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I thought I was a nice guy but still got burned

alcxd

alc
Dec 2, 2009
250
0
16
I live on the Rock
I love taking women out shopping for lingerie, cloths, lunch, dinner & am pretty easy going so when a girl asks to borrow or if I'd prepay for a date it's never been a problem. Until now. Got burned for $500 by a lovely woman I've seen a lot. Won't even acknowledge my texts now.
Live & learn.
Guess I'll stick with the one sweetie that I've seen for years.
I know I'll get lots of remarks from people here.
Just a warning for those put in that position.
 

Equity Market investor

Lougheed mall area
Apr 10, 2009
639
15
18
Is the lady you speak of an Escort, a lady you've been seeing as a friend -- met online or ?

To some degree, in today's world, morality, or respect has been thrown out the window. A simple thing like holding a door open for a lady was once looked as " thoughtful and kind " . Nowadays, some may see you as a weirdo or you have an agenda of some kind :rolleyes:. Baby has been thrown out with the bath water, per say. And you think we as people are suppose to be above animals? Maybe some of us who understand respect do anyway.

I try and treat people like I'd want to be treated. It's a pretty simple motto. Being honest to people for some can be like pulling teeth :rolleyes: They simply don't care.

Calls, texts or emails don't guarantee you a response, unless it's something " that person " wants or needs from you!! Just some examples. Once i see that, I move on and will no longer bother with that person. Off my list another words. Unless, they respond back.

It's no surprise as to why divorce rates sky rocket in a very short time in today's society. Makes you wonder people's parental upbringing / teachings eh?
 
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Stamkos

Active member
Dec 9, 2015
607
48
28
Treat it as a $500 lesson and move on. It could have been worse, now lick your wounds and wisen up.
 

wetnose

Well-known member
Mar 23, 2003
1,668
78
48
South Vancouver
A female cousin explained this to me....would you respect a gal who offered sex on the first communication (text/call/etc) ?

In the same vein, women don't respect men who "put out" so easily.

Conclusion: stop being a "nice guy".

Of course...if they've earned it, then by all means.
 
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rickoshadows

Just another member!
May 11, 2002
909
0
16
60
Vancouver Island
People expect from others that which they expect from themselves, and vice versa.

Consider the $500 the price of of finding out someone is not right for you.
 

resercher

Member
May 1, 2006
390
3
18
sorry to here about your loss
One of the reasons I like to use the services of escorts is that if the women conducts her business well there is no bullshit .

I tell them I am willing to pay x amount of money and for that money I want XYZ and z. If I pay her and she does not do what she agreed to do I move on . Unfortunately it seems that you can not get into this hobby and get scammed at least once .
but if all your interested is sex it is less expensive than the traditional dating bullshit . Which when you break it down is similar to putting coins in a slot machine in the hopes that you will "get Lucky"

I do not loan money to people. I am not a bank or a credit card company . If for whatever reason a close relative needed money from me for example they needed it to purchase something they would literally die. If they did not get it I would most likely just give it to them . If I can not afford to spend the money or lose it. I would not give it to someone with the above exception .



In this video this man makes a point about wanting to own as property women. For example make her your "girlfriend" "wife" etc



https://youtu.be/HVD3dQKSXWg

from what you have written it seems like you just got scammed .

However
People can resent it as well if you purchase everything for them .
As if you own them and they are your pet. So you have to go to the pet store to buy food pay for vet bills etc. Even if you expect nothing in return . The whole traditional dating idea that the person who has the penis has to pay for stuff is that you go on "dates" and eventually this person becomes your property " girlfriend " or "wife" .


You may think you are being a gentleman by paying for everything. But you may in fact be upsetting the person you are paying everything for .
in our society the act of exchanging money for goods and services is seen as a marker of independence and adulthood . Children will often take candy and other items or ask parents to purchase items for them .Yes because they want the item or candy etc .But also since they do not have any money of there own. This is a way of engaging in the symbolic act of purchasing something and having a degree of personal power .

I never have had a women buy me stuff because she wanted to get into my pants . But to some extent I can understand this feeling . A number of years ago when I was a much younger man . I became interested in the local fetish community and decided to attend a bondage safety workshop that was held at a local gay man's bar on a weekday . I arrived a couple of minutes early for the event .. So I decided to order a soft drink . The bartender gave me the soft drink but when I reached for my wallet she told me it was ok my soft drink had been paid for . She then pointed to an older overweight man that looked to be in his 60's . I walked up to him and thanked him for purchasing the soft drink. But explained to him that although I fully respected his sexual choices. I was not in fact gay and just there for the bondage workshop . I then told him I would pay him back for the soft drink with cash. .. He then told me that and that he was Just trying to "be friendly" to a new person in the bar . Even though he was a homosexual he did not buy me the soft drink so he could have sex with me and not to worry about it and hoped I enjoyed the workshop .
I can tell you even though he told me his intentions where to just be polite and the soft drink did not cost much ..
I felt very uncomfortable about the whole thing and kept on wondering what the hell he wanted from me
 

johnsmit

Active member
May 4, 2013
1,276
2
38
Well this is the thing about being a nice .
I have seen girls in the business, I am friends with girls in the business and I have loaned them money and given them money ..All of those things I do because I am willing to give and know that there is always the posiablity that I will not get much or anything in return ..
I offered money to help because I see the need and I know there is no posiablity of paying it back at present. If I am expecting some service in return , that would be nice if the girl really thinks that way..But I will never make that the condition of giving money to any girl. Because then I would not really be a nice guy , would I.

I never give some one more then I can go with out or know that I would get more to replace it.
Even girls I have know for many yrs will ask for money and promise something to repay it , but if it does not happen I just take as knowing the person a little better .And I still look at them as a friend. That's just part of how they are and the same person that I liked in the first place.
 

ddcanz

curmudgeon
Feb 27, 2012
2,841
2
36
right here and now
Well this is the thing about being a nice .
I have seen girls in the business, I am friends with girls in the business and I have loaned them money and given them money ..All of those things I do because I am willing to give and know that there is always the posiablity that I will not get much or anything in return ..
I offered money to help because I see the need and I know there is no posiablity of paying it back at present. If I am expecting some service in return , that would be nice if the girl really thinks that way..But I will never make that the condition of giving money to any girl. Because then I would not really be a nice guy , would I.

I never give some one more then I can go with out or know that I would get more to replace it.
Even girls I have know for many yrs will ask for money and promise something to repay it , but if it does not happen I just take as knowing the person a little better .And I still look at them as a friend. That's just part of how they are and the same person that I liked in the first place.
You make it sound like you get asked for money a LOT, and mostly by girls. Or maybe you feel you need to offer it up when presented with a tale of woe? Or be that stand-up reliable guy? That is not exactly normal- pretty sure you are being taken advantage of- regardless of whether- as you say- "that's just how they are and the same person that (you) liked in the first place".
Everybody needs a little help on occasion, but looks to me as if you are considered a primary source of that help within your circle.
I'm not talking about life/death stuff here or actual legitimate emergency situations. But I don't get the impression you are either.
Maybe you should look in the mirror and make an adjustment that might be in more than just your best interest- unless you are simply OK with dispensing random sums of cash with no expectation of reimbursement. A friend doesn't ask another for money while having zero intention of ever paying back- only shiftless users and takers, unwilling to make sacrifices to perhaps have the means at their disposal to cover life's uncertainties and eventualities. And there are plenty of otherwise decent likeable people like that .
Has nothing to with you being a Nice Guy.
Help others to help themselves- that's actually a Nice thing.
 

JimDandy

Well-known member
May 17, 2004
2,558
84
48
63
Lower Mainland, B.C.
Well this is the thing about being a nice .
I have seen girls in the business, I am friends with girls in the business and I have loaned them money and given them money ..All of those things I do because I am willing to give and know that there is always the posiablity that I will not get much or anything in return ..
I offered money to help because I see the need and I know there is no posiablity of paying it back at present. If I am expecting some service in return , that would be nice if the girl really thinks that way..But I will never make that the condition of giving money to any girl. Because then I would not really be a nice guy , would I.

I never give some one more then I can go with out or know that I would get more to replace it.
Even girls I have know for many yrs will ask for money and promise something to repay it , but if it does not happen I just take as knowing the person a little better .And I still look at them as a friend. That's just part of how they are and the same person that I liked in the first place.
I wonder whether johnsmit has any idea how bad his English grammar is and how difficult it can be to understand him at times.

I have had situations where I have not received the services promised after money has been exchanged. If I like the person and/or I have had good experiences with the sp previously, I will listen to their reason for behaving as they did and possibly give them another chance. Often I keep myself from being disappointed by remembering this fable:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scorpion_and_the_Frog

Does anyone remember the movie where the above fable was referenced? Hint: The movie came out in 92.

JD
 

ddcanz

curmudgeon
Feb 27, 2012
2,841
2
36
right here and now
sorry to here about your loss
One of the reasons I like to use the services of escorts is that if the women conducts her business well there is no bullshit .

I tell them I am willing to pay x amount of money and for that money I want XYZ and z. If I pay her and she does not do what she agreed to do I move on . Unfortunately it seems that you can not get into this hobby and get scammed at least once .
but if all your interested is sex it is less expensive than the traditional dating bullshit . Which when you break it down is similar to putting coins in a slot machine in the hopes that you will "get Lucky"

I do not loan money to people. I am not a bank or a credit card company . If for whatever reason a close relative needed money from me for example they needed it to purchase something they would literally die. If they did not get it I would most likely just give it to them . If I can not afford to spend the money or lose it. I would not give it to someone with the above exception .



In this video this man makes a point about wanting to own as property women. For example make her your "girlfriend" "wife" etc



https://youtu.be/HVD3dQKSXWg

from what you have written it seems like you just got scammed .

However
People can resent it as well if you purchase everything for them .
As if you own them and they are your pet. So you have to go to the pet store to buy food pay for vet bills etc. Even if you expect nothing in return . The whole traditional dating idea that the person who has the penis has to pay for stuff is that you go on "dates" and eventually this person becomes your property " girlfriend " or "wife" .


You may think you are being a gentleman by paying for everything. But you may in fact be upsetting the person you are paying everything for .
in our society the act of exchanging money for goods and services is seen as a marker of independence and adulthood . Children will often take candy and other items or ask parents to purchase items for them .Yes because they want the item or candy etc .But also since they do not have any money of there own. This is a way of engaging in the symbolic act of purchasing something and having a degree of personal power .

I never have had a women buy me stuff because she wanted to get into my pants . But to some extent I can understand this feeling . A number of years ago when I was a much younger man . I became interested in the local fetish community and decided to attend a bondage safety workshop that was held at a local gay man's bar on a weekday . I arrived a couple of minutes early for the event .. So I decided to order a soft drink . The bartender gave me the soft drink but when I reached for my wallet she told me it was ok my soft drink had been paid for . She then pointed to an older overweight man that looked to be in his 60's . I walked up to him and thanked him for purchasing the soft drink. But explained to him that although I fully respected his sexual choices. I was not in fact gay and just there for the bondage workshop . I then told him I would pay him back for the soft drink with cash. .. He then told me that and that he was Just trying to "be friendly" to a new person in the bar . Even though he was a homosexual he did not buy me the soft drink so he could have sex with me and not to worry about it and hoped I enjoyed the workshop .
I can tell you even though he told me his intentions where to just be polite and the soft drink did not cost much ..
I felt very uncomfortable about the whole thing and kept on wondering what the hell he wanted from me
To your gay bar story- I call BS on the fat guy's "just being friendly" comments. He would have been on you if you had shown the slightest interest.
I've worked in a few DT gay bars way back in the day, and as a straight bartender got hit on more times than I can count. I wasn't offended- I was there at my own choice and knew that it came with the territory. I'll tell you though- I cleaned up in tips! (but that's another story and not the point here). Many times after refusing and explaining I wasn't cut from the same cloth, some of these dudes would tell me that they were just being friendly, or knew I was straight and just having a little fun etc.- but I knew that if I ever actually said OK it would be on for sure.
It's human nature- even with so-called innocent flirting. Given half a chance many guys would definitely have the Cactus Clubs hostess' skirt up around her waist, fucking her hard in the men's room stall.
 

ddcanz

curmudgeon
Feb 27, 2012
2,841
2
36
right here and now
I wonder whether johnsmit has any idea how bad his English grammar is and how difficult it can be to understand him at times.

I have had situations where I have not received the services promised after money has been exchanged. If I like the person and/or I have had good experiences with the sp previously, I will listen to their reason for behaving as they did and possibly give them another chance. Often I keep myself from being disappointed by remembering this fable:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scorpion_and_the_Frog

Does anyone remember the movie where the above fable was referenced? Hint: The movie came out in 92.

JD
Crying Game.
But after my last post above it's not a stretch that I would know that. :)
 

resercher

Member
May 1, 2006
390
3
18
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Financial_domination



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the more you suffer the more it shows you really care :lol:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Abrn8aVQ76Q" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
 

JimDandy

Well-known member
May 17, 2004
2,558
84
48
63
Lower Mainland, B.C.
Crying Game.
But after my last post above it's not a stretch that I would know that. :)
LOL. Yes, I suppose that was a popular movie in the gay community at the time. When I watched the movie I figured out "the surprise ending" before it was revealed. I think it was the size of the lady's hands that gave it away.

JD
 

brandman

New member
Aug 6, 2016
16
0
0
there is a very wise old saying

never lend money you cant afford to give away

think of it as a gift , and dont drag yourself or the recipient of your kindness and generosity down ,
just just makes you look like "Not so nice guy ... a wolf in sheeps clothing

the favor part of the owing she can never pay back anyways , Just IMHO
 

johnsmit

Active member
May 4, 2013
1,276
2
38
Did not mean to leave the impression that I just hand out money,I don't

Usually there is a need and it not 500 hundred , but I have given out thousands at one time and yes I fig I got taken .So I do question if they really need it and how much and if how soon they can pay me back if that seems possiable.

At one time i had more money ,now I have a lot less but it does not stop me from helping someone I know out . There are many things I can put off spending money on , or really don't need..

The other side of the story is that through my life I have need help many time and it was all ways there for me .Even up to 2 yrs ago I need a place to stay and a few girls I know offered a room a few time ..So I have been repayed many times over by others and by those that play it forward.
 

johnsmit

Active member
May 4, 2013
1,276
2
38
I been seeing escorts off and on for 12 yrs. Considering the money I have spent on them at one and 2 hr sessions and a few multi hour and multi girl we kind of loss an appreciation of how much $250 .. $500 or $1000 dollars is and what it could do to help others that have min wage job..or not able to get work ..or the girls that want out of this business .

Reality is I all ways knew I just for got..now I am kind of back to reality because I have a min wage job and very seldom see any escorts. But I still manages now and then to see one ..
 

westwoody

Well-known member
Jun 11, 2004
6,337
176
63
Westwood
Treat it as a $500 lesson and move on. It could have been worse, now lick your wounds and wisen up.
If you've been seeing her off the clock you've probably got your $500 worth of social time right there.
You can't let these things bug you, carry on the way you were.
There is no shame in being a good person.

If you really are a nice guy it will pay off.
She may come around to realise what she lost: five hundred now vs a much larger potential over time.

If you continue as you were, being a nice guy, you will find a good match.
A woman of class will appreciate you treating her more like a friend with benefits.
 
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