Lonely - What to do when that feeling hits. Your thoughts?

[Dickson]

Well guys and gals. What do you do when that feeling of being all alone hits you?

I am sitting here in Granada, Spain it is a beautiful day but all of a sudden I had this terrible feeling of being all alone. Life is so beautiful but it losses something being all by myself. Kinda like if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it does it make a noise. It is times like this I will call a local escort but I was just wondering if there are other things people do to deal with lonelyness. I do not have time for her to get here before I go out.

I will be going out right away with some people I know here to bar hop take in the local tapas restaurants.

I normally work most of the time but it just hit me as I sit here on the terrace of the hotel room waiting for a call from my hosts. It is times like this I wish I had someone to share things with. Otherwise is it real?

 

[mimi]

I hear ya! I never used to get lonely when I was young. I couldn't wait to be by myself when I was around groups of people and I loved my solitude.

However, that changed and now I like to have someone near by. Even if there is no communication, and maybe especially if there is no communication. I blame it on having kids around for so long. One gets used to the sound of imminent chaos. The emptiness echoes.

You are waiting to go out and you are feeling a sense of loneliness sitting there, however, it can be a heavy price to pay for permanent company to fill those short hours. I always wonder, what do you do with them when you need to be alone again?

It takes a special kind of partner to be there without getting in the way. And I mean for both parties. It can get old quickly when you team up with someone who is very needy. It's like taking on the responsibility of a pet.

So, you can see why I find it difficult to find a life partner LOL!

If I was in Spain I would be bird watching (both types ) probably rock collecting, checking out botanical gardens, looking for a natural food store, if near the ocean then definitely collecting seashells because there is never enough junk lying around my house, and I would be meeting and chatting with all sorts of folks....maybe you need a hobby to consume you? One that doesn't involve sex?

 

[87112]

Just remember your past relationships and how bad it feels when you have a cling on with you or a user who is just in it for the free food and money without helping you in life. I use that when I get lonely and my loneliness fades kind of fast. I personally think rich men are probably better off just getting a maid and using SPs, better than getting married and in divorce losing half your money if she gets bored with you.

 

[Dickson]

You are right mimi I too have never been able to find that life partner. Never had kids so I do not know what that is about. I think it would be fun but could I handle it?

I have been all alone all my life it might be interesting finding a life partner at some point then I think like honda and say no way I want to feel the pain.

I should get a hobby but well I never found anything I really enjoy. Chatting with people I met works some days but I just had this lonelyness hit me. It was crazy. I really hate eating alone and I feel kinda strange going places like gardens and or museums by myself. I guess it hits me more as I get older. Never was like this when I was younger. Strange. Interesting. I don't people really know what being all alone is really like. I don't think people understand it to be honest. Few people are ever really all alone. There is always some connection with others.

 

[Dickson]

Just remember your past relationships and how bad it feels when you have a cling on with you or a user who is just in it for the free food and money without helping you in life. I use that when I get lonely and my loneliness fades kind of fast. I personally think rich men are probably better off just getting a maid and using SPs, better than getting married and in divorce losing half your money if she gets bored with you.

Yea honda761 I feel better already. I hate that feeling of being used more than the feeling of being lonely.

Lets hope you are right about the maid and SPs. It has worked for me until I think too much.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Honestly, I wouldn't know what lonely feels like. I'm a real people-person and can't remember a time that I had no one to call or be with. And, for a few years, I had a dog, which gave me lots of laughs, watching her antics! I never wanted to travel for work, and staying put does help one establish relationships.

When I have a little alone time (rare), I read, write, research. I've got so many things on my to-do-list, I'll never get to them all in my lifetime. I think people keep me going, and I'm always in touch with my people, wherever I am, and wherever they are.

 

[87112]

Dickson, forget all this feelings stuff. Do you know rich men who have gone thru bitter money losing divorces? Get their opinion on this matter and hear the stories of the the rise and fall of relationships. When I look back at my failed relationships I think of MONEY spent on them. Nothing else really. Enjoy your freedom, your in Europe right. Forget the cities, there has to be decent women in the small towns there that arent westernized and have learned the art of golddigging.

 

[Alix Turner]

Lately I have definitely been getting those pangs of loneliness, and they come from out of nowhere every time. I live by myself so it seems to happen mostly in the evenings on weekdays if I don't have plans to do anything. I think for me, it's just knowing that most of my friends will be going home to their significant other or at least their roommates, they will not be eating alone, and they have sort of a life-routine established with at least one other person that they both can rely upon to be there

I think the lonely feeling will get better once I've gotten used to having a routine of my own (I had no free time for the last few months while a family member was in rapidly declining health and required a huge amount of care)
and in the meantime I have been reconnecting with long time solid friends that I have been enjoying swapping old memories of one another, I have gotten a lot more involved with a volunteer program in a way that I have always intended to before now, and I just make sure I double check that the lonely feeling isn't motivating my actions whenever it comes up.
I find that eating right, sleeping properly, exercise, and consciously avoiding letting your emotions guide your choices is the best way to manage mild depression/loneliness/anxiety and get over it quickly

 

[Dickson]

Honestly, I wouldn't know what lonely feels like. I'm a real people-person and can't remember a time that I had no one to call or be with. And, for a few years, I had a dog, which gave me lots of laughs, watching her antics! I never wanted to travel for work, and staying put does help one establish relationships.

When I have a little alone time (rare), I read, write, research. I've got so many things on my to-do-list, I'll never get to them all in my lifetime. I think people keep me going, and I'm always in touch with my people, wherever I am, and wherever they are.

PlayfulAlex you are bang on with your comments if you stay put long enough you build relationships. I too like to keep myself busy. Always done that working all the time. 7 days a week 18 20 hour days. But there are moments like today when it hits me more so than other times.

 

[badbadboy]

Some of the things that have helped me battle loneliness are -

Having a couple of dogs. They truly are man's best friend and they enable me to connect with other dog owner's too.

Hobbies outside of this one are important too. Photography and joining others with similar interests has helped me a lot.

I know there have not been any close relationships developed from these outside interests because I can easily say I am not there yet. Maybe one day, I shall see.

 

[Dickson]

Lately I have definitely been getting those pangs of loneliness, and they come from out of nowhere every time. I live by myself so it seems to happen mostly in the evenings on weekdays if I don't have plans to do anything. I think for me, it's just knowing that most of my friends will be going home to their significant other or at least their roommates, they will not be eating alone, and they have sort of a life-routine established with at least one other person that they both can rely upon to be there

I think the lonely feeling will get better once I've gotten used to having a routine of my own (I had no free time for the last few months while a family member was in rapidly declining health and required a huge amount of care)
and in the meantime I have been reconnecting with long time solid friends that I have been enjoying swapping old memories of one another, I have gotten a lot more involved with a volunteer program in a way that I have always intended to before now, and I just make sure I double check that the lonely feeling isn't motivating my actions whenever it comes up.
I find that eating right, sleeping properly, exercise, and consciously avoiding letting your emotions guide your choices is the best way to manage mild depression/loneliness/anxiety and get over it quickly

Ms Turner that is why I hate down time. It is a killer. I have a hard time with routines as I am always travelling. Funny you say that about emotions as I do not do that in my professional life but on the relationship side I do. I guess that is why SPs are the best.

Do we have it all wrong here. Is the feeling of lonelyness a good thing? We treat it like a bad thing. Just think out load here. May be Honda761 is on to something here.

Going out now so i guess I am over it now. Thanks for the comments. God I love Technology. I can be in Spain and have a chat with with people in Vancouver.

 

[Dickson]

badbadboy I wish I could have a dog. Not possible so you are one lucky guy.

Hobbies are good just got to find one, other than SPs. Maybe relationships are over rated. We all want one but once we get it we want to be alone. So good luck with the Photography.

 

[Alix Turner]

Technology. I can be in Spain and have a chat with with people in Vancouver.

lol i think you may have found the problem right there

 

[violetblake]

We've kind of been sold a lie our whole lives that to be a success and to be happy is to have a wife/husband, kids, and the white picket fence. So even those who are not interested in that lifestyle can sometimes feel those moments of loneliness. It's totally normal, and even though you feel like it you're far from alone. Just keep in mind that it's really all a matter of perspective, and wanting something you can't have. Many people in relationships, even happy and healthy ones, who they have no intention of leaving, will often feel those moments where they just want to drop everything, leave, and be alone for a while.

Being happy or being a success is whatever that means to you. You and you only. Learn to enjoy other things in life, because there's a lot of the world to see and a lot in the world to do. So if you try hard, you'll never be alone and you'll never be bored. And you're not dead Dickson! lol. You may still meet that special someone. Never give up hope but don't make that your main focus either. Enjoy life in all of its crazy ways in the meantime. Hope you feel better soon

 

[mimi]

Yeah, I used to do everything by myself. I hated having people trail after me holding me up or forcing decisions, like, where do you want to eat? Or which hotel is the best?

I tend to give in to the other person's needs cause I am more adaptable than most, but, I never stop thinking about how much more fun it would be alone.

I had a friend who always wanted me to go on cruises with her. As she would describe her shopping activities etc I would be thinking of how I could ditch her for most of the ashore time....and I actually like her!

Anyway, when I was traveling on business trips I liked to go to expensive restaurants dressed to the nines and sit in a corner table alone...it felt wicked.

Now, I do get kinda lonely and more often I just want someone to share my observations and to natter with....

I'm getting to be an old Granny Clampet is all!

Maybe as we age things just slow down to a point where we actually notice we are alone?

 

[joho]

Sorry to hear that you feel down/lonely. That happens quite often to very busy and successful people who travel quite often. One friend of mine is a successful market analyst/adviser working for the investment bank, and he travels more than half time of the year. He told me he felt lonely occasionally and thought about taking some medication to help. Instead, he decided to pick up a nice camera and strolled to the local market. At the market, he talked to the merchant and people while buying some local food. He took many pictures of people and the places he was there and shared them on internet. He has been in over 50 countries and has some awesome photos. I do that too when I travel by myself, and it's really fun. Have fun in Spain!

 

[kso_wiz]

Dickson, time to switch gears a little bit. Instead of hiring Sp's, you should hire an entourage of Bro's. You can give them some real jobs to help you out (secretary, fitness instructor, etc.) but really their main role is to be a travel buddy. When you have unwanted downtime, they come in and take you boating, golfing, cruising the chicks in bars, really typical Bro stuff. Part of their job is knowing when to get out of the way when you want downtime.

 

[the old maxx50]

Yes I have been lonely all my life , felt lonely , been alone even when in a crowd ,,

I lived at home with my parents for most of 5O . Why? Because I did not want to loss them , I did not want to be a lone , all though it all so allowed me to have my on space where i could be a lone .. Quite a paradox .

It was all ways a trust issue with me and trying to find that deeper connection with a person..,I cared about people , cared about this world ... But I was a loner , wanted to do thinks my way ,, learn what i was interested in ,Or just do nothing and observe what was going on around me .. I was all ways full of ideas , still am to some extent , but very few avenues that allowed me to explore them through .. Too full fill ideas it takes money , time, and some times getting the right education .. Non of witch were in my grasp .. I put my loneliness in to my drawing , art at school,, and later in to my work when i had it . It only worked some times .

Through the years i had few friends , As a kid , one here or there through the years that i would spend some time with .. But i found they used did not have time for me , some picked me , but most i picked ,, Some one i thought i wanted to know .. And that is how it has been in m adult life I am drawn to people I want to know.. Then there were a few people i worked for that seem to think i needed them as a friend .and we usually had more then a working relationship ...

There have all ways been a few people that I kept in my circle , some i have known for over thirty yrs and see them daily , when I worked with them , or weekly through the yrs .. Some time it was good ,other time it rubbed me .

But none of these people were true friends ,, They did not know me and I knew them only though what i perceived , It was usually me that sought them out when i was lonely .. and needed some thing to occupy me thoughts ..I enjoyed there company and talking about new things and told times ..

I never was a drinker , or pastier and don't follow the crown , I never had this need to belong to a group , or be accepted as one of them , even tough i guess there is a need to be accepted as who i am .. the good and bad .. But though the here i would attach myself to some girl that i fell in love with ..I have mentioned this before . Not all ways the most healthiest think to do , but it got me out in to different situations , it got me out in to pubs to eat ad spend my time with people , even though most of the time i was a lone .. I was with familiar faces , and i was comfortable .. Some time over time , yrs that is i would get friends with one or too and end up just going there to meet and talk .. Most of the time it wore off in a few yrs , and people moved on , even i did eventually a,d went o another place too .

Through the years things have changed a lot but my perception of life has changed very little ..I am still the ;loner that looks for company , I think that is why the girls in the escort business have dominated my life for the last 7 years , I find some one i like , that i enjoy their company , and who is friendlier to me them most people i have know ,, and they all so know more about me then 30 yr old friend . i am open to them definitely on the sexual side ,, All though I have seen there are still plenty of secrets , and misconceptions between use , I am still the shy and lonely guy ,, and it shows ..

I have also meet others that seem to be in the same predicament , they enjoy escorts ,it fllls their loneliness and needs and we have some thing in common to talk about and meet over . It leads to other things like my long distance friendship and being a surragette dad some time to a little one .. those thing i would not trade , and they fill the loneliness for a while . But then i need my space once again and need to be a lone , It is an old friend, the one i know the best.

Never the less this is what i do for my loneliness , I care about the few girls that i consider friends .. I know it is not the same for them but I am there for them any way ,it is some thing help with the loneliness , and some time it causes the loneliness

 

[Aerts]

Having good friends is important, people you can just spend time with and relax around. Listening to someone else's troubles instead of focusing on your own. Do something nice for someone who can't pay it back. Do something to help kids in need.

I get lonely easily... I've been in a great relationship before, got my heart broken, had to learn to move on. It's hard when things aren't meant to be. Money and SP's will never match the feeling of being in madly love... the trouble is that feeling changes really quickly. Practical, brutally honest and realistic love between experienced adults doesn't always go along with the infatuation and intoxication of physical attraction and romantic love, I'm sad to say. I guess when you have a balance then you've found your soulmate.

I've got no kids or wife, but I'm told you need to have unselfish motives in these relationships or you will never be at peace either. I used to think I would be happy being alone as long as I got laid and had ample cash, but in the end I'm a sap with a heart of gold... Just still single!

 

[Dickson]

Interesting BobbyDazzler. Some very insightful ideas here. I would agree with a number of your points. I went out with a ady that was a Psychiatrist and she never came up with this stuff. I like your insight much better.