The "Unofficial Guy Code"

[IceG]

I am sharing this project with the board. It was to originally be my first book, but i have not the time to finish it. All men abide by the unwritten code amongst men and I like to highlight some of the funnier ones, please feel free to add you own:

1. In a public washroom, always obey the "one urinal" spacing rule unless forced by numbers to directly piss beside another man.

2. Do not engage another man in direct eye contact or conversation while either of you is urinating.

3. Under no circumstances do you ever "share" an umbrella with another man. Pick the man in the nicest suit and let the other idiot run for it.

4. Do not preen another man's lint off his blazer under any circumstances. It is polite to simply ridicule your friend with a dandruff or "head lice" joke to advise him he should brush off the offending lint or particles.

5. Do not advise another man he looks hot or sexy. Again it is polite man-etiquette to simply ridicule him as "fag bait" or "pretty boy" and the other man will understand and accept your compliment on his fashion choices or appearance.

6. Do not hold another man's hand unless it is your father on his death bed.

7. Do not touch another man in the following body areas: face, neck, buttocks, groin/thigh, and foot massages are not acceptable between men.

8. You may engage in consensual sex with a friend's sister if she is single, cute, and 21 years of age or older. Retribution is allowed if the age rule is violated from 18-21 in the form of said friend may sleep with any female in your family 17-50 of his choosing. Physical beatings are appropriate when the violation consists of the single or under 17 criteria.

 

[tiger]

In the gym or locker room, never look at another man's manhood, and if you glance that direction by accident, look away, and then don't look at the guy in the face for at least 30 seconds.

Good thread Ice - all funny and too true.

and there is probably something about time limits with an ex-girlfriend of one of your guy friends, but I personally have just avoided that one.

 

[IceG]

Hugging...

You may always hug children, women (especially if they are hot), and your mother.

You may hug another man provided each of you keeps your arms and hands above the solar plexes and below the neckline during the hug and the chest contact does not exceed 2.3 seconds of total body contact. Under no circumstances may the hug exceed 5 seconds with another man (subject to the Father-with fatal medical condition-exception). In addition, you may never hook your ankles around the back of another dudes knees or thighs during the hugging - this is not negotiable.

 

[amber]

HeeeHeeee

That`s tooo funny...Can`t stop laughing

 

[IceG]

Underwear...

Under no circumstances should you be in possession of another man's underwear, be they boxers, briefs, or man-thongs. You are at liberty to immediately "garbage" (using any handy stick-like object being careful to avoid direct contact with your hands) a buddy's drawers upon seeing them anywhere at any point regardless of whose residence you may be within.

If you are without underwear (for whatever reason), do not ask another man to "lend a spare pair", rather, you are required to go commando until you are able to return home or purchase a suitable pair at a mall.

Do not advise another man that you are in fact presently "commando" during any conversation- no father- with fatal medical condition- exception applicable.

 

[maverick73]

Here are a couple from that movie Road Trip:

1. If you're in a different area code, it's not cheating.
2. When splitting up with your significant other, always make sure to get 1 last lay.

 

[IceG]

Underwear continued...

there are absolutely no restrictions pertaining to the storage of "women's" undergarments, especially ones worn recently by hotties. they may be collected, traded, or sold as the case may be. typically a semi-verifiable story must accompany said items if they are to be sold. these items tend to have excellent re-sale value at workplaces and universities.

 

[Richard Cranium]

In the Locker Room

In the Locker Room, walking to the showers, if you wrap a towel around your waist, other guys will wonder what you have to hide.

If you don't, they'll wish you did.

 

[hitrack]

MINI POLL:

Pee in the shower.

Right

or

wrong

 

[IceG]

Shower Urination...

If forced by a lack of alternatives, you may urinate in another man's shower, especially if buddy has advised you he has "plugged" his own toilet and forced your hand. If this is the case, be a gentleman and ensure no visible traces of the event are left and there is no need to advise buddy of the "unfortunate" incident.

If you have plugged your own toilet, do not urinate in your own shower, attend neighbor's bushes or other suitable area depending on bladder urgency.

 

[WannaPlay]

On ex's car! thats great! LOL

 

[WalterMitty]

a few more...

1. never rub suntan lotion anywhere on another man.

2. men do not "share dessert" with other men at restaurants. Buy your own, even if you only want "a few bites" or go without.

3. if another man in your group declares his need to use the restroom, no other man should leave the group until the first man returns.

4. if there are 2 of you at a restaurant, always take opposite sides of the both..never the same, even if you are waiting for others to join you.

and peeing in the shower is OK...just make sure it all gets rinsed out. Of course, this assumes you are alone in the shower.

Walter

 

[Coitus-longus]

On ex's car! thats great! LOL

Or, I'm told, the ex's toothbrush ( sorry I am feeling pissed off this afternoon, just got blown off for dinner )

Also when out of toilet paper in a public restroom ( and you haven't noticed before starting ) never ask the guy in the next stall to pass some over, it's a female habit and besides that's what those old socks you're wearing are for.

 

[bobsled]

Re: Unwritten rules for Men...

I remember this time my buddy and I were on a Holiday in Australia and I was taking a leak in the bush. And then this poisoness snake appears and it bit me on the end of my dong.

And I was screaming in pain, and said to my buddy...Jesus Christ, get me a doctor...for god sake get me a Doctor....My snake has been bitten by another snake!!!!!

And he ran back to the Hotel and contacted the Doctor to find out what he could do to save my life. And I was lying there in pain as the venom was circulating through my body in the HOT sun.

And when my buddy returned I asked him what the Doctor said. He told me the Doc was on the way. And that the advice was for my buddy to just put some suntan lotion on my back so I wouldn't get a sun burn. And there was a good chance that I was NOT going to make it. So he rubbed some lotion on my hairy back and we had a couple of lagers while we waited for the Doctor to arrive.

And later I found out, the Doctor told him she would be there as soon as possible, but in the mean time my buddy had to make a small incision in my dink and suck all the poison out to save my life. But, he just told me to hold tight and have a few beers until the Doctor showed up.

Thank God the Doctor was a young female intern with a nice rack. She saved my life. And my buddy saved me from getting a sunburn. Make sure you get Medical Insurance when you travel...it's worth it.

Later,
bobsled.

 

[kafka555]

Further rules:
Under no circumstances be seen driving a Volkswagen Cabriolet.

Do not order wine, especially white Zinfandel, in a bar.

Disavow any knowledge of hair or skin care products. If a woman compliments you on your appearance, grunt in acknowledgement.

 

[dirtydan]

I think Dave Barry explained it best when a man looks at something like the Hoover Dam and admires it for its size while a guy sees the opportunity to piss from on top of the damn.

As for peeing in the shower, no way that's gross

 

[dbrw42]

Places I've relieved myself:

• toilets and urinals (no kidding)
• shrubs, bushes & trees (usually on a golf course, beside the highway, etc)
• assorted dumpsters
• off the side of The Spirit of British Columbia going from Tsawwassen to Swartz Bay
• off the side of The Queen of Surrey going from Horseshoe Bay to Langdale
• off all sorts of boats while fishing
• through my fence onto my evil neighbors lawn
• off an apartment balcony onto an ex-gf car below
• in my pants after my motorbike accident
• those evil little plastic hospital piss containers (can't call them a bed pan cause its not a pan)
• assorted showers that weren't my own

HFS

HA!! The Revenue Canada building in Ottawa!!

 

[chiefwiggum]

Further rules:
Do not order wine, especially white Zinfandel, in a bar.

Bullshit.

Wine has long shed its "fruity" image. At least among REAL men.

Besides - chicks dig it !!

 

[Strannen]

The age rule for sleeping with younger women:
Divide your own age by 2, and add 7.

 

[dbrw42]

You need to clarify......did you piss on the building, or inside the building in a location that wouldn't be appropriate.....say inside a filing cabinet, desk drawer or on the carpet in an auditors cubical?

Let me know since I have a meeting with the CRA in a month or so and I'm open to ideas.

HFS

Behind a bush outside on the outside of the building.