OK, I'm a history professor at University and a civil right activist and that is my world and I saw a topical post on Twitter and was trying to discuss what I thought was common interest. I don't see how any SP can conclude this is about them specifically. It really is a general post, not with any specific personal attacks. I choose not to air dirty laundry in public. Thank you all for contributing to this thread. I like every single comment. I'm always trying to learn for everyone that I can and keep an open mind. Thank you all.
Who are the best Independent Providers? And proper etiquette in initial contact
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I'm no expert but those are pretty much the last topics on earth any SP would want to hear in an initial e-mail... :jaw:
why are you trying to discuss something with a professional (without compensation) who (very politely) said they were not interested in seeing or working with you? I'm not sure you understand how any of this works...
This Professor needs to go back to kindergarten to re learn that No means no.
Ah, academia: where the rubber has only ever considered the road.
So, I don't get a monthly bill on my email inbox, but the text messages on my work phone number in the thousands each month. My number of monthly bookings is in the dozens. It less "a few emails" and more a fire hydrant of messages with the occasional fleck of hope. It's exhausting.
One part of being a successful independent escort is being able to sift through all the inquiries to figure out which ones have potential and which ones aren't worth further investigation. Initial inquiries range from "hey" to "I saw your ad, tell me about it" and "Allow me to break the proverbial ice a little bit and introduce myself--it was a blistery night in 1968. A million souls each with a million stories in Chicago, all battening down their urban hatches for the coming storm, the first of many that February, when my now-father offered my not-yet-mother a ride (no pun intended, that wouldn't happen for three years more, two countries hence)...."
It takes a bit of practice, but after the first year or so, an established SP can quickly figure out which leads to follow. If you're talking to a well-reviewed SP who's been in the industry for years, she probably has a pretty firm fucking grasp on how to eagle-eye a WOT. Replying to her cordial rejection with anything other than "thanks for replying, kind regards." tells her she made the right choice. Reflexively running to Perb to post a non-accusatory non-review of a near-miss tells everyone else the exact colour of your underbelly.
You tripped over one word and got turned down? Oops. I've turned down new clients for things as small as, but not limited to:
-calling me babe
-telephoning me ever (it only says in my ad not to like eighty goddamned times)
-trying to become a regular/booking multiple sessions at once/waiving a wad of money around
-"How do I park?" (if there were specific instructions, don't you think I'd mention them?)
-"Can I have a picture so I know it's you?" (dude, you're the unknown quantity, my blowjobs have their own category of reviews)
-"I'm a great client/very handsome/the cleanest, or so says my mother!"
[Elsi, your time on the soapbox ended ten minutes ago.]
Right. You got rejected by a well-reviewed SP. Maybe show a little grace (yes, yes, pots and kettles), take it on the chin, and move on. It happens. Constantly. You'll be fine. You're a distinguished history dude, remember? You'll be fine.
Oh! I remember one more reason I turn people down: sniveling posts online. That one always get 'em by surprise.
Best of luck!
I (obviously) agree with Elsi: your endless snivelling privately and publicly after your rejection is proof that you are a dangerous client, who won't take "no" for an answer. Please stay away from providers and use your money on a therapist.
May you two excellent members of the community, Clementine & Elsi.....Say it LOUDER for the people in the back? Your rhetoric will end the abusive, entitled, egotistical, misogynistic climate that surrounds service providers. Stand tall, stand together. I love the gentlemen, please don't get me wrong.
As grown adults, we are all capable of making our own decisions, all of us. Learn how to communicate with everyone effectively; we are allowed to say no. We are worthy of respect and yes, our opinions matter.
It is sick to throw other providers in our face...we are all fully aware of the repercussions of turning down a client.
As grown adults, we are all capable of making our own decisions, all of us. Learn how to communicate with everyone effectively; we are allowed to say no. We are worthy of respect and yes, our opinions matter.
It is sick to throw other providers in our face...we are all fully aware of the repercussions of turning down a client.
Congratulations on one of the goals achieved: some of the best independent SPs showed up in the thread.
Assuming you aim to learn from your experiences, note your original post comes out as bitter, defensive, and condescending. It alone justifies the SP's decision not to see you, after the fact. It is actually scary how you would handle a rejection by somebody you met, if a stranger can cause this reaction. It is irrelevant if she made a mistake (which she didn't). She is not your student or your minor daugther. She is entitled to her decisions and her mistakes without your trying to push your opinion.
Despite the thread title, the initial commumication was not a big issue. One rejection in ten years makes great stats. My crystal ball says you'll see more rejections, which is still not the end of the world. Your unacceptable followup was the key problem.
To be fair, you acknowledged you looked like a psycho (not a figure of speech). This is what maniac stalkers do. The only way to distinguish yourself from them is to not act like one. You'd do well if you limit yourself to two messages most if her first reply didn't show interest. The second one, if any, cannot question her decisions or show disrespect. If you cannot stop messaging, it may be beneficial to get professional services of a psychologist rather than an escort. On behalf of all the members, don't make SPs regret they replied you at all.
Not here to judge, as I can recall my own weird behaviour (real or perceived), which hopefully was a learning opportunity. If somebody says you are harrassing them, just assume that is true despite your best intentions, and try not to get into that situation again.
I would believe this easier if you posted it in The Lounge, didn't invite people to PM you, and didn't accept the possibility of calling out the SP later.
Assuming you aim to learn from your experiences, note your original post comes out as bitter, defensive, and condescending. It alone justifies the SP's decision not to see you, after the fact. It is actually scary how you would handle a rejection by somebody you met, if a stranger can cause this reaction. It is irrelevant if she made a mistake (which she didn't). She is not your student or your minor daugther. She is entitled to her decisions and her mistakes without your trying to push your opinion.
Despite the thread title, the initial commumication was not a big issue. One rejection in ten years makes great stats. My crystal ball says you'll see more rejections, which is still not the end of the world. Your unacceptable followup was the key problem.
To be fair, you acknowledged you looked like a psycho (not a figure of speech). This is what maniac stalkers do. The only way to distinguish yourself from them is to not act like one. You'd do well if you limit yourself to two messages most if her first reply didn't show interest. The second one, if any, cannot question her decisions or show disrespect. If you cannot stop messaging, it may be beneficial to get professional services of a psychologist rather than an escort. On behalf of all the members, don't make SPs regret they replied you at all.
Not here to judge, as I can recall my own weird behaviour (real or perceived), which hopefully was a learning opportunity. If somebody says you are harrassing them, just assume that is true despite your best intentions, and try not to get into that situation again.
A tragic loss of the childhood cat can cause a trauma for life. Please have some empathy, people.
Mis-communication is the cause of a lot of the worlds problems and people with little to no empathy make up most of the remainder.
SPs need to be cautious and protect themselves and should refuse a potential client they don’t feel comfortable with. The SP in this case sounds like she handled the situation fairly well. Although I understand the OP’s frustration he handled the situation poorly.
There has been a lot of input in this thread from the SPs which is appreciated, however I wanted to make some points from the clients perspective. Good communication is key for both sides which starts with the ad. Many SPs don’t give enough information in their ads, some do and thank you for that. The more the better as this will help us narrow down potential SPs and save the SPs answering a lot of questions or having someone say something they don’t like. Although it’s not something I do, 90% of the SPs I’ve interacted with call me babe so it’s understandable why we might think it’s an acceptable practice. Like someone posted here “use your words”. It was also stated how important the SPs time is which is true but so is everyone’s. Casually saying just find another SP isn’t helpful. There are a lot of WOT SPs out there, scams, fake pics, ghosters, etc. I’ve spent hours going through ads trying to find a SP and then trying to cross reference them with comments on perb, trying to figure out scheduling, etc. and still ending up with a poor experience. The ones that are available have no reviews so you take your chances and the ones that have good reviews are too far to travel or schedules never line up. When I moved to the area last year I was hoping to find a regular but have yet to do so. So after all the misses and the research and then you think you can finally connect with a winner and you make a date and then she cancels because of a simple misunderstanding it’s disheartening and frustrating and it’s not always just a matter of finding another SP. Lets be honest, most of us aren’t looking for an SP because we’re in a loving healthy relationship. Clients are single and don’t have the time to date or have been unsuccessful at it or in a relationship that they probably shouldn’t be in for whatever reason. Having a date with an SP can be a fantasy experience that can boost confidence and self esteem to tide them over until they find a relationship but a bad experience can deteriorate those things.
This is one of the reasons why this site and all the people who contribute are so important, and good communication on both sides to avoid these kinds of situations and to have both parties understand and respect the other.
As for me I think I’m going to quit this hobby. For the money of three dates I can go somewhere tropical for a week instead and I’m finding it more stressful than anything.
SPs need to be cautious and protect themselves and should refuse a potential client they don’t feel comfortable with. The SP in this case sounds like she handled the situation fairly well. Although I understand the OP’s frustration he handled the situation poorly.
There has been a lot of input in this thread from the SPs which is appreciated, however I wanted to make some points from the clients perspective. Good communication is key for both sides which starts with the ad. Many SPs don’t give enough information in their ads, some do and thank you for that. The more the better as this will help us narrow down potential SPs and save the SPs answering a lot of questions or having someone say something they don’t like. Although it’s not something I do, 90% of the SPs I’ve interacted with call me babe so it’s understandable why we might think it’s an acceptable practice. Like someone posted here “use your words”. It was also stated how important the SPs time is which is true but so is everyone’s. Casually saying just find another SP isn’t helpful. There are a lot of WOT SPs out there, scams, fake pics, ghosters, etc. I’ve spent hours going through ads trying to find a SP and then trying to cross reference them with comments on perb, trying to figure out scheduling, etc. and still ending up with a poor experience. The ones that are available have no reviews so you take your chances and the ones that have good reviews are too far to travel or schedules never line up. When I moved to the area last year I was hoping to find a regular but have yet to do so. So after all the misses and the research and then you think you can finally connect with a winner and you make a date and then she cancels because of a simple misunderstanding it’s disheartening and frustrating and it’s not always just a matter of finding another SP. Lets be honest, most of us aren’t looking for an SP because we’re in a loving healthy relationship. Clients are single and don’t have the time to date or have been unsuccessful at it or in a relationship that they probably shouldn’t be in for whatever reason. Having a date with an SP can be a fantasy experience that can boost confidence and self esteem to tide them over until they find a relationship but a bad experience can deteriorate those things.
This is one of the reasons why this site and all the people who contribute are so important, and good communication on both sides to avoid these kinds of situations and to have both parties understand and respect the other.
As for me I think I’m going to quit this hobby. For the money of three dates I can go somewhere tropical for a week instead and I’m finding it more stressful than anything.
Uhoh, hold onto your butts. We're going for a ride.
Welp, another one bites the dust. May we all have learned something from this experience.Mis-communication is the cause of a lot of the worlds problems and people with little to no empathy make up most of the remainder.
SPs need to be cautious and protect themselves and should refuse a potential client they don’t feel comfortable with. True
The SP in this case sounds like she handled the situation fairly well. Although I understand the OP’s frustration he handled the situation poorly. True
There has been a lot of input in this thread from the SPs which is appreciated, however I wanted to make some points from the clients perspective. Uhoh.
Good communication is key for both sides which starts with the ad. Many SPs don’t give enough information in their ads, some do and thank you for that. The more the better as this will help us narrow down potential SPs and save the SPs answering a lot of questions or having someone say something they don’t like. I can take the horse to LL ad water, but I can't make him read the ad. My ad is written at a fourth-grade reading level, and is never more than five minutes long, and yet. And yet. I don't usually scorch someone for asking something "buried" a little further or skimmed over in my ad, but my rates are above the fold. So, who knows.
Although it’s not something I do, 90% of the SPs I’ve interacted with call me babe so it’s understandable why we might think it’s an acceptable practice. And if another SP wants to use pet names with her clients, I'm noamchomskying her right to do so. When someone starts an inquiry with "babe," I usually brush it off and get triple professional. I have three-hundred reasons to forgive him, but I don't suffer fools. Maybe start with "Hello [Name], how are you?" and then read the room. Like you would with a human person in the world.
Like someone posted here “use your words”. Sounds like an asshole to me.
It was also stated how important the SPs time is which is true but so is everyone’s. Fifty/fifty. I'm not calling you while you're at your commission job, but sure. Let's say the client has a stake in this too.
Casually saying just find another SP isn’t helpful. There are a lot of WOT SPs out there, scams, fake pics, ghosters, etc. I’ve spent hours going through ads trying to find a SP and then trying to cross reference them with comments on perb, trying to figure out scheduling, etc. and still ending up with a poor experience. Then you may need to examine your search parameters and reassess. (This is a longer way of saying, "maybe try another SP.")
The ones that are available have no reviews so you take your chances and the ones that have good reviews are too far to travel or schedules never line up. How far ahead are you trying to book? If this is a same-day search, you've already skipped over the majority of the talent I can name off the top of my head.
When I moved to the area last year Welcome to my hometown! I was hoping to find a regular but have yet to do so. Oh, shit. So after all the misses and the research and then you think you can finally connect with a winner and you make a date and then she cancels because of a simple misunderstanding it’s disheartening and frustrating and it’s not always just a matter of finding another SP. Lets be honest, most of us aren’t looking for an SP because we’re in a loving healthy relationship. Clients are sometimes single and don’t have the time to date or have been unsuccessful at it or in a relationship that they probably shouldn’t be in for whatever reason. Having a date with an SP can be a fantasy experience that can boost confidence and self esteem to tide them over until they find a relationship but a bad experience can deteriorate those things. You might be putting a little much on an SP. If you're looking for a fantasy experience AND a confidence boost AND self esteem AND a date, could you settle for a date and a good time? Yes, SPs take on a lot of emotional labour, but just like a therapist isn't a one-dose magic cure, SPs can't solve all of these things in an hour PSE session in a schoolgirl outfit.
This is one of the reasons why this site and all the people who contribute are so important, and good communication on both sides to avoid these kinds of situations and to have both parties understand and respect the other. I do respect you. I appreciate that y'all allow me to do such good things for my community and meet amazing people and make my job to get laid and get paid. As I say to people too regularly when they disparage clients, "don't talk shit about my friends."
As for me I think I’m going to quit this hobby. Oops. For the money of three dates I can go somewhere tropical for a week instead and I’m finding it more stressful than anything. Send pics!
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Usually when someone calls me babe, it’s some guy who got himself lost on the internet following his boner around while looking at pictures. It’s disrespectful to address a Domme by pet names.
Even when contacting an escort, I suggest to take the polite route and address her by her name. It shows you’ve taken the time to at least read a portion of her ad.
Even when contacting an escort, I suggest to take the polite route and address her by her name. It shows you’ve taken the time to at least read a portion of her ad.
I agree, but the point was it’s understandable why some might think it’s ok. Unfortunately they probably won’t be the ones reading this but giving them a chance to correct themselves seems fair to me.
THEY CANNOT?:jaw:
Also, an unrelated quote, in case somebody didn't get your loving reference:
It is a known pet peeve on both sides, see https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?237803-Pet-peeves
What can you do, many good people have habits we hate. In all likelihood, your ideal woman is not ideal either. Babe/hun/love are pretty minor offences. (But 90%???) Some SPs used 'Daddy' unprompted, more of a bold move I think.
Well obviously those three girls were just the wrong three girls. (Cabaret)
Thank you for the well presented responses and the time you take to participate in this forum. Input from the SP side of things is such an important factor in making this forum work.
I’m afraid the ride isn’t over yet.
op2:One of the main problems in this industry is there is so many duds on both sides, it’s a minefield out there. You are obviously in the top of the field but so many are not.
Some SPs (including yourself) do put up good ads but unfortunately most don’t. If it’s a couple sentences describing how great the SP is and nothing else that’s a big red flag to me. Unfortunately there is no way to put everything in the ad so first communication is very important. I do realize SPs have to deal with all kinds and I’m sure it can be exhausting however you are the pros and most clients don’t have a clue what they are doing or how to ask for what they want properly. You posted earlier in this thread that it takes a SP a year to figure out who’s a WOT, but we can be expected to get it a lot of things right with little to no experience. I personally have had a couple of SPs that were very helpful with the ins and outs and some not so much. (I’ve been trying this hobby for a year now and apparently I still don’t have a clue what I’m doing as I was recently berated by an SP despite my best efforts).
““use your words”. Sounds like an asshole to me.” Lol I can’t remember for sure where I saw this statement but I’m pretty sure it was a friend of yours.
As far as time goes I agree it is 50/50. You get some on both sides that invest very little time and effort into the date(cleanliness, promptness, communication,etc) and you get some on both sides that put a lot of effort into it. I personally spend hours trying to find a date, cleaning up and primping for the date and making sure my place is clean and prepped if it’s an outcall. I also try to be friendly but not too chatty and communicate what kinds of things interest me. Just as SPs have, I’ve also had no shows, cancellations, late(up to 3 hours), and ghosted after all the effort. I work a lot of hours and a lot of days so spending all that time for nothing is very discouraging.
As for trying another SP, I’ve been trying for a long time and investing a ton of time into it. At what point do you throw in the towel. Instead of excitement when I contacted an SP I felt trepidation and dread and I’m just happy to connect with an actual SP even if she’s not the girl in the pictures or she’s not good at her job and that ain’t right. So saying just find another SP makes it sound like I haven’t tried or put any effort into it.
I definitely prefer booking ahead but most independent SPs only book same day and even some of the “establishments”. Most independents I’ve come across are really bad at booking and then making the established time if they show up at all.
A date and a good time is exactly what I’m looking for. That is the fantasy. The few dates that have gone right were exactly what was hoped for and fulfilled what I was looking for. It’s not up to the SP to be our therapist although a good session can be very therapeutic.
Misunderstandings in communication is something that really bothers me. Witnessing two people argue/fight over something that shouldn’t even exist makes me sad to be honest, when some good communication could have prevented or solved the whole thing. When anyone gets upset because of my miscommunication I take it to heart and when it can’t be fixed I lose sleep over it. When it’s someone I’ve never met should it bother me, should I care? Probably not but yet here I am rambling about it to strangers on the internet. Perhaps an appointment with a real therapist.
Edit. I don’t know how you transfer quotes into the reply.
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