PRO'S and CON'S

sdw

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Jul 14, 2005
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SoftHandsAnne said:
Because I don't want to fall for someone, nor do I want them to fall for me right now. (Ok, I *want* that... but it's not practical at the moment)

There is something about taking money for being intimate that just... makes it "worse." If I were to just go out and have "fun" and have sex with lots of guys, that's almost "OK" - but as soon as there is a transaction... well...

If I started to really like someone and vice versa, they would have to be told before the relationship went further. Then we get into possible rejection, loss of respect, bitterness etc etc. I know... "if he doesn't accept it..." - but realistically, it's not something most men could, would or want to handle. Just don't want to set myself - or anyone else - up for heartache.

I don't know about the leaving part - haven't tried yet ;p. However, I am physically working on other things that will enable me to not *need* to be in The Biz. This was never a long-term career for me; it was more of a "hmmm... what am I good at where I can work the odd hours I need?".

Will I miss it once I'm ready to go? You betcha. I like the affect I have, the fun, the naughtiness, the taboo, the clients. However, I will be happy to to be able to say, without reservation; "Yes, I would like to go out on a date with you" and be available to open myself up emotionally to the possibility of any feelings that may happen... as opposed to right now, where I keep that distance.

Hmmm... maybe we need a special dating site for SPs and other folks who have dating/work issues: LoveMeLoveMyJob.com :p
I have never understood why women can't let the past be the past. If a guy likes you and you like him, why would you tell him you were a SP two years ago? You know what will happen then - if you enjoy pain, why involve an innocent? Just give the guy the cold stare when he first approches you.

I mostly don't let people know what I was doing from 68 to 72. If a person asks how many I killed, I just ask them why would you want to know that?

I've found that any time a person digs into a person's life without allowing the past to be the past, they are just looking for a reason to leave.
 

Interested

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Mar 17, 2006
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Hollybaby, I am most impressed with your research. You make an important distinction between those who enter prostitution to feed their drug habits versus those who entered the profession and then engage in recreational drugs due to greater financial means and opportunity.

I truly hope it is true that the "escort culture" discourages drug use. In the end, I think it comes down to personnal choice and an individual's personality (addictive personality).
 

SoftHandsAnne

Retired
Nov 29, 2005
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Victoria
sdw said:
I have never understood why women can't let the past be the past. If a guy likes you and you like him, why would you tell him you were a SP two years ago? You know what will happen then - if you enjoy pain, why involve an innocent? Just give the guy the cold stare when he first approches you.
Oh, no - I most likely won't dig up my past should I be lucky enough to enter into a relationship *after* I'm "done." It's *right now* I was talking about: I can't/won't enter into a relationship because of my current work of choice. Afterwards... as long as I have taken care of myself... doesn't matter, I agree. I have too much else to offer to have "this" potentially overshadow my other accomplishments/traits.

That being said, if I *were*, by some miracle, to meet someone now, I would feel obligated to inform them of the truth about what I do. Hence why I'm avoiding (for lack of a better word) the potential long-term relationship "issue" at the moment.
 

sdw

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SoftHandsAnne said:
Oh, no - I most likely won't dig up my past should I be lucky enough to enter into a relationship *after* I'm "done." It's *right now* I was talking about: I can't/won't enter into a relationship because of my current work of choice. Afterwards... as long as I have taken care of myself... doesn't matter, I agree. I have too much else to offer to have "this" potentially overshadow my other accomplishments/traits.

That being said, if I *were*, by some miracle, to meet someone now, I would feel obligated to inform them of the truth about what I do. Hence why I'm avoiding (for lack of a better word) the potential long-term relationship "issue" at the moment.
For a guy, having a women tell you that's she works as an SP but still would like a relationship is like having a women ask you if she's getting fat.

There are no right answers.

If the guy want's to live with you anyway, you get into yesterday's antics with Maverick and Ashley.
If the guy decides to end it, it would have been better to give him the cold stare right at the start.

I personally believe that men are hardwired by evolution to want to be sure that the woman they are with can't get pregnant by any other man. Women are hardwired by evolution to want the best provider they can find at each point in their life.

This is why women "grow" out of relationships and some men stalk and kill women who leave them.

The woman knows that she has reached a point where now she needs a different type of man to provide for her.

The man knows that he isn't a teenager anymore and won't be able to find another immature girl to have love him.

I realize that there are women who find the right man when they are 14 and stay married for 80 years. There are also men who are so successful that they know they can find a replacement, so they don't stalk and kill the one who left.

However, generally the rules are simple for men. Keep others from making your women pregnant and if another man's woman is available, try to make her pregnant.
 

Victoria Rose

Sexy Little Thing...
Apr 28, 2006
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Regina
Why do this?

Well, I only do it part time. Why don't I do it full time? Because it's not steady or stable work you can rely on. There are no benefits—no pension, no health plan, no long-term disability, etc. It's nice, if you can arrange it, to have a legitimate job to provide those things. We can't do this forever, we all have a "shelf life" and some of us, though we have the best of intentions, suck at saving. It's just too easy to "dip into it" during a financial crisis instead of finding a more creative solution.

I also feel that this is much better than a relationship. I don't know what it is, but I seem to attract the most verbally and emotionally abusive men. You can only get so close to a guy for so long, and he feels totally comfortable being a dirtbag to you. You know the type—constant criticism, put-downs, insults—you can't do anything right by the guy. Some of them are so warped that they think this is showing they love you!

And perhaps I'm wrong, but I have come to the conclusion that men only value something they don't get for free. It literally has to hurt them—it certainly has to cost them—in order for them to value it at all. And it works best if they've been around enough to know that you may well be the best they're going to find.

It would be nice if I could be genuinely valued and respected in a real relationship, but for some odd reason, I never am (and never mind clients—I tried living with one for three years, he was a drug addict—though I didn't find out there was more than pot involved until after it ended and then I was glad it had ended because I am very anti-drug and it was stupid of me even tolerate the pot—and he was by far, the worst thing that ever happened to my family and me). They've always treated me like crap. But men treat me like a valued treasure when they have to pay to see and sleep with me. Sad, isn't it? I'd rather be an escort and get paid for it.

So when you get right down to it, I far prefer being single, being an escort and getting the respect that these guys sadly, don't think their wives (and other significant others) are worthy of, than take the place of their wives/significant others and be constantly degraded, demoralized, insulted, and so on. I get to see these men at their best, and they almost always bring out the best in me.

In fact, every time one of my clients admits to being married or in a serious relationship, I am reminded of why I am not. It's not that I doubt that there are good men out there, it's just that, they're all taken or single and like me, prefer it that way—either way, I generally don't get to meet them in the right circumstances. And if I think for one single moment that the married ones would leave their wives or significant others for me, I'm obviously not dealing with reality very well. And if they were the type to leave, then they're not good men after all.

Anyway, I came back to the above this morning and had to edit it because some of it didn't make any sense to me after getting some sleep. It was about 1-2 am when I wrote it originally and I was very tired and falling alseep at my computer desk. Note to self: don't try to write anything remotely profound or meaningful when sleep-deprived (the truly amazing thing was that it didn't have any spelling errors or typos—I'll never know how I pulled that off).
 
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Chantal

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Oct 3, 2004
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A very good point!

I need to agree with Victoria Rose same applies for me.Truth be told I attract nothing but "idiots" so I gave up.I work semi part-time,and take courses.It seems the generation coming up is more independent now.Espescially for women,more girl power;)
 

logsplitter

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Dec 6, 2004
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Relationships are a two way street. Sometimes one person derails it sometimes both. Usually it happens a little bit at a time and both people own responsibility. One thing for sure if you have gone thru a lot of relationships and they all ended bad U are either picking poorly or U are not putting in your best effort to make it work every single day!

Sex is also a big thing. IMHO guys are more diriven than a woman. If he knows he has to he will do what it takes to keep her having sex. For the ladies all they have to do is keep putting in as much effort to make it exciting for their guy and he will keep cuming back every few hours for more. If his sperm tank is on MTY he won't even be thinking about fucking someone else.
 

Terrell

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Nov 7, 2005
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I think Hollybaby nailed it. The only thing you forgot is SP's don't pay taxes. I don't know if that would fall under a pro or a con. I guess it would be a pro for the Sp's because the money goes into there pockets. But on the other hand it would be a con for the tax payers. IE health care, roads and street. Back in the day when the prices where between a 100-150 I use to bring a gift. Now with the prices between 200-300 I think Sp's should give me a gift. lol
 

Sexy BBW

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Apr 21, 2006
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SoftHandsAnne said:
Oh, no - I most likely won't dig up my past should I be lucky enough to enter into a relationship *after* I'm "done." It's *right now* I was talking about: I can't/won't enter into a relationship because of my current work of choice. Afterwards... as long as I have taken care of myself... doesn't matter, I agree. I have too much else to offer to have "this" potentially overshadow my other accomplishments/traits.

That being said, if I *were*, by some miracle, to meet someone now, I would feel obligated to inform them of the truth about what I do. Hence why I'm avoiding (for lack of a better word) the potential long-term relationship "issue" at the moment.
I feel the same way you do about this:)
 

afterplay

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May 8, 2005
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Terrell said:
I think Hollybaby nailed it. The only thing you forgot is SP's don't pay taxes. I don't know if that would fall under a pro or a con. I guess it would be a pro for the Sp's because the money goes into there pockets. But on the other hand it would be a con for the tax payers. IE health care, roads and street. Back in the day when the prices where between a 100-150 I use to bring a gift. Now with the prices between 200-300 I think Sp's should give me a gift. lol
SPs might not pay taxes until they get caught, and then they get to pay arrears and penalties and stuff. The more cautious SPs do.

Revenue Canada doesn't care where you get your money, just so long as you declare it. I think there was a thread a while back about how you describe your profession... "personal services" or "entertainer" came up as reasonable. In April, they fill in their tax forms, include T5s (statement of interest), maybe some photocopies of bank deposits showing their income and they're golden. They might get audited, but so long as they don't seem to be hugely underreporting, no problems. Also, they might have to pay instalments if they're making more than a few grand a year in otherwise untaxed income, but that's easy enough to set up. The upside of that is they they don't have a huge tax bill coming once a year, and they might even get a tax refund.

Untaxed income isn't a problem, just declare it, pay the tax owing and move on.
 

Victoria Rose

Sexy Little Thing...
Apr 28, 2006
210
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Regina
TJ in the 'Peg said:
Holy shit! Some depressing views on men. Makes you wonder.....
Makes you wonder what?

I've always been a very giving, loving, affectionate and selfless person. I never cheat and I do everything possible to make it work. And for all that, I get treated like dirt and I've never understood why. If I could find a man who treated me as well as I treat the men I love, I think my life would be just about perfect. And at first these guys may seem to care as much for me as I do for them. They all put up a really good front in the beginning to make me think they're different from other guys and all that, and it's all very convincing, but then, for no apparent reason, they change and in the end, I always end up feeling just as hurt and just as devalued.

I know there are things I do that amount to allowing them to have a certain amount of power and control over me and my self concept that they shouldn't have (and I've come a long way in the past few years in being able to fight that and reject insults from a man), but I don't deserve to be verbally abused—no matter what! And I am a beautiful woman who doesn't deserve to be insulted because he's having a bad day, and I certainly don't deserve to be called "nympho," "horndog," "whore," and worse, regardless of whatever I used to do to earn money (I quit escorting to be in a relationship with my ex), because I love him and I desire affection from him on occasion and he's having erectile difficulties because of the anti-depressant the doctor put him on.

And he wasn't joking when he called me those things. He called me those things to hurt and reject me because I had the sheer audacity to desire him once a week and he couldn't deal with his problem in a mature, appropriate manner, so he blamed me for it. I didn't dare ask for affection more often because it was hard enough to get affection from him that often and Viagra's expensive. Eventually, I was lucky if he touched me once a month and I am a very desireable woman—but I sure didn't feel like one when I was with him. What a waste of three years that man was. I wish I'd stuck to escorting instead of moving in with him.

I was so much happier when I was escorting and that's part of the reason I'm doing it again. I meet different men all the time and they tell me I'm beautiful and they want to make love to me! And they're not going to waste my time because it costs them money. Everybody walks away pretty happy because their needs are satisfied. You can't say that consistently about relationships. I genuinely wish we could, but then we'd be living in a perfect world, and wouldn't that be boring?
 

Terrell

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Nov 7, 2005
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While my wife was alive I must have been living the perfect life. And I can tell you it wasn't boring. 16 years and not one negitive, or degrading thing was said by either of us.Yes we disagreed on many things. We wheren't always happy with each other either. I think in your situation it comes down to respect. The men in your life do not respect you because of your pass. Just like you don't respect married men for using your services. Maybe your boyfriends don't respect you for being with those married men. I think it's a little sad that you think that having a John tell you your beautiful, and being on his best behavor for one hour at a time is better then a relationship. It fantasy not reality.
 

Victoria Rose

Sexy Little Thing...
Apr 28, 2006
210
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0
Regina
You make far too many assumptions about my "past"

Terrell said:
I think in your situation it comes down to respect. The men in your life do not respect you because of your pass.
Excuse me? My ex common-law was the only man who ever knew about me being an escort because the sum total of my escorting career then was for the two months before I met him—it was how I met him. Then I left the business to be with him until recently.

So don't talk to me about me having a "past." I don't have a lifetime career in this industry, nor am I planning to have one in the future.

And what right did he have to judge and disrespect me? He was a john and had seen many escorts for many years before he ever met me. You might say that he had a lifetime career as a john. So who was less worthy of respect?

When I first began working as an escort, I had just been laid off from a good job and had a family to support. I was desperate and saw an ad in the classifieds, where I looked every day for a job, "escorts wanted, no experience necessary," and I had no experience. And to my surprise, I actually enjoyed escorting.

I was meeting people and helping them to feel better about themselves—that's the way I looked at it. Some of the least attractive and even most obese clients were the most fun to talk to, and the oldest men were the most polite and genteel. I liked putting the shy ones, who had never seen an escort before, at ease. I felt that what I was doing was important and that it wasn't fair that some men had to pay for affection because people are so quick to judge with their eyes.

I've never felt degraded by what I do when I'm with my clients and they never make me feel that way. They appreciate me. Do I imagine that? I honestly don't think so. If you do, then you must be a very unappreciative client who really doesn't need the services of an escort the way some men do, in which case, you've projected the attitude you've displayed here onto my clients, and I don't appreciate you doing that. They're good men who, aside from the usual, use services like mine for meaningful reasons, like therapy to assist in their recovery from prostate cancer. And in many ways I consider what I do to be a form of therapy.

I can assure you, my clients are better men than you—at least in terms of attitude.

And if you had such a wonderful life with a wife like that, what are you doing here pursuing escorts, who you apparently presume to be such lowly creatures, instead of looking for another wonderful wife? According to your presumptions about us, you won't find what pleases you here because you seem to think we're all contemptable and unworthy of your respect.

So you were fortunate, good for you. I haven't been, though it hasn't been for lack of trying and doing what I thought was right. I always thought if I gave what I sought and treated the men in my life as I wanted to be treated, surely I would find the right one. But apparently, all a woman ever gets for that is taken for granted and abused. And I'll never understand that. The last man I tried to have a relationship with (who never knew about my escorting until it was obvious that it was way beyond over) hurt me so much, it was unbearable, and I thought he was far too nice and decent a man to hurt me anywhere near as bad as the john did, but I was wrong in the end. And I decided that's it, I'm done and I don't need this abuse anymore. I'd rather get paid than played.

Just like you don't respect married men for using your services.
When did I ever say that? I understand why they use my services, and I'm very sympathetic to them, I've always been a very empathic person, but I wouldn't want to be one of their wives. I consider myself too good of a lover and too giving to be the type a man would cheat on and I'd be horrified to learn that my husband had just run off and paid someone else to satisfy his needs instead of communicating them to me and allowing me to meet them. I'm the kind of open-minded woman who can meet those needs, not get shut out.

Maybe your boyfriends don't respect you for being with those married men.
Again, you assume that I have a lengthy enough history doing this that I've actually had boyfriends that know I do/have done this and have judged me for it, and you're quite wrong about that.

I think it's a little sad that you think that having a John tell you your beautiful, and being on his best behavor for one hour at a time is better then a relationship. It fantasy not reality.
No, I think it's quite sad that no man I've met so far has been mature enough or had enough self-esteem to appreciate having a warm-hearted, giving, loving, affectionate, beautiful and sensuous woman like me love him every day of his life, and that the last one I was in a long-term relationship with thinks so little so himself and considers himself so unworthy of me that he had to screw it up for both of us, and my children, by engaging in the most colossal act of self-sabotage I've ever witnessed.

So what if they don't mean it when they compliment me? At least they make the effort to do so. At least it feels good and puts a smile on my face. I can tell a phoney compliment from a mile away and my clients mean it when they compliment me. To suggest otherwise is to insult me and you have no cause to insult me like that.

And from what you're saying, it can be assumed that you either never compliment an escort or you never mean it when you do, in which case, you rarely, if ever, are rewarded by the warm, radiant smile that can result when you do a lady the honour of paying her a sincere compliment. Perhaps as a result, you think all escorts are bitter, unhappy women because you've created that reality for yourself.

You come across as just another man who is trying to abuse me without cause.

I am a good woman with a good heart and good intentions in everything I do. I won't accept less than respect from you or anyone else because I am worthy of it and because above all else, I respect myself. I have earned the right to be respected. What I do as an escort isn't degrading, it's beneficial and therapeutic, whether physically, emotionally, spiritually or all of those things put together. I will not be ashamed of what I do. How dare you even suggest that I should be or that I am less worthy of love from a man because I do it. I provide my services with genuine caring and respect for my clients because I am a loving person and I am no less worthy of being loved and respected than any other woman on this earth.

And if you are here, chances are you patronize the services of escorts, and therefore, you have no right to call me down in any way, shape or form for being one.
 
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