Why Men Need To Cheat

[Miss*Bijou]

I get sarcasm

No, actually you don't. If you did, your answer would have been along the lines of the two that followed it instead of insults about my attractiveness and my intelligence because I reacted to belittling comments with sarcasm.

Wow...you just made yourself extremely unattractive. I get sarcasm especially after a long debate it gets frustrating to keep trying to get points across to others who are getting your point, but still dismiss it. BUT, and yes that is a big but, it does not help you to be condescending in your use of language if people don't agree with you, and it doesn't help your cause, whether it's for veggies or why men cheat aka the battle of the sexes.

I know you're intelligent, and are resourceful, sharp witted, and acidic like a belly full of hotsauce in bed at 3am, and you're out of Zantac 150...it's not helping and it's hurting your cred. You might not care, but I do. I liked and even cheered your posts before in the past. I agreed with you on points of opinion, and thought that you were a wonderful liberal...small 'L'...with a good head on her shoulders. I think I was wrong.

I don't need Zantac, thanks. And I don't particularly appreciate the implication that my failing to react cheerfully to extremely belittling and sexist bs comments means I need medication. It's also interesting that one post can suddenly change your entire opinion of someone to that extent. In any case, suit yourself - what can I say?

I'm actually quite sympathetic to men's situation in the context of my original post. That's why I posted it and I've often shared my thoughts on monogamy. The discussion veered off in a different direction, which is fine, that's what happens. The problem was that apparently some harbour deep bitterness about women and somehow took this thread as a convenient place to drag their issues into and start women bashing based on their bad experiences. I'm not as sympathetic to that, as it turns out. But when someone deems it acceptable to bring these kinds of arguments to disagree with me, when the discussion is about women, which I happen to be one, then obviously those comments are going to be insulting to me.

Sorry if you would have found it more attractive if I'd reacted by giggling and nodding in agreement but sadly that's not going to happen. I actually had a lot of non-sarcastic things I could have said, but I'd rather not get banned over this as it's not worth it. Sarcasm was the best option in response to this kind of misogynous bs.

Well most women are not that handy, aren't going to come over and fix your computer, aren't going to fix your car, will give you advice on women (but only after they've chewed your ear off about all the guys they're tormenting themselves over ad nauseum), aren't going to loan you money (because they usually have less than you), aren't going to cook a meal for you (because they're too busy cooking meals for the guy they're fucking), aren't going to give you career-centric advice to help you advance (because they're usually too low in that career, if they have one you could call a career at all)

Unfortunately women usually have little to offer..

Women, on the other hand, need not only friendship from persons of any gender, but want assistance from the world of men because other women are helpless because they themselves are clueless how to survive effectively in this world despite the fact that they partake in it by using computers, driving cars, use appliances, strive to have careers, etc.

Maybe some people just don't know how to pick friends? Or maybe they should try picking friends for reasons other than to attempt to get in their pants and then it might become obvious how these comments are such bs. Or be honest about it, admit they have no real interest in friendship with women, stop pretending they do and just be up front about their motives and intentions?

Load of crap. Except for fixing a car (which no male friend has ever done for me either btw - or known how to - but one female friend actually did), I've done every single one of those things for a male friend at one time or another, just like they have for me. Before being an sp, I sure as hell was higher in my career than most of them, but not all, and advice about it went both ways. I also made more money than most of them and it wasn't ever an issue either way.

...disinterested loathing

You tell me who's comments this applied most to. Certainly not mine.

Bijou was just giving me more free DWE. Fishwife Style

LOL That's just wishful thinking.

No actually, you were correct, I had misunderstood the comments. I was just repeating the likely reasons for my limited intellect and life skills, as laid out clearly by someone else in a previous post.

Velcro shoes imo. They've helped me immensely, I can now save my brain power for other things like remembering to breath, or chew before swallowing.

I know, I thought of the velcro thing but they're really hard to find these days. Where did you manage to find yours? And do you have any special tricks to remind you to chew or has velcro totally solved the chewing problem? If so, I'll really have to look into getting new shoes.

 

[DavidMR]

I still want to know why Canadian women are so ridiculously conservative. It's like their one or two centuries behind the times.

 

[Miss*Bijou]

I still want to know why Canadian women are so ridiculously conservative. It's like their one or two centuries behind the times.

I'm not totally sure how you mean that but the same could be said about Canadian men. I don't see a lot of them running around telling their gf or wives to go ahead and hook up with other men while they go and do the same with other women. Do you? So how are women more conservative?

 

[DavidMR]

I'm not totally sure how you mean that but the same could be said about Canadian men. I don't see a lot of them running around telling their gf or wives to go ahead and hook up with other men while they go and do the same with other women. Do you? So how are women more conservative?

Trust me, they are. Try interviewing a few.

 

[Miss*Bijou]

Trust me, they are. Try interviewing a few.

LOL Alrighty, I'll have to take your word for it, I guess.

 

[Miss*Bijou]

Back in the 70s - early 80s "Swinging" was practiced by a fair % of people http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swinging a lot of people pulled back from it when herpes really became prevalent followed by HIV/AIDs which scared the shit out of people.

Since the people that enjoyed the 60s to 80s "sexual freedom" years are the parents or grandparents of the current generation of young/middle aged adults, it shouldn't be all that surprising that sexual practices have become much more conservative.

I don't know, Al. Doesn't seem to be quite the case...

Youth Survey: Teen girls in charge

When it comes to sex, teen girls are starting to act more like boys
by Cathy Gulli on Friday, April 10, 2009 10:20am - 3 Comments

It may be every parent’s worst nightmare: when it comes to what constitutes appropriate sexual behaviour, teen girls are starting to think a lot more like boys. The latest survey by Project Teen Canada shows that while adolescents collectively aren’t having more sex than they used to—in fact they’re having less—females have a drastically different attitude. Rather than passively waiting for a romantic partner to come along, they are more likely to find one themselves, and have sex on their own terms.

The data shows that nearly half of female adolescents now say it’s acceptable to have sex after a few times out together, up from 35 per cent in 1984. During that same period, attitudes among male adolescents barely budged. Similarly, the proportion of teen girls who say that “making out” is okay after being with someone a few times has rocketed up from 79 to 94 per cent, which almost puts them on par with the guys, who are at 96 per cent. Reginald Bibby, the University of Lethbridge sociologist heading Project Teen, says the numbers reflect the fact that teen girls are “catching up” to their male counterparts.


“The traditional sexual script of male-female relationships in which the male is the initiator and controller is rapidly eroding,” says Alex McKay, research coordinator of the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada. “That basic fact explains a kind of convergence in attitudes and behaviours in relation to sexuality.” Both he and Bibby agree that this change has been a long time coming. The sexual revolution of the 1960s sparked a process of “the liberalization of attitudes” regarding gender equality and sex behaviour, says McKay. “Western culture has become more accepting of sexuality, and has been more willing to face up to the reality that adolescents are sexual beings.”


Of course the fear has always been that if you take the taboo out of teen sex, then things could get salacious. But the opposite seems to be happening. According to Bibby’s research, the percentage of youth who report being virgins is going up. In 2008, 56 per cent said they’d never had sex, compared to 51 per cent eight years earlier. McKay adds that Canadian teen pregnancy rates are declining, condom use is up, and Statistics Canada confirms that fewer adolescents under the age of 15 are sexually active now than in the 1990s.

Bibby says it’s because being comfortable discussing sexuality and being more tolerant of various behaviours doesn’t necessarily translate into having more sex. “Obviously things have become much more open,” he explains, “but they’ve also become much more optional. So one has the freedom to engage and the freedom not to engage.” Sara Moroz, a 20-year-old University of Lethbridge student, agrees. She says that teen girls can now be more open about having sex without being labelled as a “slut.” But on the other hand, “being abstinent is okay too. It used to be so hush-hush whether you’re having sex or not—but now it’s fine either way.”

In Bibby’s view, this is good news. “There’s much more of a sense of being in control of their sexuality,” he says. One finding in particular that may stun parents is among Bibby’s favourites: on a monthly basis, adolescents now engage in less sexual activity than seniors. “You know what the teen response is when I say, ‘I hate to tell you this, but grandma and grandpa might be having more sex than you guys are?’ ” he asks. “ ‘Gross!’ ”

http://www2.macleans.ca/2009/04/10/teen-girls-in-charge/

 

[jesuschrist]

If you had a daughter, you'd know better. There may be a bunch of guys hanging around, but it's only the guy on the "real ladder" that has them sobbing in their bedroom when he's not as interested in her as she is in him. I don't think that men "invest" as much in the fantasy of a relationship. So, while we get hurt, we usually recover faster.

Though I agree with what you say, I disagree on one point. Men don't recover faster, women do. It's a popular notion, advanced by women and "gentlemen", that women suffer longer and harder. It couldn't be further from the truth.

I believe the dynamic is usually like this:
Females invest emotionally much more heavily in the relationship in the beginning, and that would be with the one they could prospectively have (if they don't already) at or near the top of the "real ladder". If that were to bomb, the result is the disillusionment with men and bitterness that you see with women later in their age, those romantic notions of younger years replaced with disappointment. In fact, disappointment is a very typical emotion carried by older women.
But the other ones left on the "real ladder" and also the "friends ladder" are relied upon heavily during the recovery process, for indeed the investment in them is of varying degrees of intimacy of a variety of sorts. There might be a long spat of flings and sexual trysts in an effort to divest themselves of the last vestiges of the one they were so "in love" with. The result is usually self-fulfilled, and those deep feelings are completely vanquished. The irony is when during the relationship they might declare, even expound, their love as lasting forever. It implies an inability to be otherwise, but those ladders are often the key element to undoing what was professed to be an unavoidable fate. Love, it seems, is much more like the leaves that have fallen, turned brown, dried and blown away. Is it any wonder that men are typically viewing these ladders with cynicism and doubt?

Men on the other hand only have a ladder of women they want to have sex with. It is doubtful that he is intimate with more than one on an emotional level. When the relationship falls apart, he doesn't have the resources that women, with their multiple ladders, has to rely upon and recover with. He typically has no significant emotional investments in other women, unlike his partner with other men. Even as shallow as men are purportedly to be, even the shallowest cannot avoid the impact of a love lost. Men may not show it, but typically his suffering is much longer than the woman's.

If you are a man and you are in a relationship with a woman who has many men on her ladders, I would advise adapting her strategy. Try to find women who can act as real friends (and not just users of men) and keep them close. Try to lure women who would be on your "real ladder" as well. Not only will you recover at a more equitable pace to your partner should things fall apart, it would change the power dynamic inside the relationship while it exists. The most pathetic thing I have seen are those men pussy whipped by their partners, then taken to the cleaners when she ends it with an acquaintance on one of her ladders.

 

[NoAverageGuy75]

Holy crap. This has to be the longest, thoughtful and most civil discussion I have EVER seen on a forum board!

I would just like to answer a few points about wooing and Romance. Sex was never a big priority for my wife. The first year when we were dating was AWESOME. We had sex several times a week. She introduced me to toys and anal. But thats because she was *into me*.

After the first year she decided what she wanted to do career-wise and that was it. She went back to University to get a degree in that field and suddenly *that* was what she was into. I was silly enough to believe that it was simply a matter of being tired and busy. "Once she finishes the program, things will go back to normal." Silly indeed. After the degree it was the wedding. Then it was finding a job in her field and doing that first year of work and getting established. Then it was having a baby. You could almost say she "grew up" and grew out of sex. There were more important things in life and she just wasn't into *me* anymore.

Now I don't want you getting the impression she didn't love me any more. She did and still does. She still thinks I am a strong, handsome, smart amazing guy. She still feels lucky to have me... but she's not interested in sex. She's interested in other life projects. Sex just is not *there* for her.

Once the first baby arrived things got a lot worse. Sleep deprivation, post partum depression, medication, feeling like she's responsible for *everything*

That part is better now and the sex-life is back to 6ish times a year. But not enough for me, I'm afraid.

What have I done to get her back into sex? Yes, I've tried "wooing her" but she's not into it. It actually got to a point where I would plan a Date Night including 2-3 backup plans and in the end we would go for dinner, she would say she wasn't interested in Movie/Dancing/Squash/whatever I had planned and we would end up Grocery Shopping or some-such because *that* is what was important to her. This went on for six months, and even going out for Dinner sans-kids didn't help the sex-frequency. Needless to say an evening at Save-On-Foods is not my idea of a fun Saturday night. After six months I stopped trying to plan Date-Nights.

So how do you rekindle someone's interest in sex?
- Toy shopping to get ideas and try new toys. 3 years and 3 toys later, they have each been used once and thats it.
- I've encouraged her to masturbate and I let her know I'm ok with it... maybe regular orgasms will re-light the fires?
- Talking about Open Relationships...
- Swinging / Swapping
- Group Sex
- Inviting another man into the bedroom
- Inviting another woman into the bedroom... she's totally NOT interested in this one.
- Just plain "open". I can have a GF and she can have a BF
- Well, you're just not interested in humpy-humpy... I am. How about *I* just go screw other women. Nope.

We've discussed it to death, we've fought about it we've talked about different solutions. This phase was during years 7-10 together. We are in year 11 now and I've given up.

NOTHING WORKS and she just *doesn't care*. She can't be bothered to screw if she's not into it.

Whaddya do? Answer: PERB

NAG75

 

[DavidMR]

Back in the 70s - early 80s "Swinging" was practiced by a fair % of people http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swinging a lot of people pulled back from it when herpes really became prevalent followed by HIV/AIDs which scared the shit out of people.

...

What happened is that possibly the most Liberal generation in human history flipped over to being a Conservative generation practically over night.

Those are good observations Al and I don't argue with what you're saying. It still leaves somewhat unanswered why women looking for an affair, including attached/married women, will usually not consider an attached/married man.

 

[DavidMR]

LOL Alrighty, I'll have to take your word for it, I guess.

Don't take my word for it at all. Ask around among women not in the sex trade and ask them if they would consider an ongoing affair with a married or attached man, ... and include in the ones you ask married or attached women who are seeking something extra.

 

[Dgodus]

My mother was the worst in trying to keep me from women, I was in fact handed a make up bag full of condoms when I was 12 or 13 (lets just say all those soldiers died on the battlefield without ever being battle tested) and hated every single women I brought over up until the point I left for university. Conversly my gf's mothers were all really cool about allowing me to stay overnight. So I cant say wether a liberal generation flipped over to conservative or not, I basically saw both. What I did see, was mothers being harsh to their sons about how they are supposed to treat women as oppose to mothers being understanding of their daughters after knowing what they went through themselves (actually had this conversation with a longterm gf's mother - nurses, gotta love em). Funny sounds like a double standard to me.

What I did see, was women using all the same tactics that were supposedly "male" ie: women taking advantage of really drunk men at the end of the night, women using the tactic of continuously lowering their standards until they'd get action that night and just flat out women being aggressive in their pursuits of a man. Not only was this prevelant of my generation, but you could go to the cougar bar and see women in their 40's exhibiting the same behaviors (generally towards us males in our early/mid 20's). Granted these were situations in which promiscuity had no real repurcussions (I mean socially of course). So not only would you see women pursuing sex just like any man, you also saw the typical male locker room bragging amongst women.

So no, I see no female conservatism that is well behind that of us males in Canada. Only time I see it is when promiscuity can have social repercussions, generally in the form of gossip of "who did she blow to get that promotion" or for the single men who partake in the hobby. How many of you would suffer repurcussions if it came to light what you were doing - although now I would have no problems, a few years ago I would probably have difficulties in being allowed to continue coaching young kids playing baseball as their parents would most likely object. It goes both ways, and has more to do with appearences and social convention that other people are forcing. Two of the meekest parents I knew growing up had a veritable "tickle trunk" of bdsm leather gear, toys, and porn - but you'd never know it from talking to them in the super market. The few fwb's I've had in my life weren't from being a great lay, good looking, incredibly smart, terribly funny/rich/powerful - but from the ability to keep my mouth shut.

As for ladders. That's a pretty basic system for something as complex as human interaction. To say men have one ladder and their trying to screw everything on it is grossly simplistic and doing us all a major disservice. I would screw just about any woman that wasn't a complete bitch, but there is only a tiny, tiny percentage of that that I'm activly trying to sleep with (mainly because I can pay for some amazing sex with no drama attached - so my sexual needs are more than satisfied all the while keeping me emotionally "safe"). As for "real" friends, those aren't really needed anymore either. A good close friend used to be someone that was a confidant, had advice for you, could support you, slap you in the face when needed, etc, etc. Guess what the tools are there now to make that "close friend" obselete - it's called an internet forum.... and those are ANONYMOUS! To summarize my life, I can now come online for advice, support, reassurances, a kick in the ass, whatever (getting many more responses than the 2-3 I would get from close friends, with alot different viewpoints as well), I can more readily have my sexual/human physical contact needs met (and not simply through paying for companionship, but from sites such as "plenty of fish" etc), and I am now free to choose my acquaintances based solely on how much fun I have with someone or how much I enjoy their company wether male or female (and even different from when I was growing up when there was only girls basketball/volleyball/ringettes, now they play rugby ffs, I'd be all over those girls like a fat kid on a smarty - so yea, I do share alot of common interests with the women now a days. A good friends gf back home wouldn't hang out with him on Sundays cause he didn't watch football, I didn't hang out with him either on football day either, but man, her and I sure had some fun sitting around in track pants eating shit food, yelling at the tv and arguing about peyton manning trying to murder everyone of his receivers when they'd go over the middle).

Basically the worlds a different place. I've had sex with women I'd known for a long time without having sex with, I've also turned it down when I thought that was all I wanted from them. People do change, and so do their perceptions. A one/two ladder system has long ago become archaic.

JC is right imo, it doesn't have to do with being male/female. If you take a serious emotional blow and you dont have a support system.....you're screwed. Never be too proud to ask for help - take it from someone who sat alone for 6 years because he "could handle it on his own".

 

[Dgodus]

Don't take my word for it at all. Ask around among women not in the sex trade and ask them if they would consider an ongoing affair with a married or attached man, ... and include in the ones you ask married or attached women who are seeking something extra.

I've personally seen these situations plenty. When you ask someone you dont really know they'll answer according to social convention as they are terrified to be viewed as (pardon the expresion ladies, it's for effect) a whore.

 

[Dgodus]

An affair with a married man is too messy. Women know this. They don't want to have to deal with his wife and they know if the affair lasts very long that they will have to. It's a lot easier and safer for a married woman to be a "Cougar" or "play" with a divorced or widowed man.

My experiences are with the attatched title. I'm still young enough that only half the people I associate with are married, and I'm referencing a time when most were not. By attachment I'm also not refering to relationships measured not in months but years.

 

[Dgodus]

Still, if the woman the guy is attached to finds out he's cheating with a married woman - what happens? We both know that she phones or confronts the other woman, tells the woman's husband and makes a stink.

If that married woman cheats with a single guy - and is careful to avoid the needy guys, she gets the sex with no messy aftertaste.

This is also true. The only explanation I can offer as to why I've seen these happen (again not marriages, but long term relationships) is the same explanation I offered for why I had the few fwb's that I did have - keeping of ones mouth shut. An attached man while tend not to run around talking about what he's doing with her all the time (if he's smart). We're not simply talking about married woman having an affair with a married man, but single woman + married man and married woman + single man. So in effect you've supported one side of that argument yourself by stating, women aren't anymore conservative then men are.

An addition that does support attached man + attached woman is again, keeping things quiet. It's alot less likely that 2 people with something substantial to lose will get careless. Whereas a single man who doesn't have the same repercussions is more likely to slip. Why take more of a chance that your husband finds out your cheating, go after someone with as much to lose as you do. This one I'll admit is a hypothesis I've not seen proved. Where I have seen women cheat and women be the "side action" to an attached man.

 

[Dgodus]

And again the question that was asked was. A woman having an affair with a married man (no stipulation on her status), and a married/attached woman having an affair herself (my understanding of what it was I originally quoted)

You're talking about a married woman with a married man (or attached, whichever you chose to you). I hazarded a guess on that (which I stated, I'll take your word, I've no experience with it). My experiences are with simply one sided attached affairs - which again I'll state, I've seen too many to say they aren't commonplace. If you're strictly talking about married + married, we're discussing different points.

And no, you dont want personal information from a cougar, if they do give you personal information (beyond idle chitchat as it is their house you're going to in Banff), run away.

As well, needy people or entitled needy people (personally I refer to those as possessive) generally are types that both females and males avoid for sexual relationships, however they can still have their uses to either male or females as friends provided there are similar interests (which there must be, how did you come to meet? how did you learn enough about someone to figure out they're possessive/needy?), which is why I find this ladder business overly simplified and although a nice generalization is much to simple to base concrete theory of human interactions.

 

[jesuschrist]

This is also true. The only explanation I can offer as to why I've seen these happen (again not marriages, but long term relationships) is the same explanation I offered for why I had the few fwb's that I did have - keeping of ones mouth shut. An attached man while tend not to run around talking about what he's doing with her all the time (if he's smart). We're not simply talking about married woman having an affair with a married man, but single woman + married man and married woman + single man. So in effect you've supported one side of that argument yourself by stating, women aren't anymore conservative then men are.

Just goes to show that despite your disagreement with the whole ladder model, the treachery that the OP referred to, "why men cheat", applies equally to women. And as a side note, this business that some guys complain about women being more conservative than men is simply untrue; women just have to be more careful about the social ramifications of being called a slut - and yet despite such oppression, they will act with as much deception and treachery as necessary to fulfill their sexual needs. Just goes to show how strong the sex drive is and how it rules people's lives.

I see post after post of guys saying that they need things like Perb to keep their marriages (or civil unions) happy. So while this whole discussion has seemingly gone astray, in answer to the OP's deliberate and assymetrical focus on the cheating of men, I will say this: men need to cheat because women and men alike need sex like they need water to live. It's just too bad that for a lot of men, their partners have become unattractive or had manipulated them into marriage with an insincere offer of sex when they had less drive for it themselves, or that the men hadn't foreseen that their sexual needs would develop that would outgrow their partner as suitable to satisfy their need. Women seem to cheat less but I think it's only because they often depend on the retention of a partner who will pay the bills for their family, and that it's socially unacceptable to be labeled a slut. Were they afforded the same liberty as men, they would act the same. I would only add that because I think the ladder system is an accurate modelling of the male/female dynamic, females ultimately have more resources to cheat with even if they have less avenues (like a sex industry that placates them) to do so.

Finally, to ignore this drive while hiding behind the real reasons (such as requiring a provider, or being fearful of being outed as a slut), and yet pointing the finger at men for being cheats is utterly hypocritical and ignores the reality that women need sex as much as men. It disables the advancement of women as sexual beings who can own their own sexuality because it affords the multitudes of weak women the excuses to hide behind and thereby allowing them to purport some higher fictitious morality. And when it gets to that point, the victim game plays full circle, drawing in the hapless attached men into these awful guilt trips where they spend money on getting sex outside the relationship that should have guaranteed them that fulfillment when they agreed to a committed relationship with one woman.

 

[DavidMR]

An affair with a married man is too messy. Women know this. They don't want to have to deal with his wife and they know if the affair lasts very long that they will have to. It's a lot easier and safer for a married woman to be a "Cougar" or "play" with a divorced or widowed man.

Again, that's a valid observation, up to a point. But why do the married/attached women who are out looking for a casual play partner think they should specify unattached only?

 

[DavidMR]

Still, if the woman the guy is attached to finds out he's cheating with a married woman - what happens? We both know that she phones or confronts the other woman, tells the woman's husband and makes a stink.

That's the part I am thining of, the need to make it as large a confrontation as possible.

 

[Miss*Bijou]

Don't take my word for it at all. Ask around among women not in the sex trade and ask them if they would consider an ongoing affair with a married or attached man, ... and include in the ones you ask married or attached women who are seeking something extra.

I'm a bit confused. Is your argument that women are conservative for not wanting to date married/attached men? (If so, that's a bit silly, especially for women who aren't attached themselves...why would they seek out a married/attached man?)

Am I missing something or misunderstanding?

As far as friends, none of my friends are looking for something extra outside of their relationships, my best friend who's in the longest relationship out of all my friends, still has sex with her SO even with two kids now, my other friends are either single or in fairly newish relationships and a few with <1 yr old babies (they all went on a baby spree last year for some reason). So I'm afraid none of my friends are considering or seeking something extra. lol

 

[DavidMR]

I'm a bit confused. Is your argument that women are conservative for not wanting to date married/attached men? (If so, that's a bit silly, especially for women who aren't attached themselves...why would they seek out a married/attached man?)

Am I missing something or misunderstanding?

As far as friends, none of my friends are looking for something extra outside of their relationships, my best friend who's in the longest relationship out of all my friends, still has sex with her SO even with two kids now, my other friends are either single or in fairly newish relationships and a few with <1 yr old babies (they all went on a baby spree last year for some reason). So I'm afraid none of my friends are considering or seeking something extra. lol

In England or Europe no one, male or female, would be unduly shocked by a woman having an affair with a married/attached man. Here it's considered off the meter.

And that married/attached women who are themselves seeking a play partner specify single guys only just adds to it. Check out some site like AFF and you'll see what I mean.