It's all about libido. As you mentioned your problems started when you began seeing escorts. STOP seeing escorts!! You did not indicate she stopped getting you aroused and that is why you started to see escorts in the first place. We all like variety but if it is getting in the way of your normal sex life then you have a decision to make.Hey guys sorry I know i fucked up but as I said before its very hard to control. I know the frequency of sex is good but still the curiosity is not there. The thrill of the unknown is exciting and I wont deny the fact that I get an instant boner seeing a new girl take off her clothes. Its hard to explain but its not the same with the SO.
If I was single I would have been out there having affairs and boning random girls. However i dot want to do that thats why my only choice is pooning. I thought you guys will understand my position but some of you are quiet harsh on my honesty and frankness. I know its bad what im doing and I know I screwed up but what can I do. Im a dude who lust for hot women and my other head dictates my thinking more often than not. I thought you guys were married too thats why i thought to seek advice.
HELP: No longer feeling intimate with Wife after started pooning.
- Thread starter Hardlover
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Hardlover, I totally hear you.
Your situation is not at all uncommon. There's no easy way out—and I for one wouldn't advise you to make the sacrifice to stop pooning. The sheer opportunity cost of foregone pleasure would poison your none-too-exciting marriage even more than pooning does.
You clearly need to come to a new understanding with your wife and, if possible, negotiate "permission to poon." Consulting a good relationship counsellor would help, if anything can.
If you manage to get permission to poon, you may need to grant her the same sexual freedom since she seems to be a more than willing participant.
Or some other considerations as he states (from my understanding) she is basically giving him sex because he wants, so she may not get a kick out of it as much (he said she likes to shop). He also mentioned she'd boot him out if she found out. Not much you can really suggest other than scale back the pooning and just treat yourself with it from time to time. HL basically stated he already knows it, just gotta follow through on it. Don't do anything stupid like get caught either!
It sounds like you're dealing with a really commonplace difference between the genders...typically (settle down now, ladies, I don't mean you) women just aren't as interested in sex, once they've gotten into a happily married routine. Remember the old adage, "women give sex to get love, while men give love to get sex."Hey Bro's
Im in trouble, Im no longer feeling intimate in bed with my wife after my newly acquired pooning habits.
Before we used to do it 4-5 times a week but now Im finding myself coming up with all sorts of excuses and no longer feeling the urge. This is very troubling to me and I dont know what to do, I always understood that pooning is better than having an affair so that atleast there is no emotional attachment of the third party, however strangely this is affecting the physical aspect in relationship.
Did I bit more than I can chew for? All I wanted to do was have my cake and eat it too, I know I sound selfish but I just wanted to have the best of the both worlds and I love her a lot and dont want anything to change between us. To be honest when Im pooning, its just pure business and as long as I can keep things in balance without affecting or altering then I can atleast blame myself for giving in to temptations, but I feel more guilty for the fact that Im no longer getting turned on.
What to do?
So, once the marriage gets into a routine, those 4-5 times per week are almost a duty for her, hence the return of your true sexuality. Chances are that, while you were wooing and courting her, your sex drive for variety and adventure, actually slowed down. You were on the hunt for a mate, and you'd chosen her. You acted appropriately, based on our societal norms and expectations. Now, things have settled in, and the real you has returned. In fact, the real her has returned too; she was probably giving you that much sex as a way to get you too.
None of this behaviour is done with malice or manipulation in mind; it's simply the result of our society's definitions of how relationships, sex, and marriage are 'supposed to be'...very limiting, and very constrained.
No offence fellas but, I suspect that, even if your sex life at home with your current mate took a turn for the better, you would miss your pooning (maybe not the budget part). The fact that the wife isn't willing to put out any more gives you the most perfect and convenient excuse for your pooning ways.
I'm not trying to be mean; I just tend to have a very frank way about me...I call it, the way I see it...
So dear OP, you are dealing with a most confusing issue of our culture and humanity...how to be in a committed relationship and still be your unique individual self, complete with an intact sex drive, while loving the woman that you want as a roommate, partner, and mother of your children.
Sheesh, it just ain't easy...
There is a current thread about swinging...clearly that's not going to help your situation. Be honest here, you kind of lied to your wife (you didn't mean to) but you let your sexual urges go underground for a while, to complete the courting process, and now they're rearing their ugly little heads...
Welcome to the real world...as the fellas have said, you are currently risking losing your wife, unless you find a way to discuss this openly, responsibly, honestly...and your research could go much farther that a variety of SPs bedrooms, if you're serious.
Maybe watch the movie Kinsey with your wife. Gauge her reactions to the open-minded discussions about sex. I agree with the fellas, you better return home to roost while you sort this out...she is gonna be wondering why you wanted it 4-5 times a week (which she willingly, albeit maybe not excitedly, gave) and now you're not asking for it at all? Very suspicious...any woman will begin to wonder.
I sincerely hope you can work this out. Ideally, as hard as it is to imagine, you guys will have to come to an understanding that you want more sex than she does, and you want variety. Maybe she won't want to go there with you. Maybe she'll give you a weekend pass. Maybe she'll want a $300/week budget for herself. Right now you have no way of knowing but remember, this is her life too. Right now, you're making decisions that involve her but you're not including her.
If your marriage really means that much to you, you might want to consider how you've handled this situation up to now. And, if it doesn't, then you're on the right track, and you can just cross your fingers and hope for the best while it lasts...or just keep the whole issue to yourself as long as you can (and hope she never finds out or figures it out).
We're talking a very high level of communication here, and I'm not sure if either one of you is ready for that...
Ok...seriously! Your wife needs to have an affair.
As others have noted she gives when you want, but, it is habitual. She is probably bored watching you take off your clothes too. Her libido is shrinking and she will end up not caring about her personal appearance and then her health will deteriorate.
She needs a Ricardo Montalban in her life. He will surprise her with compliments and flowers and always be respectful of her married position. He will request to have coffee with her and lean in with his fabulous smile as he listens to her comments. He will notice the beautiful things about her and when he offers to rub her shoulders he will resist the urge to reach around to her breasts, but, she will feel his need.
You guys are all about the bits of genitals here and there. Women flourish on romance. By the time Ricardo gets her through coffee her panties will be soaking.
She may never actually have sex with him, but, she will be smiling all day long!
Buy her a Ricardo every once in a while
As others have noted she gives when you want, but, it is habitual. She is probably bored watching you take off your clothes too. Her libido is shrinking and she will end up not caring about her personal appearance and then her health will deteriorate.
She needs a Ricardo Montalban in her life. He will surprise her with compliments and flowers and always be respectful of her married position. He will request to have coffee with her and lean in with his fabulous smile as he listens to her comments. He will notice the beautiful things about her and when he offers to rub her shoulders he will resist the urge to reach around to her breasts, but, she will feel his need.
You guys are all about the bits of genitals here and there. Women flourish on romance. By the time Ricardo gets her through coffee her panties will be soaking.
She may never actually have sex with him, but, she will be smiling all day long!
Buy her a Ricardo every once in a while
Hardlover ..... sorry to say , but think your now doomed into poonerville.
Relationship will slowly detererate to once or twice a month of duty fuks.
She will divorce you and get all your $$$$$ and you will be fukking whores the rest of your life.
There's a couple good blues tunes that you will get into and sing all the time.
Relationship will slowly detererate to once or twice a month of duty fuks.
She will divorce you and get all your $$$$$ and you will be fukking whores the rest of your life.
There's a couple good blues tunes that you will get into and sing all the time.
you either need to quit or get ready to get caught and end up getting a divorce. Most everyone on here is a sex addict of one type or another and can't stop no matter what they say. You have to decide if it is worth your relationship or not. How important is your wife to you really? Any kids? This is your reality check and it is time to make a decision.
It would be ideal if you could speak with your wife about who you truly are (a person who likes variety and wants multiple sexual partners), and you two could come to a compromise. However, you know your wife better than anyone else, and it may just not be something that will ever happen. So if you know this to be the case, unfortunately you may just have to lie. It's not fantastic, but in the end may keep the both of you happy. BUT in order to keep you both happy, you'll need to have sex with her often enough so she's satisfied and not suspicious, and you may need to just keep pooning to once in a while. And of course take precautions not to get caught. It's your life, you probably already know the answer, but best of luck I really hope it works out for you
(Also, maybe find a good sex positive counsellor for just yourself? And then maybe find one for the both of you as well? How much you want to share with either is up to you but it may help to get professional advice)
(Also, maybe find a good sex positive counsellor for just yourself? And then maybe find one for the both of you as well? How much you want to share with either is up to you but it may help to get professional advice)
I think you are over analyzing it. It sounds to me that she is likely considerably older than the SPs he is paying, and now that he is experiencing younger women again he simply doesn't find his wife physically attractive any more. The amount of sex, type of sex and ethusiasm probably doesn't matter to him anymore at a sub concious level, she has basically become obsolete to him. It is probably something she is not going to be too happy about when she clues in (and she will). Then the fireworks will begin.
You could be right (I do tend to do that...), so maybe we could ask the OP to clarify...how long have you guys been married, and at what point in the marriage did you realize that you wanted to engage in more sexual variety?
PS I want to add that I think pooning is the most perfect way to accommodate your needs, but was suggesting keeping things relatively the same at home, so as to not arouse suspicion...
PPS And what guy wouldn't want to continue having sex with younger women, as he and the wife get older...
you know
you must likely won't want to read this,
but here goes.
you were with or having sex 4 to 5 times a week with your wife, and you needed to pay an escort,
do you actually care about your marriage or your wife,
i don't know but you sound really selfish to me or just really over sexed no limits no boundries
im married was not having sex with my wife for years, i mean years dude,
i work in a large company downtown lots of beautiful women to look at it finally drove me nuts,
i was one misearable son of a bitch,
i mean it i was one miserable son of a bitch not touched a women in years,
its hard for me to relate or feel sorry for you
even in this, i could have did alot of stuff, three some greek facials a different women a like eighteen year old escort, i could have just went nuts
but i picked an older escort, could be the mother to my children, and i pretty much stuck with her for eight years.
because well how do you explain to your two kids,that well me and your mom werent' having sex any more i couldn't stand it im sorry but im weak, so i picked up a nice mature escort and just got it done, as opposed to me almost sixty seeing like eighteeen year olds and girls younger then my kids. and having like kinky high risk behaviour.
and i have constantly worried about what im doing and made numrerous post on this board worry about this what i have done and well this hobby in general until well people have called me dysfunctional and a looser,
sorry dude,
my only advice is
if you care about your marriage, stop,
stick with your wife, four to five times a week is more then most guys get from there wife,
if you actually don't care about your marriage then well do what you want
you must likely won't want to read this,
but here goes.
you were with or having sex 4 to 5 times a week with your wife, and you needed to pay an escort,
do you actually care about your marriage or your wife,
i don't know but you sound really selfish to me or just really over sexed no limits no boundries
im married was not having sex with my wife for years, i mean years dude,
i work in a large company downtown lots of beautiful women to look at it finally drove me nuts,
i was one misearable son of a bitch,
i mean it i was one miserable son of a bitch not touched a women in years,
its hard for me to relate or feel sorry for you
even in this, i could have did alot of stuff, three some greek facials a different women a like eighteen year old escort, i could have just went nuts
but i picked an older escort, could be the mother to my children, and i pretty much stuck with her for eight years.
because well how do you explain to your two kids,that well me and your mom werent' having sex any more i couldn't stand it im sorry but im weak, so i picked up a nice mature escort and just got it done, as opposed to me almost sixty seeing like eighteeen year olds and girls younger then my kids. and having like kinky high risk behaviour.
and i have constantly worried about what im doing and made numrerous post on this board worry about this what i have done and well this hobby in general until well people have called me dysfunctional and a looser,
sorry dude,
my only advice is
if you care about your marriage, stop,
stick with your wife, four to five times a week is more then most guys get from there wife,
if you actually don't care about your marriage then well do what you want
Not sure, but I find I'm having a better time with escorts who are a little older than I am, or at least in their late 20's. I'm still in my early 30's, it may change when I get past 40 and closer to 50. Mind you when I was in my early 20's I certainly did enjoy the occasional night with a woman in her 40's (not saying they were better, just they weren't around to bullshit anything and got straight to the point). Also not married, nor do I really see that happening.PPS And what guy wouldn't want to continue having sex with younger women, as he and the wife get older...
The younger ones seem to be more rocking bod, less talent. And really for me, if you've got talent and a good attitude I'm gonna find the body sexy anyways.
Oddly enough, the concept of paying for sex/companionship is, as you'd expect, denounced in public by the last group of guys I was working with; while we were all in a public group (ie sitting at lunch, whatnot). But when dealing with individuals (working side by side for example), everyone that I work/am on friendly terms with all know someone that chooses our route for various reasons and suddenly they are doing the opposite of denouncing it and fully understand and support. Hell I've even had one person suggest it to me lol.Such a bad feeling this industry gives or makes us feel eh
So I think most (men at least) understand and support another man's hobby but only on a personal level. As soon as what they think is to become public knowledge, they gravitate back towards cultural norms (aka what their women tell them to think lol)
Hard Lover , you sound very young, Why on earth are you married in the first place?You should be out enjoying life finding different conquests every weekend,especially when you say you need the excitement(marriage is about as boring as it gets) Dump the nice horny girl if it bores you & go out & live life,just don't whine about it when you do.Poon til your dick falls off dude cus these are the best years of your life,don't waste it on the same vanilla sex 5 times a week.Live boy live!
Well, I'm not married and I'm not going to tell u what to do in terms of pooning. However, it sounds like u still luv your woman despite the fact that the sex part has gone down hill. If u still intend to poon, I suggest u still pay attention to her, listen to her, do nice things for her, spend time with her and give it to her if u sense she wants it, just so that she doesn't wonder if something is up with u.
Just a short quote from a lengthy analysis of male-female relationship dynamics I found amazingly perceptive and realistic—I only wish more people could understand what PlayfulAlex has understood.
Hardlover's situation is probably quite representative of many guys on PERB—though most are lurkers who don't have Hardlover's courage to share.
Yes, he sounds relatively young and, judging from his English, is probably Chinese-born. If so, I can understand why he married young, possibly the first Asian girl that was willing to have sex with him.
China currently is probably about 100 mill marriageable women short, due to sex selection stemming from a cultural preference for boys. The same goes for many other Asian countries.
Around 20 million nubile women in China are estimated to be involved in the sex trade, which makes them temporarily unsuited as mates (and, later on, generally hard to please materially and sexually).
In Canada, young Asian guys commonly find that Western women don't want them—partly because Asians tend to be slightly built, all around. If an Asian guy has trouble with English, his chances with Western women are even worse. And of course, the prettier Asian girls often get snapped up by Western guys who appreciate their dainty femininity.
Needless to say, the remaining pool of young Asian girls in Canada—especially if they're Westernized—can afford to be highly selective in terms of a potential Asian mate's material status as well as looks.
So on average, young Asian males have a far tougher time finding GFs in Canada than Western men. I know quite a few nice-looking young Chinese guys myself who can't find GFs.
But when an Asian girl's reproductive urges kick in (reinforced by cultural pressure), she'll often pick another Asian guy to marry—someone her parents approve of. Interest in sex can be largely a smokescreen for a woman's main goal of starting a family.
And very soon, most Asian guys are precisely in Hardlover's situation: being locked into a sexually stale marriage where the guy has to do all the initiating and the wife more or less cooperates, but without much passion or imagination.
And all the while, of course, she keeps a sense of moral superiority coming from the fact that, because she's not interested in extramarital sex, he shouldn't be either!
