What is wrong with me...I cant separate "business" from personal. If I poon (which I do rarely now) and I am with someone I really like, I get jealous. My last poon experience I had a great time, so did she (i think). After she is chained to her phone waiting for her next date to call her....and he does...hey baby..and blah..blahh., he comes and picks her up right in front of my building....
I guess I am not cut out for this. I think I am special, not just another spoke in the wheel so to speak.
You see I am nice looking, fit, good job, condo downtown but it all doesn't mean shit when you are f'ed up.
Anyway I go down to the lobby with her and a few minutes later the next dude pulls in front and off she goes..think she likes him a lot because she said he gives her like 600 for a naughty time - he is married with kids and all that she told me....
Well I am rambling on and fell like a drink or 10....pooning is bad for me, makes me feel "empty" - I better stop it now.
I guess I am not cut out for this. I think I am special, not just another spoke in the wheel so to speak.
You see I am nice looking, fit, good job, condo downtown but it all doesn't mean shit when you are f'ed up.
Anyway I go down to the lobby with her and a few minutes later the next dude pulls in front and off she goes..think she likes him a lot because she said he gives her like 600 for a naughty time - he is married with kids and all that she told me....
Well I am rambling on and fell like a drink or 10....pooning is bad for me, makes me feel "empty" - I better stop it now.
D). I'm sure many other men feel the same way. This strong desire for sex seems almost universal among males (statistically there are always exceptions, but those exceptions seem to inevitably prove the rule, as they say). Testosterone is nature's way of saying that you ought to be incessantly thinking about sex except during those important moments when you're actually having sex! Why then is it that when we're getting the sex we think we want (especially the juicy, nasty, fun stuff) we experience negative emotions like guilt, regret, remorse, and loneliness? And why is it when we're not getting any we shortly begin to feel other negative emotions? Something is causing a significant conflict but it's difficult to get at exactly what it is. Reviews on PERB express positive and negative aspects of the pooning experience, what services were offered, which ones not on offer, price was good, price was bad. There's also a lot of carping about manipulative SPs, bad service, the costs of service, etc. Frankly there seems to be a significant level of blame shifting and not a little mysogyny. Some of us are avoiding the real issues. Yes, there are also legitimate complaints about SPs - that's true. All human beings, whether male or female, have faults and the conflict between genders complicates things at so many levels. Intense emotions and drives can make it difficult to see the subtle details of the inner landscape. Sometimes it seems the ladies are a little better at taking account of the subtle stuff and giving it a meaningful context in their own inner lives. They also seem to share with each other on these matters more often and more directly. Thankfully for us pooners some women are able to do that while still offering their gorgeous bods to us for recreation. The world would be a lot less fun if it were otherwise. Nevertheless, biological imperatives aside, there are other (higher, deeper) needs and these will never be served by recreational sex, even with a truly gifted and beautiful woman (and lord knows there are loads of those on PERB!). Sounds to me, Willingham, like your heart has been telling you for some time that your hobby days must end, even if only for season, possibly for ever. My guess is that you have outgrown your current level of emotional stasis and must move on. Unless you undertake to find out what your heart requires and acquire that, you will shrivel up and become incapable of real growth, an eternal adolescent carping about the women who screwed you while screwing you. This inner work does not usually happen quickly and there will be pain and discomfort. There is a nobler Willingham trying to get out, the pooner is in the way right now. You are already showing signs of genuine change (judging by the confessions you've set out here on PERB). You are beginning to take a greater degree of responsibility for your own life and happiness. My other guess is that once you do that that you will find a new balance in your life that may allow you to return to recreational sex with a new vigor and integrity. Or you may find other ways to express your desires. In either case your emotional well-being requires some serious reflection and action. Perhaps it's only my opinion, but I think it's worth considering. Be well brother.
