Sex for money (and the damage to the spirit): Musings of an sp

[spaceghost]

If you haven`t perused the Victoria section lately, our resident `Doofus-in-the-know` has posted a link to an interview from Monday Magazine.

In that interview, a local Victoria indy sp comments on her profession.

"The worst thing about the job is... the damage it does to my heart and soul.

As much as I love my job, it does take its toll on my spirit.

At work I only see those who are cheating on their girlfriends/wives, and those who value sex above a relationship. That alone has an impact on how I view men.

It`s hard to believe there are monogamous, loving, respectful men out there, when most of what I see are those mentioned above.

And adding to that pile of rotten potatoes (trust issues are no fun for either party) I feel dirty and shamed.

Part of that is because society as a whole makes me feel that way, but it`s also because sex is sacred (to me if no one else) and to do it for money demeans it so very much... It hurts my heart to be with men I don`t really want to be with, and it damages my soul, too."

Such a heartfelt personal analysis.

I would love to hear the comments of other women on the potential long-term personal effects of service providing.

 

[yogi]

Society can't "make" her feel that way. She freely chooses to do so.
I don't buy her into sex-or-relationship dichotomy.
I can't believe she loves her job.

 

[spaceghost]

From another thread...

hmmmm........would you sleep with a buch of different men for 110 dollars? no offence to the victoria ladies because its not their fault....it's just the market

Even for 250.00 I feel like crap sometimes (depending on my clients)

 

[spaceghost]

Thank you for taking a moment to comment felicia. And thank you to Panny for her self-examination.

Don't be too quick to jump on this thread, guys.

First of all... if you had a chance to peer into my email inbox, I do believe you would be taken aback at the number of women in this business who harbour conflicting emotions similar to what Panny and Felicia have shared.

I have been fortunate enough to have a quite a few share thoughts and musings with me.

I don't doubt for a moment that they are sincere when they tell you they truly enjoy what they do.

Their hearts are an ocean of emotions... and we are fortunate that they sometimes feel comfortable enough to share some inner thoughts with us from time to time.

Refrain from being too quick to pass judgement and be appreciative that they are not cold, heartless auto-trons who can completely turn off emotions and act a role... for that is the quality that can lead to the emotional connection that so many pooners seek in that 'special' session with the rare gem from time to time.

 

[LonelyGhost]

From another thread...

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by xxx_felicia
hmmmm........would you sleep with a buch of different men for 110 dollars? no offence to the victoria ladies because its not their fault....it's just the market

Even for 250.00 I feel like crap sometimes (depending on my clients)


and there have been times that I have felt like crap for paying that to sleep with some of the sp's out there ...

i really don't think that women are the only ones with feelings -- good or bad -- about themselves and/or what they are doing -- and there have been plenty of threads from guys about 'feelings' about sp's ...

the problem, as i see it, is really that we moralize sex and sexuality that create bad feelings about something that shouldn't feel bad except when it crosses boundaries ...

and yet, i don't feel great for making a donation for services rendered any more than the sp does for accepting it ...

the biggest crock of crap however is a society that celebrates some broad spending 50 grand on a wedding and yet vilifies a woman who is an sp ...

if marriage was as great as we are all led to believe, sp's wouldn't have half the business they do have ...

Morrigan has the right to her feelings and opinions but should also consider where they come from ... I have a lot of respect for her regarding a lot of subjects she has posted about yet also believe that not everyone is going to be blessed with meeting the right person for every need for the rest of our lives ...

Morrigan is a beautiful and intelligent young woman who wouldn't give me the time of day on the street ... but I have had the pleasure of spending some time with her and was thrilled ...

knowing that it might have caused her such pain, however, I doubt I could ever go back.

 

[Xavier]

Dear Morrigan,

It’s nice to see you expressing your feelings on being an escort and it will be interesting to see what the other opinions and feelings are from the other lady escorts that use this board.

I myself always wondered how the ladies felt about their work as an escort. What is the general consensus out there? Do the ladies enjoy their work or are they sick of seeing our hairy asses?

Let me give you my perspective, on buying sex (the hobbyist side of the story). I am currently unattached and don’t have a SO to cheat on. I do believe that the board is split on married and single pooners. So I am not one of the married pooners that “value sex over their relationship.” So not all of us are “rotten potatoes.” For one thing I like this hobby because it allows me to meet women that I wouldn’t have met in my normal life. I love sex and the female body. It allows me to experiment and to explore with sex without the emotional strings attached to it.

For me, being in this hobby taught me a lot about women and myself. I call this an exploration and phase in my life. Call it a long stag party, before finding a SO and settling down before being married with children. Now after I get rid of this bug for sexual conquest, I expect and hope to not be one of the “bad potatoes” that cheat on their SO. I hope that my future SO will not find out about my past. But if she does, I will explain to her in the hope she understands why.

Do the married/attached pooners really “value sex over their relationship?” Or are they seeking something to supplement what is missing in their relationships? Do you think it is wrong to do this? I can’t speak for all of them but what I have observed is this:

1) Most of the married/attached men on this board seek for something missing in their relationship whether it would be a sexual /intimate connection
2) Like you ladies, men like the variety and excitement in the hobby that is obviously missing in their relationship
3) Some relationships are open, and seeing escorts serve to spice the relationship
4) Some marriages/relationships have gone down hill and there is no hope for salvation. So the only way out albeit destructive is through pooning

For me, this hobby is not a means to an end and nor should it be for you? It seems to me that you are jaded by the business and how you perceive men. I am sure you have met some jerks in this business, which escort hasn’t? But please don’t classify all of us that way. I also hope that you will find your SO and that you are not jaded so much that you don’t offer your heart to this person.

And adding to that pile of rotten potatoes (trust issues are no fun for either party) I feel dirty and shamed. Part of that is because society as a whole makes me feel that way, but it's also because sex is sacred (to me if no one else) and to do it for money demeans it so very much..”

It is a choice that you have made, and If this is how you really feel, I think you should stop being an escort.

Yeah, I need to survive, but when you've been a working gal for so long, it gets harder and harder to explain that big gap in your resume, so I am kind of in a catch-22. It hurts my heart to be with men I don't really want to be with, and it damages my soul, too . . . And then you get the odd guy who thinks he's paying for you, not your time.

By your writing, you seem to be an intelligent and outspoken women. Use your mind instead of your pussy in making money. I know escorting is easy money, and you’re your own boss. But if you are turned off by the pooners that see you, do something that is more personally fulfilling and less revolting.

I always try to pick the ladies that have good reviews and who feel they enjoy their job and sex. I think that a positive perception about their work will only reciprocate a positive experience in their services.

I only wish you happiness and fullfullment in your life Morrigan. I hope you chose the right path to it, as most of us are seeking it too.


Xavier.

 

[hitrack]

Sounds to me like she doesn't have to worry any more about being with guys she doesn't want to because after reading that no one is gonna wanna see her anyways.

One will only hope after she has typed out all that spew which are her feelings she finds a s/o who she can be happy with and restores her faith in men, and does not end up becoming a bitter old woman which most look upon as would be doing the world a favour to fall off it.

 

[travel guy]

I'm surprised by the response to this thread. What where pooners really thinking goes through a sps mind when they see a client?

I can understand the "I love my job" bit being true when in respect to a high end part timer - someone to whom the money is secondary and who is in a position to pick and choose her clients, but for the sps who are seeing ANYONE with a couple hundred dollars it has to be hard on the spirit.

I doubt that it's what they thought they were signing up for. I'm sure the allure of easy money in exchange for sex would start out seeming more like a small power trip/ego boost. The way the girls refer to themselves as "courtesans" seems indicative to me that they were initially hoping to become more of a professional seductress. The realization that they're not the jet set escorts/seducers of the rich and famous that they may have originally planned to be, but more of a "product" used by men that they would otherwise have nothing to do with would be enough to make "I love my job" nothing more than an advertising slogan. You'll notice that it's not unusual for the sps who post here to be completly broke, no credit, etc.....has to be tough knowing that the job you took because of all the glamour and "easy money" has left you well worn and living just as well as you would on welfare.

I avoid any by the hour sp for that very reason - I like knowing that at least if I personally don't turn her on, she'll at least "love" her job when the aphrodisiac known as the overnight fee kicks in.
I wouldn't be comfortable seeing a sp that doesn't have any standards for her clients and it's sad to see that so many don't. If they were to limit themselves to services/clients/prices they were truly comfortable with, they could genuinely enjoy their jobs.

If you're spending a couple of hundred dollars on a sp and find that in return she truly loves her job, chances are you're in Thailand or Mexico. If you're spending a couple hundred in North America, you're kidding yourself if you think that she "loves" it. I don't think this interview should come as any big surprise.

 

[travel guy]

I also think the silence from the other SPs is deafening on this one.

I think that if the sps came forth with their true feelings regarding this issue, it would blow everyones "happy hooker" fantasies all to hell.

I don't think there will be an influx of sps voicing an honest opinion on this one knowing full well that it will only negatively impact their business. They can't put on the old "I love this job" act neccessary to gain new clients after coming out and stating that performing sexual services for men who they either consciously or subconsciously have no respect for makes them feel like crap.

Would it not be only an obvious load of crap if a sp came out and stated that she loves her job even though she's constatnly reminded that the sale of her body is "too expensive", that she's a product and might want to consider pricing her body more economically, that the services she offers are thought of as inferior when compared to a street walker who takes fewer precautions in return for less money(or some crack), and that they're no longer even referred to as "women"?

We're clearly not talking about women who are selecting only exclusive clientele and getting a rush from the excitement of it all.....these are women who are selling their bodies for less than the cost of a decent pair of shoes.

If a pooner really wants to hear a genuine story about how much a sp loves her job, he'll have to ask an exclusive girl who hasn't made all of the compromises that come into play when conducting business on the quantity over quality level.

 

[yogi]

Felicia: "..yogi you're insensitive..perhaps its because you're one of the many men who are cheating on their wives or pehaps you dont really respect women in this business....you dont buy it??
have you no apathy? sometimes i love my job other times im upset with myself...."

I've no apathy, but plenty of empathy. I've never cheated on a wife or gf. I treat sp's as I treat all women, as sentient beings worthy of respect. She was saying how society "makes" her feel a certain way. I simply disagreed, that we all have choices in this world as to how/what to feel. I'd never give away that power to another to dictate to me how I shall feel. It's called "boundaries".

I'm a business professional. Some days I love my clients & my job, other days not so much. But I'd never be so unprofessional as to share that with my clients or potential clients.

 

[wolverine]

Well, every job has its benefits and drawbacks. Doesn't matter if you're a powerful world leader, an SP or a minimum-wage McJobber.

While it's refreshing to see Morrigan's honesty, I'm sure that many of her clientele are wondering which of them are actually "men I don't really want to be with".

As a pooner, I find that I tend to be a regular of SPs who are genuinely glad to spend time with me, despite my paying for their time. You can read it in their eyes and body language, or it would be due to things such as going overtime with me, or wanting to meet me for drinks or whatever. I treat women the same as my fellow human beings - they are more than just sex objects or arm candy. So likewise, treat me as more than just a "trick" or as a reliable source of income, and I'll keep coming back.

Mind you, I don't harbor any illusions that most of these women would have even given me the time of day under other circumstances.

 

[wolverine]

My second observation is that Morrigan is a highly intelligent, extremely eloquent and, above all, honest lady, who does not deserve to be labasted for her candid depiction of the business.

Just to clarify that I didn't lambast her at all...in fact, she is on my BC to-do list (see the 411 forum). However, my point is that some of her comments could potentially have a negative effect on her business.

BTW, Morrigan did admit that she is indeed the interviewed SP. See the other thread.

 

[spaceghost]

First, I find it very unfair that Morrigan was named on this board. The article was obviously written in such a way as to conceal the identity of the escort, and for someone to compromise her anonymity - and consequently her business - just doesn't seem right at all.

Jodie... you are going to have to take that up with Morrigan.

Thank you to sunnysideup and the Mod for agreeing that you shouldn't seek to discover that which wishes to remain private. That said, I am the interviewee, and I really don't give a hoot who knows it.

Uh, I'm not gonna say, but M has already outed herself quite publicly on another board (actually suggested people should pick up Monday because she had been interviewed by Ringo...)

 

[LonelyGhost]

Jodie

while at times we men might seem like a herd of insensitive boors, i doubt that there are that many of us who do not realize the feelings that sp's have towards ... and that those feelings may vary greatly even with one client.

therefore, while we may be aware of the feelings that morrigan expressed, we may not be comfortable at having them expressed ... as i noted in my comments above, morrigan wouldn't give me the time of day on the street, but an hour of her company is a wonderful experience even if it has no connection with reality ...

no one likes to be told that they are a loser with women when that fact is obvious in so many real life situations for whatever reasons ... having someone you respect and admire and enjoy spending time with tell you that in print isn't really what some of us are looking for.

lots of people spend money on things -- cars, boats, houses, vacations, even surgery to feel better about themselves ... some of us choose sp's (who are not things) because for one stinking hour someone pretends that you are okay.

 

[sartorial]

And don't forget that some of us are indeed single, have nobody in their lives but need to have sex. What else can a reasonable person do except search out a suitable escort who will provide the service.

As long as there is mutual respect, this is quid pro quo - something for something.

All of life is like this, nothing is free, although sometimes it may appear to be free.

 

[napcodog]

I don't cheat.

My first outcall was sent to me by my wife as a birthday present.

 

[spaceghost]

Okay, I stand corrected. I was not aware that Morrigan had already "outed" herself elsewhere, so I take back anything nasty I said about people compromising her privacy

Aww... I think you just like to poke at me for the sake of poking.

There was this lil red headed girl in grade one who always did that too.

She was cute.

 

[yogi]

Alexandria: "That's the tricky part, Yogi. Business professionals don't necessarily deal with human emotions and sexuality."

LOL! I deal with over-the-top emotional assaults on nearly a daily basis!

Alexandria: "So, yeah we do screw up, some of us a lot. It doesn't make us bad people or bad providors though."

Make you bad people? Certainly not ever.
Bad provider? Perhaps. I'd like to view that on a case by case basis.

You're right in that there's no "Hooking for Dummies." What a great idea for a book! Anyone up for writing it?????

 

[Chingada]

Rather than get directly involved in this discussion, I just want to say that after working in the media for many years, it never ceases to amaze me why people are so willing to do interviews with reporters.

 

[Massagegirl]

I am one who can comment without adverse effects to my business, since I found out early on that having sex for money is hard on the spirit and quit offering it. Luckily I give a real strong massage and an excellent HJ, so I have made a sucessful career out of being only a massage girl. If I wasn't so talented I would have to find another occupation as kissing/being intimate with someone I am not in love or at least lust with is not an option for me.

It has to do with every human being needing 3 feet of personal space to feel comfortable in their own skin. At least when I read that I immediately identified with it. The only times I have done full-service after the initial few months in the biz, was if they were hot and someone I would take home from the bar if I was drunk. That helped to justify it and wasn't quite so weird, but still empty of emotional fulfilment which is what women want out of sex btw.

It also has to do with your beliefs and morals before entering this realm, I was always fussy about who I kissed and have a one month rule when it comes to sex. Only the good ones will wait that long to get lucky and it saved me a lot of bad experiences as it takes a month to really get to know if someone's a jerk. Thats not to say I didn't have one night stands when I was young, but they always left me empty and hollow emotionally so I had to impose limits.

Where I started in this biz initially the boss was adamant about never kissing during full-service, that is is too personal and you risk losing yourself. It was brilliant advice and those that didn't take it had moved on in a matter of months. Thats why I find it so odd that a lot of the reviews talk about DFK being offered. Enjoy her while you can cuz she will be weirded out in no time and be gone from this line of work. Not that some of the girls haven't found ways of reconcilling it and I would dearly love to know how they do it. I PMed Alexandria once to ask but she never responded, I guess I worded it wrong, or maybe she thought I was rude to ask. Then again it could be just the best kept secret to sucess of true courtesans?