What to do when they "fall in love"...

[PlayfulAlex]

Alex, if you too are having the same feelings I am happy for you.

If that were the case, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have brought the situation up here, but thank you! I meet lots of fantastic men, honestly I mean the really good ones. I'm super appreciative of that fact, but I don't fall for them.

I don't know how things feel on your side of the fence, but once I develop feelings, I no longer want to do p4p. I don't know how you can continue... ...I think it's ok to exploit someone's hornyness, but if he's fallen for you - that's crossing a line.

Actually, I don't think it's ok to exploit anything or anyone. This is a mutually-agreed-upon adventure. But yes, the crossing of that line has to be addressed.

Might I suggest being real? Try not shaving anything for his next visit, have a garlic-laden meal and don't brush your teeth, fart in bed and leave the door open while you're dropping the kids off at the pool.

He'll quickly realize you aren't a fantasy lover, but a real woman with the same realities he's paid to avoid.

^^ I might have to resort to this, in order to avoid having 'the talk'...

snip...Do you know of any other ladies you can introduce him to? Maybe helping him find someone else to fall in love with would be the most compassionate thing (though not necessarily the easiest). From what you have said, this sounds like what he needs. He is widowed, and he needs someone else to fill that void, to be the object of his love. If you can't be that person, then helping him (or coaching him) on finding that lady might be what he needs. All the best on crafting the most compassionate approach.

Thanks for your comment, hornygandalf. This particular gentleman isn't dating at all. But I can't count the number of times I've discussed the dating world with a client. I've taken pictures of them for their PoF profile. We've strategized about how-to and how-not-to date. I've had clients that told me that, meeting me, restored their faith in dating. I even blogged on the topic.

http://alexisreadytoplay.blogspot.ca/2010/05/perfect-date.html

The thing is that, a huge component of an SP's success, is how much her callers look forward to seeing her (again). Now, I don't see people that I don't like; so, when I like you, and I know what this meeting is about, I am apt to go the extra mile. I pay attention to what you like, I am especially attuned to what is 'getting you there'. Of course, I'm charming, I laugh at your jokes, I wear the colour you request or an outfit I'm sure you'll like. Before I semi-retired, I was still seeing 50-80% repeat visitors. Now it's almost 100%.

Most of the time, my visitor seems to enjoy the experience, and exits with the awareness of exactly what just happened. When that 'line is crossed' though, that's when I'm in trouble. A heart is about to get broken, and I just hate that part...

And thanks Fred Zed, for deleting whatever it was that I missed around 10:30 last night... :fear:

 

[badbadboy]

If that were the case, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have brought the situation up here, but thank you! I meet lots of fantastic men, honestly I mean the really good ones. I'm super appreciative of that fact, but I don't fall for them.

Ok then the little speech could be something like "I am appreciative of your feelings and do understand them. My goal as a professional provider is to enable you to be prepared for such an step if you choose to take it. I will be supportive in your quest, however, our relationship is purely professional and I enjoy your company with everything you bring to it. I hope you do not see this as a rejection per se but more of an enabling step for the next part of your journey".

Sound Good? Let him down easy but maintain the professional relationship. :nod:

I believe this could be found in the Service Provider Hand Guide ver 3.0

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

Ok then the little speech could be something like "I am appreciative of your feelings and do understand them. My goal as a professional provider is to enable you to be prepared for such an step if you choose to take it. I will be supportive in your quest, however, our relationship is purely professional and I enjoy your company with everything you bring to it. I hope you do not see this as a rejection per se but more of an enabling step for the next part of your journey".

Sound Good? Let him down easy but maintain the professional relationship. :nod:

I believe this could be found in the Service Provider Hand Guide ver 3.0

I'm going to memorize this...It is really well written!

 

[sbill]

re: trying to scare him away by mentioning 'husband' might be interested in giving/getting BJs

What if he's into it (and hubby is NOT)?

 

[badbadboy]

Superbly written/said b3 but I don't think it's an issue of Alex not knowing what to say or how to say it. It's the fact that she knows she may crush this fellow with the very words you've articulated.

Alex, you are one of the most caring, nurturing and well spoken ladies on Perb. You know you have to nip this in the bud and have the conversation as you're not doing him or yourself any favours by letting this go on. Many ideas have been thrown at you but the only right thing to do is have the discussion. Short term pain for long term gain....good luck sweetie :nod:

Thanks, I may have been too subtle and used the smilie. Perhaps if there were a : tongue in cheek : smilie it wouldn't have gone unnoticed. :nod:

I am quite certain Alex knows what to say and how to articulate it; BBB was feeling creative after his Quad Vente Latte this morning

 

[LalaniElectrica]

It's definitely a touchy subject, and you need to have a conversation with him to the effect that if he chooses to have you as the object of his affection, that is fine… Making future plans or expectations with you in a personal setting (off the clock and in real life) are off limits… you love your lifestyle and being a provider for those in need… it is better than blacklisting him completely, I do not agree with that one unless he gets erratic and do things like show up uninvited or call many times a day, every day… If he is simply really enjoying his time with you and you are keeping him happy, that is what it is all about, and being his dream girl etc… A lot of widowers prefer to see only one girl, because they have had only one partner for so many years, they would feel disloyal seeing another sp/gf etc… so as long as he can handle the talk, it can be done in stages, and you do not have to get too deep immediately… friendly reminders that you appreciate his support, and that he is a good client, you are glad he feels comfortable with you and you like to have fun with him… then maybe the next visit mention you are thankful he continues to visit with you, although you cannot be everything to him, it is nice to share intimacy when he needs it… really super diplomatic, the last thing you want to do is break someone's heart and leave them feeling hurt, sad and lonely…I think that is only reserved for people who are a PITA… it seems from what you wrote, he simply feels empty without his wife and he is happy to have you to share intimacy with… he will probably be a client for life if you are compassionate Good Luck !!!

 

[Peyton Anders]

I agree with Lalani. As long as he's respecting your personal boundaries and not making you uncomfortable it should be fine. After all, he might be 'falling in love' but is completely realistic about how your relationship operates. It doesn't have to be black and white necessarily.

I would say that as long as he doesn't try to buy your affection ('how much would it cost for you to stop doing this?') or overstep client boundaries (showing up unannounced/unscheduled, calling/emailing multiple times just to 'chat', etc) I don't think there really needs to be a dialogue. Pointing out this crush he has on you might embarrass him or make him feel silly, our jobs are to make people feel good without giving him false hope. Obviously you haven't been promising to run away with him to fall in lurrrrve or whatever so I don't think it really needs to be discussed. Like Lalani said, if he's a widower he likely just wants to spend time and 'love' one beautiful woman without the hassle of trying to date at his age.

Worse comes to worse, if he starts coming on a little bit too harsh (trying to book appointments too close together, whatever that is by your definition) you can always be 'busy' until a suitable amount of time has passed.

 

[Sleepmonger]

Why would it be odd ? How many of the ladies tell their clients about boyfriends, let alone husbands ? Besides, it could be an accidental thing, like you got the time for the date wrong and "hubby" didn't get out of the house before the client arrived.

I find that after several long encounters (especially overnighters) that's something that tends to come up in idle conversation. If she never mentioned or hadn't shown any signs of being married in all that time, and then suddenly brought up a husband, I'd find it odd, no?

Might zI suggest being real? Try not shaving anything for his next visit, have a garlic-laden meal and don't brush your teeth, fart in bed and leave the door open while you're dropping the kids off at the pool. He'll quickly realize you aren't a fantasy lover, but a real woman with the same realities he's paid to avoid.

That's a good idea if he's getting dates off the clock... Otherwise, isn't that a bit unfair? Why should he get any less than the fantasy she provides her other clients just because he happens to have fallen for her. As long as he understands the impossibility of social time or sex off the clock, then whats the harm in a little unrequited love? As Nietzsche said "indispensable...to the lover is his unrequited love, which he would at no price relinquish for a state of indifference."

Also, I second everything Lalani and Peyton said.

 

[P_e_r_b]

I love Peyton-Anders... am I cut off now?

Seriously, people. Love happens. Enjoy the ride. Be the same person you are today. :angel:

 

[Joe King]

A Mexican buffet before his session, no makeup then tell him to get off his lazy ass and take out the garbage

 

[Knud]

I agree with Lalani. As long as he's respecting your personal boundaries and not making you uncomfortable it should be fine. After all, he might be 'falling in love' but is completely realistic about how your relationship operates. It doesn't have to be black and white necessarily.

I would say that as long as he doesn't try to buy your affection ('how much would it cost for you to stop doing this?') or overstep client boundaries (showing up unannounced/unscheduled, calling/emailing multiple times just to 'chat', etc) I don't think there really needs to be a dialogue. Pointing out this crush he has on you might embarrass him or make him feel silly, our jobs are to make people feel good without giving him false hope. Obviously you haven't been promising to run away with him to fall in lurrrrve or whatever so I don't think it really needs to be discussed. Like Lalani said, if he's a widower he likely just wants to spend time and 'love' one beautiful woman without the hassle of trying to date at his age.

Worse comes to worse, if he starts coming on a little bit too harsh (trying to book appointments too close together, whatever that is by your definition) you can always be 'busy' until a suitable amount of time has passed.

Fully agree with Peyton.
I notice others are putting blame on him for falling in love as if it's something he chose to do and has full control over.
You made him feel special, surely the ladies know how to dial it down as well?

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Ahh, gotcha bud....swoosh, went right over my head.
Perhaps not enough caffeine for me this morning....

PS thick-one, empty your inbox!

 

[PlayfulAlex]

It's definitely a touchy subject, and you need to have a conversation with him to the effect that if he chooses to have you as the object of his affection, that is fine… Making future plans or expectations with you in a personal setting (off the clock and in real life) are off limits… you love your lifestyle and being a provider for those in need… it is better than blacklisting him completely, I do not agree with that one unless he gets erratic and do things like show up uninvited or call many times a day, every day… If he is simply really enjoying his time with you and you are keeping him happy, that is what it is all about, and being his dream girl etc… A lot of widowers prefer to see only one girl, because they have had only one partner for so many years, they would feel disloyal seeing another sp/gf etc… so as long as he can handle the talk, it can be done in stages, and you do not have to get too deep immediately… friendly reminders that you appreciate his support, and that he is a good client, you are glad he feels comfortable with you and you like to have fun with him… then maybe the next visit mention you are thankful he continues to visit with you, although you cannot be everything to him, it is nice to share intimacy when he needs it… really super diplomatic, the last thing you want to do is break someone's heart and leave them feeling hurt, sad and lonely…I think that is only reserved for people who are a PITA… it seems from what you wrote, he simply feels empty without his wife and he is happy to have you to share intimacy with… he will probably be a client for life if you are compassionate Good Luck !!!

I agree with Lalani. As long as he's respecting your personal boundaries and not making you uncomfortable it should be fine. After all, he might be 'falling in love' but is completely realistic about how your relationship operates. It doesn't have to be black and white necessarily.

I would say that as long as he doesn't try to buy your affection ('how much would it cost for you to stop doing this?') or overstep client boundaries (showing up unannounced/unscheduled, calling/emailing multiple times just to 'chat', etc) I don't think there really needs to be a dialogue. Pointing out this crush he has on you might embarrass him or make him feel silly, our jobs are to make people feel good without giving him false hope. Obviously you haven't been promising to run away with him to fall in lurrrrve or whatever so I don't think it really needs to be discussed. Like Lalani said, if he's a widower he likely just wants to spend time and 'love' one beautiful woman without the hassle of trying to date at his age.

Worse comes to worse, if he starts coming on a little bit too harsh (trying to book appointments too close together, whatever that is by your definition) you can always be 'busy' until a suitable amount of time has passed.

Thank you, Angels, I'm going to take my time, and speak carefully and gently on the topic. We have a 4-day excursion booked for July, so there will be plenty of time to say things at the right moment.

He enjoys our time together, I appreciate his generosity and he's a really nice man. No, I have never offered anything but a professional sensual friendship and no, he has never asked for anything extra.

Thank you, all, for your valued input. If I didn't want to hear it, I wouldn't have asked about it here. I appreciate you all! :nod:

 

[MissingOne]

It's not so very hard for me to imagine myself in your gentleman's position, and from that perspective, I found Lalani's advice to be very reasonable and considerate.

It is possible to have a lot of affection for an SP and yet to be fully aware of and respectful of the boundaries, while continuing to enjoy the relationship. It takes a lot of maturity on both sides though.

 

[LalaniElectrica]

Yes Missing one, it takes a lot of maturity and mutual respect from both sides, and it can be a challenge at times. We are in a position of power in being somewhat responsible for peoples' hearts via the feelings/intimacy we share, so we must be careful to maintain that role and not hurt people… I always find going forth with the intention through love/affection is the best strategy in the end. I do not always respond to all the posts here on perb, but found this inquiry really important to share my insights! Glad we are all on board ladies, and gentlemen Thanks for posting this question, so happy to be of help

 

[Vanman1979]

Yes Missing one, it takes a lot of maturity and mutual respect from both sides, and it can be a challenge at times. We are in a position of power in being somewhat responsible for peoples' hearts via the feelings/intimacy we share, so we must be careful to maintain that role and not hurt people… I always find going forth with the intention through love/affection is the best strategy in the end. I do not always respond to all the posts here on perb, but found this inquiry really important to share my insights! Glad we are all on board ladies, and gentlemen Thanks for posting this question, so happy to be of help

Interesting you say both sided. I know the escorts job is to make you feel like they are temporarily in love with you. But what do you do when you feel the escort might actually be falling in love with you? Ever changing boundaries, sometimes she treats me like a client, sometimes a boyfriend. Sometimes things are on the clock sometimes they are not. The lines are blurry.

How do you know for sure?
I don't want to lose her but I don't want 'that' either.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Interesting you say both sided. I know the escorts job is to make you feel like they are temporarily in love with you. But what do you do when you feel the escort might actually be falling in love with you? Ever changing boundaries, sometimes she treats me like a client, sometimes a boyfriend. Sometimes things are on the clock sometimes they are not. The lines are blurry.

How do you know for sure?
I don't want to lose her but I don't want 'that' either.

I agree 100% with Miss Lalani, as in the old phrase, it takes two to tango. If you've been offered time off the clock, and you've accepted it, you've dipped your toe into the mire. If you don't want that, what do you want? And if you don't want that, why are you accepting time off the clock, why are you accepting her treating you like a boyfriend?

Earlier in this thread, someone brought up the topic of exploiting someone's emotions. Dare I say that this can also happen in reverse? Client notices that SP is beginning to 'fall' for him, so he begins to accept freebies? I'm not saying you're doing this; I am suggesting some clarification though...

 

[Elle Diablo]

I think this is poor advice.

"Allow him to be responsible for his feelings" when our actions invoked those feelings? I'm not saying we are responsible for his feelings but certainly he didn't do it on his own!
Some guys lose sight of the fact that this is our job, perhaps they are wanting to believe the gfe too much and thus not guarding themselves against the love.
I think as a professional it's our responsibility to keep it professional and talk to him about the issue.

In my experience ignoring things doesn't make them go away, ever! In fact they only get worse.

I think it is sane advice perhaps just not the advice for you.

If a client "lose sight of the fact that this is our job" how are we responsible? As it was just mentioned "it takes two to tango".

 

[Elle Diablo]

His actions led to a 'love' situation.

And just to be clear ... my suggesting to "be oblivious to his overtures" was not suggesting to be ignorant. There is a way of being diplomatic without having to be dramatic and I think (because of my experience) having to talk about something as elusive as love can cause unnecessary drama and perhaps embarrassment/shame on the gent's part.

 

[newkind]

if he's such a sweet and great guy like you said, what is wrong with you opening your heart and falling in love reciprocally as well, love is a great thing that shouldn't be pissed on