Dealing with Personality Conflict / A Thank You

[Volpina Vance]

By way of disclaimer, if necessary, I'm an INFP.

Today, I ended an uncomfortable email exchange with a client I have seen once before. Edit: I have a record of only one encounter, but there have been two. At that time, he wrote a positive review of the encounter. I am not able to meet in the coming days when this person is free, and tried to carefully respond to various manipulative tactics employed to try to get me to meet. These ended with the subtle hint of a poor review, to which I responded that it was now clear it would be best we didn't see each other.

One of the restrictions on my time is a meeting with a friend I care about very much who has been very sick. The responding sentence "I am not sure if you realize this but I have friends and family too and I can not always schedule things around you," made me quite upset because even if I did not value my friend greatly, I would consider these circumstances extenuating to the point of cancelling any previous plans.

A recent search reveals that the above positive review has been deleted.

Discouraging as this experience has been, it has made me realize that as Volpina I am otherwise engulfed by instances of care and conscientiousness from others. Yesterday, I interacted with a sweet, dear man whose very presence and mien soothed me. Today, I will share a new experience with somebody who has already made me completely comfortable through his respect and affability. Beside me is the book gifted me by a client I care for immensely. Sight of the book instantly reminds me of its intricate-feeling, secret, whimsical and touching counterpart gift.

I feel so, truly honoured by who you are with me. Thank you for your love.

 

[newatit]

this is the kind of negative side of the review item, when it gets used in a forceful selfish way. A review should be an honest respectful dialogue, not a tool to force an Sp into an unwanted situation.

 

[sevenofnine]

not good,
your not going to get along with every one all of the time, or understand them
i think its better to take the high road, i haven't always i must admit.

its very easy to rip some one apart, a lot harder to be kind and gentle and caring.

its nice to have a good relatonship with an sp
to have an sp as a friend
and its a relationship which takes effort, just because you pay her doesn't mean you control her, own her for that block of time
whether you see her once or you see her for years and years, you have to work on trust respect, is she ok, is she ok with me,
some people will never get it.

 

[uncleg]

Well Volly it sounds like he's a bit of a twit.............but, for a lot of the men in this "hobby" you're a commodity, you're bought and paid for. Some things you want now, some things you are willing to wait for.................I guess for this individual, sex wasn't some thing he was willing to wait for. When you get a client with his attitude, remind him you are not a 7-11, you're a Birks.

 

[Volpina Vance]

Thanks for the support. After sleep and hours passed I no longer feel hesitant regarding my actions. Iwas being reserved with the title "personality conflict" - this is somebody projecting his conflict onto me.

 

[Holly Taylor]

You are an amazing and unique woman, Volpina. I'm very troubled to hear that a former client would threaten you with a bad review simply because you can't be available at his beck and call.

I'm so glad you're choosing to focus on all the clients who lift you up, and not the ones who bring you down.

Hugs and warm wishes! And all the best to your friend.

-Holly.

 

[billa69]

I love how things get taken out of context. Oh, before anyone asks I am the asshole client who asked her to neglect her sick friend and spend time with me instead. I am also the one who threatened her with bad review. I speak sarcastically of course. Now before anyone makes any quick judgements regarding how selfish I am or a reviewer abusing this board. I want to give my side of the story.

First of all, I have seen Volpina not once but twice. My first encounter with her was really good, she displays a sweet demeanor, great conversationalist and quite a sensual kisser. Impressed, I wrote a positive review pertaining to my experience. Anyways, I see her again after a month. This time however, the experience did not live up to the high expectations set by her last time due to some issues. I was disappointed to say the least. Perhaps the right thing to do at that time was to write a review for our time together. But I chose to take the action which would minimize giving a bad vibe about her without compromising the integrity of my reviews. Consequently I chose to delete my own review of her since it does not quite reflect both my experiences with her. This was done during May and I have the pms from the mods (dated).

Nevertheless, I was always attracted to her due to the aforementioned reasons and since I will be going away for a bit I decided to try a session once more. Last Thursday, I tried to set up an appointment with her for Friday. It was short notice and she could not accommodate, it was acceptable. On Sunday, I asked her what was her availability like for this week. She stated her availability from Tuesday up until Friday. I emailed back on Monday asking if a session would be possible on Tuesday (within her availability). She emails back after a few hours saying that she made a mistake and is not available anymore. I sort of get a hesitant reply from her and so I ask her to reply candidly if she is uncomfortable seeing me (apparently this is my manipulative tactic). She replies that she might have been hesitant since she thinks there is a lack of understanding between us but she is more comfortable now that I ask her to be candid. So we email back and forth trying to set up a time for Wednesday. I was planning to see someone this Saturday as well and Wednesday would have been like the only day that would have worked since Tuesday did not happen. In between the email exchanges, I used a couple of sentences which pissed her off and it was shitty move from my part. I wont elaborate on those due to privacy reasons but I apologized for it and she accepted. Now after all this (the email exchanges started off in the morning and went on sporadically throughout), she mentions at around 8 pm (tuesday night) that she cant do the noon appointment on Wednesday anymore. Clearly frustrated, I wrote the sentence stated by her ""I am not sure if you realize this but I have friends and family too and I can not always schedule things around you,"......For what its worth, I never tried to schedule her on Friday (the day she has to visit her sick friend) and never once mentioned her to leave her sick friend behind to see me.

And now I want to elaborate on the threats of a bad review. If you read my reviews I never gave anyone any unjustified reviews. I am simply not the type. This is what I wrote to her :

"I will be posting a huge review of all the girls I have visited soon. Please take it constructively. Maybe I can visit you next summer if you are okay with it and/or scheduling works out."

This is not a threat of a bad review since I am not asking her to do something for preventing any sort of review. I will be writing a collection of reviews regardless whether I can see her or not. And I am careful as to giving the whole picture. So in my mini reviews, I will be talking about the splendid time I had with her during my first session and not so good time during our second. Its only fair.

Everyone here will make judgements. I do not regret anything except for the couple of sentences I wrote to Volpina during the email exchanges and I have already apologized her for that.

 

[thebuttdance]

What a dickhead, move on

 

[Volpina Vance]

Billa69, thank you for explaining the removal of your earlier review. I am sincerely sorry our second encounter was not enjoyable for you. I suspect I felt uncomfortable during this second meeting and was not able to provide the type of experience you had initially enjoyed. I am continually learning that only my comfort will ensure the comfort of those I see.

Part of the problem here was me being unsure of my own boundaries until conclusion of our contact. As you stated, partway through our email exchange I did say I was uncomfortable seeing you, and later reneged. I believe our exchange would have ended on a more positive note at that earlier stage, but this is something much clearer in retrospect.

I can see how our exchange must have been frustrating for you, but the fact remains that I do not feel respected in our interactions. I wish you the best. I regret that you and I are in this situation.

I intend for this to be my final message on the matter - on PERB, and through personal email.

Thank you for reading.

 

[Gentle-man]

First of all, I have seen Volpina not once but twice. My first encounter with her was really good, she displays a sweet demeanor, great conversationalist and quite a sensual kisser. Impressed, I wrote a positive review pertaining to my experience. Anyways, I see her again after a month. This time however, the experience did not live up to the high expectations set by her last time due to some issues. I was disappointed to say the least. Perhaps the right thing to do at that time was to write a review for our time together. But I chose to take the action which would minimize giving a bad vibe about her without compromising the integrity of my reviews. Consequently I chose to delete my own review of her since it does not quite reflect both my experiences with her.

I used a couple of sentences which pissed her off and it was shitty move from my part. I wont elaborate on those due to privacy reasons but I apologized for it and she accepted. Now after all this (the email exchanges started off in the morning and went on sporadically throughout), she mentions at around 8 pm (tuesday night) that she cant do the noon appointment on Wednesday anymore. Clearly frustrated, I wrote the sentence stated by her ""I am not sure if you realize this but I have friends and family too and I can not always schedule things around you,"

It does seem a little odd to delete a positive truthful review of first encounter based on 2nd encounter... The 2nd encounter doesn't change what happened in the first...

And if you couldn't control yourself in e-mail and used a couple sentences that you shouldn't have, I'm not surprised that she no longer felt comfortable meeting you the next day, even if you apologized and she accepted. Think of it from her perspective, you used, I'm assuming, some form of hurtful words, you apologize, she graciously accepts the apology but wonders what lies inside you that made those words come out initially. She probably wonders if she could put her all into giving you a great encounter after that (and so soon after that), rather than take your money and not be able to give you a spectacular encounter, she declines the appointment.

Volpina is well reviewed and a great lady. She certainly will have plenty of gentlemen requesting the time she has available and as such has the right to be picky about who she is willing to see.

 

[PlayfulAlex]

I can only begin to imagine the volume of cancelled appointments and no-shows in this business, on both sides; it would seem to come with the territory. It is a little hard to get why this cancellation could have caused such a flurry of negative response. I suppose that there's more to the story than can fully be explained here.

Thanks for showing both sides, as there are always two...

 

[uncleg]

I can only begin to imagine the volume of cancelled appointments and no-shows in this business, on both sides; it would seem to come with the territory. It is a little hard to get why this cancellation could have caused such a flurry of negative response. I suppose that there's more to the story than can fully be explained here.

Thanks for showing both sides, as there are always two...

......................maybe because this isn't about a cancellation.......it's about a client not being able to get his way time wise for booking a session..........

 

[Cock Throppled]

Explanation just confirms his assholiness.

Move on, dude.

 

[sevenofnine]

from personal experiance from a guy who has been doing this for ten years. who has learned the hard way,
yeah im that dumb sometimes

its never good to get into it with an escort,
even worse to take it public
just walk away.

and to miss vance,
no explanation of anything is ever required when it comes to your personal life,
your personal life is always more important then any client, you don't have to explain.

and again your comfort and safty is something that goes with out saying, with out question,
you do what you need to do, for your well being in this profession

 

[Pillowtalk]

It does seem a little odd to delete a positive truthful review of first encounter based on 2nd encounter... The 2nd encounter doesn't change what happened in the first...

And if you couldn't control yourself in e-mail and used a couple sentences that you shouldn't have, I'm not surprised that she no longer felt comfortable meeting you the next day, even if you apologized and she accepted. Think of it from her perspective, you used, I'm assuming, some form of hurtful words, you apologize, she graciously accepts the apology but wonders what lies inside you that made those words come out initially. She probably wonders if she could put her all into giving you a great encounter after that (and so soon after that), rather than take your money and not be able to give you a spectacular encounter, she declines the appointment.

Volpina is well reviewed and a great lady. She certainly will have plenty of gentlemen requesting the time she has available and as such has the right to be picky about who she is willing to see.

Yes, I agree.

To me it comes down to one thing: billa does use reviews as a control tactic. On the one hand, he doesn't allow a good review to stand, but will remove it even tho at the time of writing it was a reflection of the experience. However, does he do the same thing when he posts a negative review of an sp, then visits her again later and has a better session? Does he have the earlier unflattering review removed, and put up a new flattering one?

He then appears to be trying to intimidate her into seeing him, by doing the carrot dangling technique: You will soon see reviews for all the sps I visited instead of you. It could have been you getting my $$, and reviews, but it wasn't. Learn from this, is in other words, do NOT refuse my next appt.

One thing I should point out is that few sps are going to flat out and tell a reviewer who does this kind of manipulation that she is not ever going to see him. She doesn't know what he is capable of, and in fact he's already mentioned using reviews against her (pulling the original good review). What else might he do, she wonders, and comes up with a half dozen 'reasons' why she can't see him that week, hoping he will move on and find someone else and stop asking her. This way she doesn't have as much risk and she doesn't have to see him.

 

[Volpina Vance]

I would avoid this thread for the sake of less drama, but I want to be clear that all of the time constraints I listed were true. Tuesday, my landlord unexpectedly informed me that the contractors I have been waiting for would visit me Wednesday when Billa wanted to meet. Billa had asked me to reserve two dates and times for him, including Wednesday, so he could select one once his Edit: appointment with another provider was confirmed. Normally I would not agree to this, but it seemed very important for Billa that he see me. He grew upset when I said I could not meet Wednesday, at which point I deemed it best not to meet at all.

 

[TONY LEONE]

Way to stay classy Ms.Vance! You dealt with it via email & again on here which can be awkward.He needs to let it go and move on.Youre well reviewed and respected on here so dont let it bother you! I need to come put a smile back on your face soon

 

[Volpina Vance]

Anyway... all the best, Billa69!

At the moment I'm not sure if starting this thread was the best action to take. It did help me to see that others supported my position when I felt bewildered and offended. My initial post also drew a distinction between a frustrating client exchange and some great ones, which was probably not of use, though regarding the "theatre of opinion" aspect I did intend to keep Billa anonymous. However, through an email exchange that lasted weeks I felt ambivalent about seeing Billa due to the content of his communications. Living the situation again as a slightly changed individual, I would have simply bade him a far breezier and unencumbered goodbye much earlier.

I hope that both Billa69 and I have learned from this experience.