Thoughts on hobbyists in relationships & marriages?
- Thread starter druiddude432
- Start date
I've been reading this thread for awhile now and have wanted to chime in at points but then pulled back. There's many interesting comments.
I've not been participating with providers/SWs long but it sure is a steep learning curve. I reveal some information about myself but nothing to do with what my relationship status might be at any time. I agree wholeheartedly with the points about physical intimacy and how that can be a separate need from other aspects of a monogamous relationship, marriage or other. Where things get blurry and probably troubling is as a society we dictate what the conditions of marriage or commitment look like as a whole on every one. Companionship with another can be very different between couples. What some see as a great relationship could be a total facade not because people are hiding something but because one definition of great is not the same as some one else's. It's complicated.
If you are in a relationship and partake with many of the ladies here in this forum or board you have your reasons and they are yours, only you know why. Lots of opinions though right and we know what opinions are like...
The point I'm leading to is around intimacy. Some can have great physical connections with ladies here and in their personal lives. Some seek out physical connections because they don't have it at 'home' or in other places. Where I believe problems will come for those who are looking to fill a void is less the physical side but more the intimate emotional side. If a guy needs to fill that void which exists in his current relationship I think you're heading down the wrong path. Sure there is witty, wonderful conversation with ladies as part of your date but if you seek them for that first as a surrogate to your other relationship you are bound to become confused and really grey the boundary lines for yourself. Again that's my opinion, right, wrong or other.
Intimacy is a lot of things, physical, emotional, spiritual and more depending on the individual but one thing I do know from experience is heart ache. After leaving a relationship by choice or not I never felt the lack of physical connection messing me up but the emotional loss could really screw me up for awhile. I think it could be very easy to become attached to ladies here and around the country depending on who you meet and forming an emotional bond could be dangerous on many levels if you have to figure it out against your other relationship. Then it becomes more like an 'affair'. Supplementing your existing relationship with sex is probably easier to manage and but taking it further could make your life very complicated emotionally.
So yeah, guys do seek out ladies for many reasons and only they know why- hopefully by using a provider/sw they take a good look at themselves in the process to figure out why. Also I hope the enjoy the hell out of it too!
I've not been participating with providers/SWs long but it sure is a steep learning curve. I reveal some information about myself but nothing to do with what my relationship status might be at any time. I agree wholeheartedly with the points about physical intimacy and how that can be a separate need from other aspects of a monogamous relationship, marriage or other. Where things get blurry and probably troubling is as a society we dictate what the conditions of marriage or commitment look like as a whole on every one. Companionship with another can be very different between couples. What some see as a great relationship could be a total facade not because people are hiding something but because one definition of great is not the same as some one else's. It's complicated.
If you are in a relationship and partake with many of the ladies here in this forum or board you have your reasons and they are yours, only you know why. Lots of opinions though right and we know what opinions are like...
The point I'm leading to is around intimacy. Some can have great physical connections with ladies here and in their personal lives. Some seek out physical connections because they don't have it at 'home' or in other places. Where I believe problems will come for those who are looking to fill a void is less the physical side but more the intimate emotional side. If a guy needs to fill that void which exists in his current relationship I think you're heading down the wrong path. Sure there is witty, wonderful conversation with ladies as part of your date but if you seek them for that first as a surrogate to your other relationship you are bound to become confused and really grey the boundary lines for yourself. Again that's my opinion, right, wrong or other.
Intimacy is a lot of things, physical, emotional, spiritual and more depending on the individual but one thing I do know from experience is heart ache. After leaving a relationship by choice or not I never felt the lack of physical connection messing me up but the emotional loss could really screw me up for awhile. I think it could be very easy to become attached to ladies here and around the country depending on who you meet and forming an emotional bond could be dangerous on many levels if you have to figure it out against your other relationship. Then it becomes more like an 'affair'. Supplementing your existing relationship with sex is probably easier to manage and but taking it further could make your life very complicated emotionally.
So yeah, guys do seek out ladies for many reasons and only they know why- hopefully by using a provider/sw they take a good look at themselves in the process to figure out why. Also I hope the enjoy the hell out of it too!
your single.
who gives a fuck about pleasing a single girl.
there is more where she came from,
its like I told my sp once upon a time
I have a fight with her, we never have to see each other again.
so long have a nice life,
im married and I have a fight with my wife, I wake up,
guess what she is still there when I wake up in the morning
getting a divorce is not that easy, the longer you are married the harder it becomes,
if you have kids, your sort of just stuck with each other married or not,
um that is what makes it interesting
I mean paying some one is cheating,
I am an ass ok,
I pay someone I can be nice for an hour especially when I put hundreds of dollars on her table.
its a cheat, its easy,
actually dating is an actual relationship, is well sort of score card on who you are as a human being,
some one can love me, some one wants to have sex with me, have kids with me,
if you can't cut it you need to get your shit together improve your social skills not be an ass,
not everyone some guys just can't be bothered waking up with the same women every morning
getting kids off to school etc,
they don't want to or can't
a guy who is long term married
long term in the same job etc etc, etc,
yheah he might be boring as hell.
devoted family man
all of that and more,
he makes the best of everything
person to hire in a job person to car pool with etc etc,
and they make the best clients for sp's
we just have our shit together,
speaking of which im off to see my sp,
who gives a fuck about pleasing a single girl.
there is more where she came from,
its like I told my sp once upon a time
I have a fight with her, we never have to see each other again.
so long have a nice life,
im married and I have a fight with my wife, I wake up,
guess what she is still there when I wake up in the morning
getting a divorce is not that easy, the longer you are married the harder it becomes,
if you have kids, your sort of just stuck with each other married or not,
um that is what makes it interesting
I mean paying some one is cheating,
I am an ass ok,
I pay someone I can be nice for an hour especially when I put hundreds of dollars on her table.
its a cheat, its easy,
actually dating is an actual relationship, is well sort of score card on who you are as a human being,
some one can love me, some one wants to have sex with me, have kids with me,
if you can't cut it you need to get your shit together improve your social skills not be an ass,
not everyone some guys just can't be bothered waking up with the same women every morning
getting kids off to school etc,
they don't want to or can't
a guy who is long term married
long term in the same job etc etc, etc,
yheah he might be boring as hell.
devoted family man
all of that and more,
he makes the best of everything
person to hire in a job person to car pool with etc etc,
and they make the best clients for sp's
we just have our shit together,
speaking of which im off to see my sp,
Both your posts are hating on single guys yet at the same time you talk about marriage as if you despise it. Sounds like in reality you’re actually jealous of single guys and would like to get a divorce to be free of the responsibility of your marriage but are too afraid to pull the trigger so you use sp’s as an outlet.
Well. My wife and I like enjoying other women. Swinging is ok but good luck finding single bi females. Hence the unicorn label. Not sure what’s not to like. For us we like someone who is interesting to talk with, then rock your socks off in the bedroom. She goes home happy and so do we
This entire discussion is predicated upon being married.
Maybe don't sign a piece of paper that violates laws of nature with a threat of massive financial retaliation in the first place.
You don't need to be married to enjoy the companionship of another human being. Why should a man or woman subject themself to such an artificial design?
Maybe don't sign a piece of paper that violates laws of nature with a threat of massive financial retaliation in the first place.
You don't need to be married to enjoy the companionship of another human being. Why should a man or woman subject themself to such an artificial design?
It's like getting lung cancer and undergoing radiation therapy and celebrating that there's a good chance you'll survive. How about you don't smoke to begin with?
Because maybe it makes one think twice before bolting at the first sign of trouble or discontent. Perhaps put in some effort to work things out. No one seems to want to work for important things anymore. No one wants to take or make the time.
Relationships seem to be treated as disposable these days.
Too much instant gratification. The grass is greener scenario. Wifey's tits aren't quite as perky now as they were when we first met- time to move on! Trade her in for a younger, sleeker model. So much superficial BS.
Marriage shows we can take responsibility and meet obligations- whether it ultimately works out or not.
Boffing an SP now and then doesn't necessarily change one's commitment to their wife.
hate of for single guys,
maybe somewhat, mixed with jealously envy, and its also the way I talk after a few pops.
a buddy phones me up, wanna go for a beer,
I check with the wife, check with the kids,
even check with the dog, does he need a walk,
check with the sp, do we have something on tomorrow
buddy has nothing going on,
I even on occasion take me nieces and nephews to hockey ringette etc
I take care of my dog, plus help walk two others.
buddy is so useless he can't even look after one dog.
maybe I am angry at the selfishness of single guy. or jealous.
so me and buddy finally get to the bar,
my phone keeps chirping
wife where the hell are you,
kids dad where the hell are you
sp are we good for tomorrow
dog can't phone he is out of bars.
it is simply a function of who we are,
yes im angry jealousl both,
I don't really want any of this need any of this,
but I have it,
and I have no doubt,
if I lost it all today,
in a few days I would start accumulating responsibilities obligations etc, etc,
it is who I am,
you know it just flows, makes sense,
I have two kids but end up driving niece and newphew around.
I have one dog, but take three on walks
it just flows, one wife but have something extra
that is the way my life seems to work,
I think a lot of the single guys I know are just selfish,
and I could use some of that for myself actually
but at the end of the day its the way were wired,
the question was put, whats up with married guys,
or whats wrong with us,
I don't see nothing wrong with me,
um saw my sp yesterday, had a great time,
until my niece phoned she needed a ride,
and i was the only one who would pick up,
i see a lot wrong, but not with me,
maybe somewhat, mixed with jealously envy, and its also the way I talk after a few pops.
a buddy phones me up, wanna go for a beer,
I check with the wife, check with the kids,
even check with the dog, does he need a walk,
check with the sp, do we have something on tomorrow
buddy has nothing going on,
I even on occasion take me nieces and nephews to hockey ringette etc
I take care of my dog, plus help walk two others.
buddy is so useless he can't even look after one dog.
maybe I am angry at the selfishness of single guy. or jealous.
so me and buddy finally get to the bar,
my phone keeps chirping
wife where the hell are you,
kids dad where the hell are you
sp are we good for tomorrow
dog can't phone he is out of bars.
it is simply a function of who we are,
yes im angry jealousl both,
I don't really want any of this need any of this,
but I have it,
and I have no doubt,
if I lost it all today,
in a few days I would start accumulating responsibilities obligations etc, etc,
it is who I am,
you know it just flows, makes sense,
I have two kids but end up driving niece and newphew around.
I have one dog, but take three on walks
it just flows, one wife but have something extra
that is the way my life seems to work,
I think a lot of the single guys I know are just selfish,
and I could use some of that for myself actually
but at the end of the day its the way were wired,
the question was put, whats up with married guys,
or whats wrong with us,
I don't see nothing wrong with me,
um saw my sp yesterday, had a great time,
until my niece phoned she needed a ride,
and i was the only one who would pick up,
i see a lot wrong, but not with me,
The game is rigged;where disposing of the have is rewarded,while the disposing of the have-not is onerously punished.
Engelbert Humperdink
I owe no money.
My boat,truck and house are fully paid off.
That's what speaks for my ability to take responsibility and meet obligations.
How many women of the same age cannot say likewise for themselves?
What does that say for their ability to take responsibility and meet obligations?
Conformity to archaic inter-gender social contracts,will never define my person.
In the era of gender equality;paddle your own canoe & pull your own chestnuts from the fire.
Engelbert Humperdink
I feel you bro... but at some point the single guy is going to be old and alone with his Dog. He is going to be going to Christmas and New Years and Thanksgiving at your house with all your kids.....there is years of sacrifice with a family but to me it seems like it might be worth it.
I haven't dated an SP but i might not be able to do it. I would tend to lack trust... if she needs money is she going to be seeing the occasional old client behind your back? It would be so easy for her and you would never know.....
I can understand the wistful subjective desire,to renew the social models of our bygone years,but you need to snap out of it.
A divorced man loses in the range of 87% of his wealth.
An unmarried women may only have 1/3 the wealth,than otherwise,at retirement age.
In the heartless Machiavellian world of today,is it better you or her?
Engelbert Humperdink
Not to disagree with ddc but let me flip it and relate my own experience perhaps as a lesson to guys in an LTR that isn't working out. There can be situations where the wife's commitment to the marriage has changed even though she has no real reason to leave. Eventually there is a realization in one that an urge by the partner to control intimacy coupled with a "desire mismatch" is destroying the relationship. It is painful and can happen to women too. At the same time, cutting and running can be quite damaging to all the worthwhile values that exist inside a functioning relationship, especially when there's kids. Breakup can take years to evolve. While the long slow decline has taken place, years go by. Life is short. Masturbation/porn does not include intimacy. Eventually a guy goes "shopping". Ain't anything wrong with that if you ask me. Is satisfying a natural human urge somehow damaging or wrong, especially when no harm is being done to the ex in the relationship? I think not ...
We may need a part two of this thread as it's getting tl;dr. "Thoughts on pooning during relationships/marriages part 2"
