When an SP says "I really like you"

[Willingham]

Although I no longer actively "poon", I still see one girl that I met a while ago, maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks. Last time I saw her, she starting tearing up a bit and said to me: "I really LIKE you".

I did not meet this girl on CL, she does not advertise services. Anyways, The problem is that I really like her too, but have no real way of knowing how sincere she is. Her life is a mess and she has a drug problem which she told me about the first time I met her. Clearly a huge red flag.

Yes, I pay her when I see her, but she always brings me gifts, little trinkets, thoughtful things, pictures of her family, and child.

This is a conundrum...I don't know what to do. I only expected to see her the one time....She thanks me over and over again for "helping" her, but I know deep down, I am not really helping her, more like helping her pay for her problem.

Thoughts?

 

[jordan_]

Although I no longer actively "poon", I still see one girl that I met a while ago, maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks. Last time I saw her, she starting tearing up a bit and said to me: "I really LIKE you".

I did not meet this girl on CL, she does not advertise services. Anyways, The problem is that I really like her too, but have no real way of knowing how sincere she is. Her life is a mess and she has a drug problem which she told me about the first time I met her. Clearly a huge red flag.

Yes, I pay her when I see her, but she always brings me gifts, little trinkets, thoughtful things, pictures of her family, and child.

This is a conundrum...I don't know what to do. I only expected to see her the one time....She thanks me over and over again for "helping" her, but I know deep down, I am not really helping her, more like helping her pay for her problem.

Thoughts?

She may very well be very sincere, Its hard to tell with all the variables you mentioned.

But even if she wanted to be with you it looks like she needs to work on herself before she can even think of being able to work on a relationship with somebody

I think she needs help in other ways (not just you assisting her financially by seeing her professionally) first and foremost.
If she has a drug problem you helping her financially is doing more bad than good in the long run. (I'm not chastising you, just mentioning)

But just because she has issues, I would not doubt her sincerity just yet.She obviously cares enough to do things she thinks will make you smile, which means something.

 

[Mr Blonde]

it doesn't mean anything. if you look at what we do as anything other than business you're setting yourself up to get burned.

remember this thread 6 months from now when you make a new post about how you fell in love with an SP and how it all went to hell shortly afterwards.

 

[Ima]

Meeting someone you REALLY like nowa days is very difficult, and if you think there could be more to the relationship, and you are mentally strong to do it, then go for it...

Maybe she needs you more as a friend then a client right now...

Tell her you would like to take her and her child out together, as friends, see where it goes... What is the worst that can happen, it doesn't work out... Big deal, lots of relationships don't, but if it does then you both maybe very happy...

So, IMO take the chance at being happy... As the song goes, 'sometimes you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right'

 

[Bartdude]

Would things work out the same if you weren't paying her?

There's your answer.

 

[Daisy Dreams]

Sp's can really be sincere when they say they like someone.

Years ago now... I, for one, had a regular clinet who I seen multiple times a week for about a year, and durring our time together I'd usually stay longer than I was booked for... We had such great conversations and I thought we had a great connection, I really didn't ever want to leave. At one point I realized I wanted to see him more often and outside of a work setting... As time went on I eventually I told him that I didn't feel comfortable taking his money any more and I hated waiting for him to call and that I wanted to be able to call him on my own. Well, we ended up having a relationship for 5+yrs... In the beginning it was great... Then addiction became a facor 2 years into the relationship and we were never the same again...

So, I guess what I'm saying is that she's more than likely sincere... But my advise would be not to attempt to move forward with anything if an addiction is present. You will be left crushed in the end.

Love, DD. xoxox

 

[Aerts]

Anyways, The problem is that I really like her too, but have no real way of knowing how sincere she is. Her life is a mess and she has a drug problem which she told me about the first time I met her. Clearly a huge red flag.

You get with a woman like that, it's like strapping yourself to a bomb. I've tried it, I've watched other guys do it, we all know it's stupid. Move on and forget about her.

 

[srycruiser]

I was in the same situation a couple years ago.It did'nt work out. As long as she has a drug problem, there is nothing solid to build a relationship on. You can support her, if she seriously wants to quit, but that day will probably never come. My advice: move on, as you will likely get screwed over one way or another if you don't.

 

[rescue911]

tough one

there is some really good advice and understanding in all of the posts here. this is really a tough one. why?


- you obviously like this lady and care about her

- she appreciates your time together and is trying to please you with extras...gifts, insight into her, and her family...it does mean something

- she has a drug problem..that is the crux of the difficulty. does she see you because you help her feed her habit..probably... perhaps she treats you so well because without you, and your financial contribution, she would have to look elsewhere and do riskier things to get her fix...fall lower even in her own eyes..so yes she appreciates you and what you represent. that does not mean she is incapable of true affection for you.

- you are the one in the room with her..you see, feel, and experience the body language, the facial cues, the reflexive feedback....do you honestly think she likes/has affection for you..if so..and if you care for her, you have to try to get her to help herself. walking away is so easy..facing the problem with her, or losing her because you try to help..that is going to be hard.

lots of people fall down or get pushed down. some say the sign of courage is getting up every time and moving forward...sounds so uplifting.. but every now and again getting up is hard and accepting a hand up from a friend in order to go on is not a sign of weakness. rather it is a sign of determintaion to go on...and the only real price to pay for the help is acknowledging that friend who helped.

so think it over...can you try to be a concerned friend..what is there to lose..ask yourself....can i head down the road with her to help her and offer a hand up??? you control how deeply you can, and want to get into this.

 

[kyle1]

have you ever done drugs with her? this changes everything

 

[InTheBum]

Walk away...

Maybe recommend her to some type of drug rehab program. But as far as a relationship goes...walk away...

 

[Willingham]

NO - I do not do drugs with her, or with anyone. I am happily drug free and always will be.

I appreciate the comments here. I have this silly idea of wanting to help her - in a rehab way, but I don't think she wants that. I have suggested it, but don't get much response from her on the subject. She has her drug friends and talks about them a lot.

I should mention that her child is not with her...the child lives with the EX out of town.

 

[Ima]

It isn't silly wanting to help someone you care about...

It isn't an easy situation, the easy solution is walking away, usually the easy way is filled with less rewards...

Like driving down to California... You can take the I5, long boring drive or the #1 Coastal Route which is longer, tougher yet filled with amasing and beautiful scenery you will never forget...

I still say try to take it to the next level, you seem to have feelings... Not all drug addicts are throw aways, rehab isn't the answer for everyone either... With out knowing her, it is tough to know what is the best solution, but she teared up so there must be something that is causing her to ask for help...

The thing about drug friends is they are always there, you feel like you can rely upon them to escape with, and they are tough to let go... You are not just addicted to the drug, but to the entire scene, when you are sober it is a sad scene to see, but when high it is the best place in the world...

 

[AA_Train]

I think that sometimes our own personal cynicism prevents from looking beyond just the business side of this hobby. But we have to remember we are dealing with people and we can develop a caring for them even though the primary reason we meet is essentially for business. A few years back my dad was on strike for nearly 6 month and without a CBA we had no dental plan. Our family dentist gave us a discounted rate because his and my family's business relationship had spanned 35 years. He cared about us because he knew that we were not only good clients but good people.

If an Sp asked me for advice or help, especially one I've seen multiple times I would do what I can within reason and those that I have asked for help have been more than happy to do so, again within reason. I do think about the ladies I've been with from time to time and they usually make me smile. This is a people business so it's probably hard to not develop a caring for those you get to know. It's even possible for either the client or SP to develop strong feelings or even fall in love with one another. It happens in other workplaces why not here? (Although, it can be quite problematic in both scenarios, but that's been and could be another thread on its own).

That being said, I would advise that if you do decide to help her, proceed with caution and under no circumstances give her money other than for services rendered. If she has drug problems, she may try to get money out of you and this could be an act but it could be sincere. All I can do is speculate as I don't have enough info on the situation to make a proper judgement.