Ghostie:
I understand exactly what you are saying. I've lived thru a couple of case studies myself. and reading stories from, and about, sex workers for years there are few exceptions to the rule that you have pointed out. There is delusion of major proportions going on in the lives of many people in the sex industry (ever read raw talent by jerry butler? -- even the hetro male players are not immune to it) and for most that illusion of being in control of one's destiny does disappear and desperation and bitterness takes hold.
I also understand that dropping a five or ten g's a year on paid companions is no biggie, done it myself, but I had to stop when I no longer felt like a winner simply because I had the financial wherewithal to do that. It wasn't exactly a case of self loathing (i hate myself becuase i have to pay for it) because that wasn't the case. I got involved with sex workers, escorts, whores (whatever they wanted to be called) because I wanted to walk on the wild side and also enjoyed the idea of sex where compassion and love was not an issue -- in fact the emotions involved were often the complete opposite.
It was a trip. But I felt I had to get out when the thoughts that I am a superior human being (certainly more superior than these women) began to take over and I began to believe that simply because of choices I had made in my life (good job, tons of cash, yada, yada yada) and I began to devalue them as fellow human beings. When I started to do that I was becoming something I didn't like so I tried to stop.
I know that sounds pretty gay but I'm getting older. I still indulge once in a while but when I do I look for women more like VV who understand the anger and hate that is inherent in any "pay for play relationship" than women who I percieve to be completely helpless to change their circumstance.