During my most recent session with the Sexy Fenix at Sweet VIP’s, my Apple Watch actually thought I was having a heart attack......
This is an exact transcript of what popped up on my Apple Watch screen:
“Apple Watch detected a heart rate rose above 120 BPM while you appeared to be in-active”
How (oh how) did I get into this delicious mess?
It all started with Fenix greeting me wearing a particularly determined look.
“Lose the pants, get on the bed, shut the fuck up.... and hang the fuck on”, she spat at me.
30 minutes later, like ‘Scotty’ from Star Trek, I’m screaming “I canna take much more-o this Captain!”
I look up to see her atop me. I marvel at her fast, yet graceful stride. Her hair is askew. Face set in a ferocious cast, body moving with singular purpose.... all to slake that which is unquenchable.
As the crescendo of our passion reaches its climax, Fenix screams. It sounds like a cross between William Wallace’s battle cry and a mentally handicapped persons exclamation of glee....it’s at this moment when my Apple Watch started freaking out. Surely my wrist watch was thinking ”this guys not moving yet his heart rate is above 120 bpm... dudes about to croak!”
I actually phoned Apple support to regale them with this tale. As I concluded my story, the help line guy from Apple says “let me guess...super hot milf, works as an escort in Victoria, Canada?”
Apparently they’ve received 4 calls this week alone about Fenix and her unique affect on men’s Apple Watches. The support team in Cupertino aluded to an underlying movement within the company to fly her down to California to lead a “motivational retreat”.
Not so freakin’ fast Apple..... get your own Fenix, this one belongs to the Perb Collective! (She will ASSimilate you!)
‘Plow
PS: here's an article about the heart rate monitor warning on the Apple watch:
http://dailysnark.com/apples-watches-worn-vikings-fans-notifying-may-heart-attack/
This is an exact transcript of what popped up on my Apple Watch screen:
“Apple Watch detected a heart rate rose above 120 BPM while you appeared to be in-active”
How (oh how) did I get into this delicious mess?
It all started with Fenix greeting me wearing a particularly determined look.
“Lose the pants, get on the bed, shut the fuck up.... and hang the fuck on”, she spat at me.
30 minutes later, like ‘Scotty’ from Star Trek, I’m screaming “I canna take much more-o this Captain!”
I look up to see her atop me. I marvel at her fast, yet graceful stride. Her hair is askew. Face set in a ferocious cast, body moving with singular purpose.... all to slake that which is unquenchable.
As the crescendo of our passion reaches its climax, Fenix screams. It sounds like a cross between William Wallace’s battle cry and a mentally handicapped persons exclamation of glee....it’s at this moment when my Apple Watch started freaking out. Surely my wrist watch was thinking ”this guys not moving yet his heart rate is above 120 bpm... dudes about to croak!”
I actually phoned Apple support to regale them with this tale. As I concluded my story, the help line guy from Apple says “let me guess...super hot milf, works as an escort in Victoria, Canada?”
Apparently they’ve received 4 calls this week alone about Fenix and her unique affect on men’s Apple Watches. The support team in Cupertino aluded to an underlying movement within the company to fly her down to California to lead a “motivational retreat”.
Not so freakin’ fast Apple..... get your own Fenix, this one belongs to the Perb Collective! (She will ASSimilate you!)
‘Plow
PS: here's an article about the heart rate monitor warning on the Apple watch:
http://dailysnark.com/apples-watches-worn-vikings-fans-notifying-may-heart-attack/
