Do I tell my truth?

[Lady Kay]

Do I tell my truth of being a sex worker or is that my business and it shouldn't define me?

I've gone on two very casual dates with someone that I've enjoyed. Do I tell them I'm a sex worker right off the bat? Don't want to waste one or the others time? Or is it no one's damn business how I feed my kids and if they are going to judge me on that then forget about em!!!

Ugh, first world problem ......

Love ya,
Kay

 

[LC18]

I think it’s good if you are comfortable with that to say it before it gets serious. At the end of the day, we take risks in this industry health wise and it’s fair to tell someone you are planning on being intimate with.

It could also be a dealbreaker if they find out later that you hid it from them.

 

[Equity Market investor]

Agree. This is an industry with a tonne of stigma attached so it's best to let that person know asap before someone get too emotionally involved. Especially the innocent person involved. The sooner you let this person know, the wrinkles in the shirt will be ironed out.

It won't be fair to that person, and yourself if it gets prolonged . What do they say that's crucial in relationships?? Be honest, trust and communicate with your partner.

I think it’s good if you are comfortable with that to say it before it gets serious. At the end of the day, we take risks in this industry health wise and it’s fair to tell someone you are planning on being intimate with.

It could also be a dealbreaker if they find out later that you hid it from them.

 

[Langleydude]

I would also agree with sooner rather than later. If it goes to far before this comes out it's no good for anyone. He'll be hurt that you didn't tell him and you'll feel bad for hurting him and that's a no win situation. I really hope this works out for you having someone to share life with is something special.

 

[angry anderson]

Good test to see if he has a sense of humor anyway.

 

[rubylabellexo]

It is a tricky thing to navigate for sure. On a second date (or first if I've already gotten to know them somewhat previously), I'd casually bring up an anecdote related to 'an acquaintance who does sex work' and gauge their response. I try to have a bit of a conversation about the topic, and how they respond to it gives me a pretty good idea of whether it's at least safe to tell them my truth. If they react badly, I move on topic-wise and don't see them again.

I don't think I'd want to go on more than 2 dates with someone before I'm honest. I don't want to waste time and increase the odds of a more explosive reaction down the road.

 

[angry anderson]

"On a second date (or first if I've already gotten to know them somewhat previously), I'd casually bring up an anecdote related to 'an acquaintance who does sex work' and gauge their response."
Tell them you're just asking for a friend.

 

[PuntMeister]

Been there. I was good with…

“…I would like to let you know that I do see other men. Yes, I regularly provide courtesan services to lonely gents. I really enjoy pleasing other people and it helps me to pay the rent, put food on the table, etc. But I also want to have normal relationships and date a charming like-minded man like you. I know not everyone can appreciate or understand going out with woman who engages in sex work. But that is what I choose to do, and look to hang out with people who are cool with that.”

 

[rubylabellexo]

I definitely understand why a lot of people wouldn't be down for that kind of situation. Sexual health/risk reasons, wanting strict monogamy, or otherwise. But I think every SWer deserves to be rejected kindly! The sooner you let them know, the likelier you are to receive a fair reaction, because they haven't been led on and become emotionally invested in you.

 

[Bobert1969]

It's a tough one because different people will react in different ways. Consider feeling out the situation first instead of just opening up. See how they feel about the profession overall and ask if they'd ever consider dating a SW. You could make it a part of a game "never would I' or something like that as a way you can say you like to get to know people. If they say no, you got your answer. If they beat around the bush you then only have to determine if they're being shy and not sure how YOU'D react to them being ok with it and go from there. Hell, they might respond by saying "Hell YES!" or that they have in the past or they've at least met SW's professionally before. I think it opens up possibilities (conversationally speaking) you may have not have considered.

 

[masterpoonhunter]

You can turn that one around and put it in our civilian hands.
I poon.
With LOTS of women, have for over 5 decades.
If I meet a women where the interest is a lot more than just doing the wild thing with her, I tell her I am a man whore, love sex and with many many partners.
And THAT is why I am now a LOT happier than when I was in that one supposed to be monogamous relationship no strings, no remorse, no worrying about what my 'partner' thinks of me etc.
If she tells me she's a SW (has only happened once out side of a paying deal) I was impressed and knew that if anything, the sex was going to be potentially pretty damn good.
I say, go for it. You'll feel better.

 

[Ame123]

How do we know it is a he 🤓

 

[Once you go black]

How do we know it is a he 🤓

Good point

 

[YYC]

Ultimately you follow your gut or your heart or whatever it is that guides you. If it's a problem for the other person then they're not right for you regardless of when you tell them

 

[ploplayer228]

Do I tell my truth of being a sex worker or is that my business and it shouldn't define me?

Contrary to the popular opinion so far, as much as your heart say to tell the truth, I hope you find your logical head to tell you not to.

I get the whole any relationship should start without lies, etc. etc. B.U.T.
all men are selfish bunch. We can NOT stand a thought of sharing what we think is ours. Even if this person says, 'thanks for your honesty and I totally understand', he does not and never will. It will come bite you in the ass when things are not 100%.

If you feel the need to be with someone, in relationship, in love or whatever ... keep this business separate and unknown to any and all.

 

[carvesg]

Contrary to the popular opinion so far, as much as your heart say to tell the truth, I hope you find your logical head to tell you not to.

I get the whole any relationship should start without lies, etc. etc. B.U.T.
all men are selfish bunch. We can NOT stand a thought of sharing what we think is ours. Even if this person says, 'thanks for your honesty and I totally understand', he does not and never will. It will come bite you in the ass when things are not 100%.

If you feel the need to be with someone, in relationship, in love or whatever ... keep this business separate and unknown to any and all.

Easy for a fling but quasi impossible for a long term relationship.

Unless she's going out with someone gullible anyone would find out ....and then what ?

 

[bigballs55]

Starting off a potential long term relationship with that kind of secret is certainly going to end badly. IMHO you have no choice to tell your lover the truth, but only if you wish for it to be a long term relationship.

You never know they may be totally cool with it. I know I would.

 

[zippy45]

On the flip side, how many of you tell potenial partners that you use the service of SW's?

 

[golferjohn]

On the flip side, how many of you tell potenial partners that you use the service of SW's?

false equivalency...our livelihood is not predicated to this activity

 

[PedroParamo]

I would say, tell them if you think they are mature and trust them enough to not freak out and do something harmful. Could be a second date or a few in, you gauge it. Waiting a long time may also be a bit bad because then they are more invested and thus could feel more personally betrayed.

I don't want to be a downer but what I think is that someone who knows your real name and takes it bad could try to do harm to you. The things that I think an immature guy could do when they hear you are a SW, is try to find your profile and reveal your real name or maybe try to tell people outside your SW life about it (let's say your kids school), fake book you, etc.

As other people say, testing them a bit by bringing "a friend who does sex work" into the conversation may be helpful to know if you can trust them with this information.