shak said:
I am planning to take things 1 step further and somehow I feel pressured because her ex bf is black and apparently very sporty and muscular.
Very sporty and muscular? How did he get to be that way? Probably spent a lot of time in the gym? Maybe fooled around with steroids? In any case, he was totally preoccupied with himself, his body and the notion that women seek these qualities. Granted some do - the bimbos - but must most do not. That kind of individual is the type that really worthwhile women avoid like the plague. The fact that he is a former boyfriend demonstrates that he just didn't cut it with her, and she's looking for someone else. Are you going to be that special someone? Why don't you begin by asking her what she looks for in a man? She'll tell you, unless she hasn't been around. You'll then know if you qualify, and move on or make adjustments if you don't. It's that simple.
(I am not discriminating against black people, its simply a common belief that blacks are superb on bed).
That is one of the funniest lines I've read in here. Change belief to misconception, and it'll make more sense. Performance in bed is something that takes up a very low percentage of your time with a woman, and ironically diminishes the longer you are with her. You must have a pretty low opinion of women if you believe they see this as a critically important quality. Let me draw a parallel. Compare a man's features to those found on a new car. Sure the engine performance is a great option that stands out when you first purchase it. But it is one of many that make up the package, and may not be what really makes you feel attached to it in the long haul. Sometimes it's one thing and sometimes it's a combination of things that promotes loyalty and attachment. I've drawn a long bow, but do you get my drift?
I guess it comes down to a question of confidence...always wondering how i measure up against what she've had
Now you've exposed your insecurity. We all have this problem that is rooted in fear, in a relationship. Any woman who compares you to "what she's had" is one to avoid like the plague (ex.: if he dumped her, you'll never capture her anyway; you'll be a convenient harbour until he or her next ship comes along - depending on the circumstances of the breakup, of course).
Here are qualities that attract women: Security, self-confidence, stability, self-esteem, how you present yourself, in every way, to her peers and loved ones, cleanliness, a nice smile (teeth?), your wisdom, your experience, how you deal with problems, your ability to get things done, your helpfulness around the house, on and on. Get half of these right, and you should have no problem.
*Damn, I just described myself*