Racism versus Preference: Hatemail

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

As some of you may know, I recently publicly stated my policy that I choose not to see men in the South Asian community. I tried to be incredibly discreet, polite and respectful as I have done in my ads here recently. I also had this added to my ads on ERSList, and not 5 minutes after I bumped that ad, I received this piece of excrement in my inbox.

Wow, another fucking racist bitch prowling the internet looking for prey to ripp- them off. You should go live in U.S. that's where racists cunts like you belong. I would not even have my dog come near you. You need serious education on pluralistic values in this very tolerant society where you are a ducking minority. This country would have been like somalia or Zimbabwe if it were not for immigrants like color people coming to this country and making this country what it is today. The irony is that your government brought us here because fuckers like you would have done a lot of damage to this country. It is a shame that your thinking is absolutely backwards when everyone is moving forward. You need to wake up and grow up.

Hmmm....

OK, I tried saying for 'intensely private personal reasons', but that wasn't enough. Right away, someone had to start spewing intolerant hatred back at me because I have restrictions about whom I choose to see, and assuming that it's based on skin colour. So I guess I need to give a defense of that criteria, and to do that, why don't I just lay out half my personal history, JUST TO PROVE A POINT? Ready, set, go.....sit down, belt in, shut up and hold on...

Here's the email he got back.

Not at all.

In my private life I am quite well known in certain parts of the South Asian community. It would be absolutely mortifying for everyone involved to meet at my doorstep. I see men of almost every race & ethnicity; I am university educated and speak several languages including French. I have seen clientele that are Baha'ii Farsi speakers, Mandarin speaking Chinese Buddhists, Korean Christians, Afro-Canadian. I have lived here in Canada since before bilingualism and multiculturalism. My childhood best friend was an immigrant from France and Maurittius: her mother was Parisian French; her father was Tamil. Her older brother was my childhood sweetheart. My SO was born in Quebec, before Bill 101, but he has the birth cert. to provide it. Malheuresment, il ne parle pas. The only one spewing hate and making judgements here is you. You are using nasty and aggressive language in order to have someone knock that chip off your shoulder. I did not put it there. My nation did not 'bring' you here; it welcomed you after you were either invited here, or asked to come her, or fleeing for your lives. We welcomed you. I welcomed you. My SO and his father helped protect you to get you here during their service in the RCAF, and during their many peacekeeping deployments to hot sandy unpleasant places where bad things happened on an infrequent basis, or where being from the incorrect ethnic group might get your arms hacked off, like in Rwanda, or because you had the wrong surname in Bosnia. In my previous professional career, I worked in the school system with immigrant and refugee families from the Pashtun, from Eritrea, and from Sarajevo. I witnessed a traumatised child panicking because the sports day logo his team had picked was large lighting bolt style SS...Do you KNOW what the SS did in Serbia? I do. I also can say AT THE LEAST 'hello, thank you & you're welcome" in more than 20 languages. I'm a keen student of modern anthropology and multiculturalism. I like to know if you're Dutch, or Scottish, or Afro-Carribean, because let's face it, you not only know my hair and eye colour, my height, my weight, my age and the bra size I wear, but YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE. Do I have the right to BE DISCRIMINATING* (that means make choices, little man) about the men who get to put their dicks in me? HELL YES I DO.

I am not rejecting you because of what race or skin colour you are. I am rejecting you because you are the sort of man who clearly enjoys attempting to intimidate women on the internet. You're the racist not me.

Call me an uneducated racist again. This has been fun, and now it's going on my blog,and on my fav. Contact me again and I will PUBLISH your name in order to shut down this email account, and any review or membership accounts on any sites where I pay to advertise...

How do you like it so far?


xox
Erica

 

[87112]

Delete post

South Asian is still all over the map for me.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

Delete post

South Asian is still all over the map for me.

Allow me to clarify, again without spilling too much of my personal history in no one's business...

I mean, I don't want to run into any
students
fathers
brothers
cousins
uncles
or grandfathers

of any of the HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS of Punjabi, Afghani, Pakistani or Indian children that I taught during my 2 decade long TEACHING CAREER in mostly Punjabi speaking schools and neighbourhoods where I lived or RENTED HOMES. Once again, I don't like racists. That includes those who think they can judge MY motive based on MY skin colour.

This also why I do not see men under 25. Even still, there have been dangerous moments...

Have I justified myself enough yet?

 

[Mellow]

I mean, I don't want to run into any
students
fathers
brothers
cousins
uncles
or grandfathers

of any of the HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS of Punjabi, Afghani, Pakistani or Indian children that I taught during my 2 decade long TEACHING CAREER in mostly Punjabi speaking schools and neighbourhoods where I lived or RENTED HOMES. Once again, I don't like racists. That includes those who think they can judge MY motive based on MY skin colour.

Ms. Erica, even without this justification you are free to see whom you please. In this case though, the extension of your point your detractors seem to be missing is that your motive is out of respect for the rather tight-knit and interconnected communities of potential clients.

 

[87112]

That's helps a ton, cause South Asian could mean Hong Kong, Malaysian, Thai, Vietnamese, Laos.

I know what you mean, Vancouver as Pavel Bure said once " Its a fishbowl" So the chances or one of those oh shit encounters is likely.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

Only my take: I liken this to how many Persian women HOPE they DON'T get Persian male clients...because as I've been told, "the Persian community in Vancouver is small, and they might see someone they know." Totally understandable.

Not to hijack the thread, but I've wondered about that scenario. The NAIVE GOOBER in me thinks, let's say I met an SP who I knew in REAL LIFE (regardless of race): It would be awkward as heck, but I would try a "We both have equal incentive to NOT expose each other, and we should both keep this a secret."

I mean, if I told people, "Hey, I went to see an escort, and she turned out to be Maria," then I'M admitting to the world that I saw an SP myself!

But definitely, in a perfect world, SP and clients never see people who they knew before in "real life." (most of the time)

Timmy.

And yes, that's just it. I know bibis and babas, I've been to weddings, parties, fundraisers, dinners; I've worn my personal lengha to numerous events. I would have NO PROBLEM keeping it a secret if you happen to live in my neighbourhood, and you see me at the store, and so you decide to call me up, I'll happily see you. If I've known your mother, your grandparents, your sisters & brothers, your father because I used to have parent teacher conferences with your Mom & Dad and known you since before you STARTED HIGH SCHOOL, IT'S GOING TO BE WEIRD, EMBARASSING AND AWKWARD for all of us.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

That's helps a ton, cause South Asian could mean Hong Kong, Malaysian, Thai, Vietnamese, Laos.

I know what you mean, Vancouver as Pavel Bure said once " Its a fishbowl" So the chances or one of those oh shit encounters is likely.

And I am in Surrey. Multiply that by a factor of a dozen!!

 

[1nitestan]

In general, I find that the relatively uneducated people (aw fuck it, let's just call them hicks) are the quickest to play the race card when shit doesn't go their way. This cuts across all ethnicities....even white folks. Have you taken a look at the CL Rants n Raves lately? It's a redneck rant haven. You could say, "I'm not seeing you because of your race. I'm not seeing you because you're a dumb fuck" LOL

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

That's helps a ton, cause South Asian could mean Hong Kong, Malaysian, Thai, Vietnamese, Laos.

I know what you mean, Vancouver as Pavel Bure said once " Its a fishbowl" So the chances or one of those oh shit encounters is likely.

Thanks for the support honda761! Let me know should you choose to meet me what your birth tongue is: if I don't already know any, you can teach me some!

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

1) Any woman can see WHOMEVER SHE WANTS TO

2) YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY. Not everyone's experience will be cookie cutter.

3) Ladies charge whatever they feel is the right amount for themselves and their time.

An excellent reply BadgerJohn, and I appreciate the support. I cannot wait to meet you.

xox
Erica

 

[Man Mountain]

My only issue with all of this is that in your zeal to make your point, you committed a transgression of one of the cardinal rules of this business and broke the rule of discretion:

I have seen clientele that are Baha'ii Farsi speakers, Mandarin speaking Chinese Buddhists, Korean Christians, Afro-Canadian (potentially personally identifiable info removed)

Here on your list of all the men of various ethnicities that you have entertained, you could easily have stopped at "Afro-Canadian" without potentially identifying this gentleman by not only revealing his occupation (which by itself wouldn't have been the worst lack of discretion that I've ever seen) but by continuing and noting a very specific, potentially identifying piece of information about his appearance! It's bad enough that you sent this kind of private information to someone in an email but then you post it publicly here on the forum! I can't believe that I'm the first to point this out! Please do the responsible thing and at the very least edit that out of your post!

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

Good point. I edited her post.

Thank you WestCoast Mod, and thanks ManMountain for catching that. I admit, I was a little caught up in the moment after I got over feeling frightened that this guy might track ME down to prove his point. That was indiscreet, and I will take it from the ensuing blog post...it was simply hyperbolic proving a point of inclusiveness.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

Only my take: I liken this to how many Persian women HOPE they DON'T get Persian male clients...because as I've been told, "the Persian community in Vancouver is small, and they might see someone they know." Totally understandable.

Not to hijack the thread, but I've wondered about that scenario. The NAIVE GOOBER in me thinks, let's say I met an SP who I knew in REAL LIFE (regardless of race): It would be awkward as heck, but I would try a "We both have equal incentive to NOT expose each other, and we should both keep this a secret."

I mean, if I told people, "Hey, I went to see an escort, and she turned out to be Maria," then I'M admitting to the world that I saw an SP myself!

But definitely, in a perfect world, SP and clients never see people who they knew before in "real life." (most of the time)

Timmy.

And yes, Timmy, I used to liken this to worrying about kids' parents seeing me attending 12 Step meetings in that community, or their community, or my community. Isn't it better than seeing me come staggering out of the bar, with my arms wrapped around your best friend's husband's neck?

 

[girth-brooks]

Ms Erica - you have a right to choose whom ever you want to spend your time with. I think that people tend to forget that. If you have a preference in your clientele, that's no one's business but your own. People need to understand that, and they should not be critical of that. I saw your ERS ad yesterday and it is not rude nor racist. It is a touchy subject, and I can see how people can get irritated initially by reading it, but at the end of the day, you're a human being who has every right to do what you want with who you want.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

Ms Erica - you have a right to choose whom ever you want to spend your time with. I think that people tend to forget that. If you have a preference in your clientele, that's no one's business but your own. People need to understand that, and they should not be critical of that. I saw your ERS ad yesterday and it is not rude nor racist. It is a touchy subject, and I can see how people can get irritated initially by reading it, but at the end of the day, you're a human being who has every right to do what you want with who you want.

Thanks girth-brooks for your understanding!

 

[hornygandalf]

That's helps a ton, cause South Asian could mean Hong Kong, Malaysian, Thai, Vietnamese, Laos.

None of these would be normally characterized as South Asian (South East Asian in all but one case). South Asian is normally the Indian sub-continent. If you were South Asian, then you would recognize the label. Otherwise, it doesn't matter.

But, what gets me is that in this intensely personal and intimate industry, there are some who think women apparently aren't allowed to have some choice or preference over who they see.
To have no choice over your clientele is to virtually put them at the level of being slaves, exploited and trafficked.
Every lady in this business has the right to decide who they see, under what conditions they see them, how much they are going to charge, what services they will provide and whether they will cancel the appointment due to unacceptable behaviour/drugs/intoxication. In large part, this is for their own safety (including reputational safety). And to do so doesn't mean they are racist. Ms Erica, you shouldn't have to justify your restrictions, nor lay out in such detail why you have such restrictions.

Are pooners ever held up to be racist, ageist or similar for having preferences when it comes to ethnicity, height, age, boob size, body type, smoker or not (tant likes the smokers), shaved or not shaved, eye colour, hair colour, intelligence (I do get turned on by intelligence) or general reputation for service?

 

[girth-brooks]

One thing I don't get about the world is, if you're a different colour, come from a different country, are homosexual, or basically "different" from me - I accept you, but that doesn't mean I have to "like" you. I just mind my own business. If someone is gay, great, they're gay. Does that mean I am going to raise a rainbow flag on the top of my house? No! I accept you and leave you be. I don't impede your happiness, success or livelihood. But if I "don't want to spend time with you" it's not prejudice - I am simply uninterested.

 

[Thatotherguy]

That's helps a ton, cause South Asian could mean Hong Kong, Malaysian, Thai, Vietnamese, Laos.

I hear the term South Asian used a lot, and I've never heard it used to refer to any of those ethnicities - only ever to refer to those from the Indian subcontinent. I can definitely understand how it might be used to refer to those, but the common usage of the term (in this part of the world anyway - in other parts of the world I don't doubt that it's used differently) is as Ms Erica says.

 

[yazoo]

Yeah they tend to be referred to as South East Asian. Except Hong Kongers who are just plain Asians

Anyway Ms E. Let's assume for a sec that you didn't have these excellent reasons. Let's assume u don't want to fuck people with grey hair. You're not agist. Gay women. You're not an anti LGBT zealot. South Asian. Not racist.

When it comes to who you are intimate with it is your right to be selective. To suggest otherwise is to force you to have sex against your will. It's rape by politically correct platitudes.

You owe no-one any explanations. But you did put that twit in his place.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

None of these would be normally characterized as South Asian (South East Asian in all but one case). South Asian is normally the Indian sub-continent. If you were South Asian, then you would recognize the label. Otherwise, it doesn't matter.

But, what gets me is that in this intensely personal and intimate industry, there are some who think women apparently aren't allowed to have some choice or preference over who they see.
To have no choice over your clientele is to virtually put them at the level of being slaves, exploited and trafficked.
Every lady in this business has the right to decide who they see, under what conditions they see them, how much they are going to charge, what services they will provide and whether they will cancel the appointment due to unacceptable behaviour/drugs/intoxication. In large part, this is for their own safety (including reputational safety). And to do so doesn't mean they are racist. Ms Erica, you shouldn't have to justify your restrictions, nor lay out in such detail why you have such restrictions.

Are pooners ever held up to be racist, ageist or similar for having preferences when it comes to ethnicity, height, age, boob size, body type, smoker or not (tant likes the smokers), shaved or not shaved, eye colour, hair colour, intelligence (I do get turned on by intelligence) or general reputation for service?

Exactly hornygandalf!