Perspective, all about perspective.

[ShedRain]

Hello,


I would like to ask the perb community here about a few things that have been crossing my mind these last couple of visits with the SPs.

I started this hobby/interest at an early age of 22. I'm not sure if that is a blessing or a curse. Looking back, in the begining it is quite fun and exciting. It's quite addicting as well, almost obsessively addicting. Although i did take a couple of grenades or "L" in the early days, things have calm down now-a-days. I am not sure if the horomones are declining or if the novelty has dulled.

I am 25 now, and i'm not sure how long i will continue this path. It isn't as exciting anymore, but for some reason i continue this hobby by coming back. I feel like like i have a dark secret that no one knows about except me. The issue is that you can never tell i am in this hobby. The sad thing is i am by no means an unattractive person, nor unfit. I am an young working professional who is athletic and stays in shape and is above average i'd say. But time after time again for some reason i choose this hobby instead of finding a nice girl, and creating a relationship or life. Maybe because this is so easy. I feel like living a double life that my family, friends and co-workers don't know about.

It is not until recently, it has really gotten bad about my perspective through the encounters of people waiting for the SP i was with in the lobby and seeing their faces and they were in their 40's and 60's i realize there are a ton of people in this age group. I began losing my drive. Began losing my interest. I never notice the end game, or how this will change my personality or life until i began seeing the older clients, and reflect their lives upon my self. Am I naive, for thinking that most people are like me age wise? I slowly started picking up on this perspective through my visual encounters, and the stories that the SP tells me about people escaping their wives, or middle age men in their 40's - 60's seeking a good time.

I began getting sick, sick of the thought that these older men. As well as epathy for the women that have to put themselves through this just for money. Good money, i would like to add.

I am afraid ever since discovering this hobby it has become an easy fall back and an easy escape route for me. Sometimes i wonder.. what if i never began, or what if i was more oblivious to the reality around me.. I feel like i can quit.. but a part of me is worried that i will never will, or want to start a relationship with someone or finally being with someone but having them find out my hobby.

I'm not going to deny that during the moment it feels amazing. The brief moment jn time forgetting about all the problems in our lives. However, there is always a tainted after thought after doing the deed. Like after eating a very unhealthy meal, and realization of what you put inside your body. You begin to question your life, and what you are doing and the guilt of blowing an significant acccomulation amount of good money for this hobby. So my question to all of you would be, Are any of you on the same boat? Do you have similar thoughts? What motivates you? Whats your perspective?


It feels nice to type all of this out, and rant about my perspective since this has been on my chest for these past few years without anyone around me having a clue what im doing... nor have i ever spoken to anyone about my thoughts...

Please share your experience, encounters, and wisdom. I'd love to see yall perspective!

 

[maniacalone]

Tough call. I lived my life in the reverse. Steady relationships, monogamy, drama and ultimate failure. I grew tired of the work. I am content on my own. Still young enough to change direction if necessary again, but find I am happier this way. My advice. Take a break. Find a "normal" life and if you can hold out and never break your word to never go back, then you will have your answer. If it is nothing but work and drama. If you find yourself missing the freedoms and variety of this life, you will return. Either way you will resolve your issue. It's not about the others that frequent this hobby that matter. All that matters is how you perceive yourself and the joy or distress it gives you to be a part of it. Be true to yourself.

 

[1nitestan]

After a while in this game you realize that although it meets some needs....it doesn't and can't meet some other deeper needs. You're young and generally horny so you gotta bust a nut so seeing an escort is a good way to do that without all the BS of hooking up with some hoodrat in a bar/club. But in reading your account, you're also realizing that you need more than a physical connection. Some things you can't get from an escort no matter how well your client/provider relationship goes. There will always be a line that never gets crossed.

As far as those middle aged guys...sure SP's will talk about them but they don't represent the total population of middle aged guys....only the segment that sees escorts for what ever reason they have. You don't know their stories fully so take it all with a grain of salt. I would balance the stories of these with observations of healthy relationships. Learn how and what it takes to cultivate this in your life.

I think it's good that you're questioning your motivations and taking a big picture view of your life.

 

[wetnose]

One thing that I never liked about dating in general was how dishonest it was.

You have to put on a persona to keep the girl interested. The girl has to do the same. Everything is an act. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

The hobby is much more honest. I know what I want, the girl knows what she wants...and both parties are happy after the act. If I don't feel like doing it, I won't. She's not obliged to show up everyday either.

 

[ShedRain]

@maniacalone : Thanks man, i think you statements clear up my perspective a bit and just focus on my self. I tend to get carried away with comparing myself with others, that's why i wanted to create this thread to this what other perspectives are there since i don't talk to many people that are in this hobby.


@1nitestan: Its true, i tried the whole dating and hooking up thing. There are truly a lot of BS you have to go put up with. I think you're right about finding a true connection, physically and mentally. What you said reminds me of Maslow's hierarchy of needs once i have certain aspects or things in my life fulfilled i am seeking for a higher desire/need. It true, I don't know the full story, and i shouldn't jump to conclusions. Appreciate the perspective!


@Dickford: My apologies for sounding condescending. The reason why i said i feel sorry for the SP is because the ones i visit are the ones who have multiple, multiple, and multiple of clients per day and basically work 10-12 shifts. I completely agree the SP that are the higher tiers who make their own schedule or do this on the side and doing what they love when they want and how they want. However the SP i visit are work long hours, and for consecutive days and months. I am not sure if the country they are from requires them to get into this business in order to help their families, or to make a decent living. Hence the empathy towards them. Lastly, I know its unfair and men shouldn't be allowed to get this double standard in terms of fulfilling their desires secretly. I dislike the hiding aspect of this hobby and the double standard. I definitely do not want to hurt the people around me, especially my significant other by taking them for granted. I don't want my wife cheating on me either to fulfill her sexual desires either! But I can't say this for sure since i do not have one but i feel like this isn't right maybe its my upbringing or maybe its that my thinking is still very young. I had an uneasy feeling about this my first time, it feels like i am committing a sin. I am not religious at all. It sort of reminds me of when i do drugs. I get the same emotions and questions if i continue doing it. Its like my body or mind has a defense mechanism to prevent me going down a certain path. Nevertheless i appreciate your tokens of a enlightenment, and perspective! Thank you!


@wetnose: I like your comments near the end about them not obliged to show up everyday. That is very true, maybe its the cost of living that has gotten so high that forced people into certain situtautions. I definitely could take some of your perspective as a business transaction. I got what they want, and they got what i want. Whats the problem? I wish my mind worked that way, it would clear up many of my thoughts. Your comment about divorce rates is true, and it definitely makes me think about marriage itself and the society pressure it projects into our lives as the ideal life. Thank you for your perspective!

 

[tiger69]

You are over thinking this too much. The one great thing about the hobby is that it's not complicated, and soon as you try to complicate this by over thinking, it falls to dusts in your hands. It is meant to be an escape, a fantasy, it is not meant to replace your real relationships and experiences. I started younger than you actually, my first SP was when I was 17, and I didn't see one again till maybe 20, and then continued for a few years before quitting the hobby all together for almost 13 years- only came back to it last year in fact. The way I look at it is, don't worry about what it means, don't worry about other pooners, just be in the moment- you and the lady of your choice have some fun, then move on- you may become friends, you may not, but in the end, you cannot expect more out of this than what it is meant to be otherwise you'll think yourself into a hole.

 

[UhOh]

Being with SPs isn't something I look back on with fond memories. The sex is good only during the act but once I walk out the door its over. Its instant gratification and doesn't compare to having someone thats actually looking forward to seeing you.
I've met a few girls that were pleasant to talk to but there's only so much of a connection you're going to make with someone that you're paying to be with.
Its different things to different people and I too question what am I doing after every encounter.

 

[johnA27]

I am in the same boat... I am still relatively young, only slightly older than you. I am probably not as attractive but I wouldn't call myself unattractive. Its just I went through some extremely tough luck with dating, and it was some friends who have told me that they've done pooning, that showed me that this hobby was a possibility for young, normal singles.

Right now I don't really know where it'll end. For me I seem to enjoy the idea, or concept of sex much more than the act of having sex itself. Maybe that's a problem with porn, you go in thinking that having your balls licked will be the most amazing feeling ever only for it to be quite mediocre.

And also, the realization that, no matter how sweet the encounter, no matter what connections you've made with her in the hour or half, once you walk away, you're nothing. Not even friends. I think that leaves the most bitter taste in my mouth.

And yes, between pooning and strip clubs, I've spent so much money this past year. It's not something I can't afford yet, but I can't help but feel that this isn't something a responsible adult should do.

I myself am hoping that after I leave the island in a few months that I'll be able to focus more on a "normal" life and it'll help curb the habit...

Thank you for letting me type this out also, though I think I've gone through a similar post here before.