LOL of the day

[Man Mountain]

 

[take8easy]

MURDER AT THE WAL-MART...

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'


Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.


Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands and as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor
The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.


However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plot, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband, who was also quickly arrested.


The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...


(You're going to hate me for this ....)





'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!!'


Oh, quit groaning! I don't write this stuff, I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to you!

Long time I ago, I heard a guy say this on the air at one of the major AM radio station.

Some women were protesting around downtown bare-chested. Apparently a guy got distracted by one of the woman walking with the protestors and there was a three car accident.

So this caller said, "The headline should be - Bares 2 Rams 3".

 

[Fullhouse]

The Deaf Italian Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated
him out of $10,000,000.00.
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the
first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing and would
therefore never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about the missing $10
million, he takes along his lawyer, who knows sign language. The
Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is."
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The
lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are
talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says,
"Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown
briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Don't you just love lawyers?

 

[uncleg]

 

[westwoody]

I guess you have all seen the new Apple stuff, new iphone and all.

They have a new iPad specially for children.

"iTouchKids"

 

[Vitargo]

love the 1:25min
<iframe width="640" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/pN0QR3aLDTo?feature=player_detailpage" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

[Lo-ki]

Where's the follow up video that shows people eating it....

 

[vancity_cowboy]

US military rescues ISIS sex slaves

 

[Man Mountain]

An old favourite of mine from Robot Chicken:

 

[uncleg]

 

[girth-brooks]

 

[Larry Storch]

 

[uncleg]

 

[girth-brooks]

 

[girth-brooks]

 

[vancity_cowboy]

"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED,
"BUT THIS ONE'S
EATIN' MY POPCORN...!"

good one hatrick!!

lol'ing again

 

[Avery]

And, I thought it was going yo be a cock/rooster joke!

 

[Fullhouse]

SAD STORY ..... MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE



DETAILS:


A foursome of men were waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of ladies were hitting from the ladies' tee.

The ladies were taking their time. When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it about 10 feet. Then she went over and missed it completely. Then she hacked it another 10 feet and finally another 5 feet.

She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said, "I guess all those fucking lessons that I took over the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responded, "Well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead.

He never had a chance to duck; he was only 43.

 

[Fullhouse]

Old guy in a convertible.


Turn Up The Sound and Listen To The Classic Song .. "Only You"

https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/ItXKGyO6cRA?rel=0

 

[Fullhouse]

How the hell did I get on there!

Don't you remember auditioning for an episode of "Me like em Short, Me like em Tall, Me F em all."

I don't think you got the part 'cause you were hitting on the producer of the show, the lady that walked up at the end, wearing that heavy black coat and glasses.

Here wife didn't appreciate that at all.