LOL of the day

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dickotoole

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Feb 17, 2006
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yvr
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

What does a lesbian think the string on the end of a tampon is for?

For flossing after eating.
 
VanessaofBC

VanessaofBC

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Sep 13, 2012
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puck ruck suck tuck yuck fuuuuuuuu (DNR)
Alexx, where the heck did you find that....too funny!!!

Flooding in Ireland

FLOODING IN IRELAND - JUNE 2007
If this doesn't tug at your heart strings nothing will.

We've all seen the faces of those ravaged by the floods of Sri Lanka and New Orleans....

This "award-winning" photograph of the recent flood waters rising in Ireland captures the horror and suffering there.
Please keep these people in your thoughts and prayers.
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CharlieLynn

CharlieLynn

She's Back
Feb 10, 2011
126
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Langley
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

• I do physical labor.
• I work at great depths.
• I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
• I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
• I work in a damp environment.
• I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
• I work in high temperatures.
• My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss



The Response

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

• You do not work 8 hours straight.
• You fall asleep after brief work periods..
• You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
• You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
• You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
• You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
• You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the Correct protective clothing.
• You will retire well before you are 65.
• You are unable to work double shifts.
• You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task..

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
 
R

retriever

New member
Oct 20, 2013
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Next to you
Jeff Dunham, The night before Christmas with a little help from Peanuts.



A diaper is recommended before watching.
 
VanessaofBC

VanessaofBC

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Sep 13, 2012
3,874
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puck ruck suck tuck yuck fuuuuuuuu (DNR)
Whiskey

Most politicians are adept at being staunchly in favor of various sides of an argument, depending on the audience. But Texans apparently have a tradition of excellence in this regard. Context is everything.

In 1952, Armon M. Sweat, Jr., a member of the Texas House of Representatives, was asked about his position on whiskey.
What follows is his exact answer (taken from the Political Archives of Texas):

"If you mean whiskey, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being.

However, if by whiskey you mean the lubricant of conversation, the philosophic juice, the elixir of life, the liquid that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into Texas treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, which provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation, then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it.

This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle."
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C

Cock Throppled

Well-known member
Oct 1, 2003
4,974
884
113
Upstairs
Two Irish nuns were sitting at traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them.
"Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

The Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculate, "I don't think they know who we are - show them your cross."

So Sister Immaculate rolls down her window and shouts,
"Screw off ye little fookin wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Immaculate looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was that cross enough?"
 
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