Long Term Care (nope, not the fun type)

[MikeyLikey99]

I have to put a parent into long-term care. It sucks but their needs are just too high for anything else at this point. I’ve toured a few, and it’s honestly kind of depressing. It’s certainly been a wake up call to start putting in the effort to take better care of myself now! Anyone have recommendations for a really good publicly subsidized one in Vancouver?

 

[Pornholio]

Is to be Vancouver specifically? I knew of some in Bby and New West. But location in sure must be convenient for you and other family members too.

 

[westwoody]

Sorry to hear that, it is a sad situation for you and your parent.

 

[Banged_Up]

This, this is the epitome of what I often speak about.
Mikey, with all the compassion I can muster and with an equal portion of empathy I’m sad for you having to take these measures with your family member, it’s a sad time I’m sure.
BUT! This is not the place to get advice about such an important matter.
This is PERB. Do you know what PERB stands for? “Pacific”, okay that’s harmless, we’re in the west so who cares?
“Escort”, or as we now refer to them, sex workers, people who fucks for bucks.
“Review Board”, where troglodytes like me cum to find out who I’m going to fornicate with next.
This is kind of a medical question so it will hopefully get nixed before you even read this but by jesus by, talk to a friend, or a therapist or a mentor at work or a priest or your family doctor or your local provincial mental health outreach center or literally almost anyone else.
“The Lounge” on PERB is probably the least likely place to get intelligent feedback. Even if it sounds smart or comes from a good place it’s still anonymous unqualified fellow perverts giving advice to a stranger without having a clue about what they speak of. Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and the lounge is the vortex of the universe for the anal collection.
Please rethink soliciting advice from this place.

 

[Forum mod]

This, this is the epitome of what I often speak about.
Mikey, with all the compassion I can muster and with an equal portion of empathy I’m sad for you having to take these measures with your family member, it’s a sad time I’m sure.
BUT! This is not the place to get advice about such an important matter.
This is PERB. Do you know what PERB stands for? “Pacific”, okay that’s harmless, we’re in the west so who cares?
“Escort”, or as we now refer to them, sex workers, people who fucks for bucks.
“Review Board”, where troglodytes like me cum to find out who I’m going to fornicate with next.
This is kind of a medical question so it will hopefully get nixed before you even read this but by jesus by, talk to a friend, or a therapist or a mentor at work or a priest or your family doctor or your local provincial mental health outreach center or literally almost anyone else.
“The Lounge” on PERB is probably the least likely place to get intelligent feedback. Even if it sounds smart or comes from a good place it’s still anonymous unqualified fellow perverts giving advice to a stranger without having a clue about what they speak of. Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and the lounge is the vortex of the universe for the anal collection.
Please rethink soliciting advice from this place.

This is the lounge. People can post questions about whatever the hell they like, within the rules and this qualifies. It's not asking for a medical diagnosis. We have a huge and varied community here and conversations happen about cars, sports, travel, whatever. Don't try to gatekeep, if you have something helpful to say, go ahead. If all you want to do is shit on someone, keep it to yourself. Enjoy your infraction.

 

[MikeyLikey99]

Is to be Vancouver specifically? I knew of some in Bby and New West. But location in sure must be convenient for you and other family members too.

Yes, I am looking for city of Vancouver because I want to be able to pop in for visits without having a long drive. It sucks enough to have to be in on those places without the added stress of not having family visits very often.

 

[MikeyLikey99]

This is the lounge. People can post questions about whatever the hell they like, within the rules and this qualifies. It's not asking for a medical diagnosis. We have a huge and varied community here and conversations happen about cars, sports, travel, whatever. Don't try to gatekeep, if you have something helpful to say, go ahead. If all you want to do is shit on someone, keep it to yourself. Enjoy your infraction.

Thanks, Forum Mod. When the question about dental implants popped up, and got some responses, I figured this was fair game lol There are a lot of smart people here, even if they are filthy degenerates 🤣, with a lot of different experiences, so I put it out there to see if anyone had anything helpful or useful to add.

Banged_up: sure, it’s a review board, but reading through the lounge, many many topics are discussed that have nothing to do with reviews or even escorts. You always have to take everything with a grain of salt, but that doesn’t mean people here don’t have good ideas or suggestions. If someone asks about something I’m well informed on, I’m happy to help them out. I think that’s the community spirit we should be aiming for.

 

[asf_post]

This, this is the epitome of what I often speak about.
Mikey, with all the compassion I can muster and with an equal portion of empathy I’m sad for you having to take these measures with your family member, it’s a sad time I’m sure.
BUT! This is not the place to get advice about such an important matter.
This is PERB. Do you know what PERB stands for? “Pacific”, okay that’s harmless, we’re in the west so who cares?
“Escort”, or as we now refer to them, sex workers, people who fucks for bucks.
“Review Board”, where troglodytes like me cum to find out who I’m going to fornicate with next.
This is kind of a medical question so it will hopefully get nixed before you even read this but by jesus by, talk to a friend, or a therapist or a mentor at work or a priest or your family doctor or your local provincial mental health outreach center or literally almost anyone else.
“The Lounge” on PERB is probably the least likely place to get intelligent feedback. Even if it sounds smart or comes from a good place it’s still anonymous unqualified fellow perverts giving advice to a stranger without having a clue about what they speak of. Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and the lounge is the vortex of the universe for the anal collection.
Please rethink soliciting advice from this place.

Like any opinion from anyone, whether coming from qualified individual or non-qualified, one should never take the input blindly and should do more research based on personal situation.

But I like what you said about the definition of opinions 🙂

 

[Banged_Up]

I got a perb infraction for my last post so I’ll just be quiet now.
Bless your hearts…

 

[westwoody]

Please rethink soliciting advice from this place.

Lots of members here have first hand experience with this situation and are quite capable of providing useful insight.

Biggest issue we had was waiting lists. Get on one asap.
The other issue is matching the level of service with the amount of care needed. My dad was in a really nice place but was to stubborn to take his meds or eat properly. So we had to get him into more of a nursing home for his final year.
The other issue- bitterness.
Dad had lived in the same house for 57 years. My brother and sister spent a fortune getting him into a nice place but he was convinced they were stealing his house and it caused a rift between me and my siblings. It’s a long story but my sister has only spoken to me twice in the 14 years since he died.

 

[luvsdaty]

My dear mother was in the hospital after taking a fall, she suffered from dementia.
The docs said she couldn't go home and she went on the waiting list for a seniors home.
It took 4 months ( during covid) and she was placed in a wonderful facility.
The cost was 80% of her pension and the care was wonderful!!!
Mom was only allowed 1 visitor during covid but they bent the rules and let my sister and I visit,we took turns visiting her every other day .
I have nothing but praise for the staff in her facility.
On my mom's final day she asked the staff to see all her children(3 remaining siblings)and they put her in a private room so we could spend her final moments with us.❤

 

[Bridge]

I think you’re on the right track touring them as you’ll get a feeling about them and whether they are the right place for your parent. Ask lots of questions to the staff, find out if there are any positive or negative reviews, go at lunchtime, and observe the atmosphere during a busy time. Good luck with it.

 

[Sheen]

Following up an luvsdaty, same situation for family member. They got an option of 3 care homes that they wanted to go to but had to go to a care home not of choice until one of the 3 became available. 80 percent of pension as well.

If you are not forced into one (doctor saying you cant return home) I believe you would be paying full price for a spot and would be on a waiting list for awhile. They paid their taxes and shouldnt be using life savings for end of care in remaining years.

 

[sealion of bc]

Following up an luvsdaty, same situation for family member. They got an option of 3 care homes that they wanted to go to but had to go to a care home not of choice until one of the 3 became available. 80 percent of pension as well.

If you are not forced into one (doctor saying you cant return home) I believe you would be paying full price for a spot and would be on a waiting list for awhile. They paid their taxes and shouldnt be using life savings for end of care in remaining years.

i kind of disagree with the life savings part
why should the tax payer pay so your family can have an inheritance

 

[MikeyLikey99]

Lots of members here have first hand experience with this situation and are quite capable of providing useful insight.

Biggest issue we had was waiting lists. Get on one asap.
The other issue is matching the level of service with the amount of care needed. My dad was in a really nice place but was to stubborn to take his meds or eat properly. So we had to get him into more of a nursing home for his final year.
The other issue- bitterness.
Dad had lived in the same house for 57 years. My brother and sister spent a fortune getting him into a nice place but he was convinced they were stealing his house and it caused a rift between me and my siblings. It’s a long story but my sister has only spoken to me twice in the 14 years since he died.

Unfortunately the care needs are high level so our only option is long-term care, not assisted-living. For the short term, we had to go with private pay, but that is horrifically expensive, and unsustainable in the long term - unless $15,000 a month is peanuts to a family. Waiting for the coastal health intake team to contact us to do an assessment and get on a list. I toured a couple of nice places, but they said the waitlist can be 2 to 3 years long. I guess it’s shorter for the less desirable places. This is going is going to be a real problem for society if they don’t build a lot more of these places.

after 40 years, it’s pretty upsetting to leave your home behind and move into long-term care. That’s some thing I get to hear regularly now. Not to mention the process of discarding so many things

 

[MikeyLikey99]

My dear mother was in the hospital after taking a fall, she suffered from dementia.
The docs said she couldn't go home and she went on the waiting list for a seniors home.
It took 4 months ( during covid) and she was placed in a wonderful facility.
The cost was 80% of her pension and the care was wonderful!!!
Mom was only allowed 1 visitor during covid but they bent the rules and let my sister and I visit,we took turns visiting her every other day .
I have nothing but praise for the staff in her facility.
On my mom's final day she asked the staff to see all her children(3 remaining siblings)and they put her in a private room so we could spend her final moments with us.❤

i’m glad you guys had a good experience, all things considered. If she was in a place in the Vancouver area, you can message me or post here which facility it was since you seemed very happy with them.

 

[MikeyLikey99]

i kind of disagree with the life savings part
why should the tax payer pay so your family can have an inheritance

There are basically two streams available for long-term care.
1. Private pay, where you foot the entire bill paying a for-profit company to stay in their building, and it can run $10-$20,000 per month, depending on the size of your room and how much help you need (how many touch points per day). My understanding is that wait lists are typically shorter, and often people are there until they can get a publicly subsidized spot.

2. publicly subsidized spaces. They may be located entirely in a publicly run building, or they may be leased spaces in a privately run for-profit building. They take 80% of your income, up to a maximum of around $4700 per month (i’m talking BC). The health authority triages cases based on whatever their priority criteria are, and will ask what your desired ones are, but offer you first available one when any space opens.

There is a third option in some cases (harder if the individual has dementia). It’s the most desirable one of all if you can afford it, and that is adapting your home and paying for 24-7 caregiving at home. But, and it’s a big but, You have all the expenses of your home, plus you’re paying $10-$12,000 a month for a live in caregiver, and dealing with their payroll as their employer.

It seems like the best option is to get a publicly subsidized bed in one of the leased private-pay facilities, But I’ve already been told the waitlist can be 2 to 3 years for the best ones.

 

[SSL Management]

I know you mentioned Vancouver and in my opinion just being in Vancouver is probably going to be more expensive than Burnaby. The George Derby Centre might be one to consider.

https://www.fraserhealth.ca/Service-Directory/Service-at-Location/3/A/george-derby-centre
https://www.seniorsadvocatebc.ca/quickfacts/location/92999/#:~:text=Source: 1.,Source: Facility

SSL

 

[Tt69]

I have to put a parent into long-term care. It sucks but their needs are just too high for anything else at this point. I’ve toured a few, and it’s honestly kind of depressing. It’s certainly been a wake up call to start putting in the effort to take better care of myself now! Anyone have recommendations for a really good publicly subsidized one in Vancouver?

Hi Mikey, I don’t know in Vancouver, but what really helped for me with my Dad was being able to have a social worker. After a few hospital visits my Dads family Dr. got him into see some specialists (for dementia) then they assigned a social worker. She was amazing and she was the only way to get my Dad into a place. So ask the Dr if you have one, and hopefully get a social worker as they help with the forms. And if you do something wrong on a form it can cost you a spot. Anyways good luck. I know what you are going through and take some time for yourself every now. I’ve found seeing a trusted provider at least gave me some moments of escape from this reality and was actually better than therapy.

 

[MikeyLikey99]

Hi Mikey, I don’t know in Vancouver, but what really helped for me with my Dad was being able to have a social worker. After a few hospital visits my Dads family Dr. got him into see some specialists (for dementia) then they assigned a social worker. She was amazing and she was the only way to get my Dad into a place. So ask the Dr if you have one, and hopefully get a social worker as they help with the forms. And if you do something wrong on a form it can cost you a spot. Anyways good luck. I know what you are going through and take some time for yourself every now. I’ve found seeing a trusted provider at least gave me some moments of escape from this reality and was actually better than therapy.

Thanks for the tip. I’ll check into that.

I talked to an intake manager this week. She told me the waitlist for Vancouver for publicly subsidized spots is between two and three years unless you’re prioritized (I.e. in the hospital and can’t go back to your home). I told her private pay was prohibitively expensive, and she said well just let me know when your parent is down to tge last two months worth of savings and we will move her up the list. WTF.
Massive shortage of beds compared with needs…it’s not looking good for folks that need care.