Just a question for all you wonderful people out there. Why do relationships lose the zest, the spark, the adventure? Why don't we shower together anymore? Why don't we do the small things to make the other smile? Why does it end after a short while? Another question is for the ladies in their forties. Does your sex drive go down a little? Most I have talked to say no, that it actually increases. My girlfriend says it has gone down for her. Ya ya I know, could be signs she isn't into me anymore. I am well aware of that one and she assures me that's not the case. I actually believe her a little as she is very outspoken when it comes to anything like that. I am looking forward to some responses as well as any suggestions on how to get out of the rut of life. Thanks in advance.
Relationships
- Thread starter Wyatt
- Start date
If there is no physical reason, like an illness, or pregnancy, for her sex drive to go down, or for that matter large stress outside the relationship (like a death of a family member or loss of a job), and it has gone down for awhile, I'd call it quits on the relationship despite her denials that the relationship or you are not the problem. This is provided you haven't been neglectful of what would make her attracted to you to begin with.
In my mind, waiting around for someone to "figure out" their plummeting sex drive isn't worth it. Ultimately the answers are simple, they have just to come to grips with it. Better not to waste your time (and theirs) and move on.
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It take two.
i don't have the highest sex drive in the world , never had that is part of the reason i am single .. But it just take a little teasing , even a sexy smile and i am ready to get it one ..
Now my experience is all with escorts but which i am attracted to and that is what draws me in,, Now if i don't get any flirting back then just being able and wanting to pay for it is not enough .. I have know one or two that have flirted and teased me by text and on the phone .. and when that happens i can't wait to see them and it is the same with them ..
That is what is needed to keep any relation ship going and ending in sex .. Now in a none SP relationship , and we me it is a fuzzy line , there are many other thing two people do and can do any time of the day to keep the loven feeling .. but when one is willing to give the other better be willing to give back
As Elvis said in a old song ..." If you want me to give you love ....then you got to give me love too.."
i don't have the highest sex drive in the world , never had that is part of the reason i am single .. But it just take a little teasing , even a sexy smile and i am ready to get it one ..
Now my experience is all with escorts but which i am attracted to and that is what draws me in,, Now if i don't get any flirting back then just being able and wanting to pay for it is not enough .. I have know one or two that have flirted and teased me by text and on the phone .. and when that happens i can't wait to see them and it is the same with them ..
That is what is needed to keep any relation ship going and ending in sex .. Now in a none SP relationship , and we me it is a fuzzy line , there are many other thing two people do and can do any time of the day to keep the loven feeling .. but when one is willing to give the other better be willing to give back
As Elvis said in a old song ..." If you want me to give you love ....then you got to give me love too.."
maybe im cynical but i think people lie,
perhaps the biggest lie, they tell to themself,
its hard, really is,
i mean there are issuses problems in a relationship, and guess what you blame your partner,
of course its not my fault. i won't change.
i think love its over rated,
i will love you as long as you make me happy then its all over. your on your own honey
its funny but the most honest relationship i have ever had is with a couple of sp's i went long term with.
money for sex. no sex, i won't come back no money get the fuck out of here.
and its funny but not every sp, i have met it was that simple
i mean, alot of sps its like so ok you married, you got kids etc, where do you work on and on,
or they tell me about there life, and we just seem to get hung up the details of her life or my life.
these two sps, we actually just fucked, never really talked or got to know each other, never asked each other one question, we just accepted that circumstance brought us together, and ok there is the money, so we just pretty much did it.
i enjoyed it so i went back and still am but years latter,
they or she knows everything about me, and i know a hell of alot about them
its funny we even argued and had a difference of opinion, but
still doesn't matter, we respect and trust each other, so we over came any differences of opionion.
but its funny i saw a different sp recently and she is immediatly asking me so where is your wife, where are your kids. when was the last time i did it with my wife.
and i think that is what it comes down to so many people are insecure, there afraid to give an inch. there afraid to look at themself.
these two sps im talking about,
we never really talked until years after i met them, or they did, i can't shut up
but when they told me about there life, they just shrugged this is who i am take it or leave it.
its funny but i find its rather rare for people to be so open and honest, most people just want to blame some one else for there problems.
perhaps the biggest lie, they tell to themself,
its hard, really is,
i mean there are issuses problems in a relationship, and guess what you blame your partner,
of course its not my fault. i won't change.
i think love its over rated,
i will love you as long as you make me happy then its all over. your on your own honey
its funny but the most honest relationship i have ever had is with a couple of sp's i went long term with.
money for sex. no sex, i won't come back no money get the fuck out of here.
and its funny but not every sp, i have met it was that simple
i mean, alot of sps its like so ok you married, you got kids etc, where do you work on and on,
or they tell me about there life, and we just seem to get hung up the details of her life or my life.
these two sps, we actually just fucked, never really talked or got to know each other, never asked each other one question, we just accepted that circumstance brought us together, and ok there is the money, so we just pretty much did it.
i enjoyed it so i went back and still am but years latter,
they or she knows everything about me, and i know a hell of alot about them
its funny we even argued and had a difference of opinion, but
still doesn't matter, we respect and trust each other, so we over came any differences of opionion.
but its funny i saw a different sp recently and she is immediatly asking me so where is your wife, where are your kids. when was the last time i did it with my wife.
and i think that is what it comes down to so many people are insecure, there afraid to give an inch. there afraid to look at themself.
these two sps im talking about,
we never really talked until years after i met them, or they did, i can't shut up
but when they told me about there life, they just shrugged this is who i am take it or leave it.
its funny but i find its rather rare for people to be so open and honest, most people just want to blame some one else for there problems.
Preface: I have been around long enough to offer an educated opinion.
The simple word is STIMULATION!!
Not sexual stimulation (as in foreplay). Important as it is, it is dwarfed by stimulation of an intellectual nature. Rock hard cock is fine until that novelty wears off. Simple foreplay is a must but your partner's "sexual bag" dictates your attention. But non-sexual intellectual stimulation is simply determining what your mate wants to "hear, do, discuss, experiment, experience." In other words you both grow together.
Intellectual stimulation emanates from a sincere and genuine desire to "be attractive to your mate." You seek to "discover" wherein her interests lie. (If most of her interests are not your natural bag, best you make an attempt to communicate on subjects in which she has an apparent interest.) If she is not worth this effort, guess what: there is little prospect that this couple will not end up in the proverbial ditch.
I could go on, but I will wait to see whatever hefty advice/comments come from you other PERBpuppies.
bigguy
The simple word is STIMULATION!!
Not sexual stimulation (as in foreplay). Important as it is, it is dwarfed by stimulation of an intellectual nature. Rock hard cock is fine until that novelty wears off. Simple foreplay is a must but your partner's "sexual bag" dictates your attention. But non-sexual intellectual stimulation is simply determining what your mate wants to "hear, do, discuss, experiment, experience." In other words you both grow together.
Intellectual stimulation emanates from a sincere and genuine desire to "be attractive to your mate." You seek to "discover" wherein her interests lie. (If most of her interests are not your natural bag, best you make an attempt to communicate on subjects in which she has an apparent interest.) If she is not worth this effort, guess what: there is little prospect that this couple will not end up in the proverbial ditch.
I could go on, but I will wait to see whatever hefty advice/comments come from you other PERBpuppies.
bigguy
I was married for 8 years - and neither my wife nor I ever "lost the desire".
Relationships are work, like everything else you need 2 people who are willing to put in the time and the effort
to keep it fun, to keep it stimulating...
I really do think that certain personalities are more lazy than others, they take things for granted, some women feign interest in sex to get what they want (children, family, husband) - and then after when they get what they want - the man never sees sex again.
I'm sure certain women get caught as well - they meet a guy who's not that sexually aggresive - and think wow - I finally met a "gentleman" - and then they discover later that that "gentleman" is just not interested in sex - and that's why he's not sexually aggressive - not because he's some kind of super special I understand women's feelings "good guy".
No, he just doesn't give a shit about sex.
You have to be really careful in who you choose as a life partner.
Wyatt when is the last time you did something special for your wife?
Do you actually like your wife?
I just find it odd, that you would post that question here - you're married, you see escorts - and your wondering about relationships.
When you have to know on some level, that you are part of the problem.
Relationships are work, like everything else you need 2 people who are willing to put in the time and the effort
to keep it fun, to keep it stimulating...
I really do think that certain personalities are more lazy than others, they take things for granted, some women feign interest in sex to get what they want (children, family, husband) - and then after when they get what they want - the man never sees sex again.
I'm sure certain women get caught as well - they meet a guy who's not that sexually aggresive - and think wow - I finally met a "gentleman" - and then they discover later that that "gentleman" is just not interested in sex - and that's why he's not sexually aggressive - not because he's some kind of super special I understand women's feelings "good guy".
No, he just doesn't give a shit about sex.
You have to be really careful in who you choose as a life partner.
Wyatt when is the last time you did something special for your wife?
Do you actually like your wife?
I just find it odd, that you would post that question here - you're married, you see escorts - and your wondering about relationships.
When you have to know on some level, that you are part of the problem.
Thank you all for the helpful words. I should add to this a little to put into perspective. She does suffer from depression somewhat and is in a rut in life it appears. When we do have sex, it's great, for both of us. I think it does boil down to trust and feeling comfortable. I have tried everything under the sun, flowers, being romantic, gifts, surprises and just being a genuine nice guy. It goes in waves, one week she can't get enough, then the next four its none for me. I am in my prime right now and have never had a higher drive. I'm 40 and cannot believe it. I actually am divorced now and haven't visited a escort since being with this new lady. I am genuinely attracted to her and the only reason for posting is well, I know this site is basically a sexually based site and there are enough good people on here who would lend a helping hand. It's quite funny how I really don't have the urge to cheat with this lady as I did when I was married. Maybe it was the feeling of comfort or just the knowing my wife was always there, not sure. I just know I would be a super happy man if my current lady's drive came back lol. Thank you again, especially Vanesssa and Angie. I did miss the board so glad to come back for a visit. Angie, yes we haven't met and hope you are well. I was just thinking of you the other day Vanesssa, drove by where we saw each other, I smiled a big smile. Hope all is well with you too. I will keep trying for awhile more in the hopes it falls into place. Cheers.
i think this site the focus is sex,
but in a relationship its not all about sex.
its about honesty, its about, two people working together as one, to raise a family a life. to perhaps help one person acheive their goal.
and well people are two things insecure, and selfish.
its funny but how many people are really confident, and come out and say this is me, who i am take it or leave it.
i go through my day talk to people and it all seems to be about, god im so smart, i have so much money i am so much better then everyone. and we just seem to go and can't wait to tear some one down.
not everyone.
but alot of people
its funny but the people i enjoy the most, are people that enjoy themself and who they are they enjoy all there faults and quirks, and there life is, more of an internal journey to find happiness rather then an external journey of i need money i need a big car, i need a hot wife or spouse, i need i need i need,
im better im better then you im so much better then you,
i guess its a material world and we all seem to get wraped up in that,
but the most satisfying enjoyable people i have met, are people that are not really wrapped up in this material world.
but in a relationship its not all about sex.
its about honesty, its about, two people working together as one, to raise a family a life. to perhaps help one person acheive their goal.
and well people are two things insecure, and selfish.
its funny but how many people are really confident, and come out and say this is me, who i am take it or leave it.
i go through my day talk to people and it all seems to be about, god im so smart, i have so much money i am so much better then everyone. and we just seem to go and can't wait to tear some one down.
not everyone.
but alot of people
its funny but the people i enjoy the most, are people that enjoy themself and who they are they enjoy all there faults and quirks, and there life is, more of an internal journey to find happiness rather then an external journey of i need money i need a big car, i need a hot wife or spouse, i need i need i need,
im better im better then you im so much better then you,
i guess its a material world and we all seem to get wraped up in that,
but the most satisfying enjoyable people i have met, are people that are not really wrapped up in this material world.
Many women in their 40's are peri-menopausal. This plays havoc on their hormones, moods and sex-drives.
Women who are in menopause tend to lose their sex drives completely.
So, it may be part of the aging process.
Women who are in menopause tend to lose their sex drives completely.
So, it may be part of the aging process.
............depression can be a bitch, but do you know why she suffers from it ? Ever consider that part of the problem may be that she wants the relationship to go to a different level, but you are showing no inclination to take it there ? Once bitten, twice shy.
Relationships tend to naturally lose their spark over time. Maintaining an active sexual relationships over the long term in a monogamous union is actually pretty tough. In this case, I think the options are limited to either sucking it up or outsourcing for your sexual needs.
My relationship has kept me off this site for years, and i try to keep things alive here i crept back to my past to take look whats going on out of pure boredom
In my experience, it seems that women always want guys to transform into the man they want them to be and guys want the women to be the same woman they first met and fell in love with. Both of these expectations are wrong. No one can mold anyone into their perfect mate and people are always going to change as time goes on. One of the major turning points for me in my life was to face my emotions head on and embrace the good ones and work through the bad. The person you choose to be in a relationship with will ride these waves with you and except you for who you are no matter what and the day they can't is the day it's time to move on. Sometimes it's no one's fault, just peoples needs and priorities change for one reason or another. We each must choose our own path and those who we choose to walk it with us.
Strong communication. Make sure you're both able to express what you want, without coming across as nagging.
Make sure you initially state in the relationship that "we BOTH should always be at our best for each other". Meaning you gotta keep in shape, be romantic (or sleazy... whichever you prefer, lol), and do whatever will make each other happy. Not saying be a lapdog, but spend some effort knowing something good will be at the end of the tunnel, but not too much where it might seem like a chore.
Make sure you initially state in the relationship that "we BOTH should always be at our best for each other". Meaning you gotta keep in shape, be romantic (or sleazy... whichever you prefer, lol), and do whatever will make each other happy. Not saying be a lapdog, but spend some effort knowing something good will be at the end of the tunnel, but not too much where it might seem like a chore.
Thank you again for the comments. I do try to keep physically healthy, took off 90lbs over the past couple of years. It feels good and am in the best shape of my life now. It does take work and I'm not afraid of it, just hope there is light at the end of the tunnel is all. I keep the communication lines as open as possible and will do my best not to push. Thanks again and I'm always open to learning.
W
westcoast555
You should read 'Sex at Dawn'.. Dan Savage is always going on about it... it's actually a good read. Covers off some of the unrealistic expectations we have about monogamy. Might not be what you want to hear but it's very interesting.
i like dan savage
but explain that to your wife, monogamy is unrealistic
its funny i have been married for well over twenty five, seeing escorts for almost ten.
presently, not sure what im doing, my sp has taken a leave of absense.
but whats intersting is your thought process or mine.
family kids grandchildren, is number one to me.
i stayed with my kids, my familly, my wife, loyaltiy is important so i stayed married, in the hope one day it will all make sense to me.
my kids will always be my kids, escorts come and go, sex, its just the moment.
whats more important, a momentary feeling, or some person who will be with you for ever.
if something is important, you can justify it you can rationalize it, make sense of it,
my father was a rapist, he felt poor me, he felt justified in his behaviour.
you can make an excuse for anything, anything.
doesn't make it right.
don't know what im trying to say
except identify your priorites
and make dam sure,
the most important things in your life you don't screw up.
i have been lucky have been seeing escorts for almost a decade never got caught. family and every one is doing well
my escort took a leave of absense ok and im just wondering,
was it such a big deal seeing her,,
i mean it was fun, enjoyable. but, if i got caught would it have been worth it,
maybe this is off topic im more talking about my family,
but my wife,
marriage is forever, not just well as long as it works for me.
she is a nice lady my wife, sure there are issuse she has, but so do i.
don't know what im trying to say
except is a desire that can be satisfied in a moment, with anyone,
more important then some one you spent years and years with had kids with.
but explain that to your wife, monogamy is unrealistic
its funny i have been married for well over twenty five, seeing escorts for almost ten.
presently, not sure what im doing, my sp has taken a leave of absense.
but whats intersting is your thought process or mine.
family kids grandchildren, is number one to me.
i stayed with my kids, my familly, my wife, loyaltiy is important so i stayed married, in the hope one day it will all make sense to me.
my kids will always be my kids, escorts come and go, sex, its just the moment.
whats more important, a momentary feeling, or some person who will be with you for ever.
if something is important, you can justify it you can rationalize it, make sense of it,
my father was a rapist, he felt poor me, he felt justified in his behaviour.
you can make an excuse for anything, anything.
doesn't make it right.
don't know what im trying to say
except identify your priorites
and make dam sure,
the most important things in your life you don't screw up.
i have been lucky have been seeing escorts for almost a decade never got caught. family and every one is doing well
my escort took a leave of absense ok and im just wondering,
was it such a big deal seeing her,,
i mean it was fun, enjoyable. but, if i got caught would it have been worth it,
maybe this is off topic im more talking about my family,
but my wife,
marriage is forever, not just well as long as it works for me.
she is a nice lady my wife, sure there are issuse she has, but so do i.
don't know what im trying to say
except is a desire that can be satisfied in a moment, with anyone,
more important then some one you spent years and years with had kids with.
