LOL of the day
- Thread starter lenny
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Oh sure. You know how pasties get my blood flowing..
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My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
***
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother,
"Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother.
"That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come
up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth
out?"
***
A man gets the words 'I love you' tattoed to his penis. He goes home and shows his wife. His wife says, "Don't try to put words into my mouth!"
***
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother,
"Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother.
"That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come
up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth
out?"
***
A man gets the words 'I love you' tattoed to his penis. He goes home and shows his wife. His wife says, "Don't try to put words into my mouth!"
[video]https://v.cdn.vine.co/r/videos/01BE927176990368889949323264_15987596444.3.2_6Lxiv AnLV8z6yEYnH4OvtCimXVpTo9ZhV_bM1kkMrVw3rSYU2t6KfIE Fd8yMhVQN.mp4?versionId=JD1gq1wT4pPiCD6mZOo66C3Qyv 0f4DIr[/video]
Anyone who loves the Stooges will like this.
Anyone who loves the Stooges will like this.
a woman goes to the country doctor, worried about her husband's temper and threatening manner
the doc asks, 'what's the problem, ma'am?'
the woman says, 'well doctor, i don't know what to do. every time my hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me around'
the doctor says, 'well... i have a real good cure for that. when your husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep'
two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. she says, 'doctor, that was miraculous! every time my husband came home drunk, i swished with water. i swished and swished, and he didn't touch me even once! tell me doc... what's the secret? how's the water doing that?'
the doctor says, 'ma'am, it's really no big secret, the water does bugger all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick....'
the doc asks, 'what's the problem, ma'am?'
the woman says, 'well doctor, i don't know what to do. every time my hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me around'
the doctor says, 'well... i have a real good cure for that. when your husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep'
two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. she says, 'doctor, that was miraculous! every time my husband came home drunk, i swished with water. i swished and swished, and he didn't touch me even once! tell me doc... what's the secret? how's the water doing that?'
the doctor says, 'ma'am, it's really no big secret, the water does bugger all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick....'
an ole cowpoke was in town for his dreaded annual visit to re-negotiate his contract for the coming year, and to get some Christmas shopping done
he was late for the meeting with the boss-man/owner, and was desperately looking for a parking spot for his big 4x4 crew cab in a crowded lot. looking up to the sky he entreated, 'lord, if you find me a parking spot, i promise to start going to church again!'
the words were hardly out of his mouth, when a spot opened up right in front of his pick-up. he looked back up and said, 'never mind, i found one on my own!'
ound: ound: ound:
he was late for the meeting with the boss-man/owner, and was desperately looking for a parking spot for his big 4x4 crew cab in a crowded lot. looking up to the sky he entreated, 'lord, if you find me a parking spot, i promise to start going to church again!'
the words were hardly out of his mouth, when a spot opened up right in front of his pick-up. he looked back up and said, 'never mind, i found one on my own!'
ound: ound: ound:
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