Wife or girlfriend
- Thread starter chinksta
- Start date
That's a rather acceptable solution under the circumstances.
My late wife always said I could fool around if I needed but she didn't want to know. Sounded like a great offer, but we knew each other so well, I didn't think I could hide an affair. Never thought of paying for sex at the time, sex life was great, so never used the opportunity.
Agree, missing on a chance to have new happy families and giving kids a terrible example.
To OP, it's not up to us or you to decide what you do is OK. It's up to your girlfriend. Assume she finds out - what will happen? She might be the type who will be affected in a major way (depression and whatnot). Or she may be kind of OK.
Don't think she won't know, she'll likely have suspicions if not facts. You won't live happily ever after, the lack of trust is a huge deal breaker. If having "the one" is not enough, why not let her go and see SPs without feeling like a dirt bag.
Yes, but we are not animals, we are sentient creatures, we choose to do or not do, and are responsible for the choices we make. These guys know how their wives/significant others are going to react, how much it will hurt them, but do it anyway, because they "feel the urge". They are placing their own petty needs above their relationship. That is not healthy no matter what way you spin it. They want the best of both worlds, and whatever their wives think or feel about it doesn't count, it is all about them. They rationalize it by blaming their spouse, but really its they who are the one who is weak.
They need to be men, and either suck it up, sacrifice and find some other way to satisfy their urges without cheating, or be honest about it and leave the relationship.
better question, any married guys or guys with girlfriends ever get outed by an SP at the mall or around town hanging with their partner? I am just curious if any SP would get a crisis of conscience over being the other woman in a perbs life, or do they all just assume we are all single and thus, they are not complicite in the act.
i picked up a civvie gal at the bar one night - we went to my place and had crazy drunk-sex for most of the night. in the morning over oj and omelettes we both confessed that we each had so's and that the previous night's activities, as pleasurable as they were, probably weren't going to happen again. we showered and i dropped her off on my way to pick up my so for an afternoon of christmas shopping
later we were looking in the window of the shop in chinatown looking at wooden carvings, when i was startled by a quick jab of a finger in my arse! i whipped my head around to see who had done this to me and walking away down the sidewalk was my tryst from the night before - with a dude that i assumed was HER so judging by the fact they were holding hands!
after some stammering i was able to come up with a lame excuse why i had started so suddenly
sheesh - small world...
later we were looking in the window of the shop in chinatown looking at wooden carvings, when i was startled by a quick jab of a finger in my arse! i whipped my head around to see who had done this to me and walking away down the sidewalk was my tryst from the night before - with a dude that i assumed was HER so judging by the fact they were holding hands!
after some stammering i was able to come up with a lame excuse why i had started so suddenly
sheesh - small world...
I agree with your first post but not your second. There are many different kinds of relationships in the world today, including what are often referred to as "open relationships", in which the parties may play with others sometimes by themselves and sometimes as a couple.
For that matter, in past eras, when arranged marriages were common - and often entered into to further material interests of the family or clan as a whole rather than to meet the physical and emotional needs of the couple - and divorce was virtually non-existent, couples having "outside interests" was quite accepted (in some circles almost expected), provided everyone was decently discreet about it.
So I don't think your sweeping assessment in your second post necessarily applies in all cases.
But I do agree with your first comment: if the OP "feels like a dirtbag" about his activities, the most likely explanation for this feeling is that he IS being a dirtbag. From his brief opening explanation, it sounds like he is in a relationship in which part of the "trust contract" between the parties is an expectation of sexual fidelity. And he is breaking that agreement. And he knows it. So, IMHO, he should feel like a dirtbag.
Because frankly, not only is he violating his partner's trust personally, he may well be subjecting her to health risks that she would not knowingly take herself.
Common medical advice is that the only time people may safely engage in unprotected sex without serious risk of STDs is if they are in a committed relationship, have been monogamous for approximately 6 months, have both tested clean after that time, and only then set aside the use of condoms and so forth.
Now quite obviously, if at any time after that point, one of the partners starts sneaking out and getting a bit on the side with one or more other people of unknown sexual history, the monogamous partner at home having that trusting unprotected sex is now equally at risk of contracting anything the philanderer acquires.
And that is really and truly a rotten thing to do to another person. If that is what is going on - and the monogamous partner does end up acquiring an STD - then the person sneaking around to satisfy a craving for 'fruit salad' fully deserves to have his plums harvested with a blunt butter knife.
