When the sugar ain't that sweet...

[NewbieSugaBaby]

A year or so ago I got an account on PERB out of curiosity to understand the community and rates/expectations after I was approached with a sugar-baby sugar daddy type arrangement.

It was good...Great even, for a while. I was able to focus my time on school knowing that I had a degree of financial security, was fine with the exclusivity, and actually enjoyed the professional boundaries of the relationship more than some actual relationship's I've had. As I understand it, that would be called a 'courtesan' arrangement?

Unfortunately the boundaries were pushed by a pretty big ask...This person asked me to surrogate for them. I ended the relationship and took some time to process and realized I would be ok with having another sugar-daddy.

I was wondering if any of you had any thoughts on where I would start to look for another similar experience, if that sort of situation I experienced is common. Is there any way to avoid those kind of deal-breaker situations?

-Newb

 

[smackyo]

A year or so ago I got an account on PERB out of curiosity to understand the community and rates/expectations after I was approached with a sugar-baby sugar daddy type arrangement.

It was good...Great even, for a while. I was able to focus my time on school knowing that I had a degree of financial security, was fine with the exclusivity, and actually enjoyed the professional boundaries of the relationship more than some actual relationship's I've had. As I understand it, that would be called a 'courtesan' arrangement?

Unfortunately the boundaries were pushed by a pretty big ask...This person asked me to surrogate for them. I ended the relationship and took some time to process and realized I would be ok with having another sugar-daddy.

I was wondering if any of you had any thoughts on where I would start to look for another similar experience, if that sort of situation I experienced is common. Is there any way to avoid those kind of deal-breaker situations?

-Newb

get a job maybe like many other male and female students do.

 

[MrPeterNorth]

It's a two-way street. I'm in the process of trying to start an SD/SB relationship, and I'm finding most of the women aren't very serious either. In the last 2 weeks I've probably received close to 15 replies, many with pictures and thoughtful responses. Only for it to go nowhere after that...

I'd rather just see my one regular as is and not have to deal with the flakiness.

 

[smackyo]

I have been in SD/SB arrangements and am soon to enter into another one. I have used Craigslist in the past.

More recently, I joined www.sugardaddie.com (not sure if I can or cannot post that link, but what the heck).

With craigslist I have always hid my face in the picture sent, but with the other website it is out in the open for everyone to see.

Having recently tried out the sugar daddy website, I will take it over Craigslist anyday. I have noticed with many people that have contacted me via craigslist is that they are not sure what they want. Many are fake. Picture collectors, or some guy that feels that having a sugar babe is a better option because it may end up being cheaper than his pooning habit.

With the sugar daddy website, I have found that men seem to know what they are looking for. Especially because they have to pay to message people, they are more committed to finding what they want.

In the few days that I have been a member of this SD website, I am quite impressed (not with the layout of the website), but with the response. There are many people on this site that are located in other parts of Canada and the US that will contact you. Some want you to relocate, some are more than happy to fly yourself to them.

I recommend going and getting some professional pictures of yourself done, and joining this site. My pictures posted are not erotic in any way, but just having a well done picture makes a huge difference.

To the above poster: There are many cases in which working your ass off will not pay for your tuition. Supporting yourself, not being able to qualify for a student loan, and a part-time job combined will not pay for your tuition and educational costs. Oh and by the way, what idiot makes such a comment on an escort review board. I am sure many girls who are full time escorts (some that you may have taken some time to enjoy yourself with) are students. Why don't you go up to them and ask them to stop doing what they do because they go to school. Everyone is involved with this industry for their own reasons. Even yourself.

well for one thing being a sugarbaby and working as an sp are two different things in my opinion. but over looking that, what bothers me about this way of thinking is that it has come up not only in this thread but the others about "sp's dating clients" and whatever else is that a lot of the ladies seem to think that being an sp is their only option.

like they would starve to death if they didn't sell/provide sex for money. i mean for christ sakes, is that all that you think you can really do??? is that the only way for you to make a living??? i was merely pointing out that if this girl wanted to avoid some of the uncomfortable situations that come along with providing sex for some kind of financial gain that she could do what thousands of other students do and get a job (not that being an sp isn't a job, but i think you know what i mean.) as opposed to living off of and depending on someone else to achieve their goals.

i mention these things because quite frankly i am worried for some you who think this way. your looks don't last forever so hopefully enough money is made and saved or invested wisely because one might be in for shock when they find that they are old and not too many dudes want to tap dat ass anymore for $300 bills and there is nothing to fall back on because all you have ever thought you were any good at was providing sex.

by the way classy move in resorting to name calling.

 

[hunsperger]

well for one thing being a sugarbaby and working as an sp are two different things in my opinion. but over looking that, what bothers me about this way of thinking is that it has come up not only in this thread but the others about "sp's dating clients" and whatever else is that a lot of the ladies seem to think that being an sp is their only option.

like they would starve to death if they didn't sell/provide sex for money. i mean for christ sakes, is that all that you think you can really do??? is that the only way for you to make a living??? i was merely pointing out that if this girl wanted to avoid some of the uncomfortable situations that come along with providing sex for some kind of financial gain that she could do what thousands of other students do and get a job (not that being an sp isn't a job, but i think you know what i mean.) as opposed to living off of and depending on someone else to achieve their goals.

i mention these things because quite frankly i am worried for some you who think this way. your looks don't last forever so hopefully enough money is made and saved or invested wisely because one might be in for shock when they find that they are old and not too many dudes want to tap dat ass anymore for $300 bills and there is nothing to fall back on because all you have ever thought you were any good at was providing sex.

by the way classy move in resorting to name calling.

agree 99.9% with Smackyo...

only part I disagree with is SP and Sugarbaby...

no difference in my eyes, both sell sex for money and the minute either one stopped the supposed connection would end...

to the original poster, get a real job...

 

[HB40]

i mention these things because quite frankly i am worried for some you who think this way. your looks don't last forever so hopefully enough money is made and saved or invested wisely because one might be in for shock when they find that they are old and not too many dudes want to tap dat ass anymore for $300 bills and there is nothing to fall back on because all you have ever thought you were any good at was providing sex.

by the way classy move in resorting to name calling.

Huh? You say looks don't last forever....probably why they are going to school eh? The arrangement is just as important to the sugar daddy, like EN-P says, we all have our reasons. Lucky for you smackyo when you're old and nobody will let you tap dat there will still be generous ladies willing to compromise for you.

BTW, you are being an idiot....not resorting to name calling just stating the obvious.

Fucking us has to be one of the most demanding and thankless jobs out there....and as real as it gets!

 

[Thais]

I was able to focus my time on school knowing that I had a degree of financial security...

There are many cases in which working your ass off will not pay for your tuition. Supporting yourself, not being able to qualify for a student loan, and a part-time job combined will not pay for your tuition and educational costs...

like they would starve to death if they didn't sell/provide sex for money. i mean for christ sakes, is that all that you think you can really do??? is that the only way for you to make a living??? i was merely pointing out that if this girl wanted to avoid some of the uncomfortable situations that come along with providing sex for some kind of financial gain that she could do what thousands of other students do and get a job (not that being an sp isn't a job, but i think you know what i mean.) as opposed to living off of and depending on someone else to achieve their goals.

i mention these things because quite frankly i am worried for some you who think this way. your looks don't last forever so hopefully enough money is made and saved or invested wisely because one might be in for shock when they find that they are old and not too many dudes want to tap dat ass anymore for $300 bills and there is nothing to fall back on because all you have ever thought you were any good at was providing sex.

Where is the indication that the "some" people you are worried about are present in this thread? Both female posters in this thread have clearly indicated that one of them is in school (=working on her long-term potential); and the other has explained precisely why SPing would have worked better for her in such circumstances indicating that she had considered her options. In this particular light, I cannot help but find your comments a bit condescending.
Oh, and I am pretty sure they have a good grasp at the "uncomfortable situations that come along with providing sex for some kind of financial gain" because they are doing it, so they know better if and how much those situations bother them and thus how to best handle it.

 

[InTheBum]

A year or so ago I got an account on PERB out of curiosity to understand the community and rates/expectations after I was approached with a sugar-baby sugar daddy type arrangement.

It was good...Great even, for a while. I was able to focus my time on school knowing that I had a degree of financial security, was fine with the exclusivity, and actually enjoyed the professional boundaries of the relationship more than some actual relationship's I've had. As I understand it, that would be called a 'courtesan' arrangement?

Unfortunately the boundaries were pushed by a pretty big ask...This person asked me to surrogate for them. I ended the relationship and took some time to process and realized I would be ok with having another sugar-daddy.

I was wondering if any of you had any thoughts on where I would start to look for another similar experience, if that sort of situation I experienced is common. Is there any way to avoid those kind of deal-breaker situations?

-Newb

You sound like a lazy and greedy little bitch! Get a job @ Blenz or something that requires no skills...

 

[smackyo]

to whom it may concern (the two ass kissers above me) i like anyone else am entitled to my opinion. if you find it condescending then you've read something into it that i didn't write.

as for being an sp being "as real as it gets" i also disagree with this. though i think it can be trying both emotionally and physically, i would say that being a soldier in a war zone, or being an aid worker in a disaster area or being a cop in the dangerous situations they sometimes find themselves dealing with, or being a firefighter battling a towering inferno is as real as it gets. as opposed to a "high class" girl or sugarbaby that has regular clients/sugardady that she likes that come over and have sex with her, pay her and then leave. that to me sir i'm sorry is not "as real as it gets" give your head a shake.

i do realize however that not all sp's situations are like what i've stated above and many of them take risks with their health, mental and physical well being but so do the other jobs that i have mentioned above and i doubt those professions are compensated as well for what they do as sp's.

another reason why i worry about these women is because very early this morning while i was in bed i got a phone call from someone in this industry that i care a great deal about. i don't have all the details right now because she has yet to call me back, but she had been physically hurt by someone and had to call 911 and go to the hospital.

i'm waiting for her to call me back so i can go see her and make sure she is alright. i'm on fucking pins and needles and my stomach is in knots. when i talk to her today and when i get more details, if this situation is what i think it is and she gives me this jackass's phone # if she has it then i will post it up here so that these ladies can avoid this fuck head whoever he is.

thats why i worry sir. i don't know many of these ladies but i care about people and i don't want to see things like this happen. by the both of you encouraging this thinking that this profession is all they can do does them i disservice in the long run.



sorry this post is not directed to inthebum but the two posters above him.

 

[Thatotherguy]

You sound like a lazy and greedy little bitch! Get a job @ Benz or something that requires no skills...

Ahh, ITB is as charming as usual!

 

[Thais]

by the both of you encouraging this thinking that this profession is all they can do does them i disservice in the long run.

I am sorry about your friend.

But if you think I encourage the type of thinking "is all they can do" you too are reading into my words what was never there. And by the way - I am a woman - an SP - to whom this profession is both a bridge to a fulfilling long-term future and something that fits her personality well in the meantime. The only kind of thinking I ever encouraged both by words and example is this: think about your dreams and current talents/skills, then find the optimal strategy to get to fulfilling those dreams - and always believe and have confidence in yourself.

For many of us, escorting is a part of that strategy. And it too requires a number of health (including mental health) and safety checks and balances to avoid the downsides, including but not limited too: references, safe calls, knowing the signs of burn out, maintaining boundaries, having a support network, not being afraid to fire clients you don't like, etc. Unfortunately, I don't see those practices around as much as I could hope....

I want people to make informed choices and share what I've learned in my own years and experiences in the industry on how to keep a positive balance sheet. I definitely don't see this as a disservice.

 

[Thais]

I've never considered a SD/SB arrangement but the thought intrigues me. If someone has experienced such relationship(s), can you enlighten me on the financial/companionship setup that you've dealt with? Either a reply or a PM would do. Thanks.

Well, I've heard it can work.
It's important to define boundaries in the beginning, details of compensation - and details of how the arrangement will be re-evaulated or cancelled. Of one the common things is that if the SD cancels, the SB still receives at least a month of allowance for the transitionary period. Not only the original expectations should be negotiated - I believe you will be better off if you discuss a couple of scenarios of what will happen if those expectations shift.

The emotional risks can be higher in such arrangements and need to be watched out for. It really takes a lot of self-awareness and good communication skills to navigate those waters - but yes, for those who can I hear it can be very rewarding. I also hear about frustrations and mismatch of expectations.

I've had this experience briefly for 6 months when a client offered me an exclusive relationship. Financially, I gave him my approximate escorting income and asked to match it. He agreed.

It ended up in a complete emotional disaster (we both liked each other too much and he was married) and I can share some lessons. If none of the concerns below apply - good for you!

For a woman: if you find your SD attractive and interesting and all that jazz, and you happen to be single and romantic - think a dozen times before agreeing. You will be dating this man exclusively for a period of time, can you trust yourself not to fall for him?? And if you don't find him that attractive, is the money worth it? If your clients are just work, then I guess it does. If you actually really like many of them and enjoy your time together, do you want to give them up for a relative stability? I say relative because you don't know whether the SD/SB relationship will last 3 months, a year or several years.

For a man, well, the same thing about emotional risk and some of the same questions: what happens if you like her too much? Can you recognize the signs while your feelings are still under your control? Can you stay within the pre-defined boundaries? Are you single or married? Etc.

 

[kalel]

this is purely selfish on my part but if if i've got the money i've got the power. the power to pick and choose a different meal each day as opposed to eating the same meal every day.

 

[HB40]

Although we indulge in this industry, why can't posters like smackyo and others who are discouraging her about this industry make their point across.

The fact that there are male pooners telling her to get a job points out we are not all heartless monsters and we do care about a woman's future.

You guys are true gentlemen....I'm just wondering, do we tell them before or after we pay them?

 

[smackyo]

You guys are true gentlemen....I'm just wondering, do we tell them before or after we pay them?

get your head out of your ass and actually read the responses instead of what you're reading into them.

 

[Motioncar]

After some thought on this...I kind of like the idea of a S/D S/B relationship, if it helps a student get through school without piling up a burden of debt, all the better.

The sugardaddie site...seems to be far more of a dating site...

 

[BJhunter]

You sound like a lazy and greedy little bitch! Get a job @ Benz or something that requires no skills...

i agree! but unfortunately, there's the gullibility & generosity of rich sugar daddies willing to shell out big bucks but unfortunately in this day sugar daddy relationship, it's only temporary for her (original poster), as soon as she gets older, no matter how much money can buy for plastic surgery, that rich sugar daddy will just go for someone younger & prettier, naturally...

c'est la vie! dont feel bad for these slackers, they should go get a real job!

 

[MrPeterNorth]

What's the difference between a "Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby" relationship and "dating" a Sugar Daddy. No offense, but if a guy is shelling out thousands of dollars you can never call it "dating".

I'm going to be crass here - but folks, a whore is a whore. Some are classier than others no doubt, but the minute you accept cash in return for offering your services, you are - a whore.

Ideally I'm more interested in helping out a total non-pro like once a week on very low key terms - none of this $3K/week allowance b.s. If you're spending that kind of cash, you might as well just meet a regular normal non-SP and date her instead...

 

[hunsperger]

In my arrangements, the men that I have been with have genuinely cared about me, and I am 100% certain that should something ever happen to me, they will be one of the first at my bedside in a hospital or wherever it may be.

you're delusional...

a sugardaddy wants the sex without the commitment, and a sugarbaby wants the money without the commitment...

why else would they be in the that type of relationship...

they won't be at your bedside when your in the hospital, they will be in somebody elses bed...

 

[trackstar]

you're delusional...

a sugardaddy wants the sex without the commitment, and a sugarbaby wants the money without the commitment...

why else would they be in the that type of relationship...

they won't be at your bedside when your in the hospital, they will be in somebody elses bed...

I think that a lot of guys DO want the commitment. They engage in the SD arrangement so that they can be involved with a woman that they normally would not be able to get without financially supporting them. As for the woman, I honestly do believe many of them would be bedside. Regardless of being a sugar baby, these women are human and feelings do develop. They may not fall head over heals for their sugar daddies, but do develop feelings none the less.

The part that does perplex me though, is how so many SB's look down at SP's and don't consider themselves prostitutes. They focus so much on providing, "Companionship" that they disregard the fact that they are having sex for money. They even go as far as to fool themselves by stating that the sugar daddy is paying SOLELY for their, "Companionship" and if they do have sex, it is only because they WANT to, not OBLIGATED to Whatever gets you through the day I guess, but they have no business thumbing their noses at any of the sp's imo.