Hmmmm

[poonerboi]

Found this floating in cyberspace -


Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder.......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on......
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

 

[masterpoonhunter]

Gees when I saw that title I thought it was going to be about a hummer job ...

 

[Bizzaynass]

Why do 7-11s have locks on their doors?

 

[Big_Guy_Rye]

Found this floating in cyberspace -

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Genetic Memory, like how cats know how to clean themselves even though they've never been with other cats before. Or depending on which Tarzan story read, Tarzan might have remembered his own clean-shaven father before he was killed by Kerchak, so perhaps with sharp rocks, he was able to keep his face clean to subconsciously remember that he's human

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Hard to explain to non-electricians but the way remotes were wired by in the day, when the batteries were dying, the longer you held the button the better chance to squeeze the last bit of 'juice' from the battery.

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Back in the day, NSF charge was because you wasted the bank clerks time in managing your transaction. Now since it's all ATM, the bank still rely on that old policy to syphon more money from you.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Kamikaze weren't so much as pilots, as it was a last-ditch military tactic. Especially when Japan was losing the war, and refused to surrender (before Hiroshima) most pilots knew that missions were a one-way trip. Either way, even if their intention was to suicide into a US warship, wouldn't make sense to see their head get knocked out on the canopy before they hit their target.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Human compulsion. Sometimes when you're told not to do a thing, you're tempted to do it anyway.

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
Onomatopoeia

What is the speed of darkness?
Same as the speed of light, if one were to assume that darkness is simply the absence of light, that darkness prevails as SOON as light is removes itself from the equation.

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
Waking up during a lighter stage of sleep can make you feel more refreshed, even if you've slept for a shorter period. But you wind up feeling shitter as the day goes on. It all depends on one's daily stress levels and metabolic rates, but relying on such method of sleep does mess you up in the long run....believe me, I know.

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If being cold means, Zero Celsius, and that's 32 Fahrenheit. Twice as cold, would mean half those degrees in Fahrenheit; which is 16*F or -8.8*C.

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Depends on their happiness. Being in an unhappy marriage equates to being single in most cases. Therefore, being happily married extends life as you have something to live for when age stretches on...

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
A non-sequitur... But, simply, Luggage companies were too afraid to create a market that wouldn't be accepted by airline companies out of fear their product wouldn't be allowed on planes, adding to the weight and other safety issues.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Because it's fun? Because it's awe-inspiring to see how vast human civilization is, what we achieved...

Did you ever stop and wonder.......
All the time

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
Neolithic Farmers invented the concept 6,000 years ago, when they saw young baby calves suckle on the same white-'milky' liquid in the same way human babies are nursed from their mothers. ...and unless you saw 'Mad Max: Fury Road', I doubt farmers wives would not appreciate being livestock.

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'
Dawn of time, yo.... A time when humans were just as savage as other animals, whom we've learnt many traits contributing to our survival. A caveman probably saw a rat eat an unprotected nest of eggs and thought that looked good to eat too.

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
People freeze bread to preserve it longer, I use the high setting to thaw and toast the bread.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Extreme cold temperatures tend to short out weak bulbs, so they never bothered back in the day...modern fridges have the light in the freezer now.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Children do that... adults don't out of mannerisms and propriety.

Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Professionalism? Conveyance of safety for the woman.... it's a medical procedure not a private show at the No.5....

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
Pluto was more of a by-product of 1930 animated film-making, where voice-overs was just coming its infancy still. Pluto was more of an experiment trying to convey emotion and storytelling without the use of voice-acting, so many of the early Disney shorts were about Mickey and Pluto playing around. 5 short years later, is when Disney started to anthropomorphize more characters into their line up which added Goofy (a Dog), to join Mickey (a Mouse) and Donald (a duck); but then Pluto was still a fan-favorite that stuck around. Just the way it worked out.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Tests are final grade that evaluates your knowledge. Quizzes are just practice runs. But the grade on the test is what sticks with you.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Babies, duh.... but if you want me to suck the fun out of this. Two of the oils is made for cooking, so it's imperative to know what you're cooking with. Whereas with Baby oil, meant to moisturize sensitive skin, the customer needs to know if the product is safe to use on newborn skin.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Another non-sequitur... so no.

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Same reason the American anthem's tune is based of an old Irish drinking song....lack of originality.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
I would think anyone wouldn't like being blown in the face. Especially if their breath stank.

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Shoddy designs, wear and tear.... buttons get pushed in so many times, it gets to the point the button doesn't register when it gets pushed until you push it harder. Also, some elevators don't have the "Close Door" button, which often relies on the floor button to close the door and get going....and sure, impaitence.

Why do 7-11s have locks on their doors?

Security. As a former employee of convenient stores myself, it's operating procedure to lock your doors after a robbery, to preserve the crime scene. Or if you know for a fact a knife wielding maniac is outside and you're locking the door in case of such emergency.

 

[Uncled]

“W”
Why is it called “double U”, not “double V” ?


Who is the Einstein that decided to name this a ”prairie dog” ?
I would have called it a “prairie rat”.