Heads Up Gentlemen! Discretion goes both ways, act with Respect !!!

[LalaniElectrica]

Just got off the phone with a very upset SP. Seems like some gentlemen here feel it is ok to share private and personal information through the PM system & via emails. I will have you know it is not acceptable in any way to share private & personal information with each other through PRIVATE MESSAGES such as:

Where an sp works during the day, or what their "vanilla" job or personal business is
If they have children
What their address is
Who their personal friends are
What their real name is


The only information I feel would be deemed acceptable is how the sp.'s services were and if you were to repeat. That would be the extent I myself would find appropriate. Remember it is not only your lives at stake, it is the personal lives of us ladies, some have children or are working professionals in a corporate setting, if some of us choose to keep our identity private, there must be a valid reason for that as much as you all would prefer to keep your hobbies private, and that should be respected at all times! If a lady should trust you enough to share this information with you, that would be in confidence and not something to be open to discussion with anyone other than the sp in a private setting. Honour that trust and do not violate it by sharing with others on the board or through the Private Message system.

Please ladies, I welcome you to comment on this since I may have overlooked some things you may find important as well. I feel very protective of ladies when anyone chooses to violate their wishes and behave in such a manner. I will not be disclosing the identity of this lady, only that I instructed her to report those involved to the admin which she has already done, and those who she wishes to have no further contact with are instructed to not talk to her or ABOUT her in any way, if they fail to comply she can talk to a lawyer to find out what the next course of action will be.

 

[retriever]

Just got off the phone with a very upset SP. Seems like some gentlemen here feel it is ok to share private and personal information through the PM system & via emails. I will have you know it is not acceptable in any way to share private & personal information with each other through PRIVATE MESSAGES such as:

Where an sp works during the day, or what their "vanilla" job or personal business is
If they have children
What their address is
Who their personal friends are
What their real name is

Don't give the information out and there is no problem.

 

[Ms Erica Phoenix]

Thanks Ms Lalani for posting. When I was very new, I was told by a client that he had used an email address to find my RL name, family, photos, etc. to find out all kinds of relevant private personal information that I had neglected to cover up as well as I could have. It may well be that the SP did not intend to give out this information publicly; it might have been 'gleaned' by the members sharing it. OR, she might have mistakenly shared more information than she should have with someone she trusted more than she should have!

Don't give the information out and there is no problem.

Or, ensure the information is well-protected, just like you would protect your credit card numbers and banking passwords.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

Don't give the information out and there is no problem.

Of course, that is the most logical course of action, post-divulgence. However, in the process of getting to know long-time visitors, I can easily see it happening that some personal information might be shared. Some visitors are actually quite persistent...like, "C'mon now, you know my real name, what can it hurt if I know yours, after all this time?" And no, I'm not talking about young guys here, I'm talking about business professionals in their 60's who are relentless about asking for the names of children, and details about the lady's professional vocation.

Anyways, I'm sorry that this happened to your acquaintance, Miss Electrica. I feel it is in incredibly bad taste to share ANY private information by p.m. or any other method, and guys who do so should have they head (and their intentions) examined... among other things!

 

[VanessaofBC]

+1 to Lalani, you are right. None of that information is useful for a session. IDK if it is an Island friend, but also in smaller communities you have to be cool about that stuff.


This would make a great sticky.

 

[LalaniElectrica]

Yes Vanessa and the other ladies posting here, it was information that was not shared! This person/s went to the extent of digging to find out personal information about this sp, which I think is quite creepy! Then proceeded to share info including links to their personal business etc via pm, and also sent some insulting or less than nice e-mails to the sp… She is someone a lot of you ladies in van know (a lot better than myself) and love, and I cannot mention who it is, only that I view all of you like sisters in a way and take offence to this sort of stalking or behaviour. What is shared in a private session is private anyways, of course use discretion when with anyone in this lifestyle, and trust is a two way street! It is commendable that she has not outed these people publicly here on perb!

 

[hornygandalf]

I think this puts a different complexion on it from what was implied in the first post.
"If a lady should trust you enough to share this information with you, that would be in confidence and not something to be open to discussion with anyone other than the sp in a private setting."
In this case, the information wasn't shared but ferreted out with some research. The sharing of it suggests more malicious intent.

 

[LalaniElectrica]

Absolutely! It was not even information that was shared! That's even more questionable that it was something that was looked into without the sp.'s knowledge which is even more disturbing… My original post addresses it in a more general sense, the actual situation is more serious imo… Well, I hope all have learned what is acceptable, and I will touch base again tomorrow! Cheers

 

[P3t3rp4n]

Lie, back when I lived in the United States SPs would just lie. I assumed orders from higher up but the idea was good.

 

[vancouver1992]

Goddess Lalani,

Do hope Your friend is ok and any one reading this posting learns about safety and security!
Both clients and SP need to be careful!

van'82

 

[PlayfulAlex]

snip...If a lady should trust you enough to share this information with you, that would be in confidence and not something to be open to discussion with anyone other than the sp in a private setting. Honour that trust and do not violate it by sharing with others on the board or through the Private Message system.

Yes Vanessa and the other ladies posting here, it was information that was not shared! This person/s went to the extent of digging to find out personal information about this sp, which I think is quite creepy! Then proceeded to share info including links to their personal business etc via pm, and also sent some insulting or less than nice e-mails to the sp… She is someone a lot of you ladies in van know (a lot better than myself) and love, and I cannot mention who it is, only that I view all of you like sisters in a way and take offence to this sort of stalking or behaviour. What is shared in a private session is private anyways, of course use discretion when with anyone in this lifestyle, and trust is a two way street! It is commendable that she has not outed these people publicly here on perb!

I think this puts a different complexion on it from what was implied in the first post.
"If a lady should trust you enough to share this information with you, that would be in confidence and not something to be open to discussion with anyone other than the sp in a private setting."
In this case, the information wasn't shared but ferreted out with some research. The sharing of it suggests more malicious intent.

Absolutely! It was not even information that was shared! That's even more questionable that it was something that was looked into without the sp.'s knowledge which is even more disturbing… My original post addresses it in a more general sense, the actual situation is more serious imo… Well, I hope all have learned what is acceptable, and I will touch base again tomorrow! Cheers

Well, this additional information does put a nasty, personal spin on things. In other words, the client went out of his way to dig up some background information about this lady's personal life on his own. Then, proud of his new Sherlock Holmes status, he proceeded to share the information gleaned with others, through p.m. on Perb.

I would venture to say that most of the members here, both male and female, treat each others' identities with great care. We all know that we're operating somewhat under-the-radar in this less-than-socially-acceptable activity/community.

Clearly, the person who breached the lady's confidence won't be changing his ways because this thread was started. And maybe not even if he gets banned from Perb. It is sad but true that some people can take a good thing and royally fuck it up.

Nevertheless, thanks for bringing the situation up for public scrutiny, Miss Electrica, because it reminds us all to continue to be vigilant about privacy and discretion, for our own and each others' sakes.

 

[johnboy88]

dare I say that these perbites likely knew exactly what they were doing and their intentions were malicious, hurtfull and extremely damaging

pm me for information if you'd like the handles of the suspected offenders so you can avoid them, although I cannot confirm without a doubt, I have strong suspicions of who the members involved are.

 

[Fred Zed]

dare I say that these perbites likely knew exactly what they were doing and their intentions were malicious, hurtfull and extremely damaging

pm me for information if you'd like the handles of the suspected offenders so you can avoid them, although I cannot confirm without a doubt, I have strong suspicions of who the members involved are.

We asked you to send us copies of the offending messages, you have none, so at this point it's just a suspicion that you have.

 

[LalaniElectrica]

So lessons learned here:

keep personal items discreet.
be sure not to share information with clientele/sp's you are uncomfortable with being in the public eye as we are all human.
Opening up lines of communication to tackle these issues is a great way to solve miscommunication problems.
Be respectful of each other with information shared and if you encounter a problem, it's always good to talk about it.
This whole thing seems like it was a misunderstanding, from all sides and I just hope all can cool off with it and lessons have been learned.

I am happy to be able to address this in a more diplomatic way with the urgency needed to get the point across.

Good luck to you all and I wish you all the best!!!

Lalani