Carman Fox

The "Unofficial Guy Code"

IceG

Top Gun Call Sign: Iceman
Jun 3, 2003
331
0
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Beers...

If there is only 1 beer remaining in a fridge or cooler, you are permitted to trip any man or otherwise hinder, obstruct, or interfere with his path to said beer in an effort to claim said beverage for yourself. there are essentially no limits on the physical abuse you may inflict in the interference and no grudes may be held as all physical harm is properly categorized as collateral damage and the perpetrator (and victor of the beer) is absolved of all injuries caused to any other men.
 

IceG

Top Gun Call Sign: Iceman
Jun 3, 2003
331
0
0
Declaring "Shotgun"...

in any situation where more than two males are riding in a vehicle, any man may claim the "shotgun" seat on the vehicle and force the other non-driving men into the "bitch" seats in the back by the declaration of a clear and unequivocal loud proclamation of his intention to ride shotgun.

this proclamation must be made in the auditory presence of ALL men and must be verified by the "driver" who is the final arbiter of any and all "disputes".

shotgun may be claimed at any point AFTER the vehicle in question comes into view of ANY MAN in the group upon the approach to the vehicle.
 

IceG

Top Gun Call Sign: Iceman
Jun 3, 2003
331
0
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Pink shirts...

1. Any man may choose to wear a pink or pastel shirt.
2. Any man may choose to wear white pants in the summer.
3. Any man may choose to wear a headband, bandanna, or dew rag of your choice.


4. Any man MAY NOT WEAR ALL dress code items 1-3 simultaneously.
 

luckydog71

Active member
Oct 26, 2003
1,117
0
36
75
Washington State
Strannen said:
The age rule for sleeping with younger women:
Divide your own age by 2, and add 7.
and keep using the result as an input to the formulae until you get the answer "fuck her".

The exception is if the answer is below the age of your dauighter. No just a miniute....if the answer is below the age of your youngest daughter....

no just a minute...if the result is below the age of your oldest granddaughter...
 

IceG

Top Gun Call Sign: Iceman
Jun 3, 2003
331
0
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Body Odor...

All men have a social responsiblity to ensure they do not emit B.O. regardless of circumstances. Be aware that current science indicates women have better olfactory senses than men. Ergo, if any man can smell your B.O. then virtually all women have already noticed you in this worst possible manner.

Your duty to your man friends: if you smell a nasty scent emanating from a male "buddy" then you must immediately advise him with the phrase "Man, you stink like shit". this is not in any way designed to purposefully "hurt" feelings rather it is a necessary responsibility owed to your fellow man and more IMPORTANTLY, it will prevent stinky from negatively affecting YOUR chances with the babes in the vicinity.

This GRACIOUS notice will hopefully allow him to make useful and vital adjustments to his B.O. that will enable the continued overall survival of the species.

ALL Intentional Flatulence and obvious farting humor exceptions apply.
 

tom25

what's up doc?
Oct 7, 2003
1,203
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63
Winnipeg
Farting

When with other men it is perfectly acceptable, even recommended, to lift one cheek off the seat to aid in the passage of gas.

When with a woman you wish to fuck this is unacceptable and you should hold it and politely excuse yourself to pass gas in a more discrete location. If this is impossible you should clench the buttocks so that the passage of gas is accompanied by as little sound as possible. It is recommended that you then look offended and comment on the rudeness of other people (looking at the table next to you in the restaurant). However, this last step should be avoided if there is any chance that she also may have passed gas. This sort of ploy is very dangerous in Indian restaurants.

The latter rules do not apply when in the presence of your wife (the "woman you wish to fuck" proviso coming into play there)

Tom
 

yogi

New member
Nov 19, 2003
314
0
0
A Blue State Out West
"2. men do not "share dessert" with other men at restaurants. Buy your own, even if you only want "a few bites" or go without."

I totally agree. It's happened several times that I'm at a business lunch with a client or colleague, I alone order dessert, & they place the dessert halfway between us with two forks! I hate that! Then I have to discreetly slide it all my direction, hoping I didn't offend, or make it appear I think he has some disease, or look selfish (which I am when it comes to dessert!)
 

tom25

what's up doc?
Oct 7, 2003
1,203
0
0
63
Winnipeg
yogi said:
"2. men do not "share dessert" with other men at restaurants. Buy your own, even if you only want "a few bites" or go without."

I totally agree. It's happened several times that I'm at a business lunch with a client or colleague, I alone order dessert, & they place the dessert halfway between us with two forks! I hate that! Then I have to discreetly slide it all my direction, hoping I didn't offend, or make it appear I think he has some disease, or look selfish (which I am when it comes to dessert!)

Why would anyone ever share desert???? That's just not right!

Hope you reflected you displeasure in the tip ... bad server etiquette. Place it in front of the person that ordered ... if they want to share they can figure it out themselves.
 

bobsled

Member
Sep 25, 2002
283
0
16
Vancouver
RE: Unofficial Guy stuff...

Don't look at you're buddy while you're eating a banana.

If you're in the shower room after a hockey game, don't spend too much time on your nether regions. Do that at home when you're by yourself.

You can tell your best Buddy you Love him, but don't say, "I love you". Just say something like, "I love you, Bud" ...but say it so fast it's unintelligable. He gets the message, because if anything ever happened to him you'd ball your eyes out for weeks, but you'd never admit that to him while he's alive. Never put it in writing, like on a Christmas Card, or a birthday card. That's just weird.

It's OK to cry infront of your best friend, but don't hug. Sometimes stuff builds up inside and you need to let go. No hugging. If YOUR buddy burst in to tears in front of YOU about something, just let him do it. (it's usually girl stuff or family stuff)...tell him it's OK. And then go to the fridge and get him a beer while he's drying his eyes. It's best to keep your mouth shut until he's finished. Then you can talk some sense into him.

Don't introduce your new girlfriend to your Mom, until you've had sex. That's just weird. And I don't mean sex with your Mom you silly rabbit, I meant sex with your new girlfriend....Jesus Christ...!!!

If you call you're buddy and he doesn't answer the phone. Just leave a message. Don't call ever again until he calls you. He's either getting some, or he's pissed at you or he's out of town. Or he's dead. And if and when he calls back don't sound too glad to hear from him. Just ask him what he's been up to. And go from there.

Never go on vacation with your buddy and his wife or girlfriend. It's Hell on Earth. Just stay home.

Later,
delsbob
 

IceG

Top Gun Call Sign: Iceman
Jun 3, 2003
331
0
0
Pointman v. Wingwan

In any "bar" situation, there shall always be a pre-orchestrated agreement on the approach and selection of suitable target females.

If there are only two men: you and your bud. the rules of engagement are as follows:

1. Both men selectively scan said target environment for an attractive woman they wish to meet, obtain phone#, or bed that evening.

2. The first man to call "Bingo" has now called the "ball" and has become the pointman on the mission. He must provide his buddy a short narrative as to her clothing or hair color to obviously stake his interest. For example, "Bingo, blondie in black skirt at 3"oclock." (hereinafter referred to as bogey 1)

3. the other dude will NON-CHALANTLY view the 3 oclock position and obtain a visual on said babe. a simple "roger" will suffice his knowledge of pointman's primary target. he has now accepted wingman duty and has to proceed on a mission to attempt to meet this woman and assist the pointman where required.

4. Pointman must select a secondary "friend" target (bogey 2) of bogey 1 such that the pointman will not be cockblocked by bogey 2 on the approach to bogey 1. typically and unfortunately in most circumstances, bogey 2 is not quite as attractive as bogey 1 and she must be adequately distracted for the mission to succeed.

5. The Wingman HAS NO CHOICE IN THIS critical matter regarding the physical attractiveness of bogey 2. Where 3 potential bogeys are on the radar, it is the responsibility of the Pointman to pre-select the most attractive bogey 2 for his wingman.

6. Targets confirmed and the flight deck is cleared. Pointman will handle the approach and if at any time, he decides to abort the mission, the wingman will fly on his 3 or 9 oclock and disengage from the mission as directed.

7. Pointman must make the contact with bogey 1 and obtain sufficient conversation level. Wingman must be observant. if Pointman is crashing and burning, wingman must immediately pull buddy from the fiery wreckage and save him with a "hey dude, let's go, there's your old girlfriend over there... and point at a suitably attractive bogey on the other side of the bar."

8. Pointman has 60 seconds window to get a smile and positive encouragement. If this is done, he will switch from missiles to guns for closer dogfighting combat. Pointman will now introduce wingman to the Bogey 2 and let him entertain her while he continues with bogey 1.

9. wingman must remain engaged to bogey 2 until pointman has exhausted his ammunition or obtained a phone number, or is dancing with bogey 1. if dancing arises, wingman may choose to dance with bogey 2 or simply continue his company of her. if wingman is not attracted to bogey 2, he must still feign enough interest so as not to sabotage the mission goals for his pointman.

10. The pointman will advise wingman if he wishes to bail from the mission and the wingman will immediately and politely end his conversation with bogey 2 and retreat accordingly.


11. if the mission is a "home-run" mission for pointman and bogey 1 is receptive to sexual contact, the wingman may be forced to engage in sexual relations with bogey 2, if bogey 1 and 2 are roomates for example. the pointman will owe the wingman a suitable "favor" if this is the case.

12. if a mission is a failure, said pointman cannot call the "ball' and be pointman again until he has fulfilled one wingman mission for his wingman now turned pointman on the next mission.

13. there are no limits on the number of missions in any evening.
 

IceG

Top Gun Call Sign: Iceman
Jun 3, 2003
331
0
0
Hot chick tittie photos..

if a hot chick posts photos showing her titties to you for free, do not chastise, criticize, or try to discourage said hottie from showing you her goodies.

try to focus on the positives and enjoy the free titty show. slight discouragement should be directed at not so hot chicks in this area (ie. some titties just ain't pretty), but overall, a showing of a nice set of titties should not be discouraged, but rather encouraged.
 

logsplitter

New member
Dec 6, 2004
776
0
0
Manitoba
On the "What not to do with another man" list I would add this gem that a popular sp once told me.

She said that she befriended a couple of guys up to bar closing time once and things led to things and there they were the three of them naked and having a romp later on. She was on her back with her head sideways giving head to one of the guys and the other guy was parked between her legs with her heels by his ears pumping.

The guy getting head (wanting to lean in towards the lady to get his pecker in further) kept loosing his balance and kept reaching back to steady himself by placing his hand on the other guys shoulder. Every time he forgot and did that the other guy would begin to loose his firmness and admonish the guy getting head to QUIT DOING THAT. The guy who didn't want to be touched by another man during his passion eventually pulled out and left without getting over the top and the first guy got to claim the entire prize for himself.

Lesson here guys. If 2 guys are fucking the same lady DON'T TOUCH EACH OTHER!!!!!!! Otherwise go ahead and enjoy sharing a good time with the lady.
 

maverick73

Banned
Feb 2, 2005
2,289
0
0
Spinnerville, BC
logsplitter said:
On the "What not to do with another man" list I would

Lesson here guys. If 2 guys are fucking the same lady DON'T TOUCH EACH OTHER!!!!!!! Otherwise go ahead and enjoy sharing a good time with the lady.
Nonono... that should be changed to: if 2 guys are fucking the same lady, touch the other guy until he leaves in disgust and then have the lady all to yourself!!! :D
 
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