Harasment in the workplace (looking for feedback).

[cruiser]

I work in a blue collar type of environment. In saying that, a few co-workers don't have the "etiquette" or manners of how to treat their coworkers. In my current situation, I've been constantly harassed by a coworker through things that he has said to me directly and indirectly (things he has said to other coworkers about me and these coworkers will tell me what X has been saying). These things affect my reputation as I take pride in my job but am continually trying to silence what is being said about me.

I've talked to my manager about this and she is the type of person that "it's only talk" and not to worry about it. It works sometimes but the talk has started to bother me now.

The one thing that is an issue is that this person is a direct peer to me. He trained me for the position that I am in right now. Since I've worked with him for the last 2.5 years (I've been in the company 4.5 years), I value his knowledge about the job. I work on my own, so don't come to him very much with questions/concerns, but at the same time, I want to maintain that line of communication, in case I ever need it.

I want to deal with his talking/bad mouthing, but he has quite an aggressive personality and feel that the only way I would ever get through to him is if I literally tell him off (through swear words, etc), but that is not my personality. I would like to have a mutual respectful work relationship. I don't bad mouth him, so I don't know why he continues to bad mouth me.

I am in my mid 40's and he is about 8-9 years older then me, so we aren't talking about 20 year olds. We are both grown men, so that should mean something. The other thing is that he is a smart/astute man and when he's not being an ASSHOLE, he actually can be a nice guy to talk to. I want to eliminate the ASSHOLE side and work with his 'mature' side. I always hope that he will stop them because I'm not reacting to them. The funny thing is that I respect him when he's not being an asshole.

My company has a harassment policy for the workplace. I know that if I walk into my managers office with this in hand, I would be branded. On the other hand, I have to continually take his wise ass comments about me.

How should I proceed? Any managers care to give their advice or feel free to PM me.

Cruiser

 

[badbadboy]

Is it possible to talk to this co worker and find out what his issue is with you? Like in a calm low key manner without it escalating to a flat out shouting match? Sometimes just an open conversation without other employees may work out best.

You could tell him his negative comments towards you are unacceptable and need to stop immediately. Then be quiet and wait for the response.

If that doesn't work, you need to revisit the manager and tell her you tried to work it out but the other party won't cooperate. Then advise her you want to initiate a harassment complaint against the other employee. She will have to abide by your wishes within a set time period. If she fails to do it, either go to your union rep or go above her.

I have worked as a manager in a union shop in another life. That company also had a national harassment policy in place. We needed to weed out a bully once and followed the company guidelines for months (almost a year) with documentation. In the end the bully had to resign because the file was so thick with statements from all the other employees that even the union folded their cards rather than fight it.

Guess what I am hinting at is to document, document, document with dates, persons involved and the best recollection of the events as you remember it. Keep a small pocket size notepad with you all the time.

 

[Webster]

If you were in a workplace with a decent HR department/union representation I'd say go through them. You really wanna get that stuff on the record before any blow-ups happen. I don't know your workplace so I don't know what "branding" might mean and why it might be worse or better than the shit you're putting up with now.

 

[cruiser]

As a Senior HR Manager I would suggest the following options to rectify your situation:
1) Ideally the best chance of success is for you to approach him on your own. If he is somewhat intelligent, he should appreciate your feedback, and be thankful that you chose to speak to him directly. He may be defensive at first, so try and frame your opening remarks as positively as possible. Mention how much you value the working relationship, and how important it is to you that you continue to be able to work together.
2) If his response is not what you had hoped for, leave it alone for a day and see if he comes back to you the following day. Sometimes after a night of reflection, cooler heads prevail and he may become somewhat enlightened.
3) If you still have no luck, look to your union rep or business agent if you have one. This may be less threatening to him as you are keeping it out of management's hands.
4) Since your manager doesn't appreciate what harm harassment can cause in the workplace, contact your Human Resources Department. They should meet with you and offer you some solutions that you can choose from. You can either proceed with a formal complaint which will result in an investigation with possible discipline as an outcome, or they could offer to facilitate a conversation between the two of you. Either way, your relationship with your co-worker will never be the same, which is a good thing as it is not all the great in the first place. There may be some short term pain for long term gain, but at least you won't have to continue to put up with his immature behaviour.

Thanks for the feedback.

I will add:
1) It is a non-union environment, so I don't know if that makes a difference or not.

2) The company is a good size company (Canada wide). We are on the TSX so we aren't that small. In saying that, I believe that they have a good HR department, from what I can tell.

3) Part of the reasons that he make comments is based around two areas of work

a) we have flex time in what time we start our work day and I will tend to start earlier then others. He makes a point of telling everyone about it. What time I start my job has no bearing on him or what he does in his day.

b) I operate a piece of equipment (truck) that he operated prior to me for about 7 years. Now that I've been operating this truck for the last 2.5 years, it needs more repairs, etc (it has high hours and lots of km's). In saying that, everytime my truck is in for repair, he makes a point of saying how I must've done something for it to be in for repair. No, I didn't do anything intentional, but it's wear and tear, plain and simple.

4) I know that I'm not the only employee that he's harassed. I once witnessed an arguement between X and another employee. It almost went to fists because of what X was saying about the other employee.

X is just generally an asshole in general. He doesn't have any real friends in the workplace except when he's badmouthing employees and others stop to listen. The main reason that the company keeps him is that he is a good worker, will work overtime/extra time as needed, and customers like him. He's been with the company about 10 years and I'm coming up on 4.5 years.

That's about all I can add.

Hmmm.....Still on the fence here. I do have a set (of balls), but they are getting sore after sitting on the fence for 2.5 years.

Cruiser

 

[vancity_cowboy]

next time they have some mma at the casino, challenge him to a grudge match then stuff his potty mouth right up his ass

 

[Unpossible]

I've talked to my manager about this and she is the type of person that "it's only talk" and not to worry about it.

Tell her that's not a good enough answer. Let her know that you will make a formal complaint if she doesn't do her job.

My company has a harassment policy for the workplace.

Use it.

I know that if I walk into my managers office with this in hand, I would be branded.

Watch Serpico and man up. This bullshit macho garbage happens because nobody wants to be the first. I'm willing to bet that you're not the only one who has a problem with this guy and more complaints will show up after somebody makes a formal complaint.

I had a similar problem once and asked the person to never speak to me again. Any time he tried to communicate with me after that I pantomimed closing a zipper over my mouth or ignored him and walked away.

 

[Aerts]

I agree with ALEXIS grow some balls man!!!! If you show someone that they're getting on your nerves they will just keep bugging you. Ignore him ... the situation you are describing is so high school and don't go whining to your boss. If he is really getting to you ... then tell him to meet you outside the work place to settle your differences. You might see that he will back down if you show some backbone.

Telling him to meet you outside of work could condtitute a threat. If it is really that bad, and you're sure you can knock him out, this might be worth it... I'd be direct. Pull him aside, say you don't like behavior x, it really bothers you, so please stop it. You're required to do this. After that, document any and every incident in a detailed manner. Then go to your superviser. If he doesn't do anything, go to his superviser. And so on. Because they are legally required according to oh and s standards to do something. Saying "its only talk" is not following the law, which bounds them to do something.

 

[cruiser]

Telling him to meet you outside of work could condtitute a threat. If it is really that bad, and you're sure you can knock him out, this might be worth it... I'd be direct. Pull him aside, say you don't like behavior x, it really bothers you, so please stop it. You're required to do this. After that, document any and every incident in a detailed manner. Then go to your superviser. If he doesn't do anything, go to his superviser. And so on. Because they are legally required according to oh and s standards to do something. Saying "its only talk" is not following the law, which bounds them to do something.

I will agree with you about asking to meet him - would be a considered a threat. I don't know why things have to be handled in that matter. I'm not for that.

I just don't understand how management can allow one person to tarnish a workplace so much. I'm not just talking about me...he badmouths alot of people. As I mentioned, I once witnessed an altercation (which almost became physical) between X and another employee. X had been badmouthing this employee to everyone else...calling him lazy (he's a bigger man). The guy did his job but X would keep calling him lazy. When the big guy heard about it and the exact name that he was being called, he confronted X and it became a screaming match with a threat of physical violence. I don't know if management ever found out because "the big guy" is now working somewheres else.

I work with about 20 people....most of the time we are out of the office on our jobs, so there isn't always much interaction. In my case, I'm going to be out of the office for most of the next 3 weeks....I may run into him once or twice during that time, so hopefully I don't have to talk to him.

I've mentioned this person to my manager numerous times, but never in an "official" matter. She always says to ignore it and that she doesn't want to be bothered by petty shit.

 

[badbadboy]

I will agree with you about asking to meet him - would be a considered a threat. I don't know why things have to be handled in that matter. I'm not for that.

I just don't understand how management can allow one person to tarnish a workplace so much. I'm not just talking about me...he badmouths alot of people. As I mentioned, I once witnessed an altercation (which almost became physical) between X and another employee. X had been badmouthing this employee to everyone else...calling him lazy (he's a bigger man). The guy did his job but X would keep calling him lazy. When the big guy heard about it and the exact name that he was being called, he confronted X and it became a screaming match with a threat of physical violence. I don't know if management ever found out because "the big guy" is now working somewheres else.

I work with about 20 people....most of the time we are out of the office on our jobs, so there isn't always much interaction. In my case, I'm going to be out of the office for most of the next 3 weeks....I may run into him once or twice during that time, so hopefully I don't have to talk to him.

I've mentioned this person to my manager numerous times, but never in an "official" matter. She always says to ignore it and that she doesn't want to be bothered by petty shit.

I still say a quiet conversation over coffee is the way to go with this guy. Failing that, you do need to report it if he escalates his BS towards you or others.

Your lame ass manager will regret not dealing with this issue if a full out fight erupts in the work place.

 

[Pirate Code]

Lots of good advice here.

If you decide to approach him first (good idea imo) I would find a way to record the conversation without him knowing.

To make it easier you might even consider copying your original post and some of the replies, printing them out in a manner that gives perb anonymity and handing it over to him at the end of a work day.. let him go home with it and read it on his own.

I think he will be shocked at first, then angry and then hopefully will gain a deep understanding of how important it is for him to change his manner with you and others.
The positive things that can come from this is really far reaching. You could actually help to change his life into something he finds more enjoyable while helping everyone he has contact with. Your good deed of the decade.

 

[twoblues]

a) we have flex time in what time we start our work day and I will tend to start earlier then others. He makes a point of telling everyone about it. What time I start my job has no bearing on him or what he does in his day.

b) I operate a piece of equipment (truck) that he operated prior to me for about 7 years. Now that I've been operating this truck for the last 2.5 years, it needs more repairs, etc (it has high hours and lots of km's). In saying that, everytime my truck is in for repair, he makes a point of saying how I must've done something for it to be in for repair. No, I didn't do anything intentional, but it's wear and tear, plain and simple.

Okay, honestly, the guy is not worth your respect. He's a bully, plain and simple. He is harrassing the person he finds has the least ability to bite back (unlike that other guy who almost brought his fists to bear).

Bullies need to be stood up to. They like a weak target, not a strong one.

Also, I don't see why him telling other people you come in early is a problem? At least you get out of bed in the morning unlike his lazy ass

As for the wear and tear...he's really grasping at the low hanging fruit.

 

[InTheBum]

I agree with ALEXIS grow some balls man!!!! If you show someone that they're getting on your nerves they will just keep bugging you. Ignore him ... the situation you are describing is so high school and don't go whining to your boss. If he is really getting to you ... then tell him to meet you outside the work place to settle your differences. You might see that he will back down if you show some backbone.

Best thing to do, is just insult him back and see if he likes it...

I had this problem at work, and I asked a guy if he is gay...another person I asked him is he miserable since he has an ugly wife and he is jealous of my life? Trust me..it works...they shut up...

 

[Unpossible]

Best thing to do, is just insult him back and see if he likes it...

Exactly. The next time your truck goes in for repairs and he makes a comment tell him that it's because they're still trying to get the stink out of the upholstery from when he used to drive it.

 

[twoblues]

Exactly. The next time your truck goes in for repairs and he makes a comment tell him that it's because they're still trying to get the stink out of the upholstery from when he used to drive it.

Or..."Apparently, during the early life of the truck, the whole gear system was wrecked as if the guy driving it had no idea what he was doing"

 

[InTheBum]

Better yet, next time you see him...tell him you got a poor performance review and you got questioned on who trained you. Then after you explained it was him, HR simply laughed and said "Oh that high school drop-out loser", and your performance review was changed to excellent.

 

[twoblues]

Better yet, next time you see him...tell him you got a poor performance review and you got questioned on who trained you. Then after you explained it was him, HR simply laughed and said "Oh that high school drop-out loser", and your performance review was changed to excellent.

Thread has been won.

 

[Prospero]

Well, if you are not inclined to try In The Bum's approach or something like it, and/or it doesn't work...

Some people just don't get it, and if you tried talking to them about it it would probably be an absolute waste of time, and may even make things worse. If you can't tune him out, make comments back to him, etc., try the following if it gets that bad...

Off hand I would say document everything if it really bothers you. Document things he says and does to you that could fall under abuse in the work place so that you have ammo in case you need it one day. If you have witnesses all the better. Don't try to talk to him alone or he could twist things around in your disfavour. If it reaches the point of really having to do something, either send him an email or politely say please do not do or say that etc and say why. If he keeps doing the behaviour you could send him examples of some of the things he does and says to you that are abusive and to please stop or further steps will be taken. Maybe even CC it to someone like a supervisor. If that doesn't work and its really that bad go for charges.

 

[cruiser]

Okay, honestly, the guy is not worth your respect. He's a bully, plain and simple. He is harrassing the person he finds has the least ability to bite back (unlike that other guy who almost brought his fists to bear).

Bullies need to be stood up to. They like a weak target, not a strong one.

Also, I don't see why him telling other people you come in early is a problem? At least you get out of bed in the morning unlike his lazy ass

As for the wear and tear...he's really grasping at the low hanging fruit.

I think that you said it best..he's grasping at straws....

 

[sevenofnine]

its funny this thread, yesterday at work one guy started yelling at somone else, the other guy went home crying like a big baby. because some one called him a bad name in a loud voice.

i tend to give back what is given to me.
some body gives me shit that is what they get back,

 

[MODELMAN]

The correct approach is to request (from your manager) to have a meeting with the 3 of you. Get all your information together, rehearse what you say at home, and then have the meeting. You need to be direct, brief, professional and assertive. Look everybody in the eye. Above all, do not let anyone interrupt you while you are speaking. "I understand that this, this and this has occurred and you have said this, this and this about me. This is completely unacceptable, unprofessional and it must stop now." Avoid whining, or using words like "makes me feel badly", or "inappropriate". Do not use any language that gives the impression that you are weak. You end your short presentation with "Am I making myself clear?" Afterwards you need to approach your manager say: "If this doesn't change I indend to take the matter up the food chain."

By doing all of this you will gain the respect of your colleagues, your manager and that is all that matters. You won't necessarily gain the respect of the individual in question, but he should be a whole lot more careful what he says about you in the future. If things don't change, look for other opportunities.