Rough "play"

[MrSOG]

I read today on a review that an SP is refusing to see non-Asians because they have been too rough with her. This really caught me off-guard and frankly disappoints me that I can not see someone (I'm a whitey) because some of you dudes have pushed past the line of what is acceptable.

This is meant as a conversation starter and maybe a place where we can talk freely about what boundaries mean and when it is ok to explore them. Not really sure where I mean for this to go but thought it should be brought up.

Personally, I am not really into rough play, it's just not my thing. But then again, I have gone with what I thought was the flow of the moment and played a little harder than I would normally. Specifically, a bit of more forceful face-fucking is what I'm referring to. Not to the point of gagging or puking but her eyes told me it was a bit unexpected so I backed off. Should I have even done that in the first place? Should everything be discussed ahead of time?

I've heard from several SPs that they get some really rough treatment from time to time. Stuff that goes beyond anything that can be considered playful. To those dudes that willingly do that - you guys need to stop. Recognize what you are doing and have more respect for her and yourself. If you want to explore that side of your personality, then without question that takes a willing partner to help you do so. Willing. Please respect that. You can still have an amazing time without being a total dick.

 

[GeeBeeP]

Interesting question.

IMO The place for the boundary conversation to begin is in communication with the SP before your date. If you’re looking for anything beyond the usual GFE type interaction, the client should tell the SP your kinks/fantasies/desires are and ask if they fit within her boundaries. Even if she advertises PSE and kink services finding out her definitions and boundaries before the session seems like the logical time.

Having said that I know girls are often leery to have these discussions before a date is booked, because the guy might just be a perv and wasting her time.

I’m interested to know how the ladies here on the board feel about this topic.

And as an aside, “don’t be a dick” seems like a good way to lead your life in any situation

 

[Harmony-bc]

For myself, I advertise to attract the people I want. I refer people to read my site before seeing me. Everything is spelled out clearly that I’m not submissive and I don’t offer pse. I’m not looking for only submissive men but as long as everybody knows I’m assertive, we’ll get along fine.

Funnily enough, one of my worst dates ever was an Asian guy. Every culture has some men that hate women and some men that love women.

 

[rinamood]

Interesting question.

IMO The place for the boundary conversation to begin is in communication with the SP before your date. If you’re looking for anything beyond the usual GFE type interaction, the client should tell the SP your kinks/fantasies/desires are and ask if they fit within her boundaries. Even if she advertises PSE and kink services finding out her definitions and boundaries before the session seems like the logical time.

Having said that I know girls are often leery to have these discussions before a date is booked, because the guy might just be a perv and wasting her time.

If interested in anything beyond GFE coziness, it's safest to (1) ask your regular SP or (2) ask at the end of a session for next time. If they welcome requests online, it may be okay to (3) ask briefly in the booking inquiry or at start of session. Anyone who is a kink player knows that proper negotiation is mandatory.

I saw the thread that prompted this discussion and it's not about kink as much as it is about guys who are hard enough on the working ladies that they'd elect to no longer see non-Asian clients. Imagine cutting out that much of your business because the damages are that unbearable. That's quite an extent. I wish it wasn't an experience I have read about multiple times for different SPs during my time on perb.

I don't receive many of those "fantasy time waster" inquiries. If someone sends me a play-by-play of precisely what they want for me to lead them through, I deny it politely by telling them that I will incorporate what I can, but I will not be following a script. I prefer a forward request as I'm pretty open-minded, and my clients can trust that I will adhere to my comforts.

 

[MrSOG]

I'm thinking there are two camps of dudes: those of us interested in a bit of deviance because that kinda seems like fun (is that PSE? I don't even know), and those who are abusive because...well, I don't know why.

I think if you want to indulge in anything beyond safe, vanilla sex, then having a conversation ahead of time is the way to go. Establish a rapport with an SP first, get at least one visit in, see if there is a click first, and leave the deviant stuff until later visits - that would be my approach.

For the 2nd camp of dudes, just don't be that guy. And ladies, please, please, please report these guys to your agency, to the cops, to anyone that will listen. I don't know what possesses anyone to abuse another human being in any way. It's about time we get past this.

 

[ChromeGasCap]

I go in expecting that aggressive behaviour is a default boundary.
I have had women who guild me to be more aggressive or rough. If it is just by cue, I then get verbal confirmation.
As a man you have to learn to read cues, and always follow up with verbal confirmation.

 

[Harmony-bc]

I should also add that kink is always a conversation before play. Everybody has boundaries they don’t want crossed or fantasies they want explored. You can tell the difference between somebody genuinely interested in an appointment and those that are just looking for free masturbation material. Communication is key to having a good time in any scenario.

I don’t like scripted sessions either haha

Abusers don’t seek consent and they probably read perb looking for clues who will let them get away with the most. Who is the least assertive. They probably won’t read this thread.

 

[rinamood]

Abusers don’t seek consent and they probably read perb looking for clues who will let them get away with the most. Who is the least assertive. They probably won’t read this thread.

I think they WILL read it, get offended, and then have no choice but to question it even if it's only to vehemently deny it within themselves.

Thinking is part of the process for growth. If we never speak on it, especially from men to men here, then the opportunity to begin reflection may never come up. I appreciate people sharing their perspectives and the nuances of this topic.

 

[rinamood]

I go in expecting that aggressive behaviour is a default boundary.
I have had women who guild me to be more aggressive or rough. If it is just by cue, I then get verbal confirmation.
As a man you have to learn to read cues, and always follow up with verbal confirmation.

This is SO hot 🔥

 

[Harmony-bc]

I think they WILL read it, get offended, and then have no choice but to question it even if it's only to vehemently deny it within themselves.

Thinking is part of the process for growth. If we never speak on it, especially from men to men here, then the opportunity to begin reflection may never come up. I appreciate people sharing their perspectives and the nuances of this topic.

Oh absolutely. I wasn’t saying a conversation wasn’t needed around abuse. I was just saying the abusers are on here looking for the next victim to manipulate. I think it’s a good conversation to have. But I highly doubt it’s going to have any effect on the abusers themselves. It might even turn them on to know they made a person change the way she works.

 

[rinamood]

But I highly doubt it’s going to have any effect on the abusers themselves. It might even turn them on to know they made a person change the way she works.

I don't think you mean what is implied. I think it is a very sad reality and it is difficult to believe that real, substantial change can happen. I do believe that worth it to SPEAK UP AND SPEAK OUT for those who have been harmed regardless of how that might make that imaginary "turned on" abuser feel.

I look towards hope, joy, and the opportunities towards every little win. Whether it's a lurker or a poster reading, a reminder to reflect and put in the effort for mutual enjoyment is worth it to me. Let us be a little bit optimistic here 💙

 

[Forum mod]

Too many guys, especially younger ones, are getting their sex ed from porn. They see a guy spitting on, choking, face fucking and in general treating the girl like a rag doll and they get the idea that is what sex should be. They are idiots and yes, they ruin it for other clients, and they also ruin themselves, as any woman in their "real life" will kick them to the curb, further pushing them into the incel/Andrew Tate BS. It's been getting worse not better is my impression.

We have banned many of these idiots, they also tend to be the "bros", always pushing boundaries, asking for bare services, and in general treating women like objects of scorn instead of human beings.

 

[MrSOG]

Maybe it's that simple. During my formative years, I had to work hard to get my hands on any porn and it certainly never had any depiction of mistreatment in it. Perhaps I grew up in the classy age of porn that guided me to being a classy person as well. Thanks porn.

I'm thinking it's a wider web of influence than just the porn being consumed though. Although I agree it must have some effect. When you go to any of the free porn sites, a ton of the content is borderline incestual step-family shit or rough play.

 

[Bridge]

I should also add that kink is always a conversation before play. Everybody has boundaries they don’t want crossed or fantasies they want explored. You can tell the difference between somebody genuinely interested in an appointment and those that are just looking for free masturbation material. Communication is key to having a good time in any scenario.

I don’t like scripted sessions either haha

Abusers don’t seek consent and they probably read perb looking for clues who will let them get away with the most. Who is the least assertive. They probably won’t read this thread.

I have to agree about the importance of proactive and careful communication. Plus there is a certain delicious expectancy after the guidelines have been created.

 

[MikeyLikey99]

Have the ladies ever had a board where they identified good/bad clients (eg. boundary pushers, considerate customers, generous tippers, etc.). I’m not advocating for it, I’m just asking if one has existed or does exist?

 

[Forum mod]

Have the ladies ever had a board where they identified good/bad clients (eg. boundary pushers, considerate customers, generous tippers, etc.). I’m not advocating for it, I’m just asking if one has existed or does exist?

It's safe to say it exists in some form and also safe to say it's none of the guys business.

 

[lukom]

I have had ladies reconsider certain things. When there providers who had an age restriction, they have reconsidered that when I would call them introducing myself and that I am respectful and mature despite my age (when I was in my twenties and these ladies needed you to be 35). This provider you want to see may be reconsider this policy if you send her a detailed and personalized message acknowledging all details on her, and you validating these things, along with how they align with your views and values. You'll want to summarize how important boundaries are. You can even go as far as paying for the session and if at anytime she feels like calling an end to it she can.

 

[lukom]

If interested in anything beyond GFE coziness, it's safest to (1) ask your regular SP or (2) ask at the end of a session for next time. If they welcome requests online, it may be okay to (3) ask briefly in the booking inquiry or at start of session. Anyone who is a kink player knows that proper negotiation is mandatory.

I saw the thread that prompted this discussion and it's not about kink as much as it is about guys who are hard enough on the working ladies that they'd elect to no longer see non-Asian clients. Imagine cutting out that much of your business because the damages are that unbearable. That's quite an extent. I wish it wasn't an experience I have read about multiple times for different SPs during my time on perb.

I don't receive many of those "fantasy time waster" inquiries. If someone sends me a play-by-play of precisely what they want for me to lead them through, I deny it politely by telling them that I will incorporate what I can, but I will not be following a script. I prefer a forward request as I'm pretty open-minded, and my clients can trust that I will adhere to my comforts.

It does seem weird that anyone would be willing to cut out that much business, but the term Asian is a broad one also. Asian isn't a standalone ethnicity or "race", it's a multitude of ethnic groups from an entire continent.

I do remember there was an SP YEARS ago who advertised "blacks only" for clients. I vaguely remember she bad a Twitter where she elaborated that in her personal life she dates and sleeps with anyone, but in her work she wants to cater exclusively to a community that gets turned away most by sex workers.

 

[lukom]

Maybe it's that simple. During my formative years, I had to work hard to get my hands on any porn and it certainly never had any depiction of mistreatment in it. Perhaps I grew up in the classy age of porn that guided me to being a classy person as well. Thanks porn.

I'm thinking it's a wider web of influence than just the porn being consumed though. Although I agree it must have some effect. When you go to any of the free porn sites, a ton of the content is borderline incestual step-family shit or rough play.

Yeah I remember the porn that dominated by age group was shit. It was someone deceiving someone, then treating them like shit. Bangbus is an example. I liked the girls obviously, but always muted it cause the guys were total shitbags.

 

[rinamood]

It does seem weird that anyone would be willing to cut out that much business, but the term Asian is a broad one also. Asian isn't a standalone ethnicity or "race", it's a multitude of ethnic groups from an entire continent.

I've only seen "Chinese client only" or "no non-Asians sorry" for AMPs and agencies that host many visiting SPs who do not have English as their first language. In such circumstances, it is not uncommon that the SP is unable to build a very particular branding/marketing and any semblance of screening is done for her. Smaller sizing for dicks (statistically) means less risk of harm from that body part at least. They're praying by the numbers there.

I don't blame the SPs who choose this based off of their condition and comfort. If I was in such a position, I'd be on the cautious side too after bad experiences.