feel this way about friends like that? Would you cut them out or keep them around on the side?

HEY!!! Who gave you the right to talk about me in public???

 

[SkinnyJohn]

This guy is a nice guy, but he never has ambition to improve himself or make things better. I find I can't relate to him in terms of making my life better, and going after things I want in life like dating attractive women or fitness or travel.

Does anyone else get annoyed by people like this, or am I being too judgemental and intolerant? He is a nice enough guy to have my back as a buddy, but I just view him as a loser, and I just don't like being around losers. Its not that I'm too cool, but I just hate seeing people living 'loser' lives and being unaware of how low level of a life they are living. Content to just let life pass them by without an effort. Does anyone else feel this way about friends like that? Would you cut them out or keep them around on the side?

Does he at least have a decent career? Or is he waiting to inherit his parents' house?

 

[mrman848]

I have a friend who is in his 30s who is very unambitious and has a very low standard (in my opinion) for life.

• He lives with his parents
• Virgin
• Never travelled
• Does not work out
• Poor dresser
• Watches lots of movies, tv and sports
• stays home alot yet claims to want to meet women and meet people

This guy is a nice guy, but he never has ambition to improve himself or make things better. I find I can't relate to him in terms of making my life better, and going after things I want in life like dating attractive women or fitness or travel.

Does anyone else get annoyed by people like this, or am I being too judgemental and intolerant? He is a nice enough guy to have my back as a buddy, but I just view him as a loser, and I just don't like being around losers. Its not that I'm too cool, but I just hate seeing people living 'loser' lives and being unaware of how low level of a life they are living. Content to just let life pass them by without an effort. Does anyone else feel this way about friends like that? Would you cut them out or keep them around on the side?

Yes you are being judgemental. You need to learn that not everyone in life makes it. The world is NOT the utopia of 'try hard and you'll succeed' that the brainwashing schools told you it is. The cold hard truth is that people fail and die off. Doesn't really matter what the reason is - bad genetics, bad luck, sociopath taking advantage of them, etc...
Maybe at one point he did try and kept failing, we all have breaking points. .....you might not understand it because its kinda something you have to go through.

Just let him live in peace, he'll eventually commit suicide or die in his 50's of a lonely heart(happens more than you might think!).

You know what these types did before TV and video games? ....they picked up an axe and went to conquer the next village over.

 

[LoadShooter]

I agree with the others, someone who has your back is hard to find these days, even my own cousin does not! I wouldn't depend on ANYONE but my own sister or mom. And when you say things like "winning" and "successful", there will ALWAYS be someone better than you out there.

I would agree that someone having your back is a rare quality so maybe I should focus on that, rather than the fact he is content to live a life that is well below an average experience with no awareness or ambition to improve it. He's a loyal guy who seems to like me so I'll try to view him that way from now on.

For someone asking about his career, he does online marketing. I know guys who are very successful at it, but I'm not sure if he really is. He is fairly cheap with his spending habits even though he lives at home and doesn't pay rent. The only thing I see him spend any money on is buying video games and going to movies.

 

[jgg]

I would agree that someone having your back is a rare quality so maybe I should focus on that, rather than the fact he is content to live a life that is well below an average experience with no awareness or ambition to improve it. He's a loyal guy who seems to like me so I'll try to view him that way from now on.

For someone asking about his career, he does online marketing. I know guys who are very successful at it, but I'm not sure if he really is. He is fairly cheap with his spending habits even though he lives at home and doesn't pay rent. The only thing I see him spend any money on is buying video games and going to movies.

He will retire sooner and with more money than most of us.

Hopefully we will have more fun, you can't take it with you.

 

[apl16]

Lol...... everyone has a different definition of a loser.

I have social/work acquaintances that consider me a loser because I don't drive a fancy car, wear expensive clothes and jewelry, and speak my mind respectfully. They would prefer that I be a social cheerleader and never say anything negative or rock the boat.
I'm a warm, kind, respectful person. I'm not materialistic, which mystifies a lot of people.
Shed people that don't treat you well. I'm comfortable talking to nearly anyone, a beggar to a celebrity, and treat them the same.
The only losers I know are people that are aggressive, arrogant, and are disrespectful to others.
My real friends have big brains and big hearts and are quick with an encouraging word. I would take a bullet for them and they would for me. I'm very lucky to know them.

I wish for everyone here to find great friends like mine. It takes a lot of time and good and bad to create meaningful relationships.

In the end, what you put in you get out.

My rant for the day!