At this time, I feel like history is repeating itself and the sins of my father are upon me now 
sorry if this entry is a tad long but it's therapeutic in a way that some of you are reading/listening to me that very few know my whole story.
In a previous relationship, I'd say I was more sexually adventurous and my gf wasn't. Tried to sign us up in this swingers site hopefully she'd open up, but she ended up setting up this fake profile and contacted my profile only to set up some ambush. After some drama with a breakup, got back together but that only lasted for a year. During the brief breakup she went on dates and apparently hooked up with one of her "hot" male co-workers. Part of me I guess resented her for this while I was miserable but forgave her. At this point I had only been with this person sexually and was my first serious relationship. So she's had her variety and I didn't. I tried my best to be better; tried to be more patient, sensitive and attentive to her. It was her trip to her hometown that really got to me and due to time difference and what she had trip planned, we had a tough time keeping in touch regularly. She and I come from the same hometown and I haven't been back in a long time, so I was also flying there for vacation. I was video chatting with her before flying out that it hit me hard when she said, "I guess I just forgot about you," talking about why she and I weren't keeping in touch regularly while she was on her trip. Looking back I could have been more understanding and not placed expectations, but hearing that from a person whom you love forget about you really hurt. I reflected on this on the 12 hour flight and had resentment really buildup at that point.
After coming back to Vancouver, that's when I started Googling escorts in the area and stumbled upon Erslist (now leolist) and also this forum. Took a few months, but ended up seeing Yunjin - this was around early 2014; the incall was in a building near the corner of Robson and Seymour. Had a few other different sp after but then got found out by my gf by looking through my emails. Let's just say that's how that 4 year relationship ended.
I was single for a year after that and during that year, I was trying to get help with this sp problem, while still seeing them. Like I said, it was a problem. I would say I was mainly doing it because I felt lonely and helpless with my life situation at that time.
I signed up for a dating site in 2015 and luckily got matched to a woman who is now my wife. While dating her I was in my best behavior. I was very much in love and thought I have found the one. I basically didn't see an sp for 4.5 years. I thought I really had the proverbial monkey off my back, that I'm cured! Nope I was terribly mistaken. I fell off the wagon back about a year ago and booked Jess Lis Lee. I haven't seen her since, but she's definitely amazing.
The second year of my marriage has definitely not been great. The term honeymoon period ending is very apt in this situation. My wife has just been busy with many of her extra things she does on the side on top of her usual day job. In our first year of marriage when I started to see the pattern, I brought up my concern and feelings - like any grown mature person would do. But after that and many more heart to heart conversations, I see very little change and I have really grown resentful and helpless in this marriage. It just feels like what she and I had talked about in terms of dreams seem bleak with no planned direction in heading that way.
Someone has said in this thread that feeling lonely while being in a relationship is the worst and I agree. I guess the part that makes it worst is how you must rely on the other half to change or make an effort to change. They are doing or not doing something you don't like and that's what's making you feel terrible. I guess the next question is how long should one wait? ?
sorry if this entry is a tad long but it's therapeutic in a way that some of you are reading/listening to me that very few know my whole story.In a previous relationship, I'd say I was more sexually adventurous and my gf wasn't. Tried to sign us up in this swingers site hopefully she'd open up, but she ended up setting up this fake profile and contacted my profile only to set up some ambush. After some drama with a breakup, got back together but that only lasted for a year. During the brief breakup she went on dates and apparently hooked up with one of her "hot" male co-workers. Part of me I guess resented her for this while I was miserable but forgave her. At this point I had only been with this person sexually and was my first serious relationship. So she's had her variety and I didn't. I tried my best to be better; tried to be more patient, sensitive and attentive to her. It was her trip to her hometown that really got to me and due to time difference and what she had trip planned, we had a tough time keeping in touch regularly. She and I come from the same hometown and I haven't been back in a long time, so I was also flying there for vacation. I was video chatting with her before flying out that it hit me hard when she said, "I guess I just forgot about you," talking about why she and I weren't keeping in touch regularly while she was on her trip. Looking back I could have been more understanding and not placed expectations, but hearing that from a person whom you love forget about you really hurt. I reflected on this on the 12 hour flight and had resentment really buildup at that point.
After coming back to Vancouver, that's when I started Googling escorts in the area and stumbled upon Erslist (now leolist) and also this forum. Took a few months, but ended up seeing Yunjin - this was around early 2014; the incall was in a building near the corner of Robson and Seymour. Had a few other different sp after but then got found out by my gf by looking through my emails. Let's just say that's how that 4 year relationship ended.
I was single for a year after that and during that year, I was trying to get help with this sp problem, while still seeing them. Like I said, it was a problem. I would say I was mainly doing it because I felt lonely and helpless with my life situation at that time.
I signed up for a dating site in 2015 and luckily got matched to a woman who is now my wife. While dating her I was in my best behavior. I was very much in love and thought I have found the one. I basically didn't see an sp for 4.5 years. I thought I really had the proverbial monkey off my back, that I'm cured! Nope I was terribly mistaken. I fell off the wagon back about a year ago and booked Jess Lis Lee. I haven't seen her since, but she's definitely amazing.
The second year of my marriage has definitely not been great. The term honeymoon period ending is very apt in this situation. My wife has just been busy with many of her extra things she does on the side on top of her usual day job. In our first year of marriage when I started to see the pattern, I brought up my concern and feelings - like any grown mature person would do. But after that and many more heart to heart conversations, I see very little change and I have really grown resentful and helpless in this marriage. It just feels like what she and I had talked about in terms of dreams seem bleak with no planned direction in heading that way.
Someone has said in this thread that feeling lonely while being in a relationship is the worst and I agree. I guess the part that makes it worst is how you must rely on the other half to change or make an effort to change. They are doing or not doing something you don't like and that's what's making you feel terrible. I guess the next question is how long should one wait? ?
